6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Hi Korbe .....sorry to hear that you have the 6 month blues too. Like you, most of us were hoping to feel better by the sixth month. I am taking great heart in Life 's post....7.5 months out and consistently feeling better. If this helps at all, I notice that many less BBs post ongoing s/x in the second year than in the first....so if that holds for us...we are half way there.....

....I am hoping people will post their good days too as we all need as much hope as we can come by.

.......I had the burning feet and ankles too..I put bags of frozen peas over them ( wrap the bags in a towel to prevent your skin from ice burn). It does help.

......I have found that reframing my healing timeline from 6 months ( what was I thinking!?) to 12 months has helped find a little more grit to think about a second six months. ...I do believe we all heal..now its just finding the mental capacity to go another 6 months. I don't think it will be this hard for the whole of the next six months. .

........Wishing you a sunbreak Korbe....keep it going ...you are in the last lap....coop

[[...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I too thought I could be better at 6 months, wow was I wrong.. I'm worse mentaly in some ways than during acute.

 

 

NOVA SCOTIA, as in the Maritimes ?  I'm across from you on the Rock!

 

 

Hope everyone had a good day, I know thats a lot to ask right now but any form of a break from this would be ideal.

 

 

Cheers,

 

 

 

Fonz

[[Co...]]

Hi Fonz....really happy to see you. Welcome to the ' disillusioned at 6 months ' group. I agree with Greenice, we need a might Ute to re-group. Most of us thought we would be at a better place of healing by now. Life4Me IS feeling significant. healing at 7.5 months...

.....Like you, my mental s/x are making me feel absolutely crazy right now...back to holding on day to day...like acute. I did have a few nice windows in month 5 and some great windows right t the beginning of month 6...so good I thought for sure I wax healing HA!...Then I got hit with one of the worst waves of this entire p/d...

........The only way I could handle it was to reframe my healing expectations...noe I m trying to accept the fact that typically healing takes 12-14 months ( that time frame might be from Ashton...not quite sure of the source, but have serene it referenced frequently here on BB). I am having a hard time wrapping my head around 6 more months, but trying.

.....It is really good to have BB friends to go the last rounds with me. I know we will all heal. We are all battle weary and as Greenice says, " exhausted "....and trying to find a second wind.

......Hoping you see some sunbreaks soon....coop

[[...]]

I too have had to accept a more realistic time frame for healing. At this point I feel very far as I have been in a nasty wave for ages. I had a few windows which pointed towards healing but they seem like a dream now.

 

I have symptoms of a form of brain damage or nervous system damage which are mostly all mental in nature.

 

I too believe we will heal, hope is all that keeps me going.

 

 

 

All the best,

 

 

 

Fonz

 

 

 

 

[[ci...]]

I haven't read all of this thread, but don't get too discouraged at 6 months if you are still bad.  I think comparing yourself within the 6-12 month range is like comparing kids in the 6-12 year range.  There are so many changes that are happening so fast, some develop a little slower and so on.  At 6 months you are just getting to that time when some positive should be happening, but perhaps it will take a few more months.  I am at 9 months (I think) and I am pretty good.  Still some random stuff popping up like a bad nights sleep, some tension, some jitters, belly bloating, etc but they are fleeting.  I think part of the major breakthroughs happen when you reach that point where you accept that these things are temporary, and you don't give a rats ass about them anymore.  As long as you fret, worry, ponder, give attention to the sxs they stick around.  Not saying it is easy to do or that I have some magic way of ignoring them, but I just acknowledge them and then let it pass.  (90% of the time)

 

Anyway, for those of you still in a bad place - it will get better.  For those of you in a good place - take joy in it.  And above all feel free to compare your progress against others, but don't judge yourself for not being where someone else is - this is your journey and it will get better.

[[No...]]

fonz - yep - looks like you jumped a week after I did. Welcome to the 6-12month thread.

[[je...]]

I haven't read all of this thread, but don't get too discouraged at 6 months if you are still bad.  I think comparing yourself within the 6-12 month range is like comparing kids in the 6-12 year range.  There are so many changes that are happening so fast, some develop a little slower and so on.  At 6 months you are just getting to that time when some positive should be happening, but perhaps it will take a few more months.  I am at 9 months (I think) and I am pretty good.  Still some random stuff popping up like a bad nights sleep, some tension, some jitters, belly bloating, etc but they are fleeting.  I think part of the major breakthroughs happen when you reach that point where you accept that these things are temporary, and you don't give a rats ass about them anymore.  As long as you fret, worry, ponder, give attention to the sxs they stick around.  Not saying it is easy to do or that I have some magic way of ignoring them, but I just acknowledge them and then let it pass.  (90% of the time)

 

Anyway, for those of you still in a bad place - it will get better.  For those of you in a good place - take joy in it.  And above all feel free to compare your progress against others, but judge yourself for not being where someone else is - this is your journey and it will get better.

