6-12 month thread....

[[ga...]]

Life...Yes, makes sense to me.  We can't blame all sxs on w/d.  Certainly some are related.  I think since some of us do have inherent weaknesses in our makeup, such as being prone to anxiety, worry, negative thinking etc.  we have to find coping mechanisms.  CBT has taught many of us different techniques.  The book I'm reading now has lots of good ideas.  Never easy to put them to use in a productive manner, especially when feeling miserable.  I think encouraging each other to keep trying is the best we can do.. Giving up is not an option..even though we have times we feel like throwing in the towel.

[[wh...]]

Garton

Is the book good? I think I'll order it. maybe compare notes with you....lol

If I could stop thinking so much I could start living....but w/d makes my brain go a million miles a minute.....

[[No...]]

Jenny ... 

[[No...]]

Life ... 

[[No...]]

Coop ... ER or not ER ... think I heard that song ... wasn't that written by Benzo Billy and the Acute-niks ... they keep playing in on TS104 ... (TS ... Tinnitus Station) ...

 

Been strummin' the anxiety blues all day ... if you run out of housecleaning out West I could put you up for a few days and you could benzo-whip this place into shape ... lovely Fall colours here in about three weeks ...

 

Hang on Buddy, those better days they are a'comin' ...

 

[[Co...]]

Life....no way are you going to be " left behind" ....nobody is going to be left behind. ...You can definitely take that off your list of stressors...we are all getting to year one...and healing at whatever month ....TOGETHER....have a wonderful retreat....coop

[[No...]]

Green ... a three week wave ... had one of those not too long ago ... brutal ... the biggest hassle was not having a decent stretch of time to rest a little and re-group ... hard stuff ...

 

We will get finished with this stuff in a little while ... or maybe a little longer while ... just know we are going to get through it ...

 

Hope you have a good long weekend of relief ...

 

[[Gr...]]

Green, you are my voice of reassurance in this no man's land of crazy. Yes, long wave with very brief let ups. I am frantic today with anxiety and wild health fears triggered by head pressure and ear pressure. Trying my best to hold onto my mind. It is the level of...go to er go to er...but I have Benn through this so many times and it ends and in a window it is completely gone. I hate it that your wave is hanging on, but it reassures me so much that your wave mirrors mine....I want all of us to be so done. I took an Excedrin last night and woke up today feeling good...up one hour and a lot of head pressure.

.....Feel better Green...I keep reminding myself that Life just got out of a 6 week wave and is feeling better now. ...That will be us too Green....O am beginning to think that it is ALL acute....all the way through with simply windows of relief and it is only over when it is over...guess that's pretty negative....on a more positive note...yesterday I had a pretty good morning....a brief bad wave....and then out of the blue relief....OK this morning and now an intense wave of anxiety ( mini panic).....Guess this is what Nova calls "cycling"...

.....Hoping everyone is having a better day....coop

 

Coop, like you I woke up feeling a little better, and by dinner time it started getting heavy, head pressure, headache, nausea, sensitive to light, and now I'm super sensitive to odors, any odor, it's overwhelming.  Knock wood sleeping okay, so far.

 

It is reassuring to know we have the exact same symptoms, exact same time off, on opposite ends of the country.  That lets us know it's absolutely withdrawal.  I get the mini panic, too.

 

Coop, this is the big one before the miracle.  Remember Jaso19, that post I sent you where she said she was doing better, and then got hit in month 10 with a wave that was as bad as acute?  Remember she said it was all smooth sailing after that, and she never looked back?  That's going to be us.

 

And, yes, it's good news that Life's wave broke, very good news.

[[Gr...]]

whoot....I just spoke to my therapist yesterday and we've made the decision to forgo any kind of sleep aid.  The fact that I was able to sleep for 5 to 6 hours four nights straight a few weeks back is what convinced us to try this approach.  I have for years relied on some got of sleep aid and maybe now is the time to get off of everything.  She doesn't even want me to have a glass of wine, tart cherries, melatonin etc.  Anything to do with thinking about sleep will not be remotely considered.  If I can get this under control, maybe just maybe, it will alleviate the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. 

 

Started the process last night and got 4 1/2 hours of pretty sound sleep. Still bleary eyed today but feeling a little less anxious.  Maybe having something new to focus on will be the answer.  I will certainly keep you informed as the days go by.

 

As far as this being w/d or just who I am....still not certain of that answer.  I still hope as time goes on I find myself having more confidence to go on with life in healthier, happier more productive way.

