DEREALISATION and DEPERSONALISATION

[[tr...]]

Jan, you are not insane, you never have been.  People who are really insane never question their sanity.

[Guest [...]]

Jan, you are not insane, you never have been.  People who are really insane never question their sanity.

 

You got it MY SOUL. Do you know that yesterday the psychologist I saw said to me "we have to prove that your nuts now and were nuts all the way back to age 14 in order to get you SSDI" MY GOD do you know how many tears I cried on my way home yesterday after hearing these things? On top of all other things I must be proven insane to get help. I'm not insane I'm in pain but I am not insane and I love you ALL for supporting ME the way you do.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M25_BBKFR-4

 

I love you guys

 

Jan

[Guest [...]]

OK so yesterday was BAD day and dissociation stuff was at high level. What I need to clarify is that these things have become MUCH worse on Benzos and I know this for a fact because I had to increase my dose twice this week and it made things MUCH worse. Did not make it go away but rather made it worse once med wore off. Yes I had dissociation "that's what the psychiatrists call it" prior to Benzos but not as bad as I do NOW. Yes I will be as informative to my therapist and psychiatrist as I can possibly be, BUT remember they know it just won't let on that it's the medicine.

 

KID

[[...]]

Hi WonderWoman,

 

It's good to hear your post. The derealisation and depersonalisation is the worst of all, worst then being "electrocuted" and the seizure like activity for 8 months.

 

I went to the mall 17 days ago and thought I was having an OK day,  but after about 2 hours, and when the mall was going to close, it hit me hard.  Everything seemed to slow down. Nothing made any sense. The world did not exist. I a felt nauseous, numb, cold clammy pain. I do not see colors when this happens, it is a gray fuzzy outerlimits. The exits were closed and I couldn't find my way out. There were no people left in the mall. I saw some workers taking trash out through an employees only exit. I went through there and found my way out side. I looked at people and thought, what are they doing, they look unhappy, but they seem to know what they're doing and why. I myself felt overwhelming thoughts of the universe, time, God and infinity. Unanswerable questions for the greatest of minds. You can't figure this out, let it go, I told myself, it is what it is. When is was driving down the beltway I felt so little, almost like I wasn't in a car racing over the highway, (Fred Flitstone) what if the breaks don't work. Up to this point I had done a good job at not letting anybody know the degree of the w/d's.  But I called my boyfriend and lost it. He said to pull over and relax. I have had a couple of near death experiences due to xanax and alcohol and woke up in the CCU with a heart that almost stopped. And at this point I asked my boyfriend "am I still alive" what if I am really in a comma and my loved ones are looking over my body and this is all a dream or what if I am dead and this is limbo and I will live like this for eternity.

The only thing that made sense was God. He has the answers, just let it go, let him handle it, all I should be doing is healing.

 

I finally came around and haven't had such a awful experience like that since, but have of lesser degrees. Some mornings are bad, I rush out of bed and have to jump around and shake my arms, until reality comes back. Sometimes I see the doctor giving me the xanax prescription and her smiling face, she is evil. I must let it go. Good thoughts and healing is my prescription.

 

Last night was my last tiny, tiny dose of valium. I am liberated!!!! 10 years always with pills, always seeing a doctor for a script, years of interdose withdrawals. Trying to cold turkey, not knowing how to come off. 

 

I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

[[wo...]]

Abby YOUR FREE!!!! that is just the greatest news of the DAY!!!!!!!!!!!I like what you wrote. Great description! and you are right to just stay positive and happy. I always tell myself that I can hate my Doctor someday but not today because today is mine.

 

Glad to see you!!!!

[[...]]

WonderWoman,

 

I celebrated taking my final dose of benzo with a pound of chocolate covered cherries. I bought them on line for the occasion, I ate the whole pound, well I shared a little.

[[Be...]]

I'm glad you celebrated, Abby.  Chocolate would be my choice, too. 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/beeper0002/BBuddies/chocolate-covered-cherries.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/beeper0002/BBuddies/chocolate-covered-cherries.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/beeper0002/BBuddies/chocolate-covered-cherries.jpg

 

(Chocolate cover cherries was my favorite for years and years. Now I'm more of a turtle gal.)

[[Nu...]]

Hi WonderWoman,

 

It's good to hear your post. The derealisation and depersonalisation is the worst of all, worst then being "electrocuted" and the seizure like activity for 8 months.

