The Klonopin Klub

[[In...]]

Skyzone,

 

I'll have to read your blog. Wish I had more time for all the blogs actually. I've really only read one from start to finish in one year on BB. But I catch snatches of current info and sometimes add something.

 

Not the same though for sure.

 

Intend

[[ta...]]

Thanks Jaxnj.

 

Congrats on the new job. Sounds like it's a great move. 

 

I've been around, I read a lot of the posts and just put my 2 cents in when I feel I can be of help. I'm not having as good a day as yesterday, but still not as bad as some. 

[[li...]]

bballmom - good luck on Wednesday - keep us posted!

 

There have been questions about titration so I just thought I would write a little about my experience with this method .....

 

After watching the you tube demo, I ordered cylinders on line, bought a mortar/pestle, and obtained free syringes at a local pharmacy.

 

I first tried titrating with water, liked the fact that I could see the crushed particles swirling around, but found that they quickly settled at the bottom - not a good distribution.

 

Then I switched to high fat milk and liked the results ....... 

I always crush the pill first, just to be sure, and then add the milk.  I always stir the suspension before taking a dose. 

It keeps well in the fridge.

 

It is important, I think, to use as few transfers between containers as possible because every speck counts. 

After I drink my dose, I always add a little water and drink again so as not to miss any particles.

 

The math is just ratio. 

 

Dry cutting was much more frustrating for me ...... inaccurate because of crumbling ..... and more intense symptoms.

 

Hope this helps ........

Lizie

 

 

 

 

[[ja...]]

My last cut on November23rd has really kicked me on the butt. For some reason the symptoms are pretty harsh and they seen to be getting worse as I come down my dosage.I would like to keep my cuts at .125mg at least until I reach 1.25mg's of K. my worst symtoms are nerve/back pain terrible sleeping quality and quantity, constipation, diszziness (probably from lack of sleep), brain fog, acky joints and muscles, depression is a big one, get the feeling I just dont want to be here in this life anymore. I am very scared that I will not make it thru this taper, hell I am not even 50% off my original dose. Please some words of encouragement will help

[[In...]]

Jake,

 

Your sx are getting worse because you're cutting at the same amount each time you cut.

 

This means your cut is becoming a bigger percentage of your base amount. General guidelines are to cut 5-10% of your base amount and hold for 10-14 days.

 

This is actually pretty old fashioned IMO, but can work for those who have not been on benzos very long. "Very long" is a relative term meaning anywhere from a few weeks to about 6 months, but it varies by individual. If you want to keep dry cutting, I'd advise staying within those guidelines.

 

So, for example, a 10% cut off 1 Mg is .1 Mg, leaving .9 mgs as your new base amount. But 10% off of .9 mgs becomes harder as it is .09 mgs. In only use this as an example as I realize this is not your present state. But as you go lower, it becomes harder to follow those guidelines.

 

Perhaps I did not encourage you here, but I do encourage you now. This is very hard to do, and education can help.

 

Intend

[[re...]]

Jake, it's hard for any one of us to gauge the relative awfulness of any one person's experience--we've all been through some sort of mill, but your present situation sounds hard to bear indeed.  I know precisely what you mean about "not wanting to live this life anymore."  I was NOT suicidal, and I was very clear about that, but at the same time the idea of not being alive seemed strangely appealing.  THAT FEELING WILL PASS.  In the meantime, I think it would be good to pay attention to what Intend says, because her advice is coming from a well-informed place.  You need a break--you need to be able to get some sleep, and it sounds as though that may mean slowing down your taper in the way that Intend suggests.  You may want to try it, at least. 

 

Are you trying magnesium citrate for the constipation?  And is there anything else that's at all effective in soothing you--warm baths or mild herbal tea . . . anything like that?  Try to indulge yourself, but in ways that you KNOW are good for you (not stuff like chocolate, which can be a great way to self-indulge, but not necessarily for those of us in benzo-withdrawal.

