The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[va...]]

Thanks for the thoughts, yes I rushed it, yes I'm stubborn, yes im restless, yes I'm in hell too, not sure if I should reinstate stabilize and then slow down! Or is that worse than the madness it caused? And van, yes I have pics of the new guitar, not sure if you can upload pics here or not. It will help, I triggered a nightmare !!

 

GG, I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner.    I haven't been around lately.  I've been focusing on something else the past week or so.  Anyway.  How are you doing?  I'm interested in your recovery and how you're progressing.  Did you try any of the sleep things I suggested?  They may work for you, or not.  Everyone is different.  At any rate, I hope you've gotten your sleep under control, and I hope your symptoms have subsided. 

 

I *think* you can post pictures, as long as they aren't in the signature. 

 

*******

 

{{{{{{{Lakeside}}}}}}} 

[[La...]]

Man you guys, it just doesn't let up. I'm in the midst of a wave of torment. I went to bed at 11:00 and seen this morning where I was up at 1:06 and took some buspar. So it was well after that before I got to sleep and was wide awake at 5:16 with anxiety, nearly in attack mode. It was so close and I was so scared. I haven't been scared like that in a while and to wake up in that wave is so frightening. I let my dogs out and it wasn't like my back yard was even mine. When I called them in, it was like I was afraid to have anyone hear me and I was kind of whispering for them to come in. I honestly don't think I got more than an hour of sleep. I want to say I know I'll be Ok, but it's like I don't know.

[[va...]]

hey Lakeside.  How you doing?  I hope all is well in your world.  <3

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K, well my mornings are just a bit short of hell. It doesn't matter what time I wake up, my first 3-6 hrs are as bad as it's been for me...minus a full blown anxiety attack. The anxiety and cog fog, depression, DP, DR..... you name it, it's hitting me right out of bed and hard ! Makes me feel so dismal too. I'm doing my best to not let it determine how my day will go and force myself to think of good things and happy times. It works, most of the time and then others, it doesn't. I'm more in an edgy mood right now instead of close to crying. Am beginning to feel electricity in my feet and that tells me I'm in for some rocky roads this afternoon now. Was going to go out and replace a few fence posts to burn off some of this energy. But it may be best to remain inside now, as I'm unpredictable as to how I will react to something happening. Yes, I said react and not respond as that's my state of mind right now. I'm SOOO tired from SO little sleep the last 2 nights from not taking my Benadryl now. New findings say it causes dementia now, so I stopped taking my 2 pills at night and am regrouping from that.

 

Other than that, life is just ducky, thank you. 

[[va...]]

Hey Lakeside, how's trix?  Just thought I'd check in and see how you're doing.  Miss you.  :*

 

Namaste.

 

~K    :smitten:

[[La...]]

Hi K,

 

That's sweet K, thank you and miss you too.  How are you doing these days ?

 

I know it's been a few weeks since our last chat, I'm out there. I have  days where I can push past it and accomplish things around the house, then there are days where I'm helpless yet. My mornings are still terrible and full of anxiety, worry and even cog fog at times. That's not as intense as it's been, but it still lingers. Still times I won't drive or even go outside. It's not even 9:00 and I got up about 6:30 this morning and I've already cycled through intense anxiety to near tears. My dogs are dying for a walk, but being out there is just beyond me right now. I do have days where I'm actually considering it time to be going back to work. But then I have those days where just trying to figure myself out is seemingly impossible yet.

 

I hope you're doing better and able to get out and be human.

 

Jim

 

 

[[va...]]

Hey Jim, I think I'm going through a relapse with my cfs because I've been so exhausted recently.  Like, I'm SO tired.  But most of the side effects from the x are gone, except I'm still experiencing insomnia and tinnitus, but I've always had those things anyway so I don't really think it's side effects.  Who knows though.  Still not doing much, because of the fatigue.  I wish my energy levels would start coming back.  I really, really do.  It's hard to motivate myself when I'm so freaking tired all the time.  And my TV flatlined, so I haven't been able to watch netflix.  I've been streaming everything on my computer, and that's a bummer.  So I suppose I need to go buy a new one.  You would think I'd be excited about that, but I'm not.  It's such a hassle, shopping.  I hate shopping.

 

It's such a drag that you're still going through all that after all this time.  That's gotta suck.  I don't know how you do it.  You are an inspiration, for me, and a lot of other people too, I imagine.

