6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

In another window and feeling more optimistic at 7.75 months. I have not felt windows like this since I got off. I am writing positive things in a hope of motivating others and my desire is that it is not become a downer either. I can tell you that one of the reasons that people may not stick around as they heal is that it is painful to hear what is happening to so many post 6 months. I think it is beneficial for some to write things that regard good. I know I am definitely healing and I hope I am out of the woods but I still get frequent short waves. God bless all of you and we are all healing!

 

Life

[[He...]]

Healing, I have the cortisol surges and morning anxiety too....for me the only thing that helps I'd to get up right away...have some protein ( even if I don't feel like eating) ...On really hard mornings I might take a Hylands Calm Forte homeopathic for anxiety.

.....It is a terrible feeling to wake up to...distraction also helps...it is impossible for me to go back to sleep so I just get up and do some quiet things.  Not very encouraging, but the best I have...

......hope this lifts for you Healing.....wishing you better mornings.....coop

Hi Coop,

I've heard quite a bit about the Hylands Calm Forte.  Does it make you sleepy, or just calm down the anxiety?  I'll try your recommendation of eating some protein right away.

Thanks!

[[Co...]]

Buelah and Nova....really sorry you are having tough times.  You are both further out than me. You both motivate me to keep going too. Not because you are all healed.  just the opposite...because you are not healed...and you haven't given up...

.......Nova I hope you feel better tomorrow ...hot bath soaks either epsome salts really help with body pain ..I use Teals Lavender Epsome Salts..a cup to a full bath...I am taking the same tac thatvyou describe...what ever it is..it is...it will give way to another day...

...Buelah...You are so close to one year...lead the way Mighty Girl...you are a hereo in my opinion

....wishing better days for all of us....coop

[[Co...]]

Healing....I have good luck with the Calm Forte It is subtle,  but effective. It works on my anxiety enough to take the edge of it down a notch. It doesn't make me sleepy like drugged sleepy, but it does induce some relaxation for sleep. I take one tablet and take a hot epsome salt bath with lavender before bed. The combination of the two helps me alot. But I wont lie...it doesn't do away with s/x.. just makes them more bearable. The Calm Forte is safe ( even children can take it). On bad days you can take it once or twice through the day and again at bedtime. Having said that...read the ingredients ( mostly lemon balm, passion flower, cammomile and some magnesium in standardized formula) to make sure there is nothing in them that you don't want. I am sensitive to everqything and I have had no problem at all. but everyone is different.

....Good luck Healing.  hope it helps if you give it a try.....coop

[[Co...]]

Life...So so happy to hear that the window is opening for you...thank you for posting that ...we all need it right now. I feel like I can keep it going if I know that even though it is dragging on slowly and I am not where I had hoped at 6 months...people are still holding on at 7-10 months in spite of waves and ongoing s/x.  Keep talking to us.  we need to borrow some of your sunshine.

.....Enjoy your window. You so deserve it.  coop

[[Gr...]]

Hey, Coop, and everybody.  We need to remember why we're doing this.  We want off this drug.  We want mental clarity and to be in touch with our feelings, not be numb zombies.  We want to be "present" for our loved ones, partners, children, grandchildren, and for ourselves.  In spite of all my awful s/x, I am mentally present like I haven't been for many years.  For the last 15 years my mind was dull and I was emotionally absent.  Pessimistic as I am the last couple of days, I still believe I will get better, I just don't like the timeline.

[[Co...]]

I am with ya Green, .. I just momentarily lost all perspective over the last wave.  I as well was not fully present while on ativan and it was actually causing some of the things it was prescribed to treat. ...

......I am finding it challenging to have a day or so of window and have it all go away. It is so helpful to hear that others are experiencing. ' 6 month battle fatigue ' .. Thank you Green for remindaing us of the reasons we want to be free of them.  I do believe that we all heal and I am re-constructing my perspective to get across the next 6 months. ...coop.

[[Co...]]

A note of positive. ....My s/x began to lift yesterday...not a window,  but a shift awY from the fear anxiety and existential intrusive thoughts of last week.

.....My sleep has improved, my hypochondria has become a whisper instead of 9 alarm bell ringing anxiety, my appetite is better, energy is improving. My last wave was one of the worst I have experienced, but I think I had a virus or a Meniers episode in the mix.  Meniers and w/d share a lot of s/x. ....

........I am very thankfully feeling better, but still spacey. and brain. dogged so giving myself permission. to be quiet and just puttsy around the house and gewgaws my patio garden finishedup

......Hope everyone is waking up to a better day this morning.....We have come half way. ...some of us more than halfway ...Next summer we will have our lives back completely...so onward we go.

[[Lo...]]

It seems like there are a bunch on here struggling in the 6 month range. I was definitely have a tough time at 6 months myself, and while it would be difficult to pinpoint an exact time when I "turned the corner," I'm feeling significantly better at 10 months. Just got out of a 2-week stretch that seemed to be a wave, but was not nearly as bad as they have been. In the last week I've been able to relax and enjoy things in a way that I haven't been able to do in almost 2 years. I still have plenty of things that are "not quite right," but just about all are much lesser versions of their former selves.

