6-12 month thread....

[[al...]]

Hi, Huge congratulations to those on or near the one year mark. I also want to send my support and compassion to those currently suffering - this is such a long road. I am starting month six and I am wondering if any of you feel like you have made some progress or are maybe able to bear it a little better now that you have six months in the bank.  I feel like if I can get this far, I can bear the next 6-18 months. Just wondering what you folks feel about the process (good or bad) in general, now that you have come this far. Thanks. ~ Allie

[[No...]]

Allie ... hi ... well 11 months out for me ... 2 things ... the process sucks ... and this is a wonderful thing I am doing for myself ... and I have made a great amount of progress ... can't measure it by how I feel day to day ... rather, I look at what I have gotten back and the quality of life I can look forward to after the drug ...

 

Yes, for some it is a long road ... we just keep moving along ... getting by as best we can ...

 

Stick around if you can ... this is a wonderful group ...

[[No...]]

Good Morning Folks ... woke up in the middle of the night with this anxiety in the middle of my chest ... percolating and burbling along ... haven't had this much of an "anxiety rush" in a while ... the up side ... no head pressure and no throat "strangulation" ... oh well ... you go to the "benzo pot luck" and you never know what you will find ...

 

Kinda' "schizo" today ... laughing at the anxiety ... a little down the summer didn't bring "more" ... grateful for what I have accomplished ... the season is changing ... and so are we all ...

 

Have a good Friday ...

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Garton ... for me "thinking" is okay is small doses ... getting lost in my forest of thoughts is not very productive ... "living" seems to offer more of those wonderful, goofy "aha" kind of moments ...

 

Also, more laughter in living than thinking ... I believe we need to find ways to smile at and with ourselves during this process ... it seems to give a little respite oftentimes ...

[[ga...]]

Nova...you are so right.  I wish I could muster up more laughter and smiling.  Good for the soul and for that matter ones health.  That has been so hard for me as I tend to get so wrapped up in "me" and "my thoughts".  That's another great thing about this board.  It allows us to get away from the it's all about "me".  I think it is great to have compassion for others and what their dealing with...rather than the focus on what ales me day in and day out. 

[[No...]]

Garton ... yep ... even though this process is indeed "all about me" ... "I" also extend into my community of relationships ... and it is indeed damn hard sometimes to stay "connected" with that community in a gracious and beneficial way ...

 

Oh well ... we are getting better and working on our stuff ...

[[Co...]]

Nova...yep...benzo pot luck...so glad to hear that you'd head pressure let up.  Sorry about the middle of the night anxiety. My head/ear pressure and I trusive health fears are my remaining s/x at month 10.5.  But...they are doozies and persistant. Distraction is the only thing that helps me. No head pressure or ear pressure when I woke up but after being up a little while...its all back for breakfast...so I will be cleaning my house x6 today to stay busy and distracted. ....So glad to see you Nova...you always have such a grounded perspective...and humor ...and wisedom...you are such a help to us....wishing you healing all the way....love to you.....coop

[[Gr...]]

I can't remember the last time I was this bad. I'm buzzing so badly I can't sleep. My ears are ringing loudly. I feel nauseous and hot. I can't sleep and that rarely happens. Anxiety and dr through the roof. I might get through the day if I can just sleep a bit. I feel so sick.

 

Hi Peace.  I'm so sorry.  It sounds bad. 

 

It's Friday.  All you have to do is get through the day.  I'm sending all my get-Peace-through-the-day energy out into the universe.  Hang on, girl.

[[Gr...]]

Big congrats to all those hitting the one year mark!  Quite an accomplishment and hope things keep moving in the right direction. 

 

Sky...so sorry to hear you're having a rough time.  It's all part of the journey.  I am there with you.  The sleep has been my downfall and has caused the other sxs to surface.  Just muddling through it the best I can.  actually GOT 4 HOURS last night.  That's a positive but still feeling tired now at 5 a.m.

 

In talking with my wife yesterday she suggested that some of this is do to outside stressors and will resolve.  I believe that's part of it.  She also suggested that some of the anxiety and worry may be just me.  I have always been one who was prone to these traits.  Instead of beating myself up and being hard on myself just accept and work on these issues.  I believe she may be right and to constantly looking for these things to disappear is unrealistic.  They may not be sxs of w/d but just who I am.  After all, no one is perfect and life is learning how to cope with issues that bother us day to day.  I just need to find better ways to deal with those things that create anxiety in my life.  I am now reading the book, Stop Thinking Start Living, by Richard Coop.  Many good suggestions for becoming a happier person.  I highly recommend it...I think someone else hear mentioned it awhile back.

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful day ahead!  By the way, I like the 9 to 18 month thread idea.  More than happy to get it started.

