What is happening in your brain?

[[Ho...]]

Parker - your comment about "all those people out there waiting in their houses...." was a great visual...I can just see all of us in our houses spread so far apart across the earth feeling so utterly miserable just wishing that we could meet a benzo person and compare our journeys, offer to go for a walk with them, cry with them, hold their hand and have them hold yours and to just know that someone near you knows what you are going through....the ultimate understanding for a benzo person.  I can just see us all knocking on each other's doors .....

 

[[pa...]]

Parker - your comment about "all those people out there waiting in their houses...." was a great visual...I can just see all of us in our houses spread so far apart across the earth feeling so utterly miserable just wishing that we could meet a benzo person and compare our journeys, offer to go for a walk with them, cry with them, hold their hand and have them hold yours and to just know that someone near you knows what you are going through....the ultimate understanding for a benzo person.  I can just see us all knocking on each other's doors .....

 

Hoping - This is exactly what is happening on this forum.  Great visual yourself. 

 

[[tu...]]

Parker:

 

I asked you last week about getting vaccinations.  You landed on the side of not getting one yet.  The ones I would need are a tetanus, chicken pox (I had chix pox as a kid not sure if I have to prove I have antibodies or what to not need this shot), a flu shot and a test for tb.

 

Other than immunity issues (which mine has been quite good during recovery), are there any CNS issues with these vaccinations to be wary about. 

 

I respect your opinion based on the info you posted on this thread.  I have had so many responses from people about vaccinations from every perspective.  I just want to make an informed decision based on fact and not fear.

 

Also, based on people's responses and the time of year, I think many here are wondering about this issue.  I know I am.

 

Thanks!

[[Mt...]]

Hi Parker,

 

I plan to take my time reading this very carefully because I have my own theory about whats going on with us.

[[...]]

Thank you Parker

I am going to print this off,ironically I have recently had a MRI scan done on my head/brain everything is fine but I have no idea what they were looking for.

[[pr...]]

Parker,

Wow! and Whoa the whole time i was reading this.

and this part made me cry

"calmer to realize that our brain structures are NOT broken. They are doing EXACTLY what they are supposed to do under the circumstances.  And all of our perceptions of what we are seeing, feeling, hearing- are normal because the parts of our brains that are firing off are doing so because a) They still DO work. b) They work just as they were intended to. c) They are actually healing as all this firing is going on".

this is so unbelievable and awesome.

by the way Parker, i just sent you a PM about my situation, cold turkey, kindling and curious to know if the brain is still doing all these good things when it's floating around and cooking? hissing and swimming inside the skull.

and i sent you the PM in regards to remeron.

i hope you get my note.

thanks, pretty

 

[[tu...]]

Parker:

 

First off, thank you for taking the time to provide me both your opinion and what information you do have.

 

I would never after this experience make any medical decisions without weighing/seeking all the information I could find.

 

That said, I am torn. . .

 

In the past I have not had any problems with vaccinations.  Also, I think this volunteer opportunity would be very good for me.  But, I DO NOT want to cause any further damage or upset my CNS that is trying so hard to heal.

 

I did look up "adverse reactions" to the Dtap vaccination and the TB blood test as I had a flu shot last year without any trouble and I believe I will not have to get the chicken pox shot.  The Dtap is the only one that gives me pause.  Can a titrate blood test be done for that vaccination.  I am pretty sure I had a tetanus shot about 10 years ago.  Not sure if that is the same as a Dtap.

 

I am so confused, I don't know what to do.

 

Don't know who medically I can ask about this that I trust.  Don't know what articles/sites on line are reputable.  Don't know how much is fear-based and how much is real.

 

So confused.

 

Again, I appreciate so much your taking the time to answer my questions.  You do such a service here with this thread.

 

Warmly,

TG

[[em...]]

Thank you, Parker.  I've had a rough couple of weeks and it's important to remember that the fact that things ebb and flow is a good sign that healing is taking place.

 

emkbb

[[tu...]]

Parker:

 

You have been nothing but honest and kind to me.  Please know the angst I am feeling is due to the symptomatic week I am having and just plain old fatigue from dealing with all of this for the last 8 months (a year really since tolerance set in).  Normally I am a person who knows her own mind and can make quick decisions.  But, this experience has taken a toll on my self confidence.  Not being able to trust my body and mind to behave normally has left me feeling a bit bad about myself.  Feelings and symptoms ebb and flow in recovery as we all know.  Still, when they are happening to you it can be so difficult.