 

 

 

Well said cirerecrem! Glad to hear you are doing so well!

[[Ga...]]

I am in month 11.  Better in some ways but not in others.  I get windows but not long lasting.  My continuing sxs are anxiety, muscle tremors, ear ringing, interrupted sleep, benzo thoughts and crying.  I am so weary of the inner shaking and muscle weakness.  Anybody else still having this sx this far along?  Every morning having the cortisol surges but some days they don't leave.  I try to walk everyday since I have had so much muscle tone loss and weight loss.  But I don't really notice myself getting stronger.

 

I, too, thought month 6 would show real improvement.  Wish I could not give a rats ass!  Good for you, cirerecreme.  But I do let these sxs drag me down.  I hope for Healing of course as we all do.  I read all the success stories but thinking it will never be me right now.  Can't believe this damage from only 5 months if usage.  Wonder about my age as well, mama2.

 

Hoping that we can keep giving each other support and thank you to all who have helped me here on BB.  Thank God for all of you.  We'll make it.

Galea

[[...]]

Thank you for the encouraging words cirerecrem.

 

I was wondering if anyone could describe the inner shaking ?  One of my biggest symptoms is a vibration feeling in my brain, i know that sounds strange but thats what it is. I have for about 70-95% of my waking hours which is followed by what I call episodes of jello brain and extreme DP/DR that never lifts. I feel very brain damaged at times, it keeps me in bed or on the couch for 90% of my days. I have been bedridden off and on ever since I jumped.

 

I have had zero luck with support from doctors, I have had two psychiatrists say I have a form of anxiety that causes my illness, as though my illness is not real ?  What a joke that is,    They are useless, telling me benzo WD should last no more than a couple days. I have had other doctors comparing benzo WD to quitting coffee or smoking. I no longer seek medical support, they only bring me down.

 

Anyone have a doctor that admitted benzo's could cause a prolonged WD ??  I had a pharmacist and a couple nurses understand but that's it.

 

 

Hope everyone has a bearable day!

 

 

 

Fonz

 

 

 

 

[[ci...]]

Thank you for the encouraging words cirerecrem.

 

I was wondering if anyone could describe the inner shaking ?  One of my biggest symptoms is a vibration feeling in my brain, i know that sounds strange but thats what it is. I have for about 70-95% of my waking hours which is followed by what I call episodes of jello brain and extreme DP/DR that never lifts. I feel very brain damaged at times, it keeps me in bed or on the couch for 90% of my days. I have been bedridden off and on ever since I jumped.

 

I have had zero luck with support from doctors, I have had two psychiatrists say I have a form of anxiety that causes my illness, as though my illness is not real ?  What a joke that is,    They are useless, telling me benzo WD should last no more than a couple days. I have had other doctors comparing benzo WD to quitting coffee or smoking. I no longer seek medical support, they only bring me down.

 

Anyone have a doctor that admitted benzo's could cause a prolonged WD ??  I had a pharmacist and a couple nurses understand but that's it.

 

 

Hope everyone has a bearable day!

 

 

 

Fonz

 

Fonz,

 

My GP who has a fellowship in anti-aging medicine 100% agrees that withdrawal can last a long time.  As far as the inner shaking mine would mainly happen as I drifted off to sleep.  It would wake me up and feel like someone put a vibrator  somewhere in my neck or mouth or chest or somewhere - sometimes I would think I could feel it was throat muscles doing it but other times I had no idea where it was coming from.  Frustrating but eventually I started taking a little joy in it - taking bets whether I would get it when I fell asleep, knowing that it indicated I would soon fall back to sleep, whatever came to mind except fear cause I knew it wouldn't hurt me.

 

Anyway, my doctor seems to think that most of the long term issues come from a parasympathetic nervous system that was essentially shut down as the drugs took over and once we stop it has to learn how to reengage and until it does, the sympathetic nervous system runs wild causes anxiety, shortness breath, elevated heart rate and BP, muscle twitches, etc....

[[He...]]

 

Anyway, my doctor seems to think that most of the long term issues come from a parasympathetic nervous system that was essentially shut down as the drugs took over and once we stop it has to learn how to reengage and until it does, the sympathetic nervous system runs wild causes anxiety, shortness breath, elevated heart rate and BP, muscle twitches, etc....

 

Hi cirerecrem,

Did your doctor give any timelines as to how long this might take?  I'm wondering if he agrees with the 14 month healing average. 

