The Klonopin Klub

[[Bu...]]

Hi all!

 

Whew, trying to catch up with all the posts!

 

WR:  glad you are feeling well and so excited that you're on the final countdown to being benzo free!  You've come so far and done so well 

 

Gilster:  hope you get some more windows and thank-you for posting about Deep-she is always in my thoughts

 

Can Do:  loved the picture of your dog!  Looked like he was smiling-what a character!  Hope your jolts settle down soon, too

 

Mana:  Yes!  I get those random sxs after reducing my dose too-sure does keep me guessing when trying to plan something

 

CoyoteLake:  hope you get a window soon too!

 

Hardtocope:  Hang in there!  I'm microtapering all the way down and the waves have been shorter in length and more bearable the lower I get.  Sleep is getting better, too.  You will do this

 

Swickey:  hope your pup feels better soon

 

Bennie:  glad your MRI went well and hope you feel better today!

 

Survivingbenzotaper:  glad your microtaper is helping you.  Sorry to hear that your Mom is in the hospital.  Thinking of you

 

Liberty:  Hang in there!

 

CaretakerDH:  It's wonderful that you are such great support for your wife!  I couldn't have come this far without my husband.  I updosed once and think it helped a little for about a week, but I was also having interdose withdrawals.  I got great advice here to try and cut my dose in two and dose twice a day and that helped a lot!  If I cut too much or sxs ramp up too much, holding for about a week helps me stabilize a bit before the next reduction.  Our bodies are trying so hard to find balance and get us well!

 

Bstrong:  Sorry your birthday was so rough.  I've been through several that I'd just like to forget but, this year it was better.  Things will get better for us and you will have those wonderful birthdays with your family again!  We are amazingly resilient!

 

Kgirl:  So happy that you are near the end of you benzo saga too!  Ten years-wow-you have come so far!  I'm titrating down to 0 too and I think it will be down to a drop at the end!

 

Nomo:  "learning how to cope in this perfect storm"...exactly!  I know for sure that sooo many of the things that use to bother/anger me don't anymore.  I've learned what's really important in my life and just let everything else go.  My counselor said my theme song could be the Frozen movie song "Let It Go"  .  Awfully hard earned wisdom though!!

 

Try:  nice to see you and hope you are doing well, too

 

Betsy:  thanks for the link-very interesting and helpful

 

Maya:  You have come so far too!  Another true K warrior 

 

Newgirl:  BB and KK are wonderful indeed!  Couldn't do this without them for sure

 

Mccrow-glad you're doing ok.  The tapering board can help you with calculations, too.  I'm doing a liquid MT

 

Daisies:  Yes!  Those cortisol surges/wave in different places all day are so weird!  Seems like sxs are cycling so fast now-what a rollercoaster!  I find even the windows are cycling faster as well.  I really believe that we are healing overall though.  You too are so close to being benzo free 

 

Take care K klubbers!

[[...]]

Good Morning CD , Bennie (yay!  you did so well and are home!)  WR , Kgirl  , Mana  , B Strong  ,

 

Don't we all just love the emojis?

 

Today my 15 yr. old is flying to my alma mater for a 9 day engineering program for high school kids.  Tonight our 14 yr. old 3 week guest arrives.  I was planning to drive 2 hrs to the airport, drop one off, pick one up, and return ( a 10 hour day,) and then my husband said "This is a marathon, not a sprint."  I realized my chances of imploding (er, going feral in the tube,) were pretty high if I did all that.  So I stayed home and walked and went to the saturday yoga class.  In the past, I would have stayed home with a migraine but not to pace myself.  I guess there is some progress.

 

Day 10 of my hold at .5 mg.  I am still fighting a bear of anxiety, (I should follow Bennie and make friends with this bear...) but I think I am a bit better.  I remember feeling this kind of anxiety after I broke up with a boyfriend senior year of college and needed to pick up the pieces.  I otherwise remember a much lighter form of anxiety.  I am hoping so much that this will not be a lifetime struggle.  Not at this level anyway.

 

There was an interview on the radio about the riptide at the beach.  It was bad, and they were telling people never to swim against the current or it will carry you out.  You just can't do it.  They said to swim with the current at an angle toward the shore.  Go with the flow.  Let it carry you, and just choose to swim with it toward shore.  I do remember times in the ocean trying to go against a strong current.  You can't do it, and it will carry you out deeper.  I am meditating on what it is to ride the waves.

