Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

[[Ki...]]

Cosmic - absolutely. Yes. 100% 

[[Co...]]

Cosmic - absolutely. Yes. 100% 

 

Unbelievable. I'm trying to be passive about my thoughts but they are coming down stronger.

[[Ki...]]

Cosmic - I'm sorry they are coming on hard. You've been scared before. It didn't last then and it's not going to last now. Try to not resist them. Let them be there, challenge them if you want to. But accept them for what they are. Just thoughts. Thoughts can't hurt you. 

[[Sa...]]

Out of desperation here. Most symptoms tend to cycle, does this include the mental symptoms too?

 

Absolutely, Cosmic..listen, it doesn't matter if it's good/ bad stress. Our bodies can't tell the difference. That's why you have an uptick in sxs even after doing something fun. The CNS is fragile right now- it doesn't take much to send it into overdrive. I try very hard to keep myself in " neutral" at all times.

 

The looping intrusive thoughts and all the mental sxs wear me out. Accept the thoughts aren't you, write them down, laugh at them- then throw them out. Tell yourself it's the drug- not you. You're not losing your mind- honestly. As quickly as they happen, you have to put yourself on offense. Acknowledge them, and then let them go. Keep doing this as long as it takes. It's all very normal.

 

Saga

[[Co...]]

All noted. It's very difficult. I'm getting into this dimension where I just gaze off and I seem to forget every defense technique and complete terror overcomes me. Out of the blue. Do the same rules apply?

[[Ki...]]

Cosmic - there are no rules in benzo withdrawal. That's what so unfair about it. There is no rhyme or reason. The goal posts get moved half way through the game. All we can do is adapt. Every minute, every hour, every day. For example, I'm jumped on the site right now to try and distract. I had a normal morning, ran a few errands, tidied up around the house. Laid down to ice my back and suddenly overcome with intense inner restlessness, feel weepy and have mild nerve burn all over my face. Nothing stressful happened, nothing exciting (good or bad)....just icing my back and watching tv. You almost half to laugh (if it wasn't so awful and scary).

[[Sa...]]

All noted. It's very difficult. I'm getting into this dimension where I just gaze off and I seem to forget every defense technique and complete terror overcomes me. Out of the blue. Do the same rules apply?

 

Yes Cosmic, absolutely. Having a pretty rough go right now myself. It's all we CAN do. These drugs don't play fair. Keep on doing it. Then do it more, honest. There's only one way out 

[[br...]]

Hi All,

 

Just chiming in at 10 weeks off and it's not getting any better.  I just keep getting sicker.  Just when I think the severe physical exhaustion, weakness and breathlessness that I have had throughout could not get any worse, it does.  And last night the nerve jitters and shocking sensations that I had before returned and I could not sleep all night long.  It makes me wonder if I will ever get my health back. I am suffering so much pain and misery that I personally don't believe my health will ever return to the way it was before this demon drug.  No one should have to suffer this way b/c of a dr. prescribed medication.  The sicker I get with each passing day, the more I lose hope.  The fact that 90% of my w/d x/s have been severe physical x/s and only 10% anxiety type symptoms tells me I never should have been given this medication in the first place.  It's just plain crap that we lose years of our lives being severely sick from this drug while those responsible for putting us here are never held accountable.  :tickedoff:  

 

Praying that all of you are doing much better.

 

Brunette 

 

 

[[Ki...]]

Hi Brunette,

 

Sorry to hear you are still so unwell. These are hard times, no doubt. Keep in mind you did jump from a relatively high dose (.25mg) so it's natural to still be feeling yucky. I'm sure your baseline will improve once you hit the 3 month mark. Try and stay positive, it's difficult, I know.

 

What exactly are your physical symptoms? Do you mind sharing?

[[br...]]