I've been in a wave for the past week and I am really feeling discouraged again.  It's amazing to me how one can go from so good to so discouraged with feelings of hopelessness so quickly! 

[[He...]]

So tired of this wave that I could just cry!!  :'( 

I'm wondering if 10 months out is a common wave time?  I was doing SO very good, but this week has been rough.  Anxiety is up, my chest is tight, I have some boatiness, my ears are plugged up, and I feel depressed.  Seriously?  Can this STOP??

 

Ugh....sorry about the downer post.  I'm just discouraged, yet again. I keep reminding myself that the average healing time is 14 months and that is still 4 months away.  I still have some healing to do, apparently.

[[am...]]

Ok folks, I just entered month 6 yesterday. Make room for another whiner here ! lol !    :laugh:

[[Ha...]]

I know it is not funny its bad and it sucks. BUT my head vibrates really bad at night. I bought a bed that vibrates to even it out, the whole body and I sleep good. It sounds weird but it works, only if not in a wave if in a bad wave, I cannot stand the vibration of the bed or my head so I sleep in the chair to keep my head up to sleep..

 

It is bad for sure!!

 

DPDA are bad news also I think I have had it the whole time with hardly any let up!!!

 

Happy

[[ci...]]

 

Anyway, my doctor seems to think that most of the long term issues come from a parasympathetic nervous system that was essentially shut down as the drugs took over and once we stop it has to learn how to reengage and until it does, the sympathetic nervous system runs wild causes anxiety, shortness breath, elevated heart rate and BP, muscle twitches, etc....

 

Hi cirerecrem,

Did your doctor give any timelines as to how long this might take?  I'm wondering if he agrees with the 14 month healing average. 

I've been in a wave for the past week and I am really feeling discouraged again.  It's amazing to me how one can go from so good to so discouraged with feelings of hopelessness so quickly!

 

No he didn't give a timeline.  As you can see from the random nature of those folks on here there is no timeline.....everything is to be expected... 

Go back and look at your signature line - 95 % healed.  Go back and look at all the times you thought this would never end and yet it did.  The waves have a way of making us think there is something seriously wrong and that this time around it won't end or that you will be in and out of them for life.  You won't.  But just like a real wave at the beach, don't try and fight it.  Either dive head first right through it or try and ride it but fighting it and panicking about it will just take you under with it.  Plenty of folks on here going through a wave at 10 months so don't feel alone.

 

Also, as I have said many times perhaps these aren't really waves as much as they are just us getting overwhelmed experiencing all the events of life without a drug to numb them.  First off we can barely tolerate any stimulation.  As time goes on we can tolerate more, but there will be times that it all builds and we have a little break down, but we adapt a little more each time.

[[He...]]

 

Anyway, my doctor seems to think that most of the long term issues come from a parasympathetic nervous system that was essentially shut down as the drugs took over and once we stop it has to learn how to reengage and until it does, the sympathetic nervous system runs wild causes anxiety, shortness breath, elevated heart rate and BP, muscle twitches, etc....

 

Hi cirerecrem,

Did your doctor give any timelines as to how long this might take?  I'm wondering if he agrees with the 14 month healing average. 

I've been in a wave for the past week and I am really feeling discouraged again.  It's amazing to me how one can go from so good to so discouraged with feelings of hopelessness so quickly!

 

No he didn't give a timeline.  As you can see from the random nature of those folks on here there is no timeline.....everything is to be expected... 

Go back and look at your signature line - 95 % healed.  Go back and look at all the times you thought this would never end and yet it did.  The waves have a way of making us think there is something seriously wrong and that this time around it won't end or that you will be in and out of them for life.  You won't.  But just like a real wave at the beach, don't try and fight it.  Either dive head first right through it or try and ride it but fighting it and panicking about it will just take you under with it.  Plenty of folks on here going through a wave at 10 months so don't feel alone.

 

Also, as I have said many times perhaps these aren't really waves as much as they are just us getting overwhelmed experiencing all the events of life without a drug to numb them.  First off we can barely tolerate any stimulation.  As time goes on we can tolerate more, but there will be times that it all builds and we have a little break down, but we adapt a little more each time.

 

Thanks for the kick in the pants....I needed it.  You're right.  This has happened before and it ended, no reason not to trust that this one will too.  Time to start riding this one! (insert surfer smilie here) 

[[Co...]]

Hi Ama. , ...you are not a whiner...look how far you have come. I think you are like all of us on this thread...tired....disillusioned and trying to catch a second wind for the last lap.

....All of us thought we would be doing better at 6 months than we are and some of us are experiencing old and new s/x or ongoing s/x. ..or new s/x...thank you Benzos.