 

I went to the mall 17 days ago and thought I was having an OK day,  but after about 2 hours, and when the mall was going to close, it hit me hard.  Everything seemed to slow down. Nothing made any sense. The world did not exist. I a felt nauseous, numb, cold clammy pain. I do not see colors when this happens, it is a gray fuzzy outerlimits. The exits were closed and I couldn't find my way out. There were no people left in the mall. I saw some workers taking trash out through an employees only exit. I went through there and found my way out side. I looked at people and thought, what are they doing, they look unhappy, but they seem to know what they're doing and why. I myself felt overwhelming thoughts of the universe, time, God and infinity. Unanswerable questions for the greatest of minds. You can't figure this out, let it go, I told myself, it is what it is. When is was driving down the beltway I felt so little, almost like I wasn't in a car racing over the highway, (Fred Flitstone) what if the breaks don't work. Up to this point I had done a good job at not letting anybody know the degree of the w/d's.  But I called my boyfriend and lost it. He said to pull over and relax. I have had a couple of near death experiences due to xanax and alcohol and woke up in the CCU with a heart that almost stopped. And at this point I asked my boyfriend "am I still alive" what if I am really in a comma and my loved ones are looking over my body and this is all a dream or what if I am dead and this is limbo and I will live like this for eternity.

The only thing that made sense was God. He has the answers, just let it go, let him handle it, all I should be doing is healing.

 

I finally came around and haven't had such a awful experience like that since, but have of lesser degrees. Some mornings are bad, I rush out of bed and have to jump around and shake my arms, until reality comes back. Sometimes I see the doctor giving me the xanax prescription and her smiling face, she is evil. I must let it go. Good thoughts and healing is my prescription.

 

Last night was my last tiny, tiny dose of valium. I am liberated!!!! 10 years always with pills, always seeing a doctor for a script, years of interdose withdrawals. Trying to cold turkey, not knowing how to come off. 

 

I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

You go girl!!!! I hate that you went throught this, but reading this makes me feel more normal. Always rmember you are never alone. And the most important thing is that you gave it to Gad to take care of. Remember, he never gives us more than we can REALLY handle! There are times when I wish I could fast forward my life by 12 months and be over the w/d's. But I just tell myself everyday, "I can do it!" "Itrust you Jesus to help me throught this like you have helped me through hard times in the past"

 

One thing, is I hope I never forget how it felt to go through W/D's. I hope in the future , when I am having a bad day, I can compare it to how I've felt this last year . Then I will know that I am not really having a bad day.

 

Hang in there!

[[wo...]]

WonderWoman,

 

I celebrated taking my final dose of benzo with a pound of chocolate covered cherries. I bought them on line for the occasion, I ate the whole pound, well I shared a little.

 

Oh Abby you forgot to share with me!!!!!!!!I don't think you get See's candies out there,.... or is it back there, but when I have had a month free of symptoms that's what I'm going for................the old two pounder of assorted creams and nuts, cherries too.........oooooooooooooooo.......and a cold glass of milk..............ooooooooooo................were they fresh bing cherries?..............oooooooooooo......are you sure they are all gone???

:):):):)....where's the mrs. pac -man icon....?

[[...]]

WonderWoman,

 

The cherries were dried and covered with dark chocolate. Fresh cherries would be even better. We don't have See's candies in Maryland.

I hope you can celebrate your 1 month of being symptom free soon. 

[[wo...]]

I know that's why I can't live back there!!!!!!;);)

[[Ro...]]

WOW - I know this thread is old, but I really needed to read some of the stuff written here.

[[pe...]]

I'm so glad that I found this post.

I am almost 4 months benzo-free and still feel the derealization - sometimes just like it was 3 months ago.

Also, I am so tired all of the time.  Good news, the sleep is great.

 

Just wish someone could tell me how much longer this is going to last.

In church today I felt like I was there, but I wasn't. 

 

It is so frustrating...and even more so trying to explain it to those who have never felt it.

 

Appreciate all that I have read here.  Thank you.

 

Tish

[Guest [Si...]]

This is an older thread but I read every bit of it because I am going through horrible Derealization along with Perception problems.

 

Also I have some AIWS going on, it's all very scary!

 

I hope it passes.

I had it before, I had AIWS as a kiddo before seizures.

 

I had d/r and d/p back in 2002 for 6 months straight after cold turking Effexor!

 

It all went away then until Klonopin came along, which took it away.

But now I feel it is back to stay, does it go?

 

The d/r, AIWS, Perceptional things?

 

Billy.

 

Anyone else having this, please share.

 

?

[[pe...]]

I am almost 2 years benzo-free.

It was about 18 months before the derealization and cog fog started to lift.

I was miserable, as you are.  But, hang in there.

 

Looking back, I realize more and more what the Klonopin did to me.