Hey Kiddo,

 

You are right....these are definitely hard times.  I don't mind sharing at all.  The severe physical exhaustion, muscle weakness and breathlessness that I had throughout has only gotten worse as time goes on making mobility more and more difficult each day.  Something as simple as taking a shower is extremely difficult to do.  I can't talk for very long b/c it makes me feel like I can't breath and all the oxygen is being suck out of my body.    Migraines, strange feelings in my head, shocking sensations and nerve jitters that I had before continue to cycle in and out.  I get severe pain in my back and my arms that sometimes gets better if I put an ice pack on it.  I get cog fog and sometimes I have conflicting feelings.....like I'll feel awake and asleep all at the same time.  Two days ago, I had a very strange feeling in my head like I was going to pass out or something and felt like I could breath and couldn't breath all at the same time, then I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything all day so I ate something real quick thinking that would help but it still took several hours for that strange feeling to go away.  Since the beginning of my taper and up to present, I have not had a single window.  Every day I keep hoping that today will be the say I have at least a small window but it hasn't happened.  Ya know, I find it interesting that in this forum we all identify .25 mgs as a fairly large dose to jump from.....but in the medical community, they all say it's such a small amount you shouldn't still be having w/d x/s......to those individuals, I say walk a mile in my shoes !

 

Thanks for your kindness, support and encouragement Kiddo.   

[[Ki...]]

Brunette - that a lot for anyone to deal with. I'm wondering if you have any strategies in place to deal with the physical symptoms? Have you had a doctors checkup? Are you mostly bedridden?  I'm asking because the more you stay in bed, the worse your symptoms will be. I know this to be true, when I was in acute I had all the same issues you speak of. The more mobile I forced myself to become, the better I became physically. The distraction is also good for you. If you go to the doctors and nothing is wrong with your breathing or oxygen saturation then you need to push through the symptoms. The more you lay around in bed the harder it's going to be to feel well again. Even just walking to the end of your driveway twice a day is a start. That's how I started and I also had a leg injury, a scary medical diagnosis and was in a wheelchair for 8 weeks. I can be done. I'm proof of that. Getting up and getting out will give you the courage you need to keep fighting this battle. 

[[Sa...]]

Hey Kiddo,

 

You are right....these are definitely hard times.  I don't mind sharing at all.  The severe physical exhaustion, muscle weakness and breathlessness that I had throughout has only gotten worse as time goes on making mobility more and more difficult each day.  Something as simple as taking a shower is extremely difficult to do.  I can't talk for very long b/c it makes me feel like I can't breath and all the oxygen is being suck out of my body.    Migraines, strange feelings in my head, shocking sensations and nerve jitters that I had before continue to cycle in and out.  I get severe pain in my back and my arms that sometimes gets better if I put an ice pack on it.  I get cog fog and sometimes I have conflicting feelings.....like I'll feel awake and asleep all at the same time.  Two days ago, I had a very strange feeling in my head like I was going to pass out or something and felt like I could breath and couldn't breath all at the same time, then I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything all day so I ate something real quick thinking that would help but it still took several hours for that strange feeling to go away.  Since the beginning of my taper and up to present, I have not had a single window.  Every day I keep hoping that today will be the say I have at least a small window but it hasn't happened.  Ya know, I find it interesting that in this forum we all identify .25 mgs as a fairly large dose to jump from.....but in the medical community, they all say it's such a small amount you shouldn't still be having w/d x/s......to those individuals, I say walk a mile in my shoes !

 

Thanks for your kindness, support and encouragement Kiddo.   

 

Hi Brunnette,

 

I'm sorry you're still suffering at 10 weeks off. I understand how hard it must be to have faith when you're suffering so much.

 

I'm only 12 days off, and I'd say I hit acute today. This is brutal, you're right there is nothing at all fair about the suffering with these drugs.

 

I've experienced all of those sxs, I just keep telling myself I simply have to believe it will get better. Concerning windows, mine were quite brief, and they didn't last more than a few hours. Still, they gave me hope for the future.

 

I dont know how long acute lasts since it's different for everyone, but I wouldn't lose faith or hope. It's still early days, and although it doesn't seem like much sometimes, hope is really all we have.

