Spunky has the last word!!!

[[Te...]]

Thank you, Cindy, for your update. I love reading success stories, and yours is amazing!

[[ca...]]

Dear Cindy,

 

I come back here often and read your success story.

I just wanted you to know that your success is feeding me to continue on this long hard journey.

Thank you so much for coming back and helping those behind you.

You are a success and a true angel for coming back to encourage those of us still struggling.

 

Love and healing,

Causing

[[Sp...]]

Causing- It truly shall pass!! I promise you. You are several months behind me but I know I will be reading your story here soon. Everyday you are closer to this becoming a distant memory. Some buddies have pm'd for more detailed information and going back to access that is getting harder and harder for me. It's like it triggers a memory now but the emotional connection to those memories is fading, if that makes sense. I have been dealing with some family issues currently and have chosen to keep my distance rather than get into the the thick of it so as not to risk my health again. I value it so much more after losing it. I have been practicing yoga for several months and will be having a private lesson this afternoon. I am being proactive about things now and I have put myself and taking care of my health in the front of the line, ok maybe one or two back from the front, for the first time in my almost 49 years here. Being a caregiver by nature is a hard role in life. Anyway I digress, I am grateful once again to be able to come back and bring hope. But just know the truth in my story will be your truth soon. Cindy

[[Ga...]]

Congratulations on your recovery.  Your story, your honesty, your sharing all you have and are experiencing through this horrific journey has touched my heart.  Thank you for keeping us updated on your recovery, it means so much.  My main sxs are crying all day long, anxiety, muscle shakes, insomnia.  Loud ear ringing.  But it's the mental fears, what if thoughts and loss if hope that is the hardest for me.  I'm a short term user that trusted a doctor and a pill.  I really was so sure I would be healed way before this and was told that by two doctors.  A story very familiar to us all I'm sure.

I wish I could get a grip on acceptance, be more positive but at least when I read a success story like yours, dear lady, I can hope.

Thank you, again, and God bless you and your family.  Continued good health. 

Galea

[[Sp...]]

The fear is crippling but when it leaves you will feel reborn. I cried so much for so many months I almost feel like that caused some issues itself with unbalanced electrolytes. The doctors that prescribe this should all have to be subjected to the fallout in my mind. The healing process is long but you will come away so much stronger. Your personal scar tissue will be tougher and it goes without saying we are ALL so much wiser because of this!

[[Fr...]]

Hi again Cindy,

 

Someone on another thread here somewhere said that you have a You Tube video posting.  Is that true? I tried but can't find it.  Thanks.

[[Sp...]]

Yes I do.

I hope this will get you to it.

[[Fr...]]

Cindy - thanks for posting your link.  I watched your You Tube video last night and really appreciate the thought and time you put into making it.  I got a lot out of it and feel very hopeful.  Thanks for reaching out and offering hope to so many people who are struggling.  Everything about your story is amazing.  May God continue to watch over you and your family and bless your lives. 

[[Sp...]]

freeofV - you are welcome. It's funny how long ago that seems to me and it hasn't even been a year. I need to do another one soon because of the step change that has come about since then even. Thank-you so much your your kind wishes and good luck to you as you heal. Cindy

[[Ma...]]

Cindy - I want to thank you for remaining engaged in posting on this site. I can imagine that after one heals from the horrid withdrawal experience, there is probably an inclination to move forward and not "relive" the experience by continuing to post here.  Your comments have provided much needed hope to those of us who continue to progress through this trying experience.  I admire your courage, tenacity and continued loving interest in your fellow human beings.  The world is a much better place because of people like you. Keep up the good work and I would love to see a new video.  Your current video is a blessing - I was sorry to hear that your first had an adverse impact on your life, though it seems it was temporary.

Again, thank you for your contributions,

Marc

[[Ca...]]

The fear is crippling but when it leaves you will feel reborn.

 

 

Thank you for this quote Cindy. When I woke with the ugly morning fear today I thought of you and chanted this sentence over and over. The deep wound benzos create can feel permanent...your words help me believe it is not.