 

lol.  (I just realized how utterly negative this whole post is.  I try to stay positive as much as possible, but sometimes it's hard.  And I feel really blah today.  Maybe I'll call you in a little while.    We can cheer each other up.) 

 

Namaste.

 

~K  :smitten:

 

**************

 

Has anyone noticed Guitar Guy lately?  He hasn't been posting on the xanax threads, and I think he was starting to have some problems.  I hope he's OK.

 

.

.

.

 

[[La...]]

Sorry to hear you're not up to par K, same here with the rollercoaster. Don't worry about not being your typical self, this is unrelenting and plays with our better senses. As for insomnia and tinnitus, me too. I've had mild tinnitus for years, but it's been at a higher pitch lately and louder as well. Something was pointed out to me in my case though. It seems there's an odd bit about part of me, which lies in my father and did in his mother. I didn't know my grandmother was such a light sleeper until recently. She also had trouble taking medications for things, much like myself and my father. We're overly sensitive to changes in our systems. With that being said, I am now understanding why I'm still experiencing what I am. I've been concerned about being damaged for life, about not fully recovering. I've been worried about lyme disease, as I was bitten by a tick. But  I've now come to accept that I may suffer for a longer duration than most due to this med sensitivity.

 

Thank you very much for your kind words too K. I don't know how I make it at times. Honestly, I have times I'm so far out there that I cannot stop crying, or worrying, or feeling like I'm useless and worthless. I have been trying to shed an immense amount of guilt I'm carrying from small, little incidental things from the past. It seems as though everything negative from my past is in ways trying so hard to infiltrate my wellbeing. I just don't see myself as an inspiration and I thank you for such kind words. Big hugs

 

If you call, I'll answer, but I'm not up to dialing right now. It's weird that way with me at times. I just do not know why I cannot pick up the phone to call and say hello. I was told by a friend it's because I feel so sensitive right now and don't want to be a bother to anyone. It is because I feel like if I begin talking about myself, that I'm being self centered because of how insecure I feel.

 

Jim 

[[La...]]

Now that my day is ending decently, I'll post. It began in hell this morning. I woke up with some terrible anxiety right out of unconsciousness. Body heat, scattered thoughts, panic and confusion. It was bad and I called a friend who I knew was getting ready for work. We were able to talk for a few minutes and it was enough for me to get grounded. This was about 6:30 this morning. After the phone conversation, I don't remember much, except for my having it in my head that I was going to go work out this morning. Well, I did just that, but don't remember much more than my being there. I then had an appointment for my dogs at the vet to get their of heart worm meds. Did that and got home and then began working on my boat for a while. I came in and felt SOOO tired, I laid back in my recliner. When it hit, it was quick, but not enough for me to snooze out. I vegged for a couple of hours and then got back up and went outside with my dogs. It's going on 9:00 and I'm not even close to being able to relax yet. Hope it isn't going to be a long night.

[[ba...]]

i didnt feel well a few hours ago i had a  cup of big red soda with my dinner , dinner was really well im not sure if it was the caffeine or sugar in the soda that made me feel bad ? i been drinking around 8 -20 oz of soda a  day . i went for a walk on mytreadmill i prefer to walk or run outside eiher in the morning or evening i just felt really bad so i had to use my treadmill . im gong to bed soon i hope i can sleep even though i didnt have any chamomilel tonight i'll make a cup just to have on standby i do that sometimes have a cup  on my desk or beside my  bed so i can have that closeby to drink if i dont feel wel

. in 8 days it will be 8 months without xanax . a year ago i thought after 8 months i would be fully healed . sometimes i think if i made a mistake quitting it

[[me...]]

Hello,

 

I was on xanax for sleep for 3 months.  It is now week 7 since my last xanax.  I was having horrible insomnia for the first 4 to 5 weeks.  Then sleep was a little better.  But it is now bad again, waking every 2 hours, vivid dreams, teeth clenching and grinding.  Has this happened to anyone else in recovery?  Sleep getting better, then worse?

[[La...]]

Sorry to hear of your dismay Babyangel. Soda can make feel like that. But it could be just what's happening too. A sugary drink always gets me.

 

Hi Meggiemay and to answer your question in my experience....yes. They're called waves and they come and go, in and out and sometimes one may be a little different or stronger or weaker than the past.