 

Saga

[[br...]]

Hey Kiddo & Saga,

 

I've had extensive medical testing throughout this ordeal and no underlying medical conditions have been identified...except acid reflux and mild asthma which I had before this and tendonitis in my right arm.  I've seen an Endochronologist who is tracking my hormone level b/c he said it was a little out of whack but nothing that would make me so severely ill.  I've discussed the whole Ativan issue with my Endo and after reviewing my entire medical history, he is the only dr. to say I am so severely ill from Ativan w/d.  A number of months back, I saw a neurologist who said I never should have been given this medication in the first place and he went on to say that it would get a whole lot worse before it ever got better and his words are ringing all too true.  I've always been an active person my entire life so being sidelined like this is very difficult for me.....I'm not the kind of person to just sit on the couch all day or lay in bed all day.....so as horrible as I feel I force myself to do things.....like mow the lawn 10 minutes at a time, plant a flower in the garden,  make short, quick trips to the store, do a load of laundry, visit a family member even if it's just for 10 minutes.....  I keep hoping that if I force myself to do little things that over time my endurance will improve and  I'll be able to work up to bigger things. 

 

Thank you both so much for your words of support and encouragement.  It really gives me the push I need to keep going.

 

Cyber Hug 

 

Brunette 

[[Co...]]

Hey Kiddo,

 

You are right....these are definitely hard times.  I don't mind sharing at all.  The severe physical exhaustion, muscle weakness and breathlessness that I had throughout has only gotten worse as time goes on making mobility more and more difficult each day.  Something as simple as taking a shower is extremely difficult to do.  I can't talk for very long b/c it makes me feel like I can't breath and all the oxygen is being suck out of my body.    Migraines, strange feelings in my head, shocking sensations and nerve jitters that I had before continue to cycle in and out.  I get severe pain in my back and my arms that sometimes gets better if I put an ice pack on it.  I get cog fog and sometimes I have conflicting feelings.....like I'll feel awake and asleep all at the same time.  Two days ago, I had a very strange feeling in my head like I was going to pass out or something and felt like I could breath and couldn't breath all at the same time, then I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything all day so I ate something real quick thinking that would help but it still took several hours for that strange feeling to go away.  Since the beginning of my taper and up to present, I have not had a single window.  Every day I keep hoping that today will be the say I have at least a small window but it hasn't happened.  Ya know, I find it interesting that in this forum we all identify .25 mgs as a fairly large dose to jump from.....but in the medical community, they all say it's such a small amount you shouldn't still be having w/d x/s......to those individuals, I say walk a mile in my shoes !

 

Thanks for your kindness, support and encouragement Kiddo. 

 

I'm at 0.18 and my mind will not shut the Fk up with the negativity

[[Ki...]]

Brunette - that is so great that you don't have an underlying medical condition....sounds like you've had a good work up. I see that as a positive for sure. Unfortunately, that leaves you with w/d. But the good news is....w/d doesn't last forever. So, keep pushing. Keep fighting. Keep doing more and more everyday. I have many of the same symptoms you describe. There are days where I'm defeated but the next day I get up and try again. Keep telling yourself that you are healing. Keep telling yourself it's just w/d.

 

There is a great thread about pushing yourself to do light exercise while in w/d. Our bodies WANT to heal, we just have to give them the tools to do it. 

 

Also, as you know, your taper was a little erratic and I'm not sure you ever really stabilized. So it's likely that you've been in acute for quite sometime. Now that you've gone 10 weeks, and your CNS is figuring out that it isn't getting anymore Ativan, it'll likely start to slowly fix itself. I bet you will start to see some great improvement in the next 4-6 weeks. You may not be able to tell on a daily basis, but looking back over the months you'll see it. 

[[Sa...]]

