Insomniac support group

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Hey all-

 

I found this BB to have really informative posts about recovery.  Along with insomnia, I've had other disturbing symptoms including painful tingling almost like my skin is burning.  Although I slept so-so last night, I'm having a rough day.  I have flu-like symptoms and my skin is BURNING.  Yesterday, my skin was fine. Not sure why this is happening   Anyways, I found this post to be very informative as to what exactly is happening with our brains and how the benzo affected them.  It's effect on our neurotransmitters is what has messed up our sleep. 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

 

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Also- after reading her posts she claims Remeron was her saving grace.  Because of taking Remeron she was able to sleep and eat, thus leading to her recovery.  She goes on to talk about how she believes her body healed much faster because Remeron allowed her to get the sleep she needed, as well as helped with her nerve pain.  After she had healed she began tapering off of Remeron with a liquid titration...and had no sleep issues. 

 

I know most of us would love to recover from this med-free, but if you don't sleep...well, you don't heal (or at least heal as quickly).  It's that simple.  Some people are in the circumstances where healing can take place a little easier w/ very minimal life stressors and lots of support from others.  Some people don't have those resources available and need the assistance of an AD to help the body recover from withdrawal.  For some, medications work and for some they don't.

 

If you are thinking about taking an AD for help with sleep, I find her posts to be very informative and uplifting.  I'm still not ready to go down that route, but I do believe it could be beneficial for some people.

 

 

[[Sh...]]

Last night, I wasn't able to get any solid sleep in spite of taking mirtazapine. But I was determined to stay in a calm state throughout the night and probably got some very light broken sleep towards morning. So although I'm very tired today, I'm more functional (less nauseous and achy). I find it really hard to just lie there all night, but it definitely beats the alternative of getting all riled up about it. And today, I had my first appointment with an integrated functional medical practitioner and am feeling at least a little optimistic that it might help. It's far from a quick fix, however. Not like taking a pill.

 

Sniogra - The piece you posted by Parker is excellent. I've read it before, but it's certainly worth a second read. There's also another great explanation by another BB, Perseverance, which I think can be found towards the top of the "Chewing the Fat" board -- a little more technical, but more in-depth. By the way, I just ordered that book you mentioned, Klonopin Withdrawal and Howling Dogs.

 

Fran - The return to dreams sounds like a positive sign. Seems to me like you're on your way to writing a "success story" real soon!

 

MTfan - I think Sniogra originally posted something here about bone broth. I googled it and found a lazy (or tired) person's simple recipe that goes like this: Put the bones/skin of a rotisserie chicken in a large pot with lid, cover in water, add tablespoon of apple cider vinegar (optional: add onion, carrots, celery), cover and cook on low for 6 to 24 hours until bones crumble when pinched. Strain broth in fine metal sieve and discard bones. You can also use a crockpot instead. (I haven't had one of those since the 1970s, but am thinking of buying one again)...On a completely different topic: Yes, I also experience the same digestive troubles ("trots"), especially after nights with no sleep.

[[Al...]]

Shirah-Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I really feel great today just like my old self and my I just washed my hair and it stopped shedding.

 

Sniogra-I read all of Parker's post one weekend (and I have even talked to her on BB). I started from her first post on BB and I read them all backwards. Parker reminded me of me. She went off c/t and she is very positive. She is now 40 months off a benzo and she wrote the other day she is about 85% healed. Parker swore by vitamins and I swear by exercise and eating healthy two different approaches to healing. I recently have added so much brain food into my diet. I should be a genius but I'm not...hahahaha. Parker was on Ambien for two years so she obviously had sleep problems. I used valium so I could fall back to sleep at 3:00 AM. I could always fall a sleep. The point I am trying to convey to you is you do NOT need a full night of sleep to heal. I would never lie to you. When I went off C/t I was waking up every night 3 times a night. I never took anything to help me sleep. I am 90 days off now and my sleep is returning all on it's own. I feel so HAPPY about that. My pdoc in Jan suggested I take a new sleeping pill that does not effect GABA but I decided NO DRUGS!!! Sleep will come back. I promise you it will. I know I am healing. When you heal you can feel it in your brain and in your body. Now that my sleep is coming back that's more proof that my brain is reprogramming and my gaba is up-regulated. I personally feel the best thing anyone can to to heal is to stay positive, exercise, lift weights and eat healthy.

 

I am sorry that you are having a bad day today. I am thinking of you and I will pray that tomorrow will be a better day for you. Please keep in mind this is a two step forward one step back process of healing.

 

I am attaching a very positive recovery story by someone who is healed and was benzo's for 30 years. We are all going to heal. If I can heal going off c/t which you know they say is so bad for you everyone in this group is going to heal.