 

Good times are ahead for everyone, you just need to take it day by day...

[[je...]]

It seems like there are a bunch on here struggling in the 6 month range. I was definitely have a tough time at 6 months myself, and while it would be difficult to pinpoint an exact time when I "turned the corner," I'm feeling significantly better at 10 months. Just got out of a 2-week stretch that seemed to be a wave, but was not nearly as bad as they have been. In the last week I've been able to relax and enjoy things in a way that I haven't been able to do in almost 2 years. I still have plenty of things that are "not quite right," but just about all are much lesser versions of their former selves.

 

Good times are ahead for everyone, you just need to take it day by day...

 

 

Thank you losttime! this bring me much hope for the coming months

[[Ha...]]

I am also doing a tiny bit better today. I am hoping this wave is on the way out!! I sure hope month Ten is good for us all and that we are all looking forward to LIFE again!!!

 

Happy

[[fl...]]

Thank you, losttime.  Very encouraging post.  Come back if you have time!

[[li...]]

Hi All,

 

Writing to tell you that I am am still in a good window and feeling rather good as I write this. One thing that is becoming abundantly clear to me is that while I am in a window I sometimes worry about a wave and then I started processing the facts. I am almost 8 months out now and allot of the stressors that have been dogging me the past years are of very little importance right now or gone and no more. Here is one thing for a fact -- I call it the fallback position syndrome . The fallback position is the normal feelings we have when we are just hanging. I am convinced that part of my turning a corner is to challenge the anxious negative fallback position that I have had for over 2 years now - tolerance, taper and w/d. By doing so I realise that I have been feeling so bad for so many years that I have forgotten how to feel good. So in windows I keep reminding myslef that the waves made that fallback a reality but now that my w/d symptoms are lifting I no longer have to "believe" that I have to be miserable to feel normal. Sounds weird but challanging that notion has really helped me. I guess what I am saying is that part of the healing has to be CBT and we must try to distact ourselves and push ourselves. I find that I go into a waves when I start questioning the symptoms and stop asking things like "Why do I feel like this or that." I think I have entered more than one wave due to the fact that I what if'd my symptoms on more than one occasion.

 

I have decided to to write when I am feeling good as much as when I am feeling no so god so as to inspire BUT I must say that I think the temptation is to move on and not write when in a window. I think that is why we do not see that many people that publish their success stories. I pray to God for my healing and eh healing of all! Stay strong the sun will come out tomorrow!

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Life...you are so great....so happy to hear that your window is holding...It was just 10 days or do ago that you posted in a discouraging wave wondering if it would ever end.

....I agree with you very much...posting when we are feeling good is very important. It is so supportive of those who are in dispair to read that some are coming out of waves. It is more immediate and in the here and now than the success stories. It has been so reassuring to me to follow a buddie who is feeling hopeless on Monday and beginning to feel the wave lessen by Wed. or Sat. It helps us know that even though it feels like forever our waves do lighten up.I cling to the posts of my friends every day.

....Thank you for taking the time to come on and tell us that you are still feeling better...keep it going .. you have worked hard for it and deserve to have your life returning to you...coop

[[...]]

Hi All,

I hope someday I will have something positive to say about 11 months out. But for now, I'm still putting up with all the w/d symptoms., including anxiety, fear, frequent insomnia and head symptoms. I am at a stage that I don't even know how to describe my feeling. In a lot of ways, I am better, but the anxiety and fear keep changing with a different sensation every week. The bottom line is, I still feel sick. I still have windows, but only 70-75% and not more than a day.

Quite discouraged, I was hoping I would be better at 11 months. Well, onward I go again.

 

Ed C

[[Co...]]

I have a question for those of you on this thread...

......New fatigue....

.........During and since this last wave my fatigue is almost debilitating. Up until recently I would feel better after gftting up and taking my dog out, even after some insomnia. Now , for the last week or so I feel like I can barely stay out of bed...though I do feel today that this wave is beginning to lift ..except for the fatigue. I thought I may have had a virus and possibly that is sapping my energy....If anyone has thoughts about ongoing fatigue would you. post when you can?

.....hope everyone is having a better day...Nova how are you feeling today?...

...,              coop                                                             

 

[[je...]]

I am so sick today. Woke up fatigued, dizzy, extremely nauseous, benzo flu. Its bad, I haven't got off my couch much today. I have developed blood sugar issues, and last night I ate some cookies. I knew as soon as I did it-- big mistake! Massive adrenaline surges throughout my body, and now woke up to this. Anyone else have blood sugar issues? Jenny

[[...]]

