Short term benzo users

[[me...]]

smugsy, please research the condition pyroluria.  This may possibly be the reason for your lifelong anxiety and bulimia.  It is treatable with the right supplements.  Bulimics often have a zinc deficiency, which also causes anxiety. Also search bulimia and zinc.  I am not a medical professional, so can't advise, but please research this.

[[Co...]]

That is why I'm in talk therapy ... To get through the issues that caused the bulimia (divorce, an impossible standard to live up to growing up) but I can't make headway if I'm anxious all the time.

 

Then my guesses are (but i'm not a doctor!) that you will be able to heal completely. From your past trauma's and the damage the pills caused. We just have to keep going, one day at a time

[[Co...]]

I need some positivity. After the flu (which i did not completely recover from) I now got the stomach flu. (my husband too so it's not benzo)

I need to be convinced that I will heal, but I feel that I don't have positive people in my surroundings. Please could anyone reassure me about the fact that we do heal completely?

[[Si...]]

I need some positivity. After the flu (which i did not completely recover from) I now got the stomach flu. (my husband too so it's not benzo)

I need to be convinced that I will heal, but I feel that I don't have positive people in my surroundings. Please could anyone reassure me about the fact that we do heal completely?

 

You'll definetly heal. It just takes a lot of time. I'm finally starting to feel better again. Slept every night for the last 12 days or so. Tinnitus and depression are lowering again. Main symptoms now are fatigue at night and headaches. I'll take that over the non-stop buzzing fried brain feeling any day.

 

There seems to be a lot of illness going around this year. Several coworkers got the flu, some got stomache flu, bronchitis and now my boss probably has walking pneumonia. You will get over these illnesses and then eventually also the Benzo recovery. I know it's terrible getting hit with all this stuff at once. I didn't start seeing big improvements until months 3-5. Just take it easy and try to stay positive that you will for sure get better.

[[me...]]

corsair,

 

I get encouraged by reading the success stories on the forum.

[[me...]]

How is everyone doing ?  My insomnia was getting better, but now it is bad again.  Has this happened to anyone here?

[[Tr...]]

I've got a little insomnia lately too, but not nearly as bad as when I tried to quit CT.

 

Overall things have been really good for me. I'm really glad that I went with a slow taper rather than going back to taking .5 mg K a couple times a week. I was afraid to take the Klonopin on a daily basis but I now know it's what I needed to do to reduce my anxiety side effects and interpose withdrawal. Now i'm taking practically nothing and feel a lot better.

[[me...]]

Glad to hear you are doing better,Travis!

[[sn...]]

Good to hear you all are making progress....I definitely feel at three months there is a turning point.  I've for the most part been doing better but just recently came down with someone...so trying to fend off getting sick 

 

Sleep is slowly getting better.  I've come a long way in a month.  I hope you all are getting some sleep....insomnia is the worst.

[[In...]]

Thank you, Sniogra, for starting this...we are on about the same timetable, since you took your last dose Jan 1, 2015  and my 8 weeks of  valium use ended Jan 27, 2015 though I had to reinstate/taper for 4 days 2 weeks later... ( I get confused when people post their taper schedules because its not always clear if they are talking about months or weeks  (like week 1, week 2, etc) when they don't post the years...)

 

And MeggieMae, we are just about on the same schedule too...I started my valium on Thanksgiving, 2014, and only took for 8 weeks...

 

Insomnia, tinnitus, hotflashes/cold flashes are still my dominant symptoms....so glad the head pain, agoraphobia, depersonalization, general irritability and crabbiness and lack of motivation have for the most part passed....surprised that constipation seems to be coming back, after I thought that was over, having been "regular" for a month....but my menstrual period is all kerflewy, with periods 2 weeks apart, or 2 months apart and had weird body odor/spotting during acute withdrawal...really nasty stuff, with hallucinations during the 3 day period when I did not sleep a wink, leading to my reinstatement at week 2...

 

But I saw May 6 was a bad insomnia day for you, MeggieMae...Last night (May 6) was ironically the first night in about a month that I actually slept 3 1/2 hours at a chunk ( I keep a calender of my sleep, and put "X"s when I have bad ear days....my bad ear days are getting further and further apart but sleep is still a joke....)

 

The problem with the 3 1/2 hour chunk was it left me awake longer, with more waves of hot flashes, than I normally have...lately I have tended to get 3 2-hour chunks of sleep a night, with only being awake 15-20 minutes in between each chunk, and dreaming during the chunks, so I generally feel pretty rested during the day, at least not exhausted all the time like I was 6 weeks ago...

 

Do you sleep in chunks? Or is it like one night you sleep pretty well, the next night not so much?  I got excited because a month ago I got a 4 hour chunk, then a 2 hour chunk in the same night, and I repeated that 2 days later, so I thought I was on a pattern...but it did not occur again until last night...no telling what tonight holds...