 

Do, really, try the deep breathing, if you haven't already.  I was amazed last night that this not only calmed me down but actually caused the pain my body was in to subside somewhat.  Also, do you know about the mindfulness body scan?  It's worth a try.  Here is one set of instructions, but you can find others online.  This instructor mentions both sitting up and lying down.  When I was in a bad way, I did the mindfulness body scan while lying down--sometimes this put me to sleep, and if it did then so much the better.

 

You will be all right in time.  Take care, and keep us posted.

 

Peace,

 

Rek 

[[li...]]

Jake - sorry to hear this - I know it's rough right now ......

 

Based on your body's response, you might want to slow down, hold and make smaller cuts ..... something for you to consider, at least.

 

It's not a race ...... even holding is progress if it gives your body time to stabilize before resuming your taper.

 

Heat can really help back pain and lessen all the muscle pains .........

 

Lizie

[[pe...]]

My last cut on November23rd has really kicked me on the butt. For some reason the symptoms are pretty harsh and they seen to be getting worse as I come down my dosage.I would like to keep my cuts at .125mg at least until I reach 1.25mg's of K. my worst symtoms are nerve/back pain terrible sleeping quality and quantity, constipation, diszziness (probably from lack of sleep), brain fog, acky joints and muscles, depression is a big one, get the feeling I just dont want to be here in this life anymore. I am very scared that I will not make it thru this taper, hell I am not even 50% off my original dose. Please some words of encouragement will help

 

jake,

 

Some words of encouragement for you...

 

The OAK Tree

 

A mighty wind blew night and day.

 

It stole the oak tree's leaves away,

 

then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark

 

Until the oak was tired and stark.

 

While other trees fell all around.

 

The weary wind gave up and spoke,

 

"How can you still be standing, Oak?"

 

The oak tree said, " I know that you

 

Can break each branch of mine in two,

 

Carry every leaf away, Shake my limbs, and make me sway.

 

But I have roots stretched in the earth,

 

Growing stronger since my birth.

 

You'll never touch them, for you see

 

They are the deepest part of me.

 

Until today, I wasn't sure

 

Of just how much I could endure

 

But now I've found, with thanks to you,

 

I'm stronger than I ever knew."

 

 

Whatever it is that you are going through...try to remember that you're stronger than any problem you encounter or any disappointment life will bring.......

 

I'm thinking of you...believing in you..... and praying for you.......

 

 

perfect daughter 

 

 

[[ja...]]

Thank you for your notes. I do realize that the percentage is increasing every time but my last cut from 2.5 down to 2.375 is still only 5%. Perhaps I need to add more time in between cuts to level off before the next cut. My goal is to taper at .125mg's until I reach 10% which would be 1.25mg's. I just hope I will be able to do that. What is really depressing is that I was on K before (6 years ago) and I came off that without a single symptom at all and my cuts were .125mg every 2 weeks from 6mg all the way down to 0. I just cant believe that this time things are so much different and harder. I have heard about kidling but its hard to grasp that concept and accept it is happening to me. I feels like I got one free pass to come off K and the second time around the pass is very costly. The only reason I took K the second time is because I always believed it was easy to come off. Had I known differently I would not be on this boat. It just sucks.

[[re...]]

Jake, I just realized I forgot to paste in the YouTube link for the mindfulness body scan--here it is:

 

 

You may also want to do a search on Jon Kabat-Zinn, who uses techniques like the above in what have proven to be very effective pain-management strategies.  He's a Buddhist; he's also a medical doctor.

 

Hope you feel better very soon -

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

Reading your posts this evening, my KK buds. How great this thread is - so much good, practical, non-med ideas for coping and relaxation. From tea, to poetry (beautiful, PD!), to book recommendations, to exercise, meditation, heat for muscle pain, deep breathing. This is what this thread should be like, so supportive and helpful. I'm so impressed with everyone.