 

Have not heard any news about my dad.  He is dying soon, and I am wondering why my sisters have not got back to me.  I am riding this one out too.

 

Thank you all for your prayers.  I lift you all up whenever I cry out for myself. 

 

No Mo.

 

Hi BUrned!!  Hi Bets! 

[[Be...]]

Bennie:

 

I bit later on I am going to ask you how to do a dry MT off my valium. Do you think you can help me with that? And don't worry, I won't be an like I was before. And a big congrats on that MRI! :smitten:

 

Betsy

 

Hiya Bets,

 

I'm thinking that Kgirl has the Valium MT down pat. You might follow her lead as to the size and rate of cuts—since the strength ratio of V to K is different by factor of 20, I believe. She's doing very well, all electric jolts and anxiety aside. I'm guessing you could start with a similar taper rate then reassess after two weeks. Is cut/hold problematic?

 

Nomo,

I like the metaphor of the rip tide and the Benzo waves. Very much the same, I think. So I hope your husband us picking up the chores that keep you from being in sprint mode. As far as your Dad goes, it's very sad. Maybe your sibs figure you want to stay out of the loop, or have their own feelings about you not being there, or there's just no news. At this time, there's enough on your plate that the only thing you have to do is try and not get caught in the rip tide of dramatic scenarios. I trust you'll not be stuck with debilitating anxiety. Hard to believe sometimes. I have to wonder myself when I get hit, then it breaks.

 

Bennie

[[ca...]]

Good Morning CD , Bennie (yay!  you did so well and are home!)  WR , Kgirl  , Mana  , B Strong  ,

 

Don't we all just love the emojis?

 

Today my 15 yr. old is flying to my alma mater for a 9 day engineering program for high school kids.  Tonight our 14 yr. old 3 week guest arrives.  I was planning to drive 2 hrs to the airport, drop one off, pick one up, and return ( a 10 hour day,) and then my husband said "This is a marathon, not a sprint."  I realized my chances of imploding (er, going feral in the tube,) were pretty high if I did all that.  So I stayed home and walked and went to the saturday yoga class.  In the past, I would have stayed home with a migraine but not to pace myself.  I guess there is some progress.

 

Day 10 of my hold at .5 mg.  I am still fighting a bear of anxiety, (I should follow Bennie and make friends with this bear...) but I think I am a bit better.  I remember feeling this kind of anxiety after I broke up with a boyfriend senior year of college and needed to pick up the pieces.  I otherwise remember a much lighter form of anxiety.  I am hoping so much that this will not be a lifetime struggle.  Not at this level anyway.

 

There was an interview on the radio about the riptide at the beach.  It was bad, and they were telling people never to swim against the current or it will carry you out.  You just can't do it.  They said to swim with the current at an angle toward the shore.  Go with the flow.  Let it carry you, and just choose to swim with it toward shore.  I do remember times in the ocean trying to go against a strong current.  You can't do it, and it will carry you out deeper.  I am meditating on what it is to ride the waves.

 

Have not heard any news about my dad.  He is dying soon, and I am wondering why my sisters have not got back to me.  I am riding this one out too.

 

Thank you all for your prayers.  I lift you all up whenever I cry out for myself. 

 

No Mo.

 

Hi BUrned!!  Hi Bets! 

No Mo , very sorry not even sure what to say ~Huggs  @ Burned, I hope your doing ok and hanks I am just trying to keep getting done what needs done ! The Pup yep He is a clown but a big guy 135lbs ! @ Bets , I hope your doing ok ! @ Everyone else I am pretty fogged so sorry I did not mention everyone but hope all are ok !

[[...]]

Thanks for your hugs CanDO!  I honestly don't know what to say either...it's kinda too much. 

 

Bennie, Thanks for the encouragement.  Yes, husband is doing an awful lot.  Part of this will be balancing that out, too.  I am just pacing myself and trying this new thing called being kind and gentle with myself. 

 

I can't wait for the anxiety to fade a bit.  Super hot here, even at 6 am when I went out to walk.  For me this middle of the day is a tough time lately.  Anxiety still strong but too hot and I have already walked and done yoga, so my muscles start to tense up.  Trying to pace myself through.