 

Sending good vibes to everyone in my favorite BB group.

Fran

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Thank you Fran- it's good to hear someone is getting some quality sleep and making great improvements.  It keeps me, and I'm sure all of us, hopeful.  I know my day will come and I have to remember it could be much worse.  I'm just ready to feel normal again. 

 

I am determined to do whatever it takes to go down the path of healing w/ minimal damage.  I'm going to start walking more and keep eating healthy.  I used to run...(even ran half-marathons!) and I feel I'm so far from where I used to be.  I do believe that exercise is definitely beneficial for our neurotransmitters, but w/ adrenal fatigue you have to be careful about over doing it until your adrenals heal. 

 

Shirah- don't read that book before bed!  I made the mistake of doing that one night and it just ramped up my anxiety about not sleeping.  I read it during the day and skipped over a few parts.  :-/

 

[[Ne...]]

Hi Everyone! I'm new to this board. I'm also over on the Klonopin board since that is what I've been on for the last 5 years or so. I just started my taper and am only about 10% down but boy am I feeling all the symptoms. Actually I didn't realize I was in tolerance withdrawal for about a year.

The insomnia, rebound anxiety and depression are the worst. Of course I get the roving pains and have had my share of gut issues, but I won't bore you with all I went through with the gastro dr. Anyway I read through all the posts from the beginning and am finding it so helpful. I also love that I get a chuckle every now and then, which really helps lift my spirits . I am having a really down day today...not much sleep. In the past when I woke up (usually around 3 am Fran!) I was able to listen to something on the iPad to get me at least some rest. But since the last cut, it has been nuttin! And I feel so crappy and depressed the next day :'(. I just wanted to vent a little and you all seem so supportive. I go right the boards on days like this.  Thanks for listening everyone. I wish all of us good days ahead, full of dream-like sleep and health in body, mind and soul:smitten:

Jan

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I have no more motivation at work.  I have been there 13 years and the Valium and w/d is killing my productivity.  I used to be a star employee with a ton of energy.  I got along with all of my team members and was very social.  Now it's quite the opposite unfortunately.

 

I am very close to writing my resignation letter tonight and my wife is OK with this.  Can someone convince me to stop?

[[Al...]]

I want everyone to please read this positive story.

Fran

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=130383.0

[[Sh...]]

Arcade - I don't think anyone is going to convince you to quit or not. But would taking a leave of absence be a possibility instead? That might be the best of both worlds: You'd have a needed break from work to take care of yourself without cutting ties with your employer, plus you can decide later on if you want to go back after the leave is up. Who knows, after 13 years in one job, you may be ready to move on. In any case, I think you'd be in a better position -- a position of strength and clarity -- once you're mostly healed from the benzos, to decide what you want to do with the next chapter of your life.

[[Ne...]]

Fran,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reposting this. It is SO good to read this.

I am going to copy and print this out for myself to read on my hardest days.

I don't know Life as I am a newbie, but I am so grateful that he was kind enough

to share the good news.  we need more good stories like this

[[Al...]]

New Girl- When I read his recovery story this AM it left me speechless. It's so important to read positive stories like that. If he can recover after being on a benzo for 30 years we are all going to recover and we are all going to heal!!!!!!

Fran

[[MT...]]

Fran, thanks for the uplifting link. That's a great story.

 

It reminds me of how different this recovery process is for everyone. What works for one won't necessarily work, or even help, for someone else. Those of us who've taken benzos for longer and/or at higher doses are often dealing with a different beast.

 

Insomnia varies too. Some of us can exercise, meditate, eat healthy, be positive, go to therapy, and so on and still not sleep. Those other things are helpful, maybe even necessary for the healing journey, but not sufficient to make sleep happen.

 

Sniogra, I agree going med free works great for some people but for others it's not a viable option no matter what we do and I believe it can be counterproductive. I can manage very broken sleep and just 2 or so hours, but night after night of zero sleep is incompatable with life. Even too much of that 2-3 hour crap doesn't work. I'm thankful that there are some meds, AD and antipsychotics, that can keep some of us going and sane. OK, maybe calling myself sane is stretching it a bit

 

Shirah, thanks for the recipe. Let me know how the bone broth works for you. Does anyone think eye of newt would help? I'd probably try it.

 

Arcade, I get the no motivation and decrease in job performance. I've had the same thing with work. Working part-time makes it manageable for me. I'm working the bare minimum to keep my financial head above water and maintain my business. I do the best I can but know I'm not as good as I used to be. Is working part time or taking a leave an option?

 

New Girl, welcome aboard.You're in the thick of this wd business but you're on your way toward recovery now. I'm glad you've reached out.