 

Garton, she's right, some of it is outside stressors, and some of it is little weaknesses in our personalities that generally are manageable.  The problem is, in withdrawal, none of this is manageable.  But it will be, as we get better.

 

Sky, I don't know how you do it.  You're amazing, so much stronger than you know.  Hang in there.

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning Folks ... woke up in the middle of the night with this anxiety in the middle of my chest ... percolating and burbling along ... haven't had this much of an "anxiety rush" in a while ... the up side ... no head pressure and no throat "strangulation" ... oh well ... you go to the "benzo pot luck" and you never know what you will find ...

 

Kinda' "schizo" today ... laughing at the anxiety ... a little down the summer didn't bring "more" ... grateful for what I have accomplished ... the season is changing ... and so are we all ...

 

Have a good Friday ...

 

 

I know, Nova, the anxiety is recycling for me, too.  I get kind of outraged by it, like, oh, no, you don't.  I'm going to be positive and say I don't think it's going to pick up any steam or have any staying power.  And yes, the season is changing.  It's beautiful and hopefully we can all enjoy it at least a little bit

[[Gr...]]

Nova...yep...benzo pot luck...so glad to hear that you'd head pressure let up.  Sorry about the middle of the night anxiety. My head/ear pressure and I trusive health fears are my remaining s/x at month 10.5.  But...they are doozies and persistant. Distraction is the only thing that helps me. No head pressure or ear pressure when I woke up but after being up a little while...its all back for breakfast...so I will be cleaning my house x6 today to stay busy and distracted. ....So glad to see you Nova...you always have such a grounded perspective...and humor ...and wisedom...you are such a help to us....wishing you healing all the way....love to you.....coop

 

Coop, I just wish my symptoms caused me to clean the house.  I know the head pressure has been your worst.  This wave has been unbelievably long.  The breaks are very brief, not enough time to regroup.  Feel better, dear Coop.  Let's hope this winds down pretty soon.  It can't last forever.  Although it's close to a month for you now, and I'm pushing three weeks.

[[Gr...]]

Hi, Huge congratulations to those on or near the one year mark. I also want to send my support and compassion to those currently suffering - this is such a long road. I am starting month six and I am wondering if any of you feel like you have made some progress or are maybe able to bear it a little better now that you have six months in the bank.  I feel like if I can get this far, I can bear the next 6-18 months. Just wondering what you folks feel about the process (good or bad) in general, now that you have come this far. Thanks. ~ Allie

 

Allison, there has absolutely been progress.  I've gotten some doozy waves since month 6, but after each one my baseline is much better, every time.  It's the healing process. There is frustration with the slowness of the process, so I frequently have to remind myself how strong I am to have gotten off of these pills that were destroying my health and many aspects of my life.  And to know that I'm going to stay off, that even through the tough waves I have the support of people on this site, and I'm going to make it to the other side.  And so are you.  One day at a time. 

[[wh...]]

Hi everyone;

Let me know where you all end up. I am quite a ways behind you but relate more to you guys then other areas.  I guess if I add in the two years of interdose withdrawal I may be closer to where you are than I think.

I hope you feel better Peace; It's amazing how you work with all this....kudos to you.  Feel better Sky.  You guys are all so strong.

I'm better today except for tight chest, solar plexus; anxiety, fear.......more manageable though.

Garton:  I know some of it is just our character but this w/d amps it up so much that normal anxiety control measures etc aren't enough but they do help I've found.

Magnesium has sure helped with my sleep as well as Biogetica's Manomitram tablets it's Ayurvedic medicine and doesn't seem to affect me in a bad way like other products have.

Have a great day guys.

[[ga...]]

whoot....I just spoke to my therapist yesterday and we've made the decision to forgo any kind of sleep aid.  The fact that I was able to sleep for 5 to 6 hours four nights straight a few weeks back is what convinced us to try this approach.  I have for years relied on some got of sleep aid and maybe now is the time to get off of everything.  She doesn't even want me to have a glass of wine, tart cherries, melatonin etc.  Anything to do with thinking about sleep will not be remotely considered.  If I can get this under control, maybe just maybe, it will alleviate the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. 

 

Started the process last night and got 4 1/2 hours of pretty sound sleep. Still bleary eyed today but feeling a little less anxious.  Maybe having something new to focus on will be the answer.  I will certainly keep you informed as the days go by.

 

As far as this being w/d or just who I am....still not certain of that answer.  I still hope as time goes on I find myself having more confidence to go on with life in healthier, happier more productive way.

[[Co...]]

Green, you are my voice of reassurance in this no man's land of crazy. Yes, long wave with very brief let ups. I am frantic today with anxiety and wild health fears triggered by head pressure and ear pressure. Trying my best to hold onto my mind. It is the level of...go to er go to er...but I have Benn through this so many times and it ends and in a window it is completely gone. I hate it that your wave is hanging on, but it reassures me so much that your wave mirrors mine....I want all of us to be so done. I took an Excedrin last night and woke up today feeling good...up one hour and a lot of head pressure.