 

I'm having terrible waves. From anxiety to mild depression to awful cogfog. The confusion is bad sometimes to even have to make a decision to get up and brush my teeth in the morning. The dismay has been overwhelming at times, but you made the right choice to get off of this now and not yrs down the road. You may have bad symptoms now and for a short time as compared to some of us who are pushing 3 yrs out. It's difficult, not easy, painful and traumatizing, no doubt. But going back for some of us is not a choice, as it was no life while taking it, things got gradually worse over time. All my senses were dulled, except anger which manifested over the years of taking it. Xanax was evil for me and as bad as my days might be now, there isn't anything that can convince me to go back. I had a few days of frustration not long ago, but there's no way I could go back on Xanax. Wish you both the best.

[[ba...]]

in 6 days it will be 8 months without xanax i never told  mom i quit taking it she worrys about me i mean the world to her i think 8 months is a safe time to let her i finally quit taking it im just thinking how i should word it i was thinking like " mom theres something i been wanting to tell you , i  wanted to wait a long time to tel you this since i didnt want to worry you telling you i quit taking that medicine the doctor gave me 8 months ago today the alot of exercise i've been doing has made me feel very good ( i run 20-30 minutes a day in morning then do more exercise in evening  and activate doing household chores alot ) i think this would make her feel very happy because she knew how i felt horrible when i took phenytoin (dilantin) in the past and wanted to quit that .

 

thanks everyone for the heads up on this

Katie (babyangel)

[[La...]]

Don't get me wrong, I do have a bit of anxiety that's uncomfortable, but I am pushing and pushing. Here's my day thus far..... and by the way, this is w/o a doubt my best day for accomplishing things since Sept 10, 2013. I went and worked out this morning and that seemed to get it all turned around for me. I wear headphones and love old rock n roll. I have some Roxette recoded and let me tell you, it was what this guy needed to get in the fast lane today. I had such a great workout. Even the gentleman who made a comment about me a few a couple weeks ago and the expression on my face, noticed me today. He said I truly looked as if I was now enjoying myself. Told him I was. So I get home and decide to go out in the barn and uncover my childhood dream. I have an old GTO that I haven't driven in 2 yrs now. I dug her out and took her for a cruise. It needed fuel and I can only burn the aviation fuel from the local airport. So I went there and they all come oout and start talking to me and I get all nervous, but maintained well. They told me they're having a get together tonight for folks with classic cars and want me to join them. So I am going to go and hope al will be well. Then, tomorrow is our tonw's annual car show with over 1,200 vehicles participating and my GTO will be one of them finally. I've owned this car since 2003 and have never been able to take it due to my anxiety. I'm going tomorrow as long as the good Lord keeps my path clear for me.

 

Thank you Everyone for your support, it's working. This is NO window, it is where I can push past it today and hopefully each day now.

 

Love you Guys.....

[[La...]]

Hello my friends and good morning....almost. I'm not doing too bad right now, but was out there at 5:30 when I woke up. I'm experiencing some cog fog and confusion. The anxiety isn't as bad, but I'm not right. It looks like rain, so between that and how I'm feeling, no car show for me today. It began raining yesterday, so I didn't make it to the airport get together either. I feel so tired right now, it isn't funny. 

[[La...]]

Bad morning here now. Woke up in a panic attack and sweats. Am going from that to chills now and feel so insecure. Been awake for about an hour but it isn't wanting to let up and the confusion is bad. My mind is wandering immensely and I am having a lot of trouble focusing. I feel afraid.

[[La...]]

Well, that's over with and on with my day I guess. Went and worked out and it was really good. Still have some anxiety, but nothing like it was. Am preparing myself for a dentist appointment now. Had a bad episode with one as a child and I get anxious when going anyway. Hope everyone is doing better today.

 

Jim

[[La...]]

It's late June and I've finally been able to make some progress. I landed a really good job this morning after and intense 2 hr interview. I was so nervous, got sweaty, but sealed the deal and I begin Tuesday. I'm not healed, not even close IMO, but I'm functional now and there is a LOT to be said for that for this guy. It's a HUGE step in the right direction for this guy. I know it isn't going to be easy, going to bed, getting sleep and then getting up. But, I had some things I looked into before my job search began. It couldn't begin to early, as the morning cogfog has to wear off first. So my job begins at 9:00 am, not to bad and I can handle that. I was hoping to find something so as to have a weekday off and this job is Tuesday thru Saturday. It is in sales and that's right up my alley. I have enough of my gift to gab back that I was able to conduct myself very well during this interview. When he came in with an aptitude test, I knew I was headed in the right direction. He evens aid that my test matched what and how I described myself as being. He said few people truly know themselves. I thought to myself, "if you only knew what I've been enduring, you'd know why I know myself so well." lol

 

Nearly 3, THREE long years of misery and torment and I can finally emerge. I'm not all there yet, but to know I have the confidence and ability to do a job interview of the magnitude this was, tells me I'm doing pretty good. Just need to get the sleep thing down a little better now.