 

Did you ever read TomNTexas's insomnia thread?  He's not on BB, but the post made the rounds.  It's a worthwhile read

[[Co...]]

I have been thinking about the 9-18 month thread idea dome more. I am wondering if we just want to stay as is until more of us are over the year one mark....aknd hope our buddies who have already crossed that magical mile post with stay with us for awhile to lend support and encouragement while the rest of us catch up...just a thought...

....Maybe in Jan when all of us are at or very very close to one year we could start a year 2 thread...just another thought. I just want us to stay together as much as possible.

...I am open to any suggestions....coop

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone!!

 

Today is Life4me and my 1 year anniversary and I really wanted to share with everyone how much better I am, not healed yet but sooo much better. When I jumped one year ago I thought it might take me 3 months to start feeling better but then 3 months came and I was still sick. I had not found BB yet so I was just getting bits and pieces of info off the internet. I decided to get a b-12 shot to help me feel better because I was still so sick at the time... well that shot sent me into acute I was devastated and desperate for help--how could I be this sick at 4 months out?? That's when I found BB and learned so much about this whole benzo w/d, it has literally saved my life. I thought I would go through the list of sx I had exactly one year ago and let you all know how much better it is.

 

Crying--I used to cry everyday for hours at a time, now I only cry when Im in a wave and not for hours.

 

Sleep--I was only getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now Im complaining that I only get 6

 

Negative thoughts--I would get these 24/7 which would just lead to more crying now I usually only get these in a wave or around my menstrual cycle.

 

Tinnitus--This used to be blaring loud and now I have to "tune in" to even hear it.

 

Benzo belly--One of my worst sx, I used to get IBS type of sx along with severe bloating--everything I ate would mess my stomach up. Now my bowels are healthy and normal, I can eat most foods. I suffer from mild bloating from time to time and that's it.

 

Ear pain/pressure-- I had this bad in month 8 now its completely gone

 

Agoraphobia--I could not leave my house 1 year ago, people and things just scared me--tons of fear. Now I can go anywhere with no problems I still have some social anxiety but I had that pre-benzo.

 

Nerve pain--Another one of my worst sx, it was very bad and painful in all my limbs--it would last for weeks with no let up. Now if I get nerve pain its very mild and only for a few days.

 

Bedridden--1 year ago I was bed ridden on most days, now I only get that way if Im in a bad wave.

 

Depression/anxiety--This sx has improved so much!! I only get depressed if Im in a wave and its more of a apathetic feeling now, not full blown depression. My anxiety is sooo much better I cant even put into words how bad it used to be, now I only get anxious if I have to do something social--but I was this way pre benzo I just think Im still a little sensitive to this area.

 

Irritability/rage--this was a bad one, its like I turned into someone that I did NOT want to be it really scared me. This is all gone now!

 

Im not healed yet, but as you can see things are so much better and I know they will continue to get better not just for me but for all of you too! Iam so happy that Coop started this thread and that we have all kind of gotten through these tough months together. I cherish every one of you, and Im so glad to have you all as my friends--the support you have given me is priceless. Im looking forward to 18 months!! Love you all, Jenny

Jenny, as I read this I felt very emotional, so happy for you, and remembering you from months ago.  You were always so supportive of everyone else, even though you were so sick, hardly ever complained.  Wow, just realized I'm speaking in the past tense.  Even though you have some healing left, this sure sounds like the outline for a success story, and I can't wait to read yours.

 

Sue

[[ga...]]

whoot...Just got started yesterday.  I truly believe that there is information you and I have heard in the past but this reaffirms it and I will take it to heart.  Hopefully, I can make good use of the suggestions Mr. Carlson offers.  I highly recommend it to those who are dealing with overactive minds and out of control thoughts.  Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson...ordered it on Amazon.  Hope you get it and would love to compare notes with you or anyone else who decides to give it a read.

[[ga...]]

I commend Jenny for showing such strength through difficult times and offering her supports to others suffering.  I am the probably one of the biggest whiners and complainers when suffering.  Just ask my wife!  I want to show more strength in adverse situations...Jenny has done that.  I truly admire those who show strength in the most difficult times.

[[pe...]]

I can't remember the last time I was this bad. I'm buzzing so badly I can't sleep. My ears are ringing loudly. I feel nauseous and hot. I can't sleep and that rarely happens. Anxiety and dr through the roof. I might get through the day if I can just sleep a bit. I feel so sick.

 

Hi Peace.  I'm so sorry.  It sounds bad. 

 

It's Friday.  All you have to do is get through the day.  I'm sending all my get-Peace-through-the-day energy out into the universe.  Hang on, girl.