 

I was just thinking back on the poster who said he tapered from 8 mg of Klonopin to 0 mg in 8 days. He hasn't appeared again, but I really wanted to hear his experience. I mean, given the dangers and w/d sxs, is that even possible? I guess it is, if he did it. Anyone have any input, research or experience in terms of this? I mean, I went from 2 mg to 0 mg in 6 days, and that was some crazy s**t. I can't even imagine 8 mg in less time, relatively speaking.

 

My neck isn't twitching anymore, and I got a cut and color so you can't see the gray anymore But my hair loss is so pronounced...I can see my scalp and can get a good look of how I would look completely bald. The hairdresser is someone I've gone to for 10 years - we're exactly the same age, 10 days apart - and she's concerned and recommended some products for regenerating hair growth. My best friend also suggested Calcium, Omega-3s and a good Multi.

 

Went to the podiatrist and happily, she gave me the all-clear to exercise. Not so great was my blood pressure. My first reading was 150/100 so they did it again, and it was 135/70. I'm just wondering how to lower that...I also wonder how much is age and how much is stress. Seems like so much all at once.

 

So I wonder, if I was still on the Klonopin, would I be feeling all these things or would I just be numb? Who knows...just time to repair, repair and try to reverse a lot of stuff that's happened over the past year & 1/2. 

 

Hugs to all and gnite.

 

 

 

 

[[re...]]

Morning, Jax and all -

 

I was curious about PD's poem, so I looked it up, and if anyone's wondering, its author is Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr.--he appears to be a composer of inspirational poetry, so you can find more if you look him up at Google or whatever.

 

Jax, my dear, I hope you get a boost to that self-esteem of yours when you log on to the Klonopin Klub, because I do believe you're an inspiration to everyone who reads this thread.  You're incredibly supportive, and expressive and funny and helpful and and and . . . I could go on!  It's certainly not unusual, though, especially after being emotionally beat-up in the workplace, to struggle with feelings of low self-esteem.  I hope your new position will begin to build that back up for you.

 

Now that your neck is better, I wonder whether stress may have been affecting your hair, too--I think it's possible, you know?  I hope the stuff your hairdresser gave you helps; maybe just having life settle out for you some will make a positive difference as well.  My hair's looking thinnish these days, too, especially around the hairline.  Most of my sisters-in-law have this gloriously thick, luxuriant hair, and I'm so envious!  Doesn't run in my family, though, alas.

 

How long ago did the eight-to-zero person weigh in here?  I don't have a precise memory of that particular post, but now I'm wondering, too, what may have happened.  I hope he's OK.

 

OK, time to get breakfast and start preparing for the slog to the train station.  As always, I hope everyone got some sleep -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

 

 

[[Ly...]]

Good morning guys - shout outs to everyone ..

I had a really bad day yesterday . I've been going back to working out the last 3 days .

Doing just a light 30 min cardio . And I find myself feeling like crap about an hour after I work out .

The first 2 days I felt a bit out of it and yesterday about an hour later

I feel faint and started having a bad racing heart . One mistake that I know I made was that I only had a banana before I worked out but I've been light on eating before when I used to work out in the past and never had a problem . The faint feeling and fast heart rate thing ( which wasn't big heart palpitations but something I was checking via my iPhone heart monitor which is really

Accurate and it clocked me at 154 bpm) scared me half to death . It's like usually when a panic attack comes on I can identify it and move thru it but if it comes at me a different way it immediately traumatizes me into thinking back about my drug overdose 8 months ago when I almost died and had severe heart palpitations and therefore I almost always immediately think

I have a heart problem from my drug abuse and that

I'm going to die ..  I have been sober almost 9 months of illegal drugs. however it was my overdose

That started my panic disorder so i am always afraid my mistakes of the past will still kill me along with whatever damage post concussion wise i am recovering from

With my bus accident injury.I am in treatment for trauma  and also I have been cleared

By my cardiologist for having a good stress echo and a excellent 24 hour heart monitor

Read in the recent past but I still get so scared when I am overcome by this crap. I sat in my car and cried for an hour in fear yesterday as this whole thing went on and was trying to figure out if I should go to emergency room or not . That's the worse . Not being able to gauge what's a true emergency and what's a new symptom of panic attacks . I've never had that faint feeling before and it terrified me. Has anyone had these experiences after going back to exercise ?

