Post Benzo Protracted Withdrawal Support Group

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Vertigo are you leaving the forum???

Hugs

Kristin

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for those who completed the 18+ months off, I just want to know how long does your wave last? and is it everyday sxs wax and wane or you can stay for days without sxs and then a wave hits for some days.....

 

For me I am 18 and a half months of CT...what I experiece is that there are no major waves like before unless I eat somthing that revives my sxs....but normally it waxes and wanes each day...and some days are much easier than others that I can travel or even meet friends...and they most probably relent in the afternoon...things are getting better but in very slow pace...and up and down on the same day...mostly midday is the worse don't know why    

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tommy mid day is really bad for me. I'm at 20 months off and am seeing the same issues you are having.  Things wax and wane daily

Hugs

Kmarie

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thanks Marie I suppose this is the normal procedure stay well

[[ve...]]

28 and half months off and had a few drinks to celebrate my BD.  Well, to be honest, it was ALOT of drinks.  lol  Was it a mistake? hum...jury is still out on this one.  Just wanted to feel normal for a change.  Been in a bad wave for a couple of days, but not as bad as the beginning, so that is a good sign that im getting stronger.I went to Vegas for the first week in May, really had fun.  Drank a couple of nights with no problems.  Then came home to company for the following week, then ended with a huge BD party out of town.    Considering it was a very stimulating couple of weeks nonstop, Vegas, traveling, drinking, company, and a wild BD party, I would say I really pushed it and did fairly well...  OH well,  I can tell you that I had fun at the time.  I felt joy, happiness, fun, love, all the good stuff in life with no DR and just about 100% normal at the time.  Even though it set me back a little, it was sooooo worth it.  ;-)

 

Happy belated birthday, Believe.  That is great that you were able to go on a trip and have a few drinks (ok maybe more than a few ) without being worse for the wear (not sure if that's the spelling of that expression).  Also a good sign that you were able to come back and engage in other social events and have people visit.  I think we both stepped off around the same time.  I've had a few occasions where I've imbibed for some special occasions.  I usually have anywhere from a couple days to a week of feeling a little off or low energy.  In some cases, if I'm run down, I've been known to get a sinus infection but it's not too frequent.  Hope you are able to bounce back in the next few days.  I would definitely go easy the next time though.  I found that after a day where I had three  drinks instead of two, the next time I had a couple glasses of wine, I didn't really feel much other than a little bit foggy.  Hope you continue to have good times ahead.

 

Vertigo

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lol Vertigo

 

I didnt even see the protracted sign i dont know why I am even here.  Im healing very rapidly I know so sorry to anyone who thought why is this woman even here.  I thought it was a post benzo group how I didnt see the protracted bits got me beat.

 

Thanks vertigo will visit you at the recommended thread.

 

Lizzy

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lol Vertigo I didnt even seethe protracted sign i dont know why I am even here. Im healing very rapidly I know so sorry to anyone who thought whyis this woman even here. I thought it was a post benzo group how I didnt seethe protracted bits got me beat. Thanks vertigo will visit you atthe recommended thread. Lizzy

 

No worries, Lizzy.  I'm sure you're welcome here in the protracted withdrawal thread as well .  Just thought I'd point out that I don't believe one can be protracted until a year has passed, some say 18 months.  Right now, at only a few weeks to a month off, you're in the acute withdrawal phase.  No doubt you are probably fearful of what is to come and how long this process will last.  Sometimes it can be scary when you're recently off the benzo to read stories of those who are not completely healed after a long period of time. 

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

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Was doing better and went on a fishing trip with friends and the cook made me a fish with cellary and I don't know what did he put in the fish...got back and then BAM again constipation bloating and anxiety oh GOD I wish I can get to my baseline again very soon WOW

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It’s been a while since I last posted and I can see a lot of changes on the site– almost all new faces. I have a pretty unusual story, so here goes.

In Nov. of 2009 I ended my 12+ month klon taper. Within about 6 months I was functioning at about 75%. I spent almost the entire 2011 in ‘good shape’ – most days close to what I’ll call 100%.  I mean I was able to do just about anything I wanted without worry about the backlash. Most of the GI issues were minimal. I resumed my pretty busy lifestyle. I did notice that stressfull things often sent me into a tailspin, but thought and hoped that would eventually pass.

But here’s the thing – when I was almost through with my taper I began using Benadryl to help me sleep. I thought I needed something. (wrong). When I tried to stop using it a year later – go more than 2 days without it – I became violently ill. Couldn’t get out of bed, thought I had a virus. This happened 3 or 4 times in the summer of 2010.  So the sad thought came to me that I would need to begin another taper. For various reasons, I couldn’t finish it until this winter. I thought it would be no big deal – I had been through benzo withdrawal – and whipped it ( kinda).