It took a very long time, so much longer than I ever imagined, to get myself back to normal.

 

It is a long journey, but worth every step.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

Tish

aka Percussion

[Guest [la...]]

OMG, THANK YOU for coming back here to write that!! I am suffering SO bad w/ the DP/DR and waiting and waiting and waiting and NOTHING is getting better. I am SO happy that you came back to post that the DP/DR got better. That's the WORST symptom that I am dealing w/ right now and I would give ANYTHING for it to pass.

 

Any tips on how to cope? I feel SO out of it and can't function...sigh

[Guest [Si...]]

OMG, THANK YOU for coming back here to write that!! I am suffering SO bad w/ the DP/DR and waiting and waiting and waiting and NOTHING is getting better. I am SO happy that you came back to post that the DP/DR got better. That's the WORST symptom that I am dealing w/ right now and I would give ANYTHING for it to pass.

 

Any tips on how to cope? I feel SO out of it and can't function...sigh

 

 

I know for me, eating cheese makes it worse

Smoking makes it worse, but I still smoke. Cigarettes ...

 

Believe had some tips somewhere.

 

This sx is the ugliest one!

 

Hang in there,

 

Billy.

[[al...]]

I am so grateful I found this.  I don't know how to match "emotions, speech and visual cues" either.  I couldn't even find the words to explain what goes on with me when I try to talk with people.

Much of the time,  I can't interpret what is said so  it is hard to respond appropriately.  And I am not sure when I am understanding correctly or when I am distorted.  Mix that with alot of sensitivity and reactivity  because of w/d  and it makes for one crazy feeling person.    It is really lonely.

I am 13 months benzo free and most of my sx are gone now.  But this one is a bear. 

 

Billy and Lamb, i feel alot of empathy for both of you. 

Tish, thank you for coming back and telling us you are better.

 

Allison

 

[Guest [Bi...]]

Allison,

 

Thanks, The d/r is one you just have to distract oneself from. I hate it.

I had it before any benzo from time to time, but this has been nonstop. It goes and goes. You know how it is.

 

Is it your last remaining sx?

 

Billy.

[[al...]]

hi Billy,

 

here is a list of what i stll experience:

 

not enough sleep

cog fog

intrusive bizarre thoughts

sensory overload (I was told today it is ptsd)

still feel like i am vibrating sometimes

muscle tension in my face and jaw  (can't relax them)

very sensitive ( trigger very easily)

irritability

distorted thinking and paranoia

 

i had dpdr many years ago that was not related to benzo use too, but  it  wasn't like this for me.  

nothing is like this benzo w/d.

 

what are all of your remaining symptoms?

 

take care,

allison

 

 

 

 

   

[[cu...]]

I am so grateful I found this.  I don't know how to match "emotions, speech and visual cues" either.  I couldn't even find the words to explain what goes on with me when I try to talk with people.

Much of the time,  I can't interpret what is said so  it is hard to respond appropriately.  And I am not sure when I am understanding correctly or when I am distorted.  Mix that with alot of sensitivity and reactivity  because of w/d  and it makes for one crazy feeling person.      It is really lonely.

I am 13 months benzo free and most of my sx are gone now.  But this one is a bear. 

 

Billy and Lamb, i feel alot of empathy for both of you. 

Tish, thank you for coming back and telling us you are better.

 

Ali

 

 

how fast was your taper ali?

 

xxoo

cupcake

[[al...]]

over the course of 6 months  i tapered off of serzone and klonapin.  actually, i went off serzone first. i was at 350 mg and i  cut it back by 50 mg. every two weeks.  then i cut the klonapin by .25 to .5 every 2 weeks.  so i really tapered the klonapin over a much shorter time.  more like 3 months  max.  i hadn't thought it through before.   

[[Nu...]]

OMG, THANK YOU for coming back here to write that!! I am suffering SO bad w/ the DP/DR and waiting and waiting and waiting and NOTHING is getting better. I am SO happy that you came back to post that the DP/DR got better. That's the WORST symptom that I am dealing w/ right now and I would give ANYTHING for it to pass.

 

Any tips on how to cope? I feel SO out of it and can't function...sigh

 

 

I know for me, eating cheese makes it worse

Smoking makes it worse, but I still smoke. Cigarettes ...

 

Believe had some tips somewhere.

 

This sx is the ugliest one!

 

Hang in there,

 

Billy.

 

Wow! Cheese! Cigaettes made my symptoms worse as well. Fortunately I quit. If it was not the DR and DP made worse by smoking, I would have never quit.

 

Tanya