Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

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Thank you

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AF1 - Nice to know I am not the only one!!  Thank you for asking about my father in law and dad. Neither are doing well. I think that contributed to my rough week last week. My father in law is close to the end. It is very hard to watch him going. My dad does have cancer. I am REALLY struggling with the fact that I can’t go and see him.  (Some days a trip to the grocery store is considered a success!)  Please pray that he is eventually healed.

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AF1 - Nice to know I am not the only one!!  Thank you for asking about my father in law and dad. Neither are doing well. I think that contributed to my rough week last week. My father in law is close to the end. It is very hard to watch him going. My dad does have cancer. I am REALLY struggling with the fact that I can’t go and see him.  (Some days a trip to the grocery store is considered a success!)  Please pray that he is eventually healed.

 

Oh, no, I'm so sorry for both. Sure will pray!

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Hello All,

 

I feel as though I have missed out on so much! I apologize for being MIA, but I tend to "hide" from things in hopes that they will go away or possibly do not exist if I dont think about them.  Well, that couldn't be further from the truth! I received a message from a very kind person in our group and I realized that trying to avoid the issues I have surrounding my taper are not going to help at all and that you all are the only people in the here and now who truly can understand and sympathize with all the suffering and stress that seems to be part of my daily life.  I hope that the time I have been away that you all have made some progress and had some good days/weeks.  I had a period of about 2-3 weeks where i felt almost completely normal and then of course, it all ended and now I am back to up and down symptoms that plague my days.  I have felt good enough to work and have been very busy at home and work.  It is harvest and although my husband rents our farm ground to the neighbor, it is still a busy time.  Then thrown in a kitchen remodel and I have certainly a large amount of distractions, which all in all do help me keep my mind off of things.

 

AF1, I too have had issues since the time change and wasnt sure if it was actually due to the time change, but it makes sense as I dose the same time during the day and with the time change my dosing would be off, but maybe that is not it at all but i have had the dizzy/off balance issues that I have not had for a very long time and headaches have been worse.  It may all be coincidental I suppose, but it is in the back of my mind. 

 

I hope all of you have experienced at the very least a small amount of healing during the time I was away! I will not be staying away, I have missed you all and do think of you often. 

 

Blessings to all,

Maggie

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Things seem to be going okay at this level.  I’m at 0.125mg morning and 0.125mg evening.  Sleeping better, though I am taking benedryl and melatonin before bed.

 

When I first tried to CT, the heart racing concerned me, and the anxiety was hard to bear.

 

But tapering this month has been easier.  I don’t feel heart racing, and the anxiety is lower.  I feel more like my old self, before I had the anxiety issues and insomnia that resulted in the initial prescription of Ativan. 

 

I feel like I’m in the home stretch, and I’m next going to taper to 0.125mg morning only.  If that holds, I’ll jump. 

 

I know I can’t understand what some of you have been through, but I read your posts and am sending positive thoughts your way.  Perhaps our stories will eventually lead to proper regulation of this medication.  Had I not found info online, I probably would’ve taken Ativan for a long time.  But honestly, I felt worse on the stuff than I do now.  Some of the sys are uncomfortable and concerning, but the less I take the more I feel like myself.

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Luey, thank you for your kind and supportive message on November 3. I made it through my stretch of work (5 12-hour shifts in a row) and now I'm off for several days. I started the taper yesterday -- yay! I'm doing the liquid method -- yesterday and today (so far) everything is OK. I slept fine and not having any withdrawal or anxiety symptoms, but it's often easier to manage away from work. Going running today.

 

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. It helps immensely not to feel alone.

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Good Morning Lisa,

 

Yes the math is correct. Committed helped me double check to be sure.  I hope it helps you consider your options and path forward as you taper this last .21mg.  Most important- keep taking care of yourself. We're here to support you!

 

Luey

 

 

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Luey,

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to help others.

Lisa

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Tech, You are very welcome!  Helping you helps me! I am on your team!!!  Luey

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Thinking of Powerball and hoping everything is ok.

