The light at the end of the tunnel.

[[Fr...]]

Hi Frontsider,

 

Your story is so inspriring. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it.  You are helping so many people.  I am going through so much pain right now.  I'm 4 month off xanax and feeling horrible anxiety, had a few bad panic attacks, trouble sleeping, and terrible horrible back pain.  My question is did your symptoms seem to get worse just before you started to really get better?  I have had several windows were I did feel better.  But when they come on they feel like the worst they ever were.  Just wondering and hoping I'm nearing the end.

 

Thank you

Sheldon

 

Frontsider did your tremors leave you n if so how long did it take? What happened when you reinstated 2 mg Val at 2 months out ?

 

Daisey - I never reinstated. I tapered all the way down to .25 mg and never turned back. My tremors!! I totally forgot about those. They were definitely a prime symptom of my wd issues. I specifically went to a neurologist too because of them and the brain zaps as well that I was getting . Both, have fully disappeared. Thank god for that, as it was truly annoying and made me feel as if I had some type of disease. Gone gone gone and good riddance. 13 months off and life is amazing. Keep pushing on, its worth the fight!

[[Fr...]]

hi frontsider,

thank you for your wonderful success story. it is truly inspiring for everyone.

if you look at my signature, i was on a medication for rather short time with low dosage. still, my brian was fried immediately, and could not function. my brain lacked the memory, concentration/foucs, perception/sensory, and etc..

even after taper, still struggling on those aspects. which are my biggest concern and worry. without our brain power, there's not much we can do. and, oh yes. have tons of other symptoms.

the sheer thought of not getting my old brain power is putting me into despair right now. just for your information, my brain was totally fried until 60 days ago. and within last 60 days, my brain condition is changing everyday. sigh.

will i get my old brain powers back?

 

thanking you in advance.

 

I can tell you that I as well had a major brain issues. I could not think, focus, or make simple calculations in numbers as well as speech. Looking back at what I went through seems like it was one bad dream. Only that nightmare lasted an entire year. One thing I knew for certain though through that haze of bewilderment, was that I desperately wanted my life back and to have just an inkling of what I once felt like. Because what I felt like back then, was someone I barely recognize. I was lost within myself and all the tormenting symptoms that were occurring deep with in me. But, yes, the fear that I would never get my mind back, was starting to set me in a dark place.

 

It appears that you are just about 3 months off. Around that time for me, I was still feeling wd symptoms and was not what I called "healed" yet. I was on my way but was still sick. For me, a big turn happened around 4-5 months off and from there it gradually got better and better after each month had passed. Its funny because you begin to feel as if you are fully healed because you feel so much better than you did in bad wd. Anything feels better than that, so you thing you are healed. But the truth is, is that it keeps getting better and better each month that goes by. For all I know, the next month for me will be better than this one and I consider myself 100% healed, feeling better than I did pre benzo. Its weird, but I love it and say bring it on!

 

So hang in there, it does, and will get better. I know its hard to believe because the symptoms are very nagging, but they will leave.  They have to. Be well. - Frontsider

[[co...]]

Great story! Congratulations! I'm very happy for you.

[[Ca...]]

Dear Frontsider,

  This is a beautiful and hopeful story. Thank you for eloquently painting a picture of true withdrawal and the joy that waits when the struggle is done. There is part of me that fully believes I will be on the other side...then the drug speaks and I can fall into despair. Hearing your story gave me a push in the right direction. Today I feel more certain of my healing and I thank you for the nudge.

  I am so happy for you Frontsider.

With love and gratitude,

Carita

[[ha...]]

 

God bless you frontsider.  so happy to hear you make it out and it gives me much needed hope.  thank you

[[lo...]]

I'm having a really rough day today, this brought me a much needed feeling of hope thank you for posting. I hope to be where you are some day soon!!

[[Me...]]

This was just what the doctor ordered today!  We really needed to read something this hopeful today!  Thank you Thank you!!!