 

Love and comfort to all you BB friends.

[[Kg...]]

Bets: I guess I read Bennie's mind 'cause I was going to answer you on how to micro taper with the scale.  You need to weigh your pills again to get the average pill weight.  I suggest you get 2mg ones. to taper with.  Wish I could send you mine!! 

 

Once you get your pill weight figure out how much you wish to go down in a month. I would think that you would want to go faster than I am.  I drop .5 mg every month.  I cut .002 grams on this schedule c/c/c/h and on.  If you want to cut 1 mg a month just cut .004 grams on the same schedule or if you want to go even faster you can go .006 grams on the same schedule. If you want to go even faster just cut every day or increase the size of your cut.  You can even do .006 one day .004, .006 etc.  I built in the holds so I was tapering the same rate that I tapered the K. ( And no I did not do the initial math Clona figured this out for me.)

 

BTW I think that cut and hold actually may work better for Valium since Valium lasts so long in our bodies - but hey what do I know. If you are still feeling okay I would stick with cut and hold, if not just use the above to determine your pace.

 

The formula to know what you are on is as follows:

 

grams you are taking/total gram weight X 2 (for 2 mg pills)  So for example I am taking .024 grams total/.175 (my 2 mg pill weight) =.137X 2=.274 mg of Valium 

 

Nomo - so glad you thought to 'be kind to yourself'. 

 

Hey all  - boy am I impressed when people remember all of our names- I can barely remember mine.  Who am I again? 

[[...]]

CD:    WOw.

 

Kgirl:  You are Kgirl.

 

Love you guys. 

[[be...]]

Bennie:

 

I bit later on I am going to ask you how to do a dry MT off my valium. Do you think you can help me with that? And don't worry, I won't be an like I was before. And a big congrats on that MRI! :smitten:

 

Betsy

 

Hiya Bets,

 

I'm thinking that Kgirl has the Valium MT down pat. You might follow her lead as to the size and rate of cuts—since the strength ratio of V to K is different by factor of 20, I believe. She's doing very well, all electric jolts and anxiety aside. I'm guessing you could start with a similar taper rate then reassess after two weeks. Is cut/hold problematic?

 

 

Bennie

 

Hey Bennie:

 

 

This Valium taper is a pain in the arse. Worse than my scale. I thought I would be able to cut at least as fast as my K, but not so. I still plan to do C/H until I can't stand it and then do the dry. But it will be in a while. And I know kgirl was on a much lower than than I am on, so I'm not sure is she would be able to advise me with a MT from something like 40 mg. Maybe she'll be gone by then, heaven help us all! I think Maya knows as well, but my cuts will be much smaller than hers. Maybe CD knows too.

 

I HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER. You sounded very bad yesterday. :(

[[Bu...]]

Hey kgirl,  I can barely think at all today-messed up my dose by accident last night..ugh!  I have to go back and look at all the posts I missed and write everything down in order to catch up, so it's a mess when I lose all the stuff I wrote!  I hate brain fog! 

 

Nomo:  so sorry about your Dad.  Sending hugs

[[ca...]]

Bennie:

 

I bit later on I am going to ask you how to do a dry MT off my valium. Do you think you can help me with that? And don't worry, I won't be an like I was before. And a big congrats on that MRI! :smitten:

 

Betsy

 

Hiya Bets,

 

I'm thinking that Kgirl has the Valium MT down pat. You might follow her lead as to the size and rate of cuts—since the strength ratio of V to K is different by factor of 20, I believe. She's doing very well, all electric jolts and anxiety aside. I'm guessing you could start with a similar taper rate then reassess after two weeks. Is cut/hold problematic?

 

 

Bennie

 

Hey Bennie:

 

 

This Valium taper is a pain in the arse. Worse than my scale. I thought I would be able to cut at least as fast as my K, but not so. I still plan to do C/H until I can't stand it and then do the dry. But it will be in a while. And I know kgirl was on a much lower than than I am on, so I'm not sure is she would be able to advise me with a MT from something like 40 mg. Maybe she'll be gone by then, heaven help us all! I think Maya knows as well, but my cuts will be much smaller than hers. Maybe CD knows too.

 

I HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER. You sounded very bad yesterday. :(

Bets , what size mg wise are your pills ? And how much you looking to cut  % wise ?