 

I have given up all alcohol and coffee both while on valium, and during withdrawal, though I did try coffee again last week and realized it's way too early...and I had a glass of wine a week ago, also realizing now it's way too early....for a while I gave up all caffeinated tea, but I am back on one cup of lightly caffeinated herbal tea (lemon ginger) each morning...I also tried Yogi teas for calming and sleep with passionflower, valerian root, and Goto Kola(sp.?) till I found out they use the same GABA recepters the valium did, so I stopped those too...

 

Hot baths had been my friend, but now not so much...the weather is warm and I am getting outside in the sun and biking, which is good since I have low Vit  D levels, and was taking D3 this winter....but too much exercise definitely revs me up....

 

Thank you, Maggie Mae, for posting the "What is Happening to your Brain?" link...that was truly helpful!

 

Hope everyone sleeps better tonight, and would love any updates....hope no one is suffering from allergies, if it is in full bloom where you live like it is here....I luckily don't but lots of people around me do....

[[me...]]

Independence, 

 

I have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep.  I wake up all night long, and the longest stretch is 3 hours.  It is 8:00 am and I have been awake since 3:30 am.  Xanax messed up my hormones, so I am not sure how much of the insomnia is from recovering from xanax or hormonal

 

 

[[In...]]

Sorry to hear that, MaggieMay....Do you actually get up for the day at 3:30 am? I stay in bed till 7:30 no matter what, except for days when work requires me to get up earlier...Then I drink my tea  very slowly savoring each sip, because I would love another cup, but know I cannot....

 

Last night I tried the cool washcloths suggested from that article about "What is happening to your brain"--and I found that if I put in on right away, sort of swabbing my legs and then leaving it resting on either the soles of my feet or behind my knees, it stopped the hot flash from proceeding up my whole body in a wave like it normally does....

Also, from that article, it seems that the hormonal disruptions are from the fact that the GABA receptors had been preventing the cortisol and other hormones from doing all the autonomic/endocrine/housekeeping "chores" they would normally do had the GABA receptors not been flooded open by the benzo...So, as the GABA doors and receptors go back to normal, so should our hormones....

but re-building those pathways can take as long as it took us to build tolerance to the drug...

 

Other crazy tips for sleeping I have tried:  When it was really cold a few weeks ago, I took our relatively newly purchased alpaca rug (thus it was clean) and put it on my bed as a sheet, to lie on.  It was so soft and cozy, that even if I was awake a lot of the night, it was funner to be awake. 

But with the hot weather, that is no longer an option, so I went back to cotton sheets, and laundered everything, all the duvet covers--(still sleep with one down comforter, even in summer)....and then I ironed the sheets....while they were on the bed, because it was easier that way...because I had heard this was a treat you should not miss.....It was very nice....

 

And yesterday I bought a potted lavender plant, and its aroma is filling the apartment soothingly too...

 

Otherwise, I get too overwhelmed reading about all these other drugs and herbs people try....( I still have a hard time reading in general)

 

I am going kayaking with a friend today down a gentle river with no rapids, so I hope it will help me sleep tonight, since last night I saw the clock pretty much every hour....sigh....

 

Thanks for writing, MaggieMay, and I hope to hear updates from others....

You all short term users have a soft spot in my heart, because who would've thunk only 8 weeks could rock our worlds so badly?  I can totally see how longer term use and withdrawal could make people lose spouses and careers....

[[sn...]]

Hi Independence---congrats on kicking V and making it this far.  It's crazy to think just taking a benzo for a few months can screw up our bodies so much.  Just proves how potent this poison is to our bodies.  I'm appalled that MD's continue to dole out prescriptions for long-term use like their candy w/ no warnings attached.  It makes me so, so angry 

 

My number one troublesome symptom has been sleep problems for sure, because the nights I do get decent sleep I feel so much better the next day.  I find that I have to do LONG wind downs at night to prepare me for better quality sleep.  That means no technology, TV or any other stimulus that gets my mind going.  I find reading a book and lying in bed for about an hour with very dim light has helped.  I have to really make a concerted effort to slow everything way down and get my mind in the right place.  Baths are even too much for me...I began to notice a pattern of the nights I took baths I wouldn't sleep as well.  Meggiemay- the segmented sleep is very common and for awhile I would be awake at 2:30-3 am and be up for the day.  I too slept in three hour chunks and that was it....so incredibly awful.  That lasted for about two weeks and then I was able to start going back to sleep after I would wake up at the time.  At first it would take an hour so to drift back off again, but now it just takes a few minutes.  So hang in there everyone....it will get better!!  My sleep quality still varies but it still so much better than no or very little sleep.  I'm averaging about 6.5 hours a night now (still broken up).

 

Many BB's have attested to exercise expediting the healing process so on the weekends I try and incorporate more (than my usual walking) to see if it helps the sleep and some of my other symptoms.  Other than lack of sleep....how are you all feeling? Any other symptoms?

[[In...]]

Thanks, Sniogra for all the good info....so glad to hear you sleep is improving, even if it remains your biggest issue...interesting about the baths....

