6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Nova! ...you are hilarious and REALLY creative....Billy Benzo and the Acute-niks..lol...now that is a support group title..That is the first time I have laughed all day...thank you friend.

...Well, I cleaned myself into anxious stupor....now I can't get off the bed due to fear...some days you just have to get too tired to care...I am just about there...and tomorrow is another day...

....thank you Nova for all that you are to us...wishing you healing healing healing...coop

[[Gr...]]

Nova! ...you are hilarious and REALLY creative....Billy Benzo and the Acute-niks..lol...now that is a support group title..That is the first time I have laughed all day...thank you friend.

...Well, I cleaned myself into anxious stupor....now I can't get off the bed due to fear...some days you just have to get too tired to care...I am just about there...and tomorrow is another day...

....thank you Nova for all that you are to us...wishing you healing healing healing...coop

 

That really is very funny

[[No...]]

Green ... that last big wave ... yes there was a silver lining ... I wrote a "Success Story" ... and I feel that gave me enough of a kick in the pants to recognize that I now had a new, or renewed, responsibility to myself ...

 

This may sound a bit "weird" ... and some folks may have heard this before ... it wasn't until last March or so that I actually owned that I was sick ... and started behaving like it ...

 

I had spent so long in the "fantasy land" of K, and learned to cope with it very well ... my belief was that I needed the drug and had to live with it ... so I coped ... or so I thought ... and it wasn't coping, it was just another version of survival ... the belief boiled down to I was damaged and I needed the drug to survive ...

 

Then along came Robert Whitaker and Anatomy of an Epidemic ... woke up enough to realize my primary "issue" was the drug ... and gathered enough resource to accept that I could get off the drug safely ... and here is another twist of poor thinking ... I wasn't sick ... the drug was the problem ...

 

So I did the taper ... 26 months ... and a bit of a "holiday" post taper ... then kaboom ... acute ...

 

And kept acting like I wasn't sick ... and not realizing that this attitude was making me sicker ... can't even remember now what brought me around to accepting I was sick ... maybe just one of those light bulbs going on ... and "being" sick was a true blessing ... tons of stress dropped away ...

 

And back a few weeks ago I recognized that I needed to let the "sick" persona go ... its usefulness had ended ... I needed to get out of the "mind set" that had served me well for a few months ... and Folks ... please, this is my story ... not giving advice here ....

 

So yes, there was a silver lining to my last big wave ... now I recognize myself as someone who is still sick within this healing process ... and so very much better than I had been for a very long time ... I suppose I call this "phase" of my journey "re-entry" ... maybe a better image might be "blooming" ...

 

Sorry for my long windedness again ...

 

[[Co...]]

Green...from the bottom of my heart and spirit...thank you. Yep...I had the nausea too...haven't had that for a long time....But Green, you were feeling sick...and out at nursing facility comforting your former husband...wonderful person you are...thank you for all the support today...onward we go..coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... it is pretty cool that we have so many "guardian angels" sharing this path we us ...

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... how are you doing ... its Friday ... have a good weekend ...

 

[[No...]]

Peace ... good to hear you "made it" to Friday ... enjoy your rest ...

 

BTW ... I sense there might be something to the DP-DR and vision thing ... don't know what I might be yet ... letting it percolate for a while and will wait and see what comes up ...

 

Rest easy ...

[[pe...]]

I never thought some of my symptoms would get worse or that I'd get new ones at 8 months off. I am suddenly feeling like there is a weight on my chest and like I can't breathe. My ears are also ringing louder than ever.

 

What is this?!?!?

Peace2

[[...]]

GMIT ... how are you doing ... its Friday ... have a good weekend ...

 

 

Nova! You sound so good!

 

I've been catching up on here, reading about everyone! So sorry to hear about the rough time that some are having and happy to hear about those who are doing better!

 

I am feeling really good! Staying pretty busy!

 

I had a doctors appointment several hours away, with my gastroenterologist, for my gastroparesis. I haven't seen her in quite some time, I kept postponing the appointment for not wanting to see another doctor...just trying to heal! I explained what I've been through, and she immediately said that it is so very hard to get off benzodiazapines. She knew and confirmed what we all know to be true!

 

I remained her that I was put on them for tinnitus and she was shocked and said how wrong that was!

 

I have another endoscopy scheduled for next month, and I fear the anesthesia, but benzos have been added to my list of allergies!