.....Feel better Green...I keep reminding myself that Life just got out of a 6 week wave and is feeling better now. ...That will be us too Green....O am beginning to think that it is ALL acute....all the way through with simply windows of relief and it is only over when it is over...guess that's pretty negative....on a more positive note...yesterday I had a pretty good morning....a brief bad wave....and then out of the blue relief....OK this morning and now an intense wave of anxiety ( mini panic).....Guess this is what Nova calls "cycling"...

.....Hoping everyone is having a better day....coop

[[wh...]]

Garton

I'm glad you feel better; sleep sure helps.

Even good things like getting together with your family can be stressful with all this I know.

It is best to sleep without any aid just like we used to....I was a great sleeper ...lol

I will be again.  I wake up usually twice per night but I rarely get the outright panic and fear I used to upon waking.  Just horrible.

Dreams are not so vivid and disturbing which helps.  We are getting there.....slowly.

Take care buddy.  Have a good day

Thank you for your support.....I hope I can help you as well.

[[je...]]

Hi Everyone!!

 

Today is Life4me and my 1 year anniversary and I really wanted to share with everyone how much better I am, not healed yet but sooo much better. When I jumped one year ago I thought it might take me 3 months to start feeling better but then 3 months came and I was still sick. I had not found BB yet so I was just getting bits and pieces of info off the internet. I decided to get a b-12 shot to help me feel better because I was still so sick at the time... well that shot sent me into acute I was devastated and desperate for help--how could I be this sick at 4 months out?? That's when I found BB and learned so much about this whole benzo w/d, it has literally saved my life. I thought I would go through the list of sx I had exactly one year ago and let you all know how much better it is.

 

Crying--I used to cry everyday for hours at a time, now I only cry when Im in a wave and not for hours.

 

Sleep--I was only getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now Im complaining that I only get 6

 

Negative thoughts--I would get these 24/7 which would just lead to more crying now I usually only get these in a wave or around my menstrual cycle.

 

Tinnitus--This used to be blaring loud and now I have to "tune in" to even hear it.

 

Benzo belly--One of my worst sx, I used to get IBS type of sx along with severe bloating--everything I ate would mess my stomach up. Now my bowels are healthy and normal, I can eat most foods. I suffer from mild bloating from time to time and that's it.

 

Ear pain/pressure-- I had this bad in month 8 now its completely gone

 

Agoraphobia--I could not leave my house 1 year ago, people and things just scared me--tons of fear. Now I can go anywhere with no problems I still have some social anxiety but I had that pre-benzo.

 

Nerve pain--Another one of my worst sx, it was very bad and painful in all my limbs--it would last for weeks with no let up. Now if I get nerve pain its very mild and only for a few days.

 

Bedridden--1 year ago I was bed ridden on most days, now I only get that way if Im in a bad wave.

 

Depression/anxiety--This sx has improved so much!! I only get depressed if Im in a wave and its more of a apathetic feeling now, not full blown depression. My anxiety is sooo much better I cant even put into words how bad it used to be, now I only get anxious if I have to do something social--but I was this way pre benzo I just think Im still a little sensitive to this area.

 

Irritability/rage--this was a bad one, its like I turned into someone that I did NOT want to be it really scared me. This is all gone now!

 

Im not healed yet, but as you can see things are so much better and I know they will continue to get better not just for me but for all of you too! Iam so happy that Coop started this thread and that we have all kind of gotten through these tough months together. I cherish every one of you, and Im so glad to have you all as my friends--the support you have given me is priceless. Im looking forward to 18 months!! Love you all, Jenny

[[ga...]]

whoot...Just know I am one of many here to offer support whenever you need it.  I very much appreciate all the positive comments you've sent my way.  Let's just keep plugging along.  Slow progress is better than nothing.  It will still be a wild roller coaster ride.

[[ga...]]

Jenny...Just amazed at the amount of sxs and the improvement you've had over the past 12 months. Bravo   You've come so far and will continue to improve in the months ahead.  You suffered from some miserable sxs.  I guess I should feel quite lucky that my issues seems minor in comparison.  I was fortunate to not have the physical sxs.  It seems so many of us still have the insomnia issues. Your 6 hours sounds GREAT to me.  Keep it up....we're all here to support you and will continue to be...hopefully on a new 9 to 18 month thread.

[[Co...]]

Jenny....CONGRATULATIONS !!! ..So So Happy for you....Wishing you continued good healing and a joyful year 2....you are headed straight for 100% healing

....Your post is so very encouraging for all of us coming along behind you. Please stay with us ...we so need to follow our buddies who are in the home stretch.

......Sending you chocolate red wine and the 'Happy' song by Pherell...