But what’s happened is ( as best I can understand) the removal of the Benedryl from my body has caused me to have a full blown relapse. I feel like I felt back 2 + years ago : bad stomach, gas, and sometimes an incredible anxiety . Last night I slept about an hour.  I find this ‘withdrawal’ much more difficult , though, because of a few things. My friends seem to have run out of patience – they understood the first one – but this – a withdrawal from Benedryl? I try to explain that it’s not really Benadryl, that was the catalyst for my return to benzo wd, but people are skeptical. And unlike the first wd, I have no real idea of what to expect in terms of healiong. I do know it’ll pass, but ..this is not what I had in mind for this point of my life.

Wondering if anyone else out there has any similar experiences? Not necessarily  using Benedryl, but going from pretty much healed to full blown relapse?

 

[[ve...]]

Hey Bill.  I can see from your post that we both stepped off the benzo around Nov, 2009.  Like you, I felt pretty good by six months off (about 75-80%).  It was summer, 2010 and I decided I was ready to jump back into some things I wasn't quite ready to do (daily coffee, some alcohol, a tremendous amount of socializing, high sugar consumption...).  It was all too much and resulted in a setback at 9 months at end of summer.  By a year off, I seemed to be back on track and doing much better.  I've also had some trouble with sleep, managing to get about 5-6 hours without sleep aids.  I became frustrated with that last year and started to try a few supplements which did not help.  Currently, I occasionally use melatonin. L-Tryptophan didn't seem to do all that much.  I get really bad jet lag whenever I travel, which is frustrating.  I seem to only sleep 3-4 hours a night for up to a week.  On my last trip, I tried a 3mg dose of Silenor which is marketed as a sleep aid but is really just a repackaging of the old time histamine based a/d called doxepin.  It seemed to help me sleep 5-6 hours but I woke up feeling groggy.  I've only used it one other time a few days after I got back from my recent trip.  I'm sorry to read you've had some issues with benadryl.  I guess none of us can really expect to be fully healed if replacing valium or another benzo with a different pill.  It's been frustrating, I know, because I would just like to sleep 8 hours once in a while.  I think some on forum have gotten some mixed results from remeron or trazadone.  I have tried my best to avoid those and other medications.  Well, I hope you will get back on track.  I don't consider myself protracted because I had these sleep issues before benzos, was the reason I took it in the first place so having the issue now is being right where I was to start, though frustrating at times.

 

Vertigo

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Almost 26 months benzo free and feeling better.  Was in a pretty bad wave for the last two months with anxiety so severe it was almost as bad as the acute phase.  I even had several panic attacks which is really odd for me.  At some point you start to wonder if this could still be withdrawal. 

 

But the severe depression I've had through almost all of my recovery began to lift around 23 months off and the anxiety is low now too so I am hoping that was the last huge wave that comes before the end.

 

I don't see many people here past the 3 year mark so hopefully they're healed and it's not just that they're apathetic and have given up.

 

And I have never really had the windows people talk about.  Just a lessening of symptoms to a milder form.  Maybe sometimes we heal just by things fizzling out.  I don't care, I just want to know that I will fully recover.

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Bill, Marina (under Buddie Space....at the bottom of the home page), had a huge relapse around the 20-21 month mark.  She, too, was living life and then 'bam'  which took her by surprise.  You may want to give her a visit.

 

Patty  xo

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Folks, thanks for the replies.

Patty, I will check out Marina's blog. You were one of the first people I remember meeting when I was first on about 2 +1/2 years ago. Sorry you are still here, but good to see you.

Vertigo, what is weird is I have actually been sleeping well a lot of the time. Sometimes 7 hours with only a light wake up. And for the first time in 7 years with out any pills.  As time has progressed off of the Benedryl, though, everything is getting weirder. My sleep included. But...freedom awaits now, no more sleep medicine.

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I am 42 months Benzo free. Last couple of months were one of the worst phases of my withdrawal and last few days were terrible.

Since last two days I suddenly get up from my sleep in the middle of the night and feel fresh and active and can not go back to sleep. last night I woke up again at 3 a.m. and felt like having slept for full night and could not go back to sleep. I even did not feel like lying and got up without any hangover or sleeplessness. The good news is that all my symptoms have suddenly disappeared. I am feeling surprisingly well since last 8 hours when I woke up.

 

May be I have reached the end of the so called "last huge last wave before the end of the tunnel". I have heard that long timers like me take about 3 1/2 to 4 years to recover and this is exactly where I am now.I am having my finger crossed and hoping for the best.Perhaps its just another long awaited window or I am out of the nightmare for good. I will report my progress. Anybody with similar experience may like to comment.

[[Wh...]]

Neil, please keep us posted on your progress.  I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that it's over. 

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Hi Neil, good to hear and hope you are done with the waves. I'm 38 months off benzos. I've had some really nice windows and hipe the wondow will one day open and stay open. I hope you are turning that corner now. keep us posted

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Dear Garuda,

Could you kindly write your brief Benzo history.