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Committed-so loving to sign on and see your message and it confirms I belong here and am blessed to be here. I will catch up on everyone in the next few days but thought I would try and be succinct (not possible!) about my journey the last 5 days - most of you know my md/Doc forgot to renew my Xanax last Friday so I was screwed sat and sun night since Friday was my last dose. I decided I would not die so I went with it. I had gotten down to 0.34 mg (from 4mg in 7 months) Ativan when this started, and have taken 1 mg of Xanax, pre-sleep, the whole time.

 

Saturday night - I had 4/5 can of organic pineapple cider at dinner, thought it might help. Upped my dose to 0.37 (to give myself a little boost). I did not sleep well that night, but in the end, I only got up once when I could not sleep, added more Ativan crumbs, but kept my total dose under 1mg total, and I ate only once that night,  bizarre! Eventually I did sleep "lightly" but I did sleep and woke up feeling not so bad. I said, like hell, this missed Xanax might not have been so bad. End of day: No nausea! I thought maybe if I was off a week from work, I could wean this off too. STOP THINKING THAT WAY I SAID. THEIR IS NO FAST TRACK PLAN. CURVES ARE DANGEROUS!

 

Sunday night, sleep more difficult, think I got up twice (still good for me), ate some Ativan crumbs - still less than 1mg, ate only once. Got up, felt like the previous day, not all that bad (both nights I think I got less than my overall usual sleep),  AND AGAIN NO NAUSEA AT END OF DAY.

 

NOW IT GETS STRANGE!

 

 

Monday, I HAD TO DELAY MY RESERVTION BY A FEW HOURS TO DC TO GET MY Xanax refill first in NYC. Left by 230 to get there around 6. Had 1 glass of wine at dinner and got back to my hotel a little late. My strict interval for Xanax and then Ativan got a little screwed up and my time lines for taking them got shorted again. I was worried about getting off my strict protocol but I did get home a little late. I was also worried about two nights of a much higher does, but my hope was my body had not adjusted that quickly to the need that higher dose.....Went back to my 0.37 dose and SLEPT LIKE A BABY! DEEP sleep, and ate only once - got less sleep to get to the opening session, but felt fine - no fatigue and NO NAUSEA AT END OF DAY - NOW THREE DAYS IN A ROW! Where did that come from?

 

So, last night. Went to a great Russian restaurant and decided no drinks. But at the end of meal  bartender gave everyone at the bar a free shot  - a B52 (I forgot what that was, but drank a few when I was younger.) What was I going to say, NO? Impolite (at least in my book); and since I am not a complete non-drinker, I pulled my head back for that one entire shot. I knew it was at a little risk, but I thought, what the hell. Again, I missed my strict interval of sleep med, and decided to taper back down to my 0.34. SLEPT LIKE A BABY! Ate Twice and got a little more sleep. Had a great day and NO NAUSEA ( 5 days ).

 

So I am thinking what does this mean?

1. I have never had 5 days of no nausea that I can recall

2. For the last three days in particular, I feel like I am not on any drug at all, amazing.

3. Shortened taking my Xanax (designed to make me more ready for sleep, per my Psych doc) and Ativan dosing intervals with NO disruption of my sleep, maybe less.

4. As  a former sleep scientist, do I actually had less sleep these past 5 days than I have always been obsessed by? and perhaps little less sleep is just fine with me. In recollection, it is true that sleeping later does add in another eating in early morning episode

5.For three days, I have felt drug free. I simply cannot explain this.

6. Tonight I will reduce only o.001mg (my micro pace) and if all goes well I will dose 0.002 less every other day.

 

So I feel great and I will have to study my data more closely. My doc did say two visits ago that my one drink at night (I was at another conference last month where I did drink one a night and once I had 1.5 glass of wine) was replacing my dependency on my benzos for those nights. I mostly agree that 3/4 glass of cider or one wine does not seem excessive, but I plan to return to my exercise and a daily alcohol drink may be innocent enough, but it might just be better than 2 benzos? Of course mixing alcohol with benzos is frowned upon. This, I think, requires more experimentation which Luey knows I like to do!! But 5 days of no nausea, even with cheating two nights, throws my hypotheses out the door.