 

My husband and I have a patent pending for an invention and have been working on a prototype for another invention! Tomorrow we plan on going fishing on the coast again! We've been going every weekend for a while now!

 

Nova, your song is so funny! I read it to my daughter, cause I found it hilarious!

 

Everyone is healing! The improvements are there! I am praying for everyone!

 

:smitten:

[[No...]]

Peace ... could be you are very tired after a long stressful week ... and the stuff showing up is even harder now that you are tired ... and this may only be a bit of "release" ... can you relax into getting some rest ... some chamomile or a warm soak ...

[[Co...]]

Peace...hold tough MightyGirl...sounds like a temporary wave ..you are 8 months off..that is so incredible. It is so hard to accept that after month and months healing is not linear. So hard to believe that we are ok when our bodies are sending 911 panic telling us everything is dangerously wrong and our minds concieve images of every possible scary scenario. ...As you can see from all the posts today this is wave week. ...stinks....

....So sorry you are suffering...I hope you can get some rest and sleep. This will pass Peace and you will be back at your baseline or better. Every day you are closer. I remember when you came on the thread...frantic, scared and desperate...now you are navigating mean waves without searching high and low for a supplement or herbal that would ease the nightmare. ( I was right there with you ..hoping and wishing for something ' safe ' to ease the misery). You have come so far...we have all come so far. It shouldn't be this hard. ..Many of us experience intense but shorter waves later in year one...I hope this disappears for you with some rest and the weekend far from school... coop

[[mr...]]

GMIT,

 

I recently had a small procedure done using propofol as the sedative, and it was perfect with zero issues whatsoever I also let them know that I didn't want any benzodiazepine, and they said no problem!

 

My apologies for my quietness recently; I'm still reading but just not posting as frequently Lots of healing has manifested here, and lots of miracles occurring for me as well God is good! Looking forward to the future and many more improvements that are on their way also

 

Congrats to the newly One-Yearers!! This next year is the year you reclaim your life! "Reentry" begins for you! Hooray

 

Sending love to you all Mr and I are going to enjoy an intimate and quiet night together, out to eat and then relaxation time! Hooray for Friday Take care all,

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

GMIT,

 

I recently had a small procedure done using propofol as the sedative, and it was perfect with zero issues whatsoever I also let them know that I didn't want any benzodiazepine, and they said no problem!

 

My apologies for my quietness recently; I'm still reading but just not posting as frequently Lots of healing has manifested here, and lots of miracles occurring for me as well God is good! Looking forward to the future and many more improvements that are on their way also

 

Congrats to the newly One-Yearers!! This next year is the year you reclaim your life! "Reentry" begins for you! Hooray

 

Sending love to you all Mr and I are going to enjoy an intimate and quiet night together, out to eat and then relaxation time! Hooray for Friday Take care all,

 

Mrs.

 

Thanks Mrs!

 

I've been doing so great! I love hearing that you did fine!

 

Continue to be well!!

 

[[je...]]

So much going on here today-- I want to comment on everyone's post, but my memory is still bad. First off thank you to everyone for all the well wishes, I have tears in my eyes. You guys are the only ones who "get me" and have held my hand through the last 6 months, thank you again.

 

Life-- you are my jumping buddy and will not get left behind ever!

Peace-- I had new sx  pop up at 8 months not sure why it happens like this. I haven't had head pressure for months and now its back- none of it makes sense but it will go away soon.

Whoot-- the anxiety will go away, I had it bad and now its barely there. Hang in there!

Nova- you always make me smile - benzo Billy ha ha!

Green-- thank you for your kind words. You are brave and tough you will get through this wave and then your baseline will go up, I just know it!

Coop--your such a positive voice for all of us here, I know you will be in a better baseline very soon, I can hear the healing in your posts.

Gmit-- so glad to hear your doing well!

Gartin-- thank you for commending me, but trust me I complain plenty to my husband-- that poor man has put up with all my sx  this whole year!

 

Thank you all again for all the well wishes, jenny

[[pe...]]

Nova, Coop, Jenny,

I want you to meet me at the abby. The sun is out and just a few clouds cross the sky. You open the heavy wooden doors and silently we walk inside. There is a wall of windows with a sliding door right across the way. It leads out to a courtyard. It's a Japanese rock garden. There are four cups of tea steaming on a small table. We sit and drink the tea in silence. When the cups are empty we move further into the abby where more friends are waiting.