Thanks, Greenice.

Somehow, I made it through the field trip and was able to drive myself home after work. I have taken to my bed.

I am sick and tired and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm hoping I feel better by Monday…

 

I think your healing vibes helped.

 

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

I am so happy for you Jenny and Coop and the gang! Yes this is my 1st year off this crap! I know that I have healed in every way.... I am feeling pretty good right now as I just arrived at my retreat and feeling good and excited. It is the closest thing to an intentional community I could find. Nice people.

 

I would like to celebrate more about my 1st year off but it is a bit melodramatic for me as I have these really big stresses that I am dealing with. Don't get me wrong.. I think quite frankly if it were not for these stresses I would call myself 90% healed by now. Due to the lack of CBT and the over stimulus I have to be a bit more reserved with my 1 year party! It is ok though as life is a journey and not a destination. I know that I will be healed and I know the worst is over in terms of W/d. Now, once I make it past theses few hurdles I will definitely call it healing!

 

In some ways I am feeling a bit sorry for myself  as I know that my stresses will take about 6 months to resolve themselves. I just hope that I can find it in myself to feel better even though these major life stresses are occurring. Honestly, I feel like all of you will heal and I will be left behind as I will not have resolution to these issues for about six months. :'( I am not wanting pity it just a feeling). That is why I feel a bit melodramatic to be honest. If it were not for these events I think I would be at 90%.

 

That is why I am at this retreat as I am trying to learn some good CBT's to deal with all these stresses. If I can do that then I will be writing a success story soon. God bless you all and thank you for all the support you have given me and others. You are a family.

 

In terms of the 9-18 month thread ... I will let you have the honors, Coop. You are such a beacon of hope in this whole process. I love you all!

 

Life

 

We love you, too, Life, and no one gets left behind.  You know we all feel that way when we're not doing well.  It's not true.  And, yes, we are a family, what in the world would we have done without each other?  Enjoy your retreat and bring home some good stress busting techniques. :smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Big congrats to all those hitting the one year mark!  Quite an accomplishment and hope things keep moving in the right direction. 

 

Sky...so sorry to hear you're having a rough time.  It's all part of the journey.  I am there with you.  The sleep has been my downfall and has caused the other sxs to surface.  Just muddling through it the best I can.  actually GOT 4 HOURS last night.  That's a positive but still feeling tired now at 5 a.m.

 

In talking with my wife yesterday she suggested that some of this is do to outside stressors and will resolve.  I believe that's part of it.  She also suggested that some of the anxiety and worry may be just me.  I have always been one who was prone to these traits.  Instead of beating myself up and being hard on myself just accept and work on these issues.  I believe she may be right and to constantly looking for these things to disappear is unrealistic.  They may not be sxs of w/d but just who I am.  After all, no one is perfect and life is learning how to cope with issues that bother us day to day.  I just need to find better ways to deal with those things that create anxiety in my life.  I am now reading the book, Stop Thinking Start Living, by Richard Coop.  Many good suggestions for becoming a happier person.  I highly recommend it...I think someone else hear mentioned it awhile back.

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful day ahead!  By the way, I like the 9 to 18 month thread idea.  More than happy to get it started.

 

Garton, she's right, some of it is outside stressors, and some of it is little weaknesses in our personalities that generally are manageable.  The problem is, in withdrawal, none of this is manageable.  But it will be, as we get better.

 

Sky, I don't know how you do it.  You're amazing, so much stronger than you know.  Hang in there.

 

You are 100% correct.. by 12 months plus I think we have to start looking at our own CBT skills and improving them. Not to say that w/d has nothing to do with it ... it does. We just get hit harder due to external stresses where it not for the w/d we woild handle it albeit with some anxiety it it were not w/d related. Make sense?

 

Life

 

Life, that makes total sense.  I'm seeing certain stress I have as old stress from when I was much younger, that I thought I had resolved, and now it's caving in on me.  Like I remember dealing with this before, years ago, and now I have to do it all over again post withdrawal.  Yes, sometimes we have to push a little, use techniques, and make new neuro pathways.  Remember one of your docs said that a long time ago, and you brought it here to the post?

[[No...]]

Coop ... the numbers on a thread may not be important ... we are a "family" here ... a very open family ... yes, many of us are around the same "benzo-age", and that does matter a bit ... if the "family" moves, I will tag along ... maybe if there is another thread we could leave the numbers off ...

 

Also, I am lazy ... if it ain't broke - don't fix it ...