 

In terms of other symptoms, see my "Didn't Think I'd be Joining this" intro in the "Introductions"section....but in that, I had

forgotton to mention that after I lost appetite and had to force feed myself for 2 months on the valium, and for the first weeks of withdrawal, I lost 20 pounds...now in recent weeks up withdrawal my appetite came roaring back, and I have promptly regained the 20 pounds...which is not an ideal weight, the 20 pounds lighter was actually better for me....but I couldn't enjoy being lighter because I was miserable and I had a revulsion to all food....

 

It is gorgeous today, I went kayacking, now out to a picnic, and then 12-hour shifts over the weekend, so I won't get to check back to this forum till Monday...but I hope everyone has as good a weekend as possible....I do think the exercise helps at this point (didn't at all in early withdrawal).....so hope you get to do your extra walking, Sniogra....

 

love hearing how everyone is doing.... we are making it, bit by bit! I can definitely see the healing happening...though my ears are driving me insane again at the moment!

 

Hope everyone has long windows free of symptoms this weekend....the weather is turning so pretty, no one should be sick in such a pretty season....

[[me...]]

sniogra,

 

I have been taking a bath every night.  Maybe I should stop and see if that helps?

 

Independence, I do not get out of bed, I lay there for hours waiting to fall back to sleep: (

[[In...]]

Hi meggie Mae... On a lunch break at work ,..

 

that was me last night  ....I slept terrible and I was basically up in bed from 3 AM forward ....when I finally fell asleep I had nightmares of drowning in a river ....though one of my nurse friends did save me...   

I'm back to giving up all caffeine in the hopes of sleeping better tonight I'm feeling pretty bad with pains in my head muscle spasms and lots of hot flashes hope everyone else is having a better weekend

[[co...]]

Your dream story reminded me of my wife. She had a dream she was drowning and in the morning she was actually mad at me because in her dream I didn't save her! She said. "I was drowning and you did nothing! You just sat there and watched me drown." What could I do except apologize for letting her drown.

[[In...]]

Thanks for the laugh, Confused 1....yeah, I'm sure in my dream my boyfriend would have let me drown...a typical boneheaded move of his...it's the people we are closest to we expect the most from and have the biggest capacity to disappoint/infuriate us....

[[co...]]

Your last line.. very true!!! Made me realize how bad this is also hurting those who love me. I will cut them more slack for not understanding!

[[In...]]

Hi Confused 1

That's why it's good to lean on BB for the support you need...I'm transitioning here to give my dear family a break...

I will say this whole experience has really melted a lot of my judgementalness, big time...both towards my family and strangers...I am way more forgiving than I was a few months ago, even on "trivial" things like road rage, etc (though don't get me wrong, still have a short fuse!)

 

Independence

[[Bb...]]

Hi all, I'm looking for thoughts once again. So I took a smaller cut this time and spread the cut across all my doses vs. one dose. And all in all, it's been MUCH better except for one issue -- headaches. And I'm currently trying to cut my headache cycle due to migraine associated vertigo. Given this, I'm now thinking it may be in my best interest to speed back up my taper a bit to avoid more headache cycles. It seems like after a cut I go through a 4-5 day period with headaches on and off, and then they get better. I was thinking of reducing another .125mg this next time (this coming Wednesday), but maybe I do a little more?

 

As a short-term user it's so hard to know what to do. We fall in such a grey area.

[[Sh...]]

Bballgal - I think you're so right about tapering after short-term use being such a gray area. If I had to do it all over again (which I NEVER will do) knowing what I know now, I'd do a super-fast taper instead of following the Ashton schedules. But in the sorry shape I was in at the time, I felt I needed some schedule to follow. I now believe, based on accounts I've read on BB, that stretching it out over more than 4 mos. only prolonged my agony.

[[In...]]

Hi B Ball Gal....          yes I definitely am glad that I did a crazy fast taper, especially since Valium has such a long half-life ..  when one dose is in your system for nine days,  it didn't make sense to take it every day, in fact make taking it once a week made sense because of the long half-life.... It was absolutely brutal the first two weeks to a month but I feel absolutely healed now aside from insomnia and minor tinnitus... That being said ativan has a very short half-life and can lead to brutal withdrawals ...if at all possible you may want to consider crossing Over to Valium and doing a very short  taper...I believe the Ashton manual said you can go from 1 mg to nothing ...she did a study where she gave sugar pills instead of 1 mg pills and both groups did equivalent after three months.  Good luck 

[[Sh...]]

Yeah, but that's 1-mg Valium that's safe to jump from per Ashton, not Ativan (1-mg Ativan = 10-mg Valium). Jumping from 1-mg Ativan or 10-mg Valium seems like a really bad idea -- probably best to do it in a few steps at least, as that's a fairly substantial dose.

[[Bb...]]

Thanks Shirah and IndependecefromDependence! It's so funny how the doctors keep stressing that I'm on a "very low dose", and yet I know that if I tried to quit tomorrow I'd be in a world of hurt (one of my doctors actually recognizes this too)! I'm going to see how the next two days go and if still all good I think I'll drop a little more this next time (maybe even .20 or .25). That would get me to .675mg or .625mg per day. I'm planning on jumping at .125mg per day. Any thoughts on that?