6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Floc ...so glad to hear it..  thank you so much for the encouraging post...hoping it just keeps right on going for you.....coop

[[li...]]

Hey All,

 

Had a real productive day today and really feel the healing. I have to admit that writing the positives here takes dedication and that might be the reason why many do not. It's hard to read all the posts on BB when you are just coming into your own fragile healing.The tendency is to gravitate toward the positive only and now I have answered my own questions about why not more success stories.

 

Found myself worrying a bit tonight about a potential wave in the future and then started to feel a bit wrong when I immediately said well BLANK it! Then, all the sudden I felt great again. The one issue that I am having is the tired feeling I have all day. It's better than the anxious uptight feeling in the bottom of my stomach and swirling in my head that eventually ended up in depression.One thing that has helped me is meditation and prayer. I also see a shrink for CBT and hypnosis and it really helps.

 

Look I am a 32 year user and I am starting to get some awesome windows that feel like I have turned the corner. Why do I feel that way? These windows allow me to be fully functional while the others in the past were more of a cessation of symptoms. I pray that God will allow this to be the "forever window" that gets better and better. I am hopeful but cognizant that waves may come but I will not focus on that potential. My default position now is to feel good. I have replaced my default of feeling bad. I still have a way to go but I have definitely turned a major corner -- I think the corner!  I know that we are all healing. I was not quite that sure months ago.

 

life

[[Gr...]]

Hey All,

 

Had a real productive day today and really feel the healing. I have to admit that writing the positives here takes dedication and that might be the reason why many do not. It's hard to read all the posts on BB when you are just coming into your own fragile healing.The tendency is to gravitate toward the positive only and now I have answered my own questions about why not more success stories.

 

Found myself worrying a bit tonight about a potential wave in the future and then started to feel a bit wrong when I immediately said well BLANK it! Then, all the sudden I felt great again. The one issue that I am having is the tired feeling I have all day. It's better than the anxious uptight feeling in the bottom of my stomach and swirling in my head that eventually ended up in depression.One thing that has helped me is meditation and prayer. I also see a shrink for CBT and hypnosis and it really helps.

 

Look I am a 32 year user and I am starting to get some awesome windows that feel like I have turned the corner. Why do I feel that way? These windows allow me to be fully functional while the others in the past were more of a cessation of symptoms. I pray that God will allow this to be the "forever window" that gets better and better. I am hopeful but cognizant that waves may come but I will not focus on that potential. My default position now is to feel good. I have replaced my default of feeling bad. I still have a way to go but I have definitely turned a major corner -- I think the corner!  I know that we are all healing. I was not quite that sure months ago.

 

life

 

Hey Life

You sound great. I love your analogy, "default position," and saying Blank It many times a day.  I found myself saying that today. 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Life thank you so much for posting your great open windoww days. I had 2 days at the beginning of month 6 in which I felt eacactly as you describe...fully functional...happy! ..like I had never taken a benzo...so I know it can happen and will happen ..

.....I am now having fatigue that is so different than what I have experienced in taper or p/w. I wonder if you have had it. It is incapacitating...I feel like I am slogging through quicksand...my bkody feels heavy and literally weighted down If I rest on the bed I feel like I can't get up to even have dinner....of course it feeds my hypochondria ( must be congestive heart failure ..or some other dire heart condition that the cardiac tests didn't pick up......love your. " Blank it " attitude.

.....My day yesterday was a 8 ...today a 3......Black k it!...I am going to crawl, limp, hobble or drag myself into month 7....if my hypochondria doesn't kill me. Lol.

.....Thanks Life for taking time from your very good very productive very normal day. ..Happy happy for you....keep talking to us.....coop

[[Co...]]

Hey Green...how are you doing? .....Hope you are getting some sunbreaks...leading to wide open windows...coop

[[No...]]

life - this postive - negative pendulum was a tough one for me. I feel that as we move thru this process, paying attention, we gradually "re-condition" our experience of the process, and our "default postion" (as you apptly named it) changes, perhaps many times. The more I choose "positive", the more it sticks around when times are difficult, and becomes an ally.

 

Lots of brain fog and blurry vision this morning, hope I made a little sense.

 

Good healing.

[[pe...]]

Good morning!

I'm waking up feeling less out of it than yesterday and that feels like a huge gift. Do I still feel shades of awful? You bet! Do I notice the start to a better day? You bet!

 

Oh, the ups and downs of benzo withdrawal. Trying to stay positive as the river takes me forward…

 

Hope everyone has moments of peace today.

Peace2

 

[[am...]]

Good morning!

I'm waking up feeling less out of it than yesterday and that feels like a huge gift. Do I still feel shades of awful? You bet! Do I notice the start to a better day? You bet!