With gratitude,

Carita

[[Sp...]]

markymarc- Feeling blessed to be where I am and so happy to offer hope to everyone who is on there way here! Carita - The day your morning fear leaves you will want to shout from the rooftops! You are in my thoughts! Cindy

[[mi...]]

hi "Spunky has the last word""...You cannot imagine how inspirational you are to me!!  I have been hanging onto every word & almost have tears in my eyes for HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU!! You don't have courage ole gal...you have G U T S...that ole fashioned word for the ability to charge on in the face of difficulty. Your words will help others to believe they will make. Signing off, MissyOne...5 months benzo free & counting..

[[Sp...]]

missyone-what a great way to start my morning. Thank-YOU so much for your kind words! Looking back and remembering the paralyzing fear that gripped me head to toe during so many months it's hard to feel like I had or have GUTS! But that is exactly what it takes to make it through and so I must and so must you all! I didn't break, mind, spirit or body. I thought I would. I think that was my worst fear, but I grew instead. I now know what the phrase "growing pains" means. Truly I fear nothing now! You are in my thoughts and I wish you an easy yet growth filled journey.

[[Wo...]]

Wow Spunky

 

This is an amazing success story, this is exactly what we all hope to write some day soon, like you I was a short term benzo user and im now in my 17 month off with no end in sight, your story is just what we all need to hear. bless you..

 

Did you suffer from DP, DR, Disassociation, Disconnection and confusion????, these are my current and worst symptoms to date!!!!!

 

I saw a Neuro yesterday (my 5th since this began) who is now the first to validate benzo withdrawal, she said for those who suffer this syndrome you should allow 2 years for full recovery, looks like her timeline was about right for you.

 

Enjoy your new life and cherish everyday.

 

Best Wishes

 

Woofs

[[Sp...]]

Woofs- I did suffer from all of the neuro/cognitive issues you mention. It's weird but I was just remembering this morning about a time very early on maybe just days or weeks off where i was looking in a mirror and saw myself and a deer blended it didn't last but that was the only time I felt like I might lose touch with reality. My brain fog etc has been gone for months. I am kicking my husband's ass in Scrabble once again and enjoying my daily Sudoku. I just came in from my garden and feel so blessed to be feeling achy from doing something I love. I hope you are doing better since you wrote this in Feb. You are in my thoughts. Cindy

[[ca...]]

Dear Spunky,

 

Thank you so much for coming back and continuing to encourage those of us behind you…

Your words of encouragement nourish me when I am suffering.

You are one of the reasons I am going to make it through this.

 

Thank you so much for all you do.

Much love and continued healing,

Causing

 

[[Wo...]]

Woofs- I did suffer from all of the neuro/cognitive issues you mention. It's weird but I was just remembering this morning about a time very early on maybe just days or weeks off where i was looking in a mirror and saw myself and a deer blended it didn't last but that was the only time I felt like I might lose touch with reality. My brain fog etc has been gone for months. I am kicking my husband's ass in Scrabble once again and enjoying my daily Sudoku. I just came in from my garden and feel so blessed to be feeling achy from doing something I love. I hope you are doing better since you wrote this in Feb. You are in my thoughts. Cindy

 

Thank you Spunky

 

I am afraid im worse than I was at 15th months, I keep thinking it cant get any worse but slowly each month it does, year 1 off was pure intense hell as I could not understand what was happening me but year 2 is by far so much worse, I don't know if its the overall duration of constant suffering but everyday I do not want to wake up from the little sleep I get.. I pray to not wake up, and the sad thing is before this I loved life more than anything, every day was an adventure, I saw life as a precious gift and I was glad to be part of it, I never thought in a billion years that going to my doctor for chronic headaches could have led me straight to benzo hell, I never believed in hell before this but I sure as hell do now, ive been residing here for the last 17th months with no sign of my release papers been issued anytime soon.

 

Your new healed life sound amazing, isn't amazing how you now find the little things to be such joy, like game and gardening..

 

For now I can only dream and wish that my release from benzo hell wont be long more, I would settle for the DP DR going away..

 

Blessings & Best Wishes

 

Woofs

[[Sp...]]