 

I'm 43 days off benzos and some of my morning anxiety that was starting to go away is coming back to.  This has been the hardest year of my life and after almost seeing the end of my own life  I have turned myself around a 100 percent in terms of how I take care of myself . I just fear ill never be healthy again .

[[re...]]

Lynn, I can see why you're frightened, but I think you are going to be OK--easy for ME to say, I realize, but I'd hope that if you were able to lower your overall anxiety level it might also keep your heart beating at a more normal rate.  Here's my question for you right now.  Do you--perhaps as part of the post-trauma treatment--getting any counselling?  If not, I wonder whether that might help you get some equilibrium back in your life. In the meantime, you may want to ratchet back your workout a bit--don't be too ambitious at this stage of things, maybe.  Remember, you have to be gentle with yourself.

 

One more question--have you tried deep breathing?

 

I hope you feel better today, if not now, then soon -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[pe...]]

Reading your posts this evening, my KK buds. How great this thread is - so much good, practical, non-med ideas for coping and relaxation. From tea, to poetry (beautiful, PD!), to book recommendations, to exercise, meditation, heat for muscle pain, deep breathing. This is what this thread should be like, so supportive and helpful. I'm so impressed with everyone.

 

I was just thinking back on the poster who said he tapered from 8 mg of Klonopin to 0 mg in 8 days. He hasn't appeared again, but I really wanted to hear his experience. I mean, given the dangers and w/d sxs, is that even possible? I guess it is, if he did it. Anyone have any input, research or experience in terms of this? I mean, I went from 2 mg to 0 mg in 6 days, and that was some crazy s**t. I can't even imagine 8 mg in less time, relatively speaking.

 

Thanks so much Jaxnj...I'm glad you enjoyed the poetry!  My mom sent me that verse in a card when I was going through a difficult time and it really meant a lot to me.

 

I was also thinking about allen (the poster who tapered off 8mg in 8 days).  I started to get worried about him since we haven't seen him again in the Klonopin Klub, so I sent him a PM yesterday to make sure he is OK.  I haven't heard back from him yet.  He may have ended up in the hospital with such severe withdrawal symptoms.  It's scary when you think someone might be in trouble and you don't know who or where they are and you don't have any way to contact them except through this forum.  Like you said Jaxnj...there's a lot of potential danger there coming off such a high dose in such short time!  I would also be interested to know if anyone has any knowledge / experience about this.

 

PD

 

 

[[re...]]

Hi, folks -

 

I just sent a brief private message to Allen, asking him, if he can, either to reply or to post here.  If I hear anything, I will let you know.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[In...]]

Lynn,

 

Like I said before: PTSD from your very difficult experiences. Totally validating you here. And with GABAs still in repair, many folks find exercise really revs up their sx big time. This happens in active tapering and in recovery. I read this on BB all the time as I tend to be all over this forum.

 

Please rest assured on that one. Maybe you should lighten your exercise a bit. Some can handle it with hard cardio workouts and others can't. Not saying you can't, but a real strenuous cardio workout usually does get anyone's heart going. But in this situation, it might bring on other w/d sx also that seem unrelated to exercise.

 

Reks suggestion of counseling is a good one. It would be good to move past your scary feelings by actually "confronting" them through some talk therapy. Of course, I'm a little into that as I do it for a living, but on a crisis level, but you are going repeatedly into crisis mode here so I think it could seriously help you.