 

[[me...]]

Lakeside,

 

I am just curious, if you don't mind me asking.  How could you function for 10 yrs on Xanax?  I was prescribed it for sleep and I took either .25 or .5  at night only, for 3 months.  After being on it for 7 weeks, I was hit with debilitating anxiety and other symptoms.  I did not know what wrong with me and finally found BB website and realized it was the Xanax.  There is no way I could have lasted much longer on it than I did.  I always wondered how people could function on it for years.

 

Thanks

[[La...]]

Hi Meggiemay, I was also taking buspar for anxiety before the xanax was prescribed for me for sleep for probably 2 yrs. Xanax should never be prescribed for sleep, as what I've found out is it's suppose to be taken every 8 hrs so it is in our system constantly and not intermittently. Because of the buspar I took, it helped my anxiety and masked the symptoms from the Xanax and the daily withdrawal I was going through. It wasn't until my now exwife walked out the door, that my counselors realized it was the Xanax causing my problems, as I was experiencing withdrawal each and every day of my life. I was miserable, depressed, unhappy, irritable and withdrawing from life. As I'm sure you're aware of. I functioned on it, some how, some way. Don't know how I did for so long, but I did.

[[me...]]

Lakeside,

 

Thanks for your reply.  That was what  was happening to me, I was going through withdrawal every day and did not realize what was going on.  It makes sense that the buspar masked some of your symptoms.  How are you doing now?

[[La...]]

As of now Maggiemay, I am doing better. If you had asked me last week, my reply would not have been nearly so good. Please allow me to explain. I have a bad back and see a chiropractor semi regularly. Well, after 3-4 month's and many visits where he wasn't able to get me adjusted, I went to a chiropractor int he next town over, where I use to work years ago. He got me adjusted and as we were talking, I mentioned to him about the Xanax and my withdrawal sx's. I was amazed when he began talking about benzos and how much he knew. He highly recommended I begin taking this b complex at high doses and I began. Within 48 hrs my sleep had deepened and extended by an hour.  It's now a week later and replied to an online help wanted ad. I went to the 2+ hr interview yesterday and landed the job. I wholeheartedly know that if it weren't for these new vitamins, I'd never had done what I did. I now start work Tuesday morning and I fully know I could not have done it w/o what these vitamins are doing for me.

 

He explained to me that he knows about benzos. I don't remember everything he was saying, as I was really out there, but he knows what benzos do. He explained how I needed to reverse this and that and these vitamins do that. Made by Standard Process...Trace Minerals-B12. The directions say one tab per day. My chiropractor recommended 2 at dinner and 4 at bed time. You can find them online all over the place.

 

Hope this helps and if you try it, I wish you the best. I looked at it like this, it's only $16 and it's all natural. I'm pharma free for life now and going to remain that way and he knows that. I'm all done with mind altering pharma pills.

[[me...]]

Wow!  Thank you.  I am familiar with Standard Process.  I will give it a try.  My concern is that the b vitamins might rev me up more and not calm me.  What do you think?

[[La...]]

That was my concern too with B12, but what it's doing is getting my cortisol back under control so I can sleep. I am not waking up in the manic frenzy I once was each and every day. It takes me a bit to feel grounded when I wake up, but I can function and for me, that means a lot. After a couple hours I am together enough now to where I am people friendly, feeling outward with less agoraphobia. It may take a few days to see the difference for some. I have an exceptionally sensitive system to drugs tat even my doctor doesn't understand. So, with that in mind I may have begun feeling the effects sooner than what you may. What I do know, is these vitamins are turning my life around. A couple weeks ago I could not have even begun to think about a job interview and yesterday I landed a job.

[[va...]]

Hey Lakeside!  How's trix?    I haven't been around in quite some time and wanted to check in and see how you're doing.  I actually haven't spent much time online at all lately (it appears my last post was sometime in May, yikes!).  Anyway.  I hope all is well in your world.  Hugs and kisses. 

 

~K