Woofs - think of this time as constant intense healing. How when a scar is forming how it hurts or broken bones mending but how much stronger the tissue and bones are when it's done. Your armor is forming - growing hurts but it will end. There were so many times when I didn't want to exist any longer but I am NOW so grateful I do. I can't say it strongly enough it is soooooooooo sweet on the other side. You are with me in my thoughts. causing pain - you will make it through this because of YOU that is the main thing I learned. I am so grateful for all the kindness shown by others and words of hope but I truly made it to where I am now because I connected with the strongest version of me and I'm hanging on to her! Thank-you for your kind words - you are in my thoughts. Cindy

[[Sp...]]

not sure how many of you are dealing with this and I don't know if I have ever addressed it in any of my discussions but my burping which started with this and has been a daily , actually several times a day thing has finally left. Perhaps my Gaba receptors in my stomach are reset. I went for my first bike ride of the season (12 miles) and it felt different than last years. I feel amazing!!!

[[Ho...]]

Hi spunky,

 

I just read your story for the bazillioneth time and want to thank you so much for staying around to encourage us. I am almost 13 months off and am still suffering severly. I have a few questions.....when you turned a corner at  12 months was it sudden and what improvements did you notice? Also, did you have perceptual distortions? I have extreme pressure in and on my body pushing, pulling and pressing me constantly, it is pure torment; I never sit still due to the constant motion.

 

I think if the depression and DP/DR would leave everything else would be easier to bear. Was your depression severe.....immobilizing? I could just sit and stare for hours from it, I don't care about anything.....it scares me.

 

Well, God bless you and your new life. I can feel the excitement in your words and it gives me hope.

[[Ho...]]

Hi Spunky

This question may be off topic, but can you tell me when your hair stopped falling out...and then when it started to regrow?

Thanks, Hope

[[Sp...]]

Hopeful-one - yes my depression was debilitating and when it lifted it was unbelievable. The dark black veil is an apt description and it felt weighted. I feel white and light now. The twelve month turn was what felt like an accelerated healing process. SOme things did just disappear but it was more like most of the things that this has caused started evaporating. Almost like I could feel the healing happening. I was aware of it. I looked at my husband as we were riding our bikes in 38 degree weather this weekend and said think back to 2 years ago and he said he already was and I started crying. I am so grateful to be here but in a way I am glad I can look back on what it was so I remember to appreciate what I have now. Hope1071- I had hair loss during the first months but I have so much hair it was never noticeable to anyone but me. I wish I could remember more regarding that to tell you but maybe thats a good thing because all I know is it did stop and I have as much as I ever have had. The funny part of all of this is I am no longer obsessed about my appearance all I care about is what I feel like and that was what I really needed to happen in my life. I love that you both have hope in your name - just keep it. It will all be ok. Your healing is happening!

 

[[Ho...]]

Thanks Spunky

I think I'm protracted. I'm at 21 months and my last symptoms are continued hair loss for 19 months. Started 1 month out from c/t, stopped at month 5 and started again at month 6.....still falling. I had very thick hair. Now I have very thin with 2 bald spots. I have disrupted sleep with the surges and the need to rock back and forth, dry, dry dry everything. Live on eyedrops, moisturizers, biotine. All over body pain, feels like fibromalaysia. Black sunken circles around eyes...look sick/old.

 

Other than that, I feel great.

 

Thanks for your response Spunky. I admire your courage. I've watched your you tube vids. I wish I had the positive outlook you have. I'm still bitter

[[Sp...]]

hope1071- don't hang on to the bitter -it is poison too! I had so much anger during a large part of this. I was angry at the Dr.s, my friends and family that deserted me, my husband, GOD and even myself. I have cried myself dry, yelled myself hoarse and none of those negative emotions made anything better, it just exhausted an already exhausted body more. It truly wasn't until I began looking at the entirety of all of this as a huge learning experience and saw it as a way to find the people who are truly there for me that I was able to move forward. My change in attitude has been a major force in my healing process mentally and emotionally. I am so sorry you are dealing with the physical side of this still at 21 months but your corner may be next week. That really was how it was - it just happened and I believe with all my heart it will for you too. I wish I could speak more to some of what you are dealing with. The dryness I do remember and still have slight issues with but in the beginning months it was unbearable. I'm sure you've be tested for Shogrens - I wonder how many of us have - and yet big shock it was just part of benzo hell. You will heal - don't give in or give up. Cindy