 

 

 

We had friends over for dinner tonight. I was trying to stay out of it, to stay up in my room, but I went down for the meal. One of my best friends, present at the dinner, is like a second father to my sons. He lost his own father to suicide three years ago. I remember it so vividly. Taking my sons to the park with him, standing by the swings when he told my husband the details. He knows my story, a bit but not all of the terrible thoughts I struggle with on an almost daily basis. And after the children left the table he asked me how I was. And I told him, about how somethings are better and some are still a struggle. Everyday. And he said in a hushed voice, steady serious eyes - good job -that you keep going.

I dropped my head to the table and just bawled. Because it's so hard and because my story hasn't ended. I'm still here and that's 'good.'

 

So, to all of you - good job -that you keep going. Tomorrow holds so much promise and we will get there.

Peace2

[[ga...]]

Got to keep going no matter how hard it is...that's the message taken.  There is NO alternative!  Yes, it is so trying at times. There are so many of us going through this and we're here to support one another.  That's such a great help.

 

 

[[je...]]

Peace- you have been so brave. We have to keep going, we are all gonna make it. Meet you at the Abby...

[[Gr...]]

Green ... that last big wave ... yes there was a silver lining ... I wrote a "Success Story" ... and I feel that gave me enough of a kick in the pants to recognize that I now had a new, or renewed, responsibility to myself ...

 

This may sound a bit "weird" ... and some folks may have heard this before ... it wasn't until last March or so that I actually owned that I was sick ... and started behaving like it ...

 

I had spent so long in the "fantasy land" of K, and learned to cope with it very well ... my belief was that I needed the drug and had to live with it ... so I coped ... or so I thought ... and it wasn't coping, it was just another version of survival ... the belief boiled down to I was damaged and I needed the drug to survive ...

 

Then along came Robert Whitaker and Anatomy of an Epidemic ... woke up enough to realize my primary "issue" was the drug ... and gathered enough resource to accept that I could get off the drug safely ... and here is another twist of poor thinking ... I wasn't sick ... the drug was the problem ...

 

So I did the taper ... 26 months ... and a bit of a "holiday" post taper ... then kaboom ... acute ...

 

And kept acting like I wasn't sick ... and not realizing that this attitude was making me sicker ... can't even remember now what brought me around to accepting I was sick ... maybe just one of those light bulbs going on ... and "being" sick was a true blessing ... tons of stress dropped away ...

 

And back a few weeks ago I recognized that I needed to let the "sick" persona go ... its usefulness had ended ... I needed to get out of the "mind set" that had served me well for a few months ... and Folks ... please, this is my story ... not giving advice here ....

 

So yes, there was a silver lining to my last big wave ... now I recognize myself as someone who is still sick within this healing process ... and so very much better than I had been for a very long time ... I suppose I call this "phase" of my journey "re-entry" ... maybe a better image might be "blooming" ...

 

Sorry for my long windedness again ...

 

 

Nova, I hear you, I absolutely get you.  I kind of got it when you first started writing about reentry, I knew that was important, but I wasn't ready.  This wave has gone on so long, but there is something that is getting "better"  even in the wave.  I'm not sure what it is.  I still feel down when sx are too intense, but something is different.  It's something to do with reclaiming my life, however imperfect it is right now, not considering myself sick, despite having sx.  It's hard to put into words. 

 

I knew when you went to that cabin in the woods for six days that was a major turning point for you.  You had reclaimed your life.  I figured you'd probably have a couple more waves -- all the "early" success stories do -- I guess that was when you turned the corner.  which is really the beginning of the end.

 

So I guess it's time to stop considering myself "sick."  It's funny, I never babied myself, never took sick days, but -- hate to admit this -- I've grown to cling to my symptoms, my illness.  I mean, they are horrible, and I don't want them anymore, but it's like growing attached to your chains, like the Byron poem, Prisoner of Chillon, or maybe being in jail so long it's hard to come out?

 

Now I'm going on and on...sorry.

Thank you so much.  You've given me something very interesting to chew on over the weekend

 

 

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Peace ... could be you are very tired after a long stressful week ... and the stuff showing up is even harder now that you are tired ... and this may only be a bit of "release" ... can you relax into getting some rest ... some chamomile or a warm soak ...

 

Peace,

Nova is right.  It's been a long stressful week.  Just breathe.  The yoga breaths  Maybe take a walk.