 

If anyone has any ideas, I would be interested. But I AIN'T COMPLAINING!!! Good night. Powerball. OUT WENT MY BREVITY!!

 

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Good morning Ativan Haters,

 

I’m glad to hear from Maggie and Powerball this week.  You regulars are missed when you don't show up.  Please let us know if you need to disappear.   

 

Maggie, I think anytime we can spend not thinking about this a good thing. I know return of symptoms can be so discouraging, not to mention making you feel bad.  I do believe your long windows are a very good sign.

 

Powerball, You always make me smile.  My hypotheses for you are: Your sleeping challenges are real and benzos help you sleep, but better solutions are coming your way. Benzos might make you nauseous, thus feeling better as you take less. Since you started tapering almost immediately after starting, maybe your body never became “dependent” on a certain dose. 

 

Committed, Thanks for your kindness and enthusiastic support of the rest of us, even when you are not feeling well.  And thanks for the math help!

 

To our “youngsters” Heartsonfire and Osprey,  It’s good to see you both tuning in to what you need.  You will be successful on your individual journeys to freedom. We are here to celebrate and support you however little or long it takes.

 

Tech, May big windows return, helping you move forward at the pace you want with greatest ease.

 

AF1,  Please don’t get discouraged by bad days.  After so much time, I know it can take work to develop our strength again.

 

I’m howling at the frosty November moon as I watch it grow, celebrating two months of feeling much better. I have not been nauseous, my worst symptom. I’ve had more energy and motivation (I do need be very careful to not overdo it).  By the necessity of daily tapering and record keeping, I’m counting down by 1/8mg at a time. Today I reached 1 & 7/8mg, trying to look at how far I’ve come and not how far I have left to go. I’ve been enjoying food and cooking more, raking the huge carpet of leaves from under my Maple tree and collecting winter bouquets of sage and native grasses on my hikes; gifts from mother nature, who you know is my best medicine. 

 

Peace, Hope and Love!!!

 

Luey

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Good afternoon,

 

It is a very cold November day and while fall is my favorite time of the year, the cold is not very welcoming today!

 

Luey, your kind words are an inspiration to all! Even though you are experiencing the same thing as the rest of us, you find it in your soul to encourage and help others, a very wonderful trait to possess! Powerball, I understand what you mean by not feeling like you are on meds.  I too had that same experience for about a 2-3 week period and it was wonderful, I even skipped doses without feeling as though my head was going to blow up and did not have the interdose withdrawal symptoms an hour or so before my scheduled dose, it was WONDERFUL! It did not last, but it gave me hope of healing!!! I hope that your window does last and you feel great! Lisa, I hope you have moved and now settled in your new home.  I feel as though I missed so much! AF1, I hope that you are feeling better from the time change.  I seem to be settling in to a new routine but made a poor choice of a week to cut again! To the new members of the group, welcome! We are a small group, but very caring people and I feel very fortunate to have found this group!

 

Today is a rough day, but to be expected!

Maggie

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Luey - Like your new avatar 

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Thanks, Maggie and Luey. I am doing better from the time change blip.  Powerball I never heard of pineapple cider. Sounds good. If you're familiar with Kombucha, my family and I drank it before it became somewhat popular or at least well known enough to be mentioned on TV. 

 

Luey and Powerball, that's wonderful that you've had a break from nausea and other symptoms! 

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Luey - Like your new avatar 

Thank you Committed, How are you doing? I "howl at the moon" for our resiliency! I feel strengthened by our "wolf pack." I kinda feel like a mama wolf protecting her pups.  Owooooooo

Luey

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Hello All!

 

Luey - Congratulations on reaching 1 7/8!! How fantastic that your good days continue and you are able to enjoy so many wonderful things! So far today I am feeling a little better which is encouraging. Thank you for asking 

 

AF1 - I hope you are having a WONDERFUL time with your son!