...love to you Jenny.....coop

[[Sk...]]

Jenny, congratulations !

 

I really needed to read your post today, thanks so much for sharing.

 

Jenny, these last days I have been wondering how much difference 12 months will make for me. And the conclusion I reached was that, it would not make that much of a difference.  Then your post sent some sunshine my way.

 

Garton, so glad to hear your sleep is improving a little. It is a huge step and it  will make all the difference. Glad to read your post, it really meant a lot.

 

I am speechless about how my day was. Wd is still able to do this, apparently. It kept me from the boards. Luckily things are better enough for me to be reading these beautiful posts.

 

Coming back to sunshine, I think I would have suffered less in these last days if the weather had been sunny. So now, I am going to add the weather to my list of complaints! 

[[li...]]

I am so happy for you Jenny and Coop and the gang! Yes this is my 1st year off this crap! I know that I have healed in every way.... I am feeling pretty good right now as I just arrived at my retreat and feeling good and excited. It is the closest thing to an intentional community I could find. Nice people.

 

I would like to celebrate more about my 1st year off but it is a bit melodramatic for me as I have these really big stresses that I am dealing with. Don't get me wrong.. I think quite frankly if it were not for these stresses I would call myself 90% healed by now. Due to the lack of CBT and the over stimulus I have to be a bit more reserved with my 1 year party! It is ok though as life is a journey and not a destination. I know that I will be healed and I know the worst is over in terms of W/d. Now, once I make it past theses few hurdles I will definitely call it healing!

 

In some ways I am feeling a bit sorry for myself  as I know that my stresses will take about 6 months to resolve themselves. I just hope that I can find it in myself to feel better even though these major life stresses are occurring. Honestly, I feel like all of you will heal and I will be left behind as I will not have resolution to these issues for about six months. :'( I am not wanting pity it just a feeling). That is why I feel a bit melodramatic to be honest. If it were not for these events I think I would be at 90%.

 

That is why I am at this retreat as I am trying to learn some good CBT's to deal with all these stresses. If I can do that then I will be writing a success story soon. God bless you all and thank you for all the support you have given me and others. You are a family.

 

In terms of the 9-18 month thread ... I will let you have the honors, Coop. You are such a beacon of hope in this whole process. I love you all!

 

Life

[[li...]]

Big congrats to all those hitting the one year mark!  Quite an accomplishment and hope things keep moving in the right direction. 

 

Sky...so sorry to hear you're having a rough time.  It's all part of the journey.  I am there with you.  The sleep has been my downfall and has caused the other sxs to surface.  Just muddling through it the best I can.  actually GOT 4 HOURS last night.  That's a positive but still feeling tired now at 5 a.m.

 

In talking with my wife yesterday she suggested that some of this is do to outside stressors and will resolve.  I believe that's part of it.  She also suggested that some of the anxiety and worry may be just me.  I have always been one who was prone to these traits.  Instead of beating myself up and being hard on myself just accept and work on these issues.  I believe she may be right and to constantly looking for these things to disappear is unrealistic.  They may not be sxs of w/d but just who I am.  After all, no one is perfect and life is learning how to cope with issues that bother us day to day.  I just need to find better ways to deal with those things that create anxiety in my life.  I am now reading the book, Stop Thinking Start Living, by Richard Coop.  Many good suggestions for becoming a happier person.  I highly recommend it...I think someone else hear mentioned it awhile back.

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful day ahead!  By the way, I like the 9 to 18 month thread idea.  More than happy to get it started.

 

Garton, she's right, some of it is outside stressors, and some of it is little weaknesses in our personalities that generally are manageable.  The problem is, in withdrawal, none of this is manageable.  But it will be, as we get better.

 

Sky, I don't know how you do it.  You're amazing, so much stronger than you know.  Hang in there.

 

You are 100% correct.. by 12 months plus I think we have to start looking at our own CBT skills and improving them. Not to say that w/d has nothing to do with it ... it does. We just get hit harder due to external stresses where it not for the w/d we woild handle it albeit with some anxiety it it were not w/d related. Make sense?

 

Life

[[wh...]]

thank you Jenny....congratulations!!! very happy for you

and to be honest a tad bit jealous.... :-[that is an emotion I've become familiar with through all this hell.

so encouraging to hear this thank you for taking the time.

 

 

 

[[wh...]]

Garton;  You are right. Let's just keep it up.

I wanted to ask you guys; was your anxiety relentless.  No matter how hard I try to enjoy the moment and just relax; those intrusive thoughts just won't stop. Here's one:  "you're gonna stop breathing"  or the old "you're gonna faint".  Even weirder ones too.

I hope this is not me but just withdrawal because I want to enjoy my life again.  As we all do.  It's hard to connect to others when while you are talking to them you feel like you can't breathe or your heart is going to beat out of your chest.

I think you guys understand.