 

And the deep breathing also is good. I had two years of speech therapy for a closed trachea (long story), and I was taught a lot of deep breathing techniques. I use them all the time. I even teach them to some of my clients. Although I learned from a speech therapist, you could learn by counseling also. Just remember to breathe all the way down to your stomach, pulling air down there and not stopping at your lungs. Also don't suck in your stomach and hunch up your shoulders military style. Just drop those shoulders, take a deep, slow breath, and draw it all the way to your stomach and below. Then let it out slowly. You are essentially hyper oxygenating your body tissues in a good way.

 

Anyway, please try it. You are going to be ok. It's ok to get scared and panicky. This will help.

 

Intend

 

[[In...]]

Hey Lynn,

 

Just reread that you are in counseling for trauma. Hope they are having you just confront those fears head on.

 

Overall, I think you're doing great. What you went through is not just over in your mind as fast as others may expect or even you. But it will be over at some point. You're dealing with a lot here so that's also part of the issues.

 

The mind can only handle so much at any one point in time. You are handling multiple things here. Anyone would get overwhelmed which I think is what is happening. So try to take it a little slower so you can process each moment before the tidal wave hits you. Just more advice on calming techniques. They do work, but it takes time and also breaking that cycle of escalation one step at a time.

 

Intend

[[mu...]]

It has been 6 months since I stopped taking the benzos.  I 'm still having a terrible time in the morning but I'm much better than  I was  on June 1 st.  Also eating is still an issue.  That was a big problem in the beginning, I just couldn't get anything down.  I'm trying hard not to take any Neurontin .  My mother- in- law has been moved to a nursing home.  My husband is mentally and physically exhausted from the ordeal.  He understands what I'm going through but I wish he would do one thing for me PUT HIS DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER .  Every day I come home from work and have to clean the kitchen. 

[[Ly...]]

Dear Rek and intend

I appreciate both of your advice thank you . Yes I actually have been going to therapy for 6 months and do special trauma therapy . It just that I got so scared when I started feeling weak and faint yesterday and the fact it lasted so long scared me to and made me feel like it was a serious problem . It's hard for me taking it easy on exercise bc I like exercise and Im

So out of shape from the last six months . I used to be able to work out six days a week . I'm only 36 and now I feel like my body is a fragile mess .  I know In the big picture I have recovered alot in the last 8 months . I've been thru so much .

Intend - so you have heard about people's symptoms being reved up from working out ?

That is reassuring .i wish I had never done drugs or hurt myself but I'm trying to make up for that with my new life . I never had anxiety disorder before and I hope it  will go away.

I just want to be whole again .

[[Ly...]]

Mustlovedogs

Hey sista I admire you for your strength and determination . I am only 43 days benzo free

And am still struggling to find balance in my health . Id come over and help ya clean the kitchen if it didnt require getting on a jet plane . Please keep your head up and know u have alot of support and care here .  I wish I could offer more advice  but all I can tell you is it takes alot of courage to be free of benzo medication and your doing it . I guess I always feel like if my body is ever going to have a chance to recover I have to let it heal naturally without being bombarded by destructive medications .

I used to take neurontin and hated it.  I believe the body has alot of ability to heal itself if we let it . I was a drug addict for 4 years and got one hell of a wake up call when I overdosed on bath salts and even a bigger wake up call when I was in a bus accident . But I'm watching myself slowly come back, and you will too

Just have faith in your own strength and keep on keepin on .proud of you . Stay up

[[In...]]

Lynn,

 

I have absolutely read that so many times I can't count them. And as I said, it's not just your heart racing type sx, but all others you may have felt or feel like the anxiety for instance. That could be revved up because of exercise your just not ready to do.

 

And additionally, it's been shown (another study, but I believe it because of my own experience) that anxiety responses tend to be amplified in those who have used benzos. Kind of a multiple whammy here for you I think.

 

So you're healing from your overdose ( probably mentally, emotionally,and physically), your healing from your accident ( mentally and emotionally), and your healing from benzo use (GABAs still healing which is also emotional and physical).