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MTfan- the bone broth is a great source of amino acids that are easily absorbed by the body.  BB Perserverance talks about he role of amino acid supplementation for recovery. Also great for healing a "leaky gut" which is caused by high stress and decreased stomach acid. Both my acupuncturist and functional med doc insisted I drink it every day.  I can say that I do notice a difference when I drink it.  I keep my crock pot bubbling all week and drink a cup a day.  I have other health issues though so that is mainly why I'm drinking it. 

 

Shirah- let me know how your meeting with functional med doc goes.  I'm curious to see if they have any knowledge of benzo w/d. Mine didn't- so that's why I stopped seeing her for now.  She kept insisting I had a thyroid issue and recommended supplementation. There are functional med docs who do know about benzos and I would like to find one!

 

Welcome new girl!

[[Li...]]

Hello everyone.  I figured I would join the insomniac party up in here.  It's the one w/d effect that keeps on stopping me from being able to withdraw from meds.  I need to read the books that were mentioned.  The longest I survived without sleep was for about 3 weeks before I was rendered so incapacitated that I had to get put into a state mental hospital.  The only thing that helped was what I am only now which is Depakote ER and Klonopin.  Ativan worked at one point but pooped out quickly.  Klonopin seems to work for a longer time but I hit a wall at 3 mg and my pdoc wanted me to go up to 4 mg.  I figured I might as well try and fight my way out one last time.  I was doing fairly well doing a somewhat quick taper of .125 mg per week without much w/d but now I've hit a wall at 2.675 mg.  I'm really at a loss for what to do.  My brain is so severely damaged from almost 2 decades of over 30+ meds.  This is my last chance.  If I don't make it, I hope the rest of you can.

[[Al...]]

Good morning everyone!! I hope everyone had a great night sleep. Just as I was getting ready for sleep last night at 10:00 PM Flo came to town. I felt the headache coming on and I took 2 Advil.... big mistake. (I've never taken 2 Advil before only 1). Guess what revved me up? Yep the Advil. I took a deep breath and said stay calm. I got into bed and I tried to fall a sleep but I felt a little revved up. I listened to my meditation oasis and the next thing I knew it was 3:15 AM. I'm convinced I have an alarm clock in my brain to wake me up at that time. I did fall back to sleep until 6:30 AM so all in all I did sleep and I ate broccoli at dinner.

 

LifeInChaos-Welcome to our group. You are in good hands here.

Fran

[[MT...]]

Welcome Life in Chaos. I'm sorry to hear about your suffering and how discouraged you are. Insomnia is such a difficult symptom to deal with. 3 weeks is an insane length of time to go without sleep. Please don't give up or think this is your last chance.

 

I've taken most of the drugs you have over 27 years and I no longer take any every day. I do take seroquel and trazodone three nights a week so I at least sleep those nights. I'm giving my brain the time to heal. You can do this too.

 

What if you focused on just tapering the klonopin and left the depekote. The depekote will help some with sleep and it's not as hard to get off of. Please give yourself time.

 

 

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Welcome Life in Chaos.  Could you hold your taper until your body catches up?  When you start feeling comfortable again, start the taper again.  Your body has to adjust to each cut and with Klonopin it takes a little longer.  I agree w/ MTfan....give yourself time. Getting off Klonopin will be the BEST thing you can do for your body.  Our bodies are pretty miraculous mechanisms and if we support it's natural function through diet and exercise it will eventually figure things out. 

 

I slept last night but my sleep is not deep restorative sleep.  I've also been waking up like clockwork 2 hours after I go to sleep....and then I drift in and out of sleep the rest of the night.

 

Does anyone else wake up constantly? Who feels like they are getting some deep sleep?

[[ga...]]

I am still stuck in this sleepless rut and wondering when it will break.  Been a rough week plus...still some stressors contributing to this.  It does make it difficult to get through the day.  Much has to do with attitude.  Yesterday I was on the golf course with friends after two nights of no sleep.  It did help my mood and got me through the day.  Today a different story.  A struggle so far and just trying to dig out of the depressed mode that is associated with lack of sleep.  Will get a workout in and run some errands today.  Good luck to everyone tonight.

[[Sh...]]

Welcome, LifeinChaos. I understand that hopeless feeling you're having. But you're not hopeless; it's just a feeling. This may be the hardest thing you ever must go through (I know for me it is), but you will get through it. We all will. You might be able to find some great advice on Klonopin tapering in the Klonopin Klub support group, which seems to be one of the most active support groups here.

 

Sniogra - The IFM practitioner I went to is very young, but overall seemed very knowledgeable. It seems I'm her first IFM patient going through benzo withdrawal though. IFM is just a part of her practice; she also has a traditional practice as an MD. While I'd prefer to see someone with first-hand experience helping people recover from benzos, this person is conveniently located, and I'm just not up to traveling now.