 

Did you ever wonder if this was truly benzo withdrawal?  Like you just can't believe a pill caused this? That was what the last few days have brought our way... and then someone like you posts something this wonderful and it helps so many!!

[[Fr...]]

Hey guys!

 

It has been quite some time since I last came on here. But, I think I will stop by from time to time to say hi and what not; updates and all.

 

I am a year and 4 months off. It is just so crazy at how fast the time goes by. But, that's how it usually goes when you feel incredible. And, since I wrote this story, it has been just that. Incredible. There really is no other word to describe how I feel. I never ever thought that I could possibly feel this good; even before I was sick. If anything that w/d has taught me was how precious and beautiful life really is. And since I have been free of all symptoms, I have been living my life to the fullest. I have also beaten anxiety, the primary reason I was prescribed the V in the first place. Yep, I have persisted and fought through all the pain and suffering and in the end, I am a much better person. Waking up each day feels fantastic, especially when I can do whatever I want to. I haven't thought about wd in quite sometime. I think I mentioned that in a post earlier and it felt strange to say that, especially since it was all I could think about during the process. Now, if I think about it, it feels like it was just a bad dream or it never happened. Strange I tell you. But, you all will get there to. If I can do it, everyone here suffering can too.

 

To those looking for support: Do not ever give up. Keep fighting. You will heal, I promise with all of my heart. I was there, kicking and screaming along the way. But full 110% healing happens and you will be better than you ever have been before. There is no question about it!!!

 

Much love - Kurt

[[lo...]]

Great to hear you are still feeling awesome!!! Thanks for coming back and sharing!

[[he...]]

Thank you 

[[Eu...]]

What an amazing journey. Had to read it twice, hoping this could be me one day. Still struggling for the most part.

[[Ga...]]

Dear Kurt

I am new to BB , but had to let you know that your success story is one of the ones I copied and have

By my bed to read for encouragement.  I have so little hope and so little positive thoughts.  Full of freak.  I am 68yrs old and was only on the benzos for 5months.  Stopped just over 6 months.  I cry all day long.  Muscle shakes.  Most of my symptoms seem to be in my brain.

I am so happy for your recovery.  Hope you come back and read this and others

Who are happy for you.

[[Fr...]]

Dear Kurt

I am new to BB , but had to let you know that your success story is one of the ones I copied and have

By my bed to read for encouragement.  I have so little hope and so little positive thoughts.  Full of freak.  I am 68yrs old and was only on the benzos for 5months.  Stopped just over 6 months.  I cry all day long.  Muscle shakes.  Most of my symptoms seem to be in my brain.

I am so happy for your recovery.  Hope you come back and read this and others

Who are happy for you.

 

This is very touching to read Galea, and I am very happy to have helped you with the words that I have put to paper. After all, they arent just words, they are a feeling and as close as I can get to expressing how wonderful I truly feel now. I know that you will get there, you can do it!! I know how terrible those dreaded muscle shakes can be, but they go away. Trust in time and stay positive!! You will heal, I promise!!

[[Ga...]]

Kurt

I was very glad to see that you have come back on.  And took the time to reply to me.  Thank you for giving back the hope and support you received here....we newbies need so much to hear of success.  And today is a tough one...not much to be thankful for.  I hope you are enjoying this day with friends and family.  Best wishes and a hug from my home to yours. 

[[Fr...]]

Periodically I like to come back and post. As the time goes on, I come on less and less. Months have passed since I last came on. But, I still think about you guys her and the ones that are suffering. This process truly changed my life and I will never forget what I went through to get to where I am at now.

 

I am just over 20 months off and the truth is. I have stopped tracking the time that has gone by. Who would when they feel 110% better. I am beyond healed. Is that possible? Yes! It is possible. Not only do I feel better than I did pre benzo, but my attitude has changed dramatically. I am an extremely positive person who views life in a completely different way than I once did. WD truly opened my eyes up to how truly beautiful and precious life really is. Not that I ever took living for granted, but each day now, I wake up smiling without fear to live my life the way I want. I am so connected with everything around me, and anxiety is a thing of the past for me.