 

Then if your anxiety is enhanced because of benzo use (and it may not be, but could be), it wouldn't take much for you to overwhelm yourself and start panicking. That's what I'm talking about when I say to break that cycle of escalation by slowing down, just a little physically, doing some self talk like "I'm ok, and now I'm going to just deep breathe."

 

You are very young and your body is still a tad fragile. I'm older than you, but I just lift very light weights and walk slowly on my treadmill about three times a week for both. I understand wanting to get back in shape. I'm just wanting to maintain what I have which is nowhere like you were or are going to be.

 

I know that a little light exercise can be helpful, but intense workouts or more than you're ready for will rev up sx. Your body is telling you that. You can always post to the Withdrawl and Recovery board about it. I think you'll get many responses that will give you a good perspective on exercise during recovery, especially since you are genuinely recovering from a lot here. But at your age, I have no doubts that you're coming back to your old self, but not as fast as you might want. In another 8 months, I'm thinking huge changes for you.

 

Intend

[[re...]]

Lynn, I think you have immense courage, confronting what's happened.  It's sobering to wake up and realize that we have been, to paraphrase your words, hurting ourselves.  I find it appalling to look back on the four years, in my late teens and early twenties, when I was dealing with an eating disorder (I didn't know what it was called, or even that I had an "eating disorder"--those things weren't being discussed much at the time).  But we're lucky to survive, and then we can heal, and you will.

 

I think Intend's words to you are exceedingly wise--she speaks from a place of greater experience than many of us here at BenzoBuddies, partly because of the line of work she's in.  Do heed her reassurances, and above all be good to yourself; it takes some time to figure out what exactly we have to do to nurture ourselves through this process without inadvertently setting ourselves back, but as it becomes more apparent what works and what doesn't, it gets easier to care for ourselves with the gentleness and kindness we deserve--you DO deserve it!

 

MustLoveDogs, it's actually GREAT that you can perceive progress--this is the point to keep in mind when things still feel bad: that they're better than they were, and will get better still, even if not in a precisely linear fashion.  Mind you, I don't know whether your husband will get any better at loading the dishwasher, but I sure do understand your frustration!  We don't have a dishwasher, and my husband is good about tidying up after himself, but I wish I could say the same for our teenager, who passes through a room like a small tornado, leaving all manner of detritus behind: no amount of reminding and nagging makes the slightest difference!

 

No word from Allen yet.  Keeping a lookout.

 

Have a gentle afternoon, everyone -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ea...]]

I just posted a desperate letter to the Withdrawal page and then found this! Count me in to the Klonapin Klub.

I am 62 years old and literally dont know how I got this old without noticing. At age 20 I began drinking alcohol because of insomnia. I drank every night until about 2007, and do not miss it at all. In 1981 I discovered benzos and abused them until 12 years ago when I finally sought help for depression and my PDoc put me on Klonapin and Ambien. In June this year,my medical doctor noticed how debilitated I was and on July 30 was forced to enter a detox program (from hell-!). Got a 4 day taper on Ativan, was insulted by staff and not once did any staff (including doctors) ask me what I was feeling, etc. I was hallucinating and having the beginning of a multitude of physical symptoms. On August 14, I literally "woke up" and began slowly to realize that I did not know what had happened. Started to re-create a time line. IE when did I have  this surgery? When did I adopt that cat? Etc. Still patching the holes and have lost so much stuff.

In the past years, I

-lost my health

-had about 6 major surgeries which in retrospect would not have needed if I hadnt been taking so much medication (most were due to falls...)

-wrecked my car twice

-got a DUI

-got arrested for shoplifting

-ruined a marriage, causing my first major depression-

-alienated my two sisters completely

-lost almost all my friends

-isolated myself

-lost many jobs

-became physically disabled

-went bankrupt

ETC ETC  I could easily write a whole page of this stuff.