Hey Kiddo & Saga,

 

I've had extensive medical testing throughout this ordeal and no underlying medical conditions have been identified...except acid reflux and mild asthma which I had before this and tendonitis in my right arm.  I've seen an Endochronologist who is tracking my hormone level b/c he said it was a little out of whack but nothing that would make me so severely ill.  I've discussed the whole Ativan issue with my Endo and after reviewing my entire medical history, he is the only dr. to say I am so severely ill from Ativan w/d.  A number of months back, I saw a neurologist who said I never should have been given this medication in the first place and he went on to say that it would get a whole lot worse before it ever got better and his words are ringing all too true.  I've always been an active person my entire life so being sidelined like this is very difficult for me.....I'm not the kind of person to just sit on the couch all day or lay in bed all day.....so as horrible as I feel I force myself to do things.....like mow the lawn 10 minutes at a time, plant a flower in the garden,  make short, quick trips to the store, do a load of laundry, visit a family member even if it's just for 10 minutes.....  I keep hoping that if I force myself to do little things that over time my endurance will improve and  I'll be able to work up to bigger things. 

 

Thank you both so much for your words of support and encouragement.  It really gives me the push I need to keep going.

 

Cyber Hug 

 

Brunette 

 

Brunnette, sadly the neurologist may be right. I'd like one dr to acknowledge this myself. Hugs back to you, we don't have a choice ther than to keep going. I hope everything starts to improve soon

[[dr...]]

Hi brunnete,

 

You are right, in medical world even 2.5mg lorazepam is such a small dose...when my pDoc told me that I wanted to ask her to try it for a few months just to get "used" to it (read addicted) and then try to get off of it.

At first, she told me that I can safely cut by 25%, then when I told her it wasnt such a good idea and I started to cut by 10% she changed her tune and told me to cut and hold for a month. WTF?!!? Two sessions, two different opinions from same person on same subject. When I told her that I split the dose by x4 a day, she told me "there are people who are taking it once a day and they are fine". Yes, and I'm not those people. 

When I told her that I got a scale for tapering she told me that I'm too obsessed with medication and need to cool off.

I guess she will be fired soon and I will try to search for another pDoc or do this on my own.

 

I wish you all the best and I think things will be better soon for you.

[[Ki...]]

Dready - sadly, your doctors "advice" sounds all too familiar. My doctor told me the same thing....that I'm obsessing about my taper and mentally it would be better to just "rip off the bandaid". Oh and here..."try some Abilify". I just ask for him to respect the way I need to do this. I always just lie tell him I feel wonderful. I just need him to keep prescribing until I'm finished my taper.

[[Co...]]

Saga are you feeling any better?

[[Sa...]]

Saga are you feeling any better?

 

Yes, Cosmic, thanks...very little sleep doesn't take long to do me in I'm putting on my big girl pants. I'm adjusting now to being in acute. I was too complacent the first 10 days and let my guard down...there are always going to terrible days, no matter how you taper. I'm convinced of that.

 

I just returned from my followup Dr, app. I had to lie the entire time...even so,his first response to me was I need to reconsider going off this drug, plus a bunch of other BS I'm not buying. Talk about  :tickedoff:. I did get my licks in anyway. I also handed him the printed version of the Bend Tribune article. I also placed multiple copies all over the waiting room.

 

I feel so badly for everyone who has to do this w/o the knowledge of this forum. And for everyone not understanding the stages, who get sucked into believing they need to get back on the drug. Taper, acute, recovery. This is a VERY long time commitment.

 

Are you feeling any better Cosmic?

 

Saga

 

 

[[Co...]]

Saga are you feeling any better?

 

Yes, Cosmic, thanks...very little sleep doesn't take long to do me in I'm putting on my big girl pants. I'm adjusting now to being in acute. I was too complacent the first 10 days and let my guard down...there are always going to terrible days, no matter how you taper. I'm convinced of that.

 

I just returned from my followup Dr, app. I had to lie the entire time...even so,his first response to me was I need to reconsider going off this drug, plus a bunch of other BS I'm not buying. Talk about  :tickedoff:. I did get my licks in anyway. I also handed him the printed version of the Bend Tribune article. I also placed multiple copies all over the waiting room.