 

Lisa - I have been thinking about you a lot. If you made any decisions about changing your taper I hope it is going well.

 

PB and Maggie - How GREAT that you had some really good days. That has to be blissful!

 

Heartsonfire - Congratulations on starting your taper!! Wishing you smooth days ahead.

 

Osprey - Hoping things are continuing to go well for you.

 

Hope PVM is doing well.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend with moments of wonderful relaxation!

Committed

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Hi committed

I decided to taper by 0.1 on my 1ml dropper daily . We will see how it goes .

Thanks for thinking of me . Hope you are well .

Lisa

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Lisa, hope that goes well for you!  You're getting really low.  Thanks, Committed!

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Today is my first day of just 0.125mg, morning only.

 

My sleep has been getting better this week, lots of detailed dreams, which I assume means deeper, healthier sleep.  I haven't had real dreams since I started on Ativan in the summer.

 

The only sys I occasionally get is the ringing in my ears, but it seems to be subsiding.  Rebound anxiety has pretty much  gone away, and I feel more present with my family.  I had a nice dinner with my spouse last night, and I haven't felt that normal and happy since before the summer.

 

I really enjoy checking into this group, because no one in my family or friends knows how this medication made me feel, or what it felt like to try to quit CT (really bad, hopeless feeling and intense anxiety and feelings of dread). 

 

I'll hold at this for a week or two, and maybe jump from there.  Gosh, it is nice to be 80% lower than what I was originally prescribed... makes me hopeful that I'll wrap this up in 2019, and that I won't get injured by not knowing how to stop taking this med.

 

I hope you all enjoy a peaceful autumn weekend in whatever way works for you. 

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Good for you, Osprey! Sounds like soon you'll be able to put this all behind you.

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Good Morning Friends,

 

I hope you are all taking good care of yourselves this weekend.  I know everyone is doing the best they can through the ups and downs! Sending positive thoughts to anyone struggling today.

 

I wanted to pop in here for a moment to say how grateful I am for the support in this group.  I greatly appreciate the courtesy we extend to each other in our communication including our simple words of goodwill. I'm "old-fashioned" and often miss the polite greetings/salutations often lacking in our culture these days both in person and in writing.  Thank you all for helping keep courtesy alive. For me, the way people greet each other makes a huge difference!  To the youngsters among us, who grew up in the world of text msg, etc., thank you for showing courtesy is not old-fashioned.

 

I so appreciate the support we give each other.  I find this is a place where we can be honest, supporting each other through difficulties and celebrating each other's (even little moments of) success. I hope you feel that way too.  I like that we don't tell each other what to do.  We may share our own experience or give specific information about tapering when asked, but I see how each person's uniqueness and individual experience is respected and honored.  Thank you for that!

 

I would have never imagined myself in an on-line support group.  But this kind and thoughtful group has shown me how helpful it can be when going through something that can be so isolating.  It is a great comfort (with the right group of people)!

 

Thank you all for making this group a place of refuge and support.

 

Wishing you all the best weekend possible.

 

Luey

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I'm 3 weeks off today and feeling the same.  No better but also no worse which is good. 

 

Luey, you're right; this is an amazing group!  Everyone is so supportive!

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AF1 - CONGRATULATIONS on 3 weeks off!!!  So glad to hear you are doing ok!!

 

Luey - I completely agree! This is an amazing group and I feel blessed and grateful to be part of it!!

 

Lisa - I hope your new taper is going well.

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Just to say hi to you all , and hope you’re doing as well as you can be doing right now.. I’m still in protracted withdrawal , but I am so much better than I was overall . Just get some bad days that remind me  of how it used to be .. I don’t think for me healing is ever going to be complete, but I hasten to add I say that with positivity not negativity .. it’s a new way of life , that is so much clearer than how it used to be . Withdrawal was absolutely worth it ..keep on going ❤️