[[Gr...]]

Coop ... ER or not ER ... think I heard that song ... wasn't that written by Benzo Billy and the Acute-niks ... they keep playing in on TS104 ... (TS ... Tinnitus Station) ...

 

Been strummin' the anxiety blues all day ... if you run out of housecleaning out West I could put you up for a few days and you could benzo-whip this place into shape ... lovely Fall colours here in about three weeks ...

 

Hang on Buddy, those better days they are a'comin' ...

 

 

Nova, I've got her first.  Then I'll drive her straight up to you

[[Co...]]

Green...thank you for that support...I continue to be a mess.. actually afraid to get off my bed this afternoon....how crazy is that!...health fears loud and persistent.

....Yes I do remember Jaso's post...I just think it won't happen for me...that I am going to be like this for months and months...even though I know its not true.

....So sorry for the negativity.....total pity party going on here...I know this could lift at any moment. The only thing that helps me is to literally not ' think '...to not think forward...or backward or even in the moment very much...just distract distract distract.

....I do believe we are going to return to our former selves and whatever s/x we didn't have before benzos we won't have after healing, because in a 100% window I do not have one bit of this...none of it and even my health concerns are completely different and sane. ...Green, just because my wave is hanging on into week 4 doesn't mean yours will too...it could end tonight for both of us....wishing you some peaceful rest ....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green ... a three week wave ... had one of those not too long ago ... brutal ... the biggest hassle was not having a decent stretch of time to rest a little and re-group ... hard stuff ...

 

We will get finished with this stuff in a little while ... or maybe a little longer while ... just know we are going to get through it ...

 

Hope you have a good long weekend of relief ...

 

 

Do you remember feeling much better after it was over?  Looking for a silver lining, lol

[[pe...]]

Jenny,

Your update is terrific and full of sparkle. I'm so glad you have seen so much healing in these 12 months. How wonderful to see it in print. Your healing is real and you're sounding good. I'm so happy for you and the boys. Enjoy!

 

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Glad to read this Jenny. 

[[pe...]]

Coop and Green,

I'm so sorry you're in this lengthy wave. I think about the ER too, Coop. But what could they do? Little more than keep me 'safe'. Which in some cases could be a lot. It's so important to be here posting, staying connected to each other when the waves roll in.

 

I value you both so much. There are better days ahead for each of you.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Nova...I am leaning in that same direction. We are functioning so great as a group . I agree....if it isn't broken leave it alone ....especially as we are group of beat up fragile  ' one day at a time' buddies....and my cognitive functioning right now doesn't allow for much processing beyond ..." get to the next hour"....

...We are a wonderful family of buddies...lifting each other up and shining a light for those going our way.....can't really mess with that....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green...thank you for that support...I continue to be a mess.. actually afraid to get off my bed this afternoon....how crazy is that!...health fears loud and persistent.

....Yes I do remember Jaso's post...I just think it won't happen for me...that I am going to be like this for months and months...even though I know its not true.

....So sorry for the negativity.....total pity party going on here...I know this could lift at any moment. The only thing that helps me is to literally not ' think '...to not think forward...or backward or even in the moment very much...just distract distract distract.

....I do believe we are going to return to our former selves and whatever s/x we didn't have before benzos we won't have after healing, because in a 100% window I do not have one bit of this...none of it and even my health concerns are completely different and sane. ...Green, just because my wave is hanging on into week 4 doesn't mean yours will too...it could end tonight for both of us....wishing you some peaceful rest ....coop

 

Coop, don't you ever think you're feeling sorry for yourself.  I was driving home from the nursing home today, got hit with some heavy head pressure, nausea, thought I was going to throw up in the car, the whole band was playing, you know what I mean, and I was thinking, if people could feel this just for an hour, a day, anybody would be horrified and shocked.  And then to go through it for months, years.  count the time we were in tolerance, having medical problems from being on the drug, sick for so many years.  Then count the time to taper.  Then count the time for withdrawal.  We've been dealing with this for years.  And it's very very hard.  And nobody understands how hard.  We don't get validation.  We can't explain to people, oh, I feel really bad because I have cancer, or I'm diabetic.  We're invisible.  And if we get that doctor who understands, the answer is, yes, I know what that is, but there's nothing to be done, just go home.  And what? 

 

So you have as many pity parties as you like.  This is hard, hard stuff.  And we've all had to be unbelievably brave and strong.

 

We're going to get better.  We're going to have chocolate and latte, or some kind of mocha, and we'll chat and laugh about that awful wave we had in month 10.