 

I remember before I took benzos, when my doctor had told me that there is no cure for anxiety disorders. Well, he may be true in the sense that it remains dormant. But, I have learned how to accept it when it comes, which is very rare. I really dont have anxiety anymore; that terrible reality that kept me so ill for many years. Its like I am whole again and as far as I am concerned, I will never have another panic attack again. I firmly believe that benzodiazapenes had kept me in an anxiety state for those 5 years that I was on it. Which then caused a domino like effect within me creating many irrational fears that led to panic attacks. But, it is long gone and my life is fuller and more complete that I thought ever possible.

 

I am in the best shape of my life. I feel absolutely incredible. I look very healthy and people at my school mistake me for a 23 year old. (And I totally roll with it). I have gained all the weight I lost and even put on 10 more pounds, which I dont mind at all. I am 6'2 and thin. So, filling out nicely I can appreciate. My appetite has been back for awhile and I love food! No more nausea, which plagued me in wd. My dizziness is way gone, hand tremors; gone. Sore muscles and aching body; gone. In fact, I have no idea what to say that I struggled with, because mostly, I have forgotten all about them. But, I could turn it around and go on and on about all the great feelings I have inside of me. I never imagined I would feel this good! Its like I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually aligned.  This is what being alive feels like and I couldnt be more happier.

 

I wish the best of luck to anyone reading this. But in reality, you dont need it. Time heals all. Just take it day by day and you will get there. And stay positive! =)

[[Ja...]]

Thank-u Frontsider for coming back and giving us encouragement. So glad you are doing so well. For some reason it is taking me some time for my nerve pain to leave. I am and have been functional, but this symptom is stubborn and refuses to leave. It hits me about every 35-40 hours for about 10 hours. So weird!

[[mr...]]

Bump

[[Lo...]]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND THANK YOU FRONTSIDER! I've been on here for a bit reading through the stories and I am so encouraged to know that I iwll be happy again. I am like you...I appreciate life a lot more. I already did but it's at a new level. When I get totally well I want to go back to school, get an MS in Integrative Health and Nutrition, I want to open up a natural healing center. I know I can do it all.

 

Thank you again for chiming in and sharing your story. Blessings. 

[[mr...]]

Thank you for writing this I needed to read it today

 

Mrs.

[[3 ...]]

Congratulations!! This is a great story! Defiantly gives a lot of hope 

[[Fr...]]

It has been 8 months since my last post and I thought I would stop in and give some words to those who may be seeking them. I know how valuable the success stories were when I was where many of you are now. They helped me when I needed it most; to know that one day, I would be able to write my own and that I would be healed just like the many before me. When that day finally came, it was one of the best moments of my life thus far. And now here I am almost 2 and a half years free and living the life I once only dreamed of. And now here you are, just like me those many months ago. You will be one of the countless many who have climbed the ladder and achieved what you dream of each day. Freedom!

 

My recovery was very rocky and I was sicker than I have ever been. On top of it all, my anxiety kept me hidden from the world. Stricken with panic and fear, I thought I was stuck in a bad dream that I could not awaken from. My family and friends were extremely worried about me and were almost convinced that I had completely lost my mind. But I knew, if I could just get through it and keep fighting, the struggle would soon pay off. I had no choice; it was either that or choose to give into all the negative and debilitating symptoms that I was feeling. As TIME went on, I realized that ultimately, I did have a choice. I could choose to suffer or I could change my whole perspective and accentuate the positive. Being optimistic about my recovery was one of the few things that truly helped me get through the worst of my days. Without positivity, that word I speak of so often (TIME), would be infinite. I knew I was going to get better, I had to.

 

So, when TIME did pass, there was that light at the end of the tunnel; a speck of dim light that grew brighter and brighter as each day passed. And soon, I became enveloped in a brightness that I had never felt before. You see, withdrawal, as nasty as it is, it teaches you something. It shows you how truly precious life is. Each waking day is a miracle in itself and when we embrace it, a whole new world opens up filled with a love and limitless joy. Heaven is on earth.