[[Gr...]]

GMIT,

 

I recently had a small procedure done using propofol as the sedative, and it was perfect with zero issues whatsoever I also let them know that I didn't want any benzodiazepine, and they said no problem!

 

My apologies for my quietness recently; I'm still reading but just not posting as frequently Lots of healing has manifested here, and lots of miracles occurring for me as well God is good! Looking forward to the future and many more improvements that are on their way also

 

Congrats to the newly One-Yearers!! This next year is the year you reclaim your life! "Reentry" begins for you! Hooray

 

Sending love to you all Mr and I are going to enjoy an intimate and quiet night together, out to eat and then relaxation time! Hooray for Friday Take care all,

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling better, lots of healing.  Enjoy your evening with the hubby.

 

Green

[[Gr...]]

Nova, Coop, Jenny,

I want you to meet me at the abby. The sun is out and just a few clouds cross the sky. You open the heavy wooden doors and silently we walk inside. There is a wall of windows with a sliding door right across the way. It leads out to a courtyard. It's a Japanese rock garden. There are four cups of tea steaming on a small table. We sit and drink the tea in silence. When the cups are empty we move further into the abby where more friends are waiting.

 

 

 

We had friends over for dinner tonight. I was trying to stay out of it, to stay up in my room, but I went down for the meal. One of my best friends, present at the dinner, is like a second father to my sons. He lost his own father to suicide three years ago. I remember it so vividly. Taking my sons to the park with him, standing by the swings when he told my husband the details. He knows my story, a bit but not all of the terrible thoughts I struggle with on an almost daily basis. And after the children left the table he asked me how I was. And I told him, about how somethings are better and some are still a struggle. Everyday. And he said in a hushed voice, steady serious eyes - good job -that you keep going.

I dropped my head to the table and just bawled. Because it's so hard and because my story hasn't ended. I'm still here and that's 'good.'

 

So, to all of you - good job -that you keep going. Tomorrow holds so much promise and we will get there.

Peace2

 

Peace, I'm so glad you went downstairs.  G-d speaks through people, that's how he gives us strength sometimes, he sends messages of hope through people, and that hope will sustain you through this very hard time.  Good.

[[Co...]]

Peace, yes...the Healing Abbey..some tea...some solitude with friends...some beauty...a gentle neck massage..a peaceful walk....yes.

...So sorry to hear of your friend's father...yes.." good job that we keep going on". I am glad that you could cry and release some of your difficult week.

...It is a long long walk...thank goodness we have one another.

..wishing you a peaceful restful weekend...coop

[[Co...]]

Green...I hear ya...and Nova...at some point we shift from incapacitated sick recoveringpeople who have been stunned senseless by a prescribed drug to aligning ourselves with an innate stirring to survive..like the little spring wild flowers that grow in the cracks of concrete. At some point we say to ourselves...no !matter what I have to live my life...I can not continue to merely endure and survive...I am taking myself back from the Benzo Beast. ..time to pick up myself s/x and all and live. I was feeling that before this last wave. Completely knocked off my feet by it...but my frame of mind is a little better tonight. I am taking my oldest grandson to see a movie tomorrow.. no matter what. I feel like I am starting at the beginning again...going out is an act of courage...again...but waiting for healing is taking way too long...and I am missing way too much...coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... had a good deep four hours of sleep ... refreshed ... nothing "buzzing about" right now ... and it was a very good day on the "Group" yesterday ...

 

"Support" ... we are learning, or as I believe, remembering, how to "be" in our lives ... the "Group" is one of the places where we give ourselves the opportunity to "practice" this remembering ...

 

"Flowers" and "Angels" ... the in breath and the out breath ... the precious and unique blossoming of our "being-ness" within this community of "messengers" ... we bring our "story" here and bless each other in its telling ...

 

"Healing" and "Time" ... and another "remembering" ... remembering what we have always known ... healing is a process that unfolds in time ... it is curious that "chronic" is from "Kronos" which is our ancestors word for the container, the vessel, that we experience as Time ... we are living and remembering what our culture has forgotten ... healing needs time to bring us to our wholeness during the trauma of recovery from the drug(s) ... they are in "partnership", the in breath and the out breath ...

 

Time is more than the calendar, it is the vessel that contains us, transports us, while we live this healing ...

 

Blessings to us all ...

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that something deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

 

e.e. cummings