 

[[fi...]]

WR, I'm so glad someone knows what I mean about those internal organ hot flashes, haha! The only reason they bother me is because when they first happened I thought I was going to throw up (which is a major phobia of mine) because I had no idea what was happening. Once I realized what it was, I stopped thinking that, but I still have some lingering associations so they make me a little anxious. I just try to breathe through it. Someday it'll go away!

 

Burned, hi! Yes, I definitely feel like my sx's are starting to rapid-cycle. I have a predictable window of several hours every evening where I might at any time experience waves, but the waves usually don't last long. Occasionally I have an all-night-long one, but those are becoming less and less common. Getting so close - here's to hoping for healing!

 

Nomo, I'm sorry about your father. I know this is a complicated and hard thing for you. Sending you lots of love and gentleness right now.

 

Kgirl, Bennie, Maya, Mana, B strong, CD, Bets, Coyote, Gilster, liberty, HTC, swickey, and everyone else - thinking of you all and hoping everyone has a moment of peace today.

 

- Daisies

[[Kg...]]

Bets here it is again how to do the Valium taper:

 

I guess I read Bennie's mind 'cause I was going to answer you on how to micro taper with the scale.  You need to weigh your pills again to get the average pill weight.  I suggest you get 2mg ones. to taper with.  Wish I could send you mine!!

 

Once you get your pill weight figure out how much you wish to go down in a month. I would think that you would want to go faster than I am.  I drop .5 mg every month.  I cut .002 grams on this schedule c/c/c/h and on.  If you want to cut 1 mg a month just cut .004 grams on the same schedule or if you want to go even faster you can go .006 grams on the same schedule. If you want to go even faster just cut every day or increase the size of your cut.  You can even do .006 one day .004, .006 etc.  I built in the holds so I was tapering the same rate that I tapered the K. ( And no I did not do the initial math Clona figured this out for me.)

 

BTW I think that cut and hold actually may work better for Valium since Valium lasts so long in our bodies - but hey what do I know. If you are still feeling okay I would stick with cut and hold, if not just use the above to determine your pace.

 

The formula to know what you are on is as follows:

 

grams you are taking/total gram weight X 2 (for 2 mg pills)  So for example I am taking .024 grams total/.175 (my 2 mg pill weight) =.137X 2=.274 mg of Valium

[[sw...]]

Nomo, I can't imagine going through something like that in a time like this but I'm glad you seem to be doing so well outside of that. Thoughts and prayers your way.

[[Ma...]]

B strong

Happy belated Birthday! 

 

Bennie

Hi! I am glad you are comfy 

 

Burned

Thank you! I needed to be reminded of how far I have come. You always are so thoughtful. I hope you are feeling well. I am so happy you are almost done! 

 

Bets,

I am going to write to you more later. MTing from 40mgs of V would be like MTing from 2mgs of K. The .001g amount would be a lot less if you are using less than 10mg pills. You would just need to figure out how much you want to cut and change it to a daily amount. I will write to you elsewhere later becasue I know we have both gotten a little lost lately on this thread. SG is great for figuring out this stuff. I think that's good that you are sticking with cut and hold for now. I am thinking of you every day. I hope your taper is going well! 

 

Daises,

Glad you have been doing better and are almost done 

 

Sending lots of love and light to everyone. I hope everyone is having a peaceful day!

XXO Maya.

 

 

[[be...]]

 

 

Bets,

I am going to write to you more later. MTing from 40mgs of V would be like MTing from 2mgs of K. The .001g amount would be a lot less if you are using less than 10mg pills. You would just need to figure out how much you want to cut and change it to a daily amount. I will write to you elsewhere later becasue I know we have both gotten a little lost lately on this thread. SG is great for figuring out this stuff. I think that's good that you are sticking with cut and hold for now. I am thinking of you every day. I hope your taper is going well! 

 

 

 

Hey Maya: I am going to try C/H for a longer period of time if I can do it. Don't want to MT off something like 2 mg Kpin.....I did my MT @ .625 mg and that was long enough for me. Are you doing OK? Haven't you been doing a MT from a larger dose? .......It is a beast! For me at least.  I wonder what CD is doing......... Besides chopping wood. All benzos suck.

[[sw...]]