 

Oh, the ups and downs of benzo withdrawal. Trying to stay positive as the river takes me forward…

 

Hope everyone has moments of peace today.

Peace2

 

Good Morning to you too Peace !

 

Every day that we wake up we are one day further away from this chemically induced nightmare and closer to being back to our normal and healthy selves. Enjoy your Friday !

[[Co...]]

Happy Friday Buddies.....I also am waking up to a better day. My s/x have switched up to phyxicL ( must be benzo flu....truly feel like a truck rolled over me). However I did not wake up to a pounding heart anxiety and intrusive hypochondria. My sleep was better in spite of body aches. I will take it! ...Not a window, but better.

.....Yesterday my daughter came out and I got my patio garden going ( I live in the PNW and our planting season. starts late. So I am looking forwward to sitting out on the patio with my teccinno ( herbal coffee) and letting the day bring what it may

........Wishing everyone. continued healing and happiness. ...coop

[[Gr...]]

Hey Green...how are you doing? .....Hope you are getting some sunbreaks...leading to wide open windows...coop

 

Hi Coop

 

Yes, I had some kind of break.  Had to help my friend tile my kitchen.  I was forced to ignore how I felt and JUST DO IT because the goop was drying too fast to take a break.  I don't feel fabulous, but I do feel hopeful.  My heart palps and lung burning I'm ignoring.  If I have a heart attack, so be it.  My affairs are almost in order.  I'm doing like Life, nose to nose with the beast and saying Blank It.  Or, as Circ says, learning to ride the waves.  That is, provided you're not swept off your feet.  Sometimes waves knock us down and we have to sit it out. 

 

Re fatigue.  Yes, that can be soul crushing.  Back in tolerance I remember crawling to the bathroom on my hands and knees, bedridden for weeks.  And I've read many threads where people have extreme fatigue for a short time, and it goes away.  That's what you need to know, it goes away.  When I recovered from that bad tolerance w/d I climbed Mt. Kili.  So, yes, it went away, even while I was still on benzos.

 

I think it's a reaction to all the cortisol we burned, or whatever it is we burn up with our intense anxiety.  I think it's the body just collapsing in exhaustion after all it's been through.  Just rest and eat as well as you can.  It's part of the healing process.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Green.....love to hear from you...can't believe you climbed a mountain. during your taper...I just love the Blank It mantra...I felt like you yesterday.  My daughter came all the way out to help me with potting and dragging patio furniture out of storage. I waz not about to miss that time with her. I had the same thought.  if I have. stroke at least I will die doing something I love with my daughter who I love beyond words ....so BLANK IT......I wax not 100% connected to the experience, but today my d/r has lifted and I am fully connected to remembering the lovely generosity of my daughter and the time we had together.

.....Thanks for the tips regarding fatigue...the depth of it surprised me, but I am not yet crawling go the bathroom on hands and knees.....however I am not seeing mountain climbing in my immediate future.

........Thanks Green for the encouraging post....have a very good weekend....coop

[[je...]]

Hi Coop and Green,

 

Great attitudes you both have. Keep living your life and saying blank it!! I have the fatigue too and like you Green it was horrible when I was in tolerance. My fatigue seems to come in waves followed by periods of high energy, do you guys get that too? Although lately I haven't had any high energy at all. Keep up the good work ladies! Take care, jenny

[[Gr...]]

Coop, I climbed that mt. in 2008, very well medicated, lol, and a little bit younger.  These days pushing my shopping cart can be challenging. 

 

Jenny, how are you feeling?  Did you have a real flu/viral infection or was it w/d?  Also, Immunocal was one of the "remedies" I tried in my 'tolerance w/d-misdiagnosed as CFS' days.  It was recommended for energy.  I think it helped back then.  I used to drink it mixed with soy milk.  Never could tolerate lactose. I just bought a box.  I'm going to start taking it when I feel bad. Don't want to risk screwing up when I don't feel bad.

 

Feel better, everybody.

[[He...]]

Good morning everyone!  I sure hope you are doing better than I am today.  I woke up feeling terrible again today....lots of anxiety, fear, feeling like I could burst into tears at any minute, stuffed up head, boatiness, nausea, chest anxiety and some moving pain.  My symptoms are so up and down right now, very active.  Maybe this means my healing is very active too? 

It is so weird to me how I went from almost healed to this really bad wave again.  I'm hoping this is the last big burst of healing!!   

[[am...]]

Good morning everyone!  I sure hope you are doing better than I am today.  I woke up feeling terrible again today....lots of anxiety, fear, feeling like I could burst into tears at any minute, stuffed up head, boatiness, nausea, chest anxiety and some moving pain.  My symptoms are so up and down right now, very active.  Maybe this means my healing is very active too? 