Hi Jenny, yes I have fatigue on and off too. But if I have to choose between fatigue and anxiety/fear/insomnia, i would choose fatigue. Hope it goes away soon for you. Benzo flu is also one of the sx for me in the past two weeks. I wake up in the morning with an extreme runny nose and non-stop sneezing. It's almost like a water tap wide open in my nostril. It goes away after I take a hot shower. Really weird. Our brains must be busy doing something to correct themselves. Waiting game.

Take care.

 

Ed C

[[je...]]

Thanks for the reply Ed.. I'm starting to wonder if I have the flu or food poisoning as I just threw up twice... now I'm really scared. Benzo w/ d and being sick is not a good combo...

[[be...]]

Hey coop, it's the nature of benzo w/d... it will knock you flat on your butt one day with all kinds of symptoms and the next day not so bad. This w/d is so unpredictable. I had a very good three day window last week and thought it was healing and I was over the worst... I got so slammed on the fourth day, I could not get out of bed.

I get so tired of all of this I wanna scream everyday and all day. I want to climb to the top of a mountain and scream to God that I want my life back.

I'm also weak, just plain worn out.

 

Jenny, I'm sorry you are so sick. We have to keep holding on with everything we have in us.

I have been thru this before and I healed, this is a long painful process and we will make it.

 

((((hugs to all))))

[[Gr...]]

Thanks for the reply Ed.. I'm starting to wonder if I have the flu or food poisoning as I just threw up twice... now I'm really scared. Benzo w/ d and being sick is not a good combo...

 

Jenny, you might actually be sick.

 

And in early acute  I had horrible gastritis that caused me to throw up.  I hope you feel better.  I'm so sorry you're sick.  Please keep us posted if you can.

 

sue

[[No...]]

Good Evening Folks -

 

Had a bit of sleep, woke up with a bunch of anxiety, and other stuff. Moped about for a bit to see where things wanted to go. That got useless pretty fast. Decided to go grocery shopping, nice walk back and forth pulling my trolley. Part way home I recognized that it was a damn fine morning. I stood there for a bit, taking in the sensory stuff. Then said to my healing symptoms, "you guys go ahead and do your thing, but I am taking the day off from paying attention to you". Got home, had a good breakfast, puttered about some and then walked over to the library and back. Did my four hours of work. Made and had dinner with she who must be obeyed  and then got online here.

 

Yes, I am in a place of pretty dynamic symptoms for the past while. The most irritating one is blurry vision when I am trying to read posts or type a post  .

 

However, I think I am going to do more work on this idea of just letting the healing do its thing. I cannot effect how fast it is going anyway. And I think it is pretty much a waste of time to give it so much attention. I think it is more cheerful for me to pay more attention to what is going on around me.

 

I am not in charge of healing. It is doing a damn fine job on its own. I think I will work on getting out of my own way. Besides, I feel kind of relieved not thinking I am in charge.

 

A pretty good day all in all.

 

Great posts on this thread. 

 

Take care all. Good healing.

[[li...]]

beulah,

 

I know what you mean by the frustrating part of the w/d is the massive ups and downs. It's hard when one day you feel like up and another time you feel like down and so on. It gives new meaning to "emotionally unstable". The good news is that we have this site and understand that the issue is in the w/d not us. It is a very debilitating situation because it is so frustrating. I was wondering has there been any other studies done on benzo users that Dr. Ashton was not involved in? Every time we quote someone here we quote her studies. Have there been any other studies not done by her? Just wondering?

 

Peace!

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Buelah..  you are a voice of reassurance.. to have been through it before and knowing that you will heal is so encouraging to the rest of us. ....I am with you on wanting to scream ...each day is such an unknown.  If you got through this once before you will get through it again Buelah..and you are a strong voice of determination for the rest of us. ......

........Buelah...wishing you a better day tomorrow. ..coop

[[Ko...]]

Hi to all of you,

 

I too am in the middle of my 6th month and yes I thought I would be better by now.  Instead I got hit with a bad wave.  It seems to be easing a little now, well enough to write this post.  My main symptoms are physical. I have severe burning/Stinging on lowers legs and feet which keeps me awake at night so no sleep or very little.  Also, my Benzo belly is bad and actually swells up and then I feel like a vise is squeezing around my abdomen.  Add to that is the boaty effect where I feel totally out of balance.  Once in awhile I get cog fog but that's attributed to lack of sleep.  I usually sleep in the morning and only in 2 hr shifts.  Rarely sleep between 12am and 6am.  I can sleep when the burning skin eases.  The good news is I did experience a short window of 3hrs the night before last. I haven't had a window for 6 months.  It really felt great. I had forgotten what it's like to feel normal. Most of all it gave me hope that I am getting better.  I feel frustration and often times anger about my situation.  I always vow to myself that when I'm well I'm going to do something about this. I'm not sure what will work, but I will make it my life cause to help those who are suffering & prevent others from going through this Benzo hell.  I always say, if they can make these damn pills, surely they can make a pill to correct the damage they've done.

 

Coop, thanks for starting this thread.  Hope all of you have lots of windows on your way to healing.

 

Korbe