 

I feel so badly for everyone who has to do this w/o the knowledge of this forum. And for everyone not understanding the stages, who get sucked into believing they need to get back on the drug. Taper, acute, recovery. This is a VERY long time commitment.

 

Are you feeling any better Cosmic?

 

Saga

 

It took me 7 days from cold turkey to feel any acute effects. I think that's about how long it takes to get out if your bloodstream.

Why does your doc want to keep you on meds?

Does acute feel any stronger than regular Tapering?

 

I'm Ok for now. My thoughts are still bothersome but currently I don't have any greater physical symptoms. I've held for 3 weeks tomorrow and still deciding what I should do. Took me 2 months to get half my dose and wondering if I should take another 2 for the remainder, or if I should drastically slow down. I'm also switching to another 1mg Ativan brand and that's making me quite nervous.

[[Sa...]]

Well Cosmic,

 

This guy knows nothing about these drugs. Clearly. Although he did prescribe to help me taper, so I'll give him that much. I lied about everything he asked, except heart palps and insomnia. He considers them to be anxiety sxs. I never had anxiety before I was put on these drugs. It was prescribed as a muscle relaxer.

 

So of course his first response was I needed to be back on, LOL. Never happening. Although I've heard of many buddies not understanding the acute and recovery stages, being talked back into the drugs.

 

Yesterday was rough, no doubt. I've now changed my mindset yet again. You can't let your guard down and think you're going to stay the same. New sxs, bad days are inevitable. Acute is more intense with the sound/ light sensitivity. A few new sxs, insomnia , heart palps,breathlessness etc. I'm sure this will change daily.

 

I wouldn't worry about the change of manufacturer. I wouldn't hold too long if I were you, that's my only advice. I think if you hold longer than 3 weeks, it's tough to get back into the tapering mindset. That's my personal opinion, not based on any evidence. You've given yourself a break, now it's time to regroup. You have enough Ativan to work with now, the way you taper is up to you! We are very individual in the way we think. Try not to let the fear get in your way. you're doing a great job so far

 

Saga

[[dr...]]

Dready - sadly, your doctors "advice" sounds all too familiar. My doctor told me the same thing....that I'm obsessing about my taper and mentally it would be better to just "rip off the bandaid". Oh and here..."try some Abilify". I just ask for him to respect the way I need to do this. I always just lie tell him I feel wonderful. I just need him to keep prescribing until I'm finished my taper.

 

Hey Kiddo,

I know how strict is prescribing drugs in the US or elsewhere, but in my country you can go to the pharmacy and buy Lorazepam as much as you wish without script or anything. Just ask for it and you will be gently served with poison and the price? 2$ for 30 pills. They will do anything to sell these drugs, within or against the law.

[[Sa...]]

Dready - sadly, your doctors "advice" sounds all too familiar. My doctor told me the same thing....that I'm obsessing about my taper and mentally it would be better to just "rip off the bandaid". Oh and here..."try some Abilify". I just ask for him to respect the way I need to do this. I always just lie tell him I feel wonderful. I just need him to keep prescribing until I'm finished my taper.

 

Hey Kiddo,

I know how strict is prescribing drugs in the US or elsewhere, but in my country you can go to the pharmacy and buy Lorazepam as much as you wish without script or anything. Just ask for it and you will be gently served with poison and the price? 2$ for 30 pills. They will do anything to sell these drugs, within or against the law.

Dready, that's absolutely mind boggling! I'm appalled at the thought of this being an over the counter just ask for it transaction. Do you mind sharing which country?

[[dr...]]

I'm in Macedonia, where there are no compounding pharmacies or liquid medications produced.

Forgot to say, the biggest pharmacy is doing "over the counter" but smaller pharmacies still asks for scripts.

Also, for Zamfexa XR (Effexor XR in US) there is no script needed at all. You can buy it without script in all pharmacies. 10$ for 30 pills.