 

I am torn.  Not sure if I can count on my mind and emotions to do what I need them to yet.  Not sure if these vaccinations will do more harm than good.  There is a part of me that believes moving forward even in this small way of volunteering is exactly what I need right now.  A distraction, a way to get outside of myself, to see concretely that I am better than I worry I am, to build back some of that lost self confidence.  My kids are 17, 16 & 10.  In school all day.  I am bored at home all day right now.  Focusing far too much of my day on how I feel.  Before all the craziness began last fall (10/3/11 with dizziness and vertigo) I was doing my student teaching to become a student teacher.  Barely (and not gracefully) was able to complete the semester before asking to postpone my last semester of student teaching.  Have decided not to return to it for MANY reasons that existed before the Ambien.  But, certainly, if my body and mind had not broken down I am sure I would be teaching somewhere this year.  Not finishing this and the way I had to leave it (sickly and suddenly) has been tough on my ego.  That coupled with all the fear and doubt associated with recovery has left me a bit of a mess emotionally.  I try to put up a good front (and some days I truly do feel at peace and happy), but this year has left me a bit damaged in more ways than my CNS.

 

Your advice to pray and ask for guidance is what I am going to do.  Normally I trust my gut.  I am going to spend some time trying to get in touch with my instincts. 

 

What a journey this is, right?  It effects so many parts of your life.

 

Thanks again for responding and caring.  It did help.  I need to do some soul searching and figure out what is best for me.

 

TG

[[Cl...]]

This is THE BEST post on this entire forum, except for maybe the Ashton Manual itself. Wow, I'm absolutely floored and grateful for this!

[[pr...]]

i love that song by Frou Frou but enough of the Breakdown already let's start seeing the beauty.

i'm afraid i will never get back to my songwriting and my music.  :'(  i haven't written in so long, i just lay there all day waiting for the next sound to occur.

that can't be a good thing.

but i agree, this is the best post on the forum and i did print it out and gave it to each one of my family and told them this is the manual right now.

read it!  so i can SLEEEEP

and i'm going to print some more copies and give one to my so-called 'benzo wise' Doc at UCLA and the Suboxone Doc who told me "Oh you should have felt better in about 2 weeks" with a snort derision--yes yes he's definitely getting a copy and a phone call from benzo wise Doc. and i will email my other Doc who was giving me the benzo's and soma a copy.

i'm not against Doctor's but i have yet to see one that can even just tolerate listening to these symptoms without becoming sorta threatened by the idea that it just takes a long time. most of the time.

does anyone know about how bad it is to do a cold turkey from Soma? because i basically cold turkey'd at the detox hospital from both the benzo and the soma last 4/25/12.

[[Be...]]

bump

 

[[Be...]]

another bump

[[sa...]]

[[ar...]]

Thanks, Parker.  Definitely one of the best posts I've read.

[[...]]

Hi Parker

 

Although I personally have followed the Ashton Manual but made a few mistakes in c/o off Nitrazepam to Valium,doing a 1 mg drop every 1-2 weeks personally was too much,if I had not found this forum and followed suggestions I do not know where I would be,probably back in psych hospital.

 

Still reading as I printed it off,good job I have lots of paper but am very grateful for your time and trouble doing this for us.

 

DD58

[[pa...]]

Hi Parker

 

Although I personally have followed the Ashton Manual but made a few mistakes in c/o off Nitrazepam to Valium,doing a 1 mg drop every 1-2 weeks personally was too much,if I had not found this forum and followed suggestions I do not know where I would be,probably back in psych hospital.

 

Still reading as I printed it off,good job I have lots of paper but am very grateful for your time and trouble doing this for us.

 

DD58

 

DD58 - You are smart to have followed a taper. In fact, if I had to do it over again, I might try a slow slow taper like Oscar and others.  Cold-turkey was not the best approach - I'll admit.   I hope you feel better sooner than I did!

:)Parker

[[Ne...]]

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN [MY] BRAIN??

 

I sure would like to know.  Right now my head/brain feels like it is completely detached from the rest of my body..as if it wants to roll off my shoulders and onto the floor..ridiculous image..funny if not so disturbing.  Days and nights of this disassociation...now ten month free of the Ativan..revisiting symptoms I thought were behind me...trying to trust BB who have been here done this over and over again.  so discouraged...NL

[[pr...]]

hopefully that is just because new places in the brain are being healed right now, like Parker stated.

i hope so for you New Life!

i became discouraged this morning too when i thought my brain was getting better and i just was flying around the room all night long and watching the clock.

Hmmmm what a way to spend the night!

 

[[Co...]]

Amazing post... Thank you so much Parker, this is a MUST read for everyone at BB. 

[[Be...]]

bump

 

[[An...]]

This is one of the best post I have ever read. Wow, this makes me feel a ton better knowing all of this. Thank you for this! 

I plan on sharing this with family so they will understand what I am going through.

[[pr...]]

newlife,

how are you feeling?

i am still have severe brain kindling symptoms and wonder if they will ever end? and heal?

i hope you are better lately.

pretty

[[Th...]]

Parker, this is just fantastic and I know it is going to help me so much as I attempt (slower) withdrawal again.  One question:  any theories about what it is that would cause chronic headaches and face/neck pain both on Valium and - wildly exacerbated - in withdrawal?  This is the most intolerable thing for me and I know if I can understand its place in the healing too it will help me even more. 

 

Thanks again for all the time and brainpower you put into this. 

[[Be...]]

bump