 

I have been free of all of the nasty withdrawal symptoms that I once felt for a while now. I am also anxiety free. I never thought I would be able to say that. Sure, I get stressed out from time to time just like everyone else. But, I do not react the same way. Panic attacks; gone. I have had at least a hundred of those in my past. But, I haven’t had one in 2 years and as far as I am convinced, I will never have another one again. Being diagnosed with panic disorder, GAD, depression, and borderline agoraphobia, sure makes me grateful for what I have been able to achieve. I have said it once before, I am thankful for withdrawal and the nightmare I went through. It has made me a stronger person and led me to beating anxiety amongst many other things in my life I once took for granted. Medical professionals say that there is no cure for anxiety. Well, they are wrong. I am living proof and so are many of you who will overcome and achieve absolute greatness.

Your success story is already in the making.

-

-

- For anyone who needs help or anything at all; message me. I am more than willing to give you my best. - Kurt

 

[[Ca...]]

Thank you for checking back in & giving more hope so glad you're doing so well

[[Ro...]]

Frontsider, thanks for such beautiful tale and reflection, loved it.

[[ma...]]

Thank you very much Frontsider for your success history. I read it and feel it could be my history, the huge difference is that now I am during the WD, so lot of TIME I need. Your history gives me hope. This sentence gave me goosebumps:

I haven’t had a panic attack in over 6 months and my anxiety is practically nonexistent. That is something I thought I would never say. It is clear that most of my anxiety for those many years was caused by the pill that was supposed to be helping me fight it. In a weird way, I am glad I went through withdrawal. It made me a better person. 

 

Thanks!

Best,

[[Fr...]]

As the time goes on, the less and less I come on here. Though, I must say, I sometimes miss coming on and giving kind words to those who are suffering and to give status updates on my benzo free life. There is a tidal wave of people who rely on such life saving information and support that BB has to offer. I can think back when I first joined almost 5 years ago! I had garnered relationships with strangers who soon became great acquaintances of mine, whom were going through the same pain and suffering I was. But, like me, they have healed and moved on. Wherever they are now, I know that they are living and loving life just as much as I am. So, whoever is reading this and is stuck in a rut, this process will soon become like a distant memory; one that will over time, fade away.

 

 

Looking at my last post, which I had written 8 months after the one before that. Now, it has been about 1 year and 3 months since my last! Time sure flies when life is good! Especially when I rarely think about what I went through years ago. 

 

So, where am I? I am 4 months away from one of my biggest life accomplishments, getting my bachelors degree in business. I couldnt even fathom doing the things that I have done within the last 2 years, had I tried doing them when I was sick. Giving 15 minute long presentations, putting together a campus wide market research study, landing a spot on the board of directors for the marketing association, taking 3 finals in one day, being the team leader of various group projects, taking courses that rely on heavy statistics and fine details. And the list goes on! The truth is, I am living the life I always dreamed of. Had I been faced with these tasks while I was in withdrawal, I would have ran far far away. What does that say about the healing process? It says, that no matter what, the things that you may be unable to do while healing, you soon will with time. I am the perfect example!

 

I can recall a time when just leaving my house seemed like an impossibility. Merely walking around the block gave me such huge anxiety due to the tormenting symptoms I once had. But, now I go wherever I want, I do whatever I want, and my biggest dreams are slowly but surely coming true. Just like they will for you when that last dose is taken and time has passed!

 

Everyone's recovery is different, but one thing remains constant in the sea of success stories you have read before mine, everyone heals. In one way or another, that momentum slowly builds up and inertia is inevitable. And soon, you get to a point when looking back at this temporary struggle, a faint shadow has taken its place. The pure joy radiates so bright, that nothing can keep you from living the life you want to live. Just close your eyes and imagine the person you want to be and what you want to feel like. Your success story is in the making.

 

Like always, I am here for support to anyone who needs it.

 

Take care.

 

Kurt