The light at the end of the tunnel.

[[Le...]]

As the time goes on, the less and less I come on here. Though, I must say, I sometimes miss coming on and giving kind words to those who are suffering and to give status updates on my benzo free life. There is a tidal wave of people who rely on such life saving information and support that BB has to offer. I can think back when I first joined almost 5 years ago! I had garnered relationships with strangers who soon became great acquaintances of mine, whom were going through the same pain and suffering I was. But, like me, they have healed and moved on. Wherever they are now, I know that they are living and loving life just as much as I am. So, whoever is reading this and is stuck in a rut, this process will soon become like a distant memory; one that will over time, fade away.

 

 

Looking at my last post, which I had written 8 months after the one before that. Now, it has been about 1 year and 3 months since my last! Time sure flies when life is good! Especially when I rarely think about what I went through years ago. 

 

So, where am I? I am 4 months away from one of my biggest life accomplishments, getting my bachelors degree in business. I couldnt even fathom doing the things that I have done within the last 2 years, had I tried doing them when I was sick. Giving 15 minute long presentations, putting together a campus wide market research study, landing a spot on the board of directors for the marketing association, taking 3 finals in one day, being the team leader of various group projects, taking courses that rely on heavy statistics and fine details. And the list goes on! The truth is, I am living the life I always dreamed of. Had I been faced with these tasks while I was in withdrawal, I would have ran far far away. What does that say about the healing process? It says, that no matter what, the things that you may be unable to do while healing, you soon will with time. I am the perfect example!

 

I can recall a time when just leaving my house seemed like an impossibility. Merely walking around the block gave me such huge anxiety due to the tormenting symptoms I once had. But, now I go wherever I want, I do whatever I want, and my biggest dreams are slowly but surely coming true. Just like they will for you when that last dose is taken and time has passed!

 

Everyone's recovery is different, but one thing remains constant in the sea of success stories you have read before mine, everyone heals. In one way or another, that momentum slowly builds up and inertia is inevitable. And soon, you get to a point when looking back at this temporary struggle, a faint shadow has taken its place. The pure joy radiates so bright, that nothing can keep you from living the life you want to live. Just close your eyes and imagine the person you want to be and what you want to feel like. Your success story is in the making.

 

Like always, I am here for support to anyone who needs it.

 

Take care.

 

Kurt 

 

How does it feel to be on the other side Kurt? God knows all of you BB's that post your success stories are saving so many of us still in the throws of this damned vortex. My main and sometimes sole reminder of this ordeal are the intrusives and even reading that someone gets better elevates me immensely.

 

I espcially appreciate your story of hope and optimism was wonderful, I also know what he days of hopelessness are like and I can relate to so many who have also posted on this thread. Its hard to think you are not broken somehow but wow does your story lift my spirit if only for a while until the other shoe drops.

 

Thank you.

 

Leo

 

[[Fr...]]

Leo,

 

I am glad that I can give hope. I was exactly where you are at, during recovery "In the throws of that damned vortex". I couldn't say it any better myself. But, reading the many success stories kept me going. I wanted to be just like the many who had healed! And most of all, I wanted to write my own story. I just kept hanging onto the day that I would be able to and over time, I was completely healed.

 

Being on the other side is amazing. I am living a life in which I feel like I have to pinch myself, wondering if I am dreaming. It really is surreal. The fact that I am better than I have ever been in my life, is something I am truly grateful for.

 

Broken is something I once felt during my taper and some into my post taper. Now, I am the opposite of broken. All of those cracks that seemed to penetrate deep within me are now as smooth as silk. Its a great feeling. And I believe that in time you will get there too! 

 

[[ml...]]

Wow...Thank you Kurt. What a blessing your words and story are.

 

Feb 1st will be one year for me. I can hardly believe it. I never thought I would make it. So much of this the first few months, was white-knuckle terror. I understand everything you went thru. I too, suffered from INTENSE fear, panic and anxiety. Hence the reason I was on a benzo in the first place. I'd take that any day over the CT wd anxiety and fear! 

 

I agree with you, that this experience makes you stronger. I am a different person after this and thats ok. The day I CT, I had no idea what was ahead of me, now I am almost a year from that last rotten and very toxic pill.

 

Thank you for sharing. I have hope as my 1 year approaches, that I can make it. I feel close to me again. I have some more time to go, but its manageable now. I now have to find new ways of handling anxiety and I am working on that. I will never touch another benzo, or psych med again...never.

 

God bless,

magic

 

[[...]]

Your story is very encouraging . I'm 10 months off and still have horrible symptoms and lots of social anxiety. I hope I can feel normal again function without medication. Glad you wrote this God Bless.💕

[[Le...]]

Bump for positivity

[[Cl...]]

hey Kurt. thank you for your story. did u fight for each day? and did it get easier as time went along ? I was on serdep for 3months and ativan for 20 days. had to stop both. my withdrawal has been terrible. had non epileptic fitsand I feel like my mind is gone completely. I cannot even remember the person I was before this happened. I amw aotig for it to get better. but am ask struggling. did u have really tougdays. like your head was just so in pain which is undescribable , like hell ? thank you for your encouraging story and well done.

[[Fr...]]

hey Kurt. thank you for your story. did u fight for each day? and did it get easier as time went along ? I was on serdep for 3months and ativan for 20 days. had to stop both. my withdrawal has been terrible. had non epileptic fitsand I feel like my mind is gone completely. I cannot even remember the person I was before this happened. I amw aotig for it to get better. but am ask struggling. did u have really tougdays. like your head was just so in pain which is undescribable , like hell ? thank you for your encouraging story and well done.

 

Yes, it was almost pure hell everyday of my taper. I saw almost because I had to remain positive throughout my taper and tell myself that I was going to get my life back and feel functional. And in the end, I became better than I was before I got sick. But those days were very tough and it was hard just getting out of bed or walking, it was torture feeling like that ! Looking back on that very ill person is hard for me to imagine now; almost like it was a really long nightmare.

[[Ho...]]

BUMP