 

I had another very difficult night last night. Although I tried my best to psych myself into staying calm and still, I wasn't nearly as successful as the night before in achieving that. Ended up taking trazodone, which did nothing, then taking a break in the living room to read. Eventually I think I got some light broken sleep again towards daylight. Feel like crap today. Thinking I may have to resort to trying another medication for sleep. I don't want to, but how many nights can I go without some solid sleep?

[[ga...]]

Shirah...I think we can go many nights without sleep.  We just feel miserable during the day.  I know if you can try and blow it off and say "so what"  it does help.  Eventually,, sleep will come.  I am right there with you.

[[MT...]]

Garton and Shirah, I'm right there with you feeling discouraged about the sleepless thing. It's amazing how life somehow.continues with little or no sleep but it can be pretty miserable. I know sometimes I feel backed into this corner of "I've got to get some quality sleep or I'm going to go barking mad!" I tend to feel more panicky on the days I work or have a bunch to do because it all feels so impossible. I keep telling myself one day, one hour at a time. Every time I think about how long it has been and how long it could go on the panic intensifies.

 

Sniogra, the frequent awakening sucks too. Last night was a night I take something, and even then I was awake every 30-120 minutes. It's no wonder our sleep isn't refreshing.

 

I find it helpful to look at what my fitbit tells me about the quality of my sleep--I can see where I'm making progress of longer periods asleep as well as understand why I feel so wrung out.

 

Attitude is huge here but a challenge when so sleep deprived.

[[Al...]]

Does anyone else wake up constantly? Who feels like they are getting some deep sleep?

 

Sniogra When I first went off Valium I would fall a sleep at 10:30 PM, wake up at midnight, wake up at 2:00, wake up at 4:30 and then I woke up at 6:30 AM with a cortisol surge. This terrible pattern without any deep sleep continued for 4 weeks. What eventually happened was one night was I fell a sleep at 10:30 PM and I slept until 3:00 AM. I was so happy I felt like I won a lottery ticket:)....You will start sleeping longer through the night but it's going to take time. Please be patient. I know sleep will return to you and everyone on this group.

 

The brain is truly incredible and how it re-programs back to where you were before ever taking a benzo.

Fran

[[Ne...]]

The last few nights I woke up but was able to go back to sleep for a few hours. I really think the broken up sleep doesn't allow me to feel rested. Is anyone else experiencing terrible depression from the lack of sleep? Or maybe it is just the stressors in my life right now. My 88 year old mom is in the last stages of dimentia, I try to visit a few times a week, but when I come home, all I do is cry.  :'(

If I don't go, I feel guilty . I don't know what to do to make myself feel a little better. I know I need to think and do some positive things. Do you all think it is the lack of sleep or just the stuff going on in my life right now? Please someone, tell a joke or something!!!

[[MT...]]

New Girl, I think the depression is a combination of a wd effect and the lack of sleep. Both set you/us up for this. It's tough having a parent with dementia. I went through it with both of my parents and felt the same guilt, overextendedness and just plain sadness.

 

It helps to do something that feels a little good like exercising, distracting, being mindful, talking with a friend, and so on. Staying stuck in it without movement seems to feed it. I heard a speaker talk about how doing 5 positive things a day can help shift mood--things like opening the door for someone, saying a kind word, sending a card, etc. It also helps to look for any and everything that is going right (neither of my legs is amputated, no tornado today, no invasion by zombies, neither elbow hurts. I can get pretty ridiculous when I'm looking for stuff. I try to keep a running commentary of what I'm thankful for, so all day I'm saying, "Thank you for...helping me get through the night, for breakfast tasting sort of good"...and on and on.

 

Only 2 more hours of work. So tired today. Glad I'm in the home stretch.

[[Ne...]]

MTfan, thanks for,your reply. Your suggestions are good ones! I have heard that to write a Gratitude List every day is helpful. I try to do it at least once a week.I sat in the tub (with Epsom salt and the iPod playing music) and wrote a list even before I got back and saw your reply. So we are on the same page. I really think the taper is just starting to kick in and the timing couldn't  be worse with mom's situation. I actually started on these crazy meds about 7 years ago when my husband lost his job.

At the same time we started caring for two sick parents. The next few years, we sold our house, moved my parents 3x from their house to an apt. Then to assisted living and finally into a nursing facility. It has been a downhill spiral with my mom in these last stages of dimentia :'(.i agree that I think I just need to do some things are a little uplifting.  We work from home and I'm finding myself at the nursing home and getting depressed. Thanks again for your response. I know there is a long road ahead and appreciate the support