Question folks: the further away from my dose, the more sane I feel. My dad thinks that's a good sign of some sort as far as getting off. Does that really mean anything? Could be coincidence with time I suppose.

 

Also, Charlie is back at home. He looks pretty rough, he has a drain that I'm going to have to drain. But the doctor said he's doing really well considering the incident. Thanks for the love everyone!!!

[[be...]]

The lower I got in my  kpin, the better I felt. Once I was finished I did so well.........

[[Kg...]]

Swickey hard to say what it means except that you do not have interdose withdrawal so that is a huge +.  Many of us get night windows or if you are Daisie you do better in the morning and then worse at night.  I think having partial windows is also a sign of healing but what do I know-not much. And if you are Bets you get no s/x and feel great all the way off!! 

 

Anything that lets you feel better is a huge WOO HOO in my opinion. So - so glad you are starting to feel better between your doses. 

 

So glad your dog is doing better. 

 

 

[[Bu...]]

So glad Charlie is doing better swickey!  And yes, as I taper and get lower on my doses I feel much saner more often despite the everyday symptoms.  I think it's a sign of overall healing and how hard our bodies are trying to balance everything and recover

[[sw...]]

Thanks Burned Out! He just peed Austin Powers style - longest ever. So glad he's home again. And that makes me feel better bc the mental symptoms are what make me so afraid and keep me housebound sometimes which makes me stir crazy.

 

Btw everyone, the new Paul Rudd Netflix movie The Fundamentals of Caring is highly recommended! It's hard for me to even focus on a movie and it held my attention the whole time and was such a feel good movie. Exactly what I needed. Wish I could watch one like it every night.

[[Bu...]]

[[fi...]]

Swickey, I'm glad Charlie is going to be okay.

 

So as per my sig I'm really close to being done now. When I step back and take out my over-sensitivity to stomach upsets (which are my main sx right now), I can see that I actually am doing really, really well. A lot of the hard things (such as lingering agoraphobia) are either tied to anxiety specifically about my stomach or are just anxiety things that I know how to deal with via therapy, re-orienting my thinking, etc etc etc. Like in the grand scheme of things I know I'm doing so so much better.

 

But today is the worst I've felt in weeks. I've been in a hard wave all day and have crawled back into bed just after 6pm, which is the earliest it's ever been. (I usually hold out 'til at least 9 or 10.) Even though we're perhaps starting to heal towards the end of the taper, iirc it's not uncommon to get slammed with bad waves towards the end? I don't know. I'm just kind of venting my thoughts I guess. Probably stuff for the plog to be honest, but I'm feeling kind of vulnerable and could use the sense of community here instead.

 

Still thinking of everyone kindly and gently. Wishing you all nice big windows soon, if not now.

 

- Daisies

 

ETA: Oh by the way I finally understand/sympathize with the other women on this board. I've been blessedly free from my period making my w/d worse (obviously it doesn't help, but it's never worsened my actual sx's) but I've read so many of you suffer so much during that time. Well, I'm paying my dues now, I guess, because I'm pretty sure that's a big part of my problems right now. Holy guacamole.

[[sw...]]

Daisies, attitude is everything and it's so awesome that despite swimming in a wave you can take note of your accomplishments! Woohoo, good for you. I have the worst attitude about all this. Severely lacking in acceptance but I'm trying to learn. You're an inspiration

[[Kg...]]

Daisies Hang tight this happened to me too towards the end of my K taper.  I also felt like this the first week off.  Then I felt better. But Bennie, Clona and Ninja had warned me about this and so I was mentally prepared which I think is what we have to do - to do it is just temporary and we will get back to our baseline pretty quickly and then continue to feel better.

[[fi...]]

Thanks Kgirl.  I only have three more weeks if I go down to 0.003mg (the smallest I can potentially weigh out), but I might not go down quite that low depending on how sick of cutting I get and how finicky my scale gets. Sorry for being whiny today, but sometimes you just really need reassurance. Thank you. It means a lot.

 

Swickey, I'm glad I can be of help. I definitely haven't been this positive through my whole taper - it's taken time and adjustment and development of better coping skills. Positivity and gratitude are actual big coping tools for me. I don't always do it successfully, but when I'm feeling awful I try to think of things as positively as I can and it prevents me from sliding further and further into a bad place. It's hard, but it definitely helps.