It is so weird to me how I went from almost healed to this really bad wave again.  I'm hoping this is the last big burst of healing!! 

 

Thats a bummer Hope, especially since you were nearly healed. Hopefully this will be your last bad wave. Get well soon.

[[je...]]

Coop, I climbed that mt. in 2008, very well medicated, lol, and a little bit younger.  These days pushing my shopping cart can be challenging. 

 

Jenny, how are you feeling?  Did you have a real flu/viral infection or was it w/d?  Also, Immunocal was one of the "remedies" I tried in my 'tolerance w/d-misdiagnosed as CFS' days.  It was recommended for energy.  I think it helped back then.  I used to drink it mixed with soy milk.  Never could tolerate lactose. I just bought a box.  I'm going to start taking it when I feel bad. Don't want to risk screwing up when I don't feel bad.

 

Feel better, everybody.

 

 

Hi Green,

 

I don't know what happened to me the other day. I vomited twice and had a fever of 101--it lasted 4 hours and then I was fine. Really weird, I don't know at this point anymore if it was w/d or something else, but the fact that it only lasted 4 hours is really odd. Feeling better now, thanks for asking! Jenny

[[...]]

It seems a few of us did a slower taper in yet here we are at over 6 months. Despite the suffering while I tappered I'm glad I went slow, at least we can say we did what we felt was best.  I'm personally hoping to see improvements by 12 months, at this rate its hard to predict.

 

It's great to read someone else feeling better at xx months out, but regardless I have had to except that each individual is different. Like others have mentioned just "blank it" or as my therapist said "so what?".

 

I hope for a window for everyone!

 

 

Fonz

[[pe...]]

I hear ya, Fonz. My doctor told me I tapered just right AND to expect at least 6-12months of healing. He just keeps telling me over and over to let it happen. We're all so different.

 

Here's a question. Do any of you have a medical ID card for medication sensitivities? Thoughts?

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Peace,  that's impressive that your doctor understands benzo WD.. You are very fortunate to have that support.

 

I have no ID card as you speak of, sounds like a good idea.

 

 

Fonz

[[Gr...]]

It seems a few of us did a slower taper in yet here we are at over 6 months. Despite the suffering while I tappered I'm glad I went slow, at least we can say we did what we felt was best.  I'm personally hoping to see improvements by 12 months, at this rate its hard to predict.

 

It's great to read someone else feeling better at xx months out, but regardless I have had to except that each individual is different. Like others have mentioned just "blank it" or as my therapist said "so what?".

 

I hope for a window for everyone!

 

Fonz, There's no rhyme or reason to this.  Some people take benzos many years and c/t, and some don't take them very long and have careful tapers, and it's still a crap shoot, there's just no way to figure out how much time your body needs.  It's very frustrating when you're feeling bad almost all the time, very discouraging.  I know.  In 2004 I was bedridden, didn't know what was wrong, and felt alone and forgotten by the world.  I had an "invisible" illness.  I couldn't work, I lost my home.  It was awful.  And that was tolerance.  I had no idea what was wrong with me.  I was taking a relatively low dose of Xanax then.  I had no idea the pills were the cause of all my medical problems.  My doc raised my dose and over time I got better. 

 

This time I pretty much c/t'd.  Very dangerous.  Got sick, but not as bad as 2004.  Except for anxiety.  Go figure.  No rhyme or reason.  Very dangerous drug.  Take heart.  You will get better.  You have to be patient.

 

Susan

 

[[Co...]]

Just a little positive note....my partial window has remained open all day. I actually woke up without s/x. this morning. That is always a signal of. decent window. I had no real s/x today other than mild d/r and a slightly flat emotional persona. After a tough 10 day wave I am calling it a window....I will take it...fatigue is less,  but much better than yesterday...thank you God.

.....Wishing all windows and a very good weekend.....coop

[[be...]]

Good for you coop,   enjoy your weekend!

[[pe...]]

Coop,

That sounds like a great way to head into a weekend!

 

Peace2

[[li...]]

Hope and all,

 

Imagine a two bouncing pendulum balls. They bounce side to side but the quicker they bounces the closest to the time it is reaching equilibrium. I am feeling very good today and I simply had my symptoms in the last month bouncing allot. I have felt the best I have felt in 20 years today -- I do not say that lightly.I'm a 32 year user and I can tell there is massive healing. I am not writing my success story yet but I believe God has healed me greatly and continues to do so.

 

Peace and healing to all,

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Life....what an encouraging statement!....Freaking better than you have in 20 years...it just does not get better than that. I am so so happy for you. I am taking so much hope from this post and the previous ones you posted on this thread. ....Have the best weekend of 20 years...and keep it going. Thank you for taking the time to post in the midst of your very happy window...

.........coop