.....There is great support and good friends on this thread to keep us going...

Really good to see you Ama, ...wishing you sunbreaks and healing every day...coop

[[am...]]

Hi Ama. , ...you are not a whiner...look how far you have come. I think you are like all of us on this thread...tired....disillusioned and trying to catch a second wind for the last lap.

....All of us thought we would be doing better at 6 months than we are and some of us are experiencing old and new s/x or ongoing s/x. ..or new s/x...thank you Benzos.

.....There is great support and good friends on this thread to keep us going...

Really good to see you Ama, ...wishing you sunbreaks and healing every day...coop

 

Thank you Coop. I wish you sunny days and big windows too ! 

[[li...]]

Hi guys and gals,

 

Still in a great window!It seems that the windows I am having are getting better, brighter and more optimistic. I am telling you two months ago I would never be writing this. I am now at 7.90 months and the windows are coming in faster and closer. Waves in the past month still come with their typical negativity but they are more manageable in less in duration. I credit my healing to God and prayers of healing. I accepted my healing spiritually as fact three weeks ago. Allot of what I have done is through CBT. CBT is so crucial! I think if we heal but do not acquire new skills then that might be a problem in adaptation. One thing that helps is to accept that you can feel good. We have been feeling so bad so long that we tend to start believing that "bad" is the "new normal" -- it is not!  One year or more in taper and  w/d seems like an eternity so we tend to forget what we used to feel like. My windows are feeling better than I have felt in years. For me I am able to be more productive at the things I do and that makes me very happy. I thought for a long time I would never have this productivity come back. I am not declaring victory yet but it sure does feel like my body/mind is having some massive healing. If I get "stuck in a window" like this one then I will be writing my success story saying the same everyone else says -- "I never thought....." I am prepared for the waves as I just accept them but I know this is now all w/d related ( I doubted before) as I know that this window/wave syndrome is unique to us benzo people!

[[Co...]]

Life....I am just so happy for you! ...You have worked so hard to stick with it..Sounds like you have definitely turned a corner. ...You are a voice in the wilderness for those just behind you...and those of us doubting that we will get our lives back. Knowing how much better you feel at this point will see me through another month.

....I think you are right....feeling bad is the 'new normal " or so it seems when s/x are intense and long lasting. ..a day in acute seems like months, a week long wave feels like. year and easily becomes the lens through which we view our life ....hearing stories like yours along the way renew our hope....

....thank you for taking the time to post. ..hoping your window is open and sunny tomorrow...and the next day...and the day after that ..and the day after that.....coop

[[...]]

Wow Life4me, 30 years on Benzo's is a nice while! I had a 10 year dose which seemed like for ever, although I'm only 30. Hope all goes well for you!

 

Waves do make time go slow, I'm also noticing when I get a window the waves seem blurry.. In the end I'm thinking most of this will be blurry to me which in some way is good. I could see why some people could get PTSD from all this..

 

 

All the best,

 

 

Fonz

[[fl...]]

Anxiety has lessened considerably the past three days.  Enjoying it!

[[pe...]]

Hi All,

I'm sneaking onto the thread even though I just entered month 5…. I'm not legit yet, but I will be in a few weeks. Even though I'm only in 5, I for sure thought I'd feel better than this since I did a slow taper. I've heard that's key. But I kind of want to kick my slow taper in the face. I'm sure it was the best choice, just hoping for better.

 

It's terrific to see people a few months ahead of me having some better days. That's why I want to follow this thread. Hope is a powerful healer and hearing both the ups and the downs gives me hope.

 

Sick today, but hoping for better.

Peace2

[[No...]]

peace2 - welcome aboard.

 

Spent some time the last couple of days reading my symptom journals from the last 30 odd months. I would have to say that although the symptoms are all still hanging about, the intensity level is gradually dimishing. I have not felt the window / wave process. I use a 1 - 10 scale with 1 being low and 10 being 5-alarm chili. I am spending much more time in the 3 - 4 range and very little at 7 - 9.

 

And things are remarkably better than the 20 odd years I spent in tolerance withdrawal.

 

Time to put the journals back on the shelf and get on with the day to day stuff. For me, this process is turning into that old Zen adage "Chop wood, carry water".

 

Good healing everyone.

[[Co...]]

Peace2..jump on in and join the conversation.....I as well did what I thought was a long taper ( 6 month taper off of 1mg of ativan)...Like you, I thought I was hedging my bets against a long painful p/d. ....As you can see from the thread, we all thought things would be somewhat better by 6 months. ...I know we will all see the improvements we are hoping for in the coming months. Until then we are supporting each other through the second lap.

.....We will all get there...keep holding on Peace...5 1/2 months is huge....coop