I find myself now alone and lost. Today it is exactly 4 monthes since taking my last Klonapin. One and a half monthes since last Ambien. Two monthes since last anti-depressants. And instead of gradually feeling better, the past couple weeks I have been worse, now to the point of desperation. I had read that you gradually improve. Not get worse and I am terrified. The physical symptoms have been worse, especially the itchy, burning skinand sense of touch. Thats so acute even the brush of one of the cats whiskers makes me flinch horribly. The overly acute hearing. My nose runs all the time, I clench my teeth so bad two crowns have fallen out and broke another tooth down to the gum. Am now 90 lbs (5'4") and can encircle my thigh with my hands.  Sleep is a distant memory, and this problems also has gotten worse, not better. Night before last I did not sleep at all. Last night I passed out but when I woke my hands and arms were totally numb and wouldnt move for a few minutes.

Night time is the worst. I am so scared a spider might find me I sit there all hunched up. Like an insane person in a bad movie. During the day I clean my house obsessively but lately my energy has been bad. Today I feel very weak and dizzy when I move. I am drinking enough fluids, tho so its not that.

I have posted on every benzo group I have found: IS THIS 'NORMAL' FOR SYMPTOMS TO GET WORSE AFTER 4 MONTHES???? I havent gotten an answer yet so I am asking you guys. BenzoBuddies is by far the best group I've found yet.

I am depressed now and wasnt until 2 weeks ago, I found out someone who was very influential in my life (good and bad-) had died. But the physical symptoms were worse before that. I have no means to kill myself. But to be honest, if I still had the bottles of pills, it would be  sooooo easy to "make a mistake." I dont have any resources to get more pills, either. And too chicken to try other means. AND if I were really suicidal, would not be posting in desperation for help!

PLEASE, anyone, can you relate to my story? What should I do? (I am trying to find a new PDoc, but insurance issues are holding that up and when I do find a new doc, it will be a while to get a first appointment.)  What can I do to feel better? (Have tried Melatonin, Benedryl for sleep, no effect at all- also started taking vitamin D3 for depression). I try to keep busy but even that has become pretty weird. Cleaning my house obsessively, now go around hunting for the little non-biting ants common here in Florida. Washed so much laundry my machine is threatening to die.

Am a shopaholic and spent ALL this monthes disability check (my only income) on silly stuff and now owe the bank money. Will have no money until Dec 20.) I string beads and have finished maybe 40 necklaces, but am running out of beads!!!! And am facing the fact that I probably will have to consider going into an assisted living or nursing home in near future.

In a bad way, you can tell. Any words of advice, knowledge, support will be completely appreciated. You just might be saving my life, my new friends.

One last comment: Despite feeling totally desperate, there ARE some good things. My memory is slowly getting better. I am able to learn new things a bit easier now. Mind a little more open, and have started to read again. So its not all painted black.

 

[[In...]]

Eastcoast,

 

Your answer to your question "is this normal" is yes. You did a detox off two benzos, both highly potent, and you are repairing the damage to your GABA receptors right now. Your post to W and R will bring some responses to those questions also.

 

There is also a "cold turkey and rapid w/d" section within that area where you can also post because this is what has happened to you. Detox centers are not necessarily hospital centers. We actually have good ones here that are part of treating hospitals, but there are also most likely some not so good ones also. These are money making enterprises and generally have to meet minimum standards to be licensed like having a doctor and nurse on staff and that's it.

 

I'm not really sure about all that, but it's been said here before that detox is not always a good way to go with Benzos as they are very different in the amount of time taken to "up regulate " and are not like other dependencies in any way. But repair is not a straightforward process, so any reoccurrence that you're having at this time is very normal. I'm going to leave the palliative methods to feel better to REK as she is very goodcat that.

 

But your sx are totally normal although surely upsetting. And the good news is in your last comment: your memory is coming back, you are feeling open and I'm guessing more aware, and you are reading again. That part is huge, and I'm recommending that you do as much of that as you can. That right there is a big sign of recovery.

 

Intend