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Almost 26 months benzo free and feeling better.  Was in a pretty bad wave for the last two months with anxiety so severe it was almost as bad as the acute phase.  I even had several panic attacks which is really odd for me.  At some point you start to wonder if this could still be withdrawal.  But the severe depression I've had through almost all of my recovery began to lift around 23 months off and the anxiety is low now too so I am hoping that was the last huge wave that comes before the end. I don't see many people here past the 3 year mark so hopefully they're healed and it's not just that they're apathetic and have given up.

And I have never really had the windows people talk about.  Just a lessening of symptoms to a milder form.  Maybe sometimes we heal just by things fizzling out.  I don't care, I just want to know that I will fully recover.

 

Hi Leslie.  Good to see you.  Sorry to read about your recent wave and severe depression.  As you know, I'm about 30 months out and although I don't consider myself protracted, I still have what I call a sensitive CNS which is due to a number of factors.  The first is that I think my getting Shingles a month after taper, did a number on my nervous system.  I ended up with post herpetic neuraligia, nerve tingling and itching for the first year off and still occasionally feel mild tingling in the area where the Shingles broke out.  My CNS was already beaten up and raw after 16 months on valium, 10 of which were tapering months. 

 

Anyway, the primary reasons I took valium was for anxiety and insomnia. However, I did occasionally get some blues, particularly either seasonally as in the winter or situationally as in after family conflicts or stressful times like during my father's chemotherapy treatments.  So like you perhaps, I've had some history of anxiety and some blues before benzos.  I also have a history of chronic sinus problems, which I think added fatigue to the situation (yes, I did take levaquin at one point during taper too).  When I would take antibiotics during sinus infections, I would also have some blues, not sure why but I suspect both the infection and the treatment weakened my immune system and general state.

 

I  thought I'd chime in that I know it's not fun to be dealing with the blues, particularly during a wave as you've had the last several months, or during situational stressful times.  I tend to get down after visits to my elderly father who I know may lose his battle to cancer one day.  Some of these blues are normal existential suffering and pain, something that I now know can not be fixed with a mind numbing pill.  I agree that it would be wonderful if we would wake up one day, perhaps at the 3 year mark (or sooner!) to find that no anxiety or blues would ever come back.  Unfortunately I feel it is an idealistic perspective at best, perhaps unrealistic as well. Life is full of stress and painful situations. 

 

My take is that our CNS is extra sensitive after benzos.  With time, I think it is possible that the CNS will be calmer, maybe GABA areas will rejuvenate and naturally start acting like they're supposed to.  I think we can balance out and at the same time learn better coping skills for when times get tough.  The blues and anxiety can be influenced both by our physiology/biology/DNA as well as environmentally and how we respond to our internal and external environments.  You know this, having a background in psychology. I would be thrilled to wake up and feel wonderful, but after living 50 years, I have come to realize that it's only going to last until the next stressful thing happens, whether it's an illness in the family, a personal health problem, a death in the family, a job loss or problem at work or financial crisis, problem with a child (if your'e a parent) relationship issue or something else.  Life is messy and can be difficult. I have resolved to try and cope with life as best as possible, without expectations of bliss.  I think things can and do get better.  A calmer nervous system would be nice.  Mabye that is still in store for us .

 

I might start a "protracted life support group" thread because I'm not sure how much of this is benzos anymore, but life's natural ups and downs.  Don't get me wrong.  I have moments of  joy and experience much happiness in life too.  Things are much better off the benzo than on it!  I guess having a parent with terminal cancer over several years has an impact on one's perspective.

 

Vertigo

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Hi all,

 

It's been 45 months since my last dose of Xanax.  I am seeing progress.  My windows are longer and the waves are shorter although the waves can still be pretty intense with anxiety and weakness, etc. 

 

Those of us past the 3 year mark have done a remarkable job of fighting for our health.  I am proud of myself and of all you guys who have perservered through this horrible torture.  There are a number of us who are between the 3-4 year mark and hopefully healing is right around the corner.

 

Patty  xoxo

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It's great to hear from people who are 3 and 4 years off, to know that progress is still being made. It would be great to hear from a 5 or 6 year off, who recently made progress, to see if it is possible?

 

Vertigo, I think if I am not protracted then I am healed. I recently - last year - had a 6 month and another 3 month spell of life being better than i remember pre benzo life being. Yet the past month I've had a wave crashing down ( though of course brought on for reasons I've mentioned). So I know my brain is still not as it was pre benzo. So, I guess I'm protracted, despite prolonged periods of 'normality'. But I've begun to think that if this is how I am, I might always be, and I might need to find a way to have my life include these wave passages. And not let them freak me out.

 

[[ve...]]

It's great to hear from people whoare 3and 4 years off, to know that progressis still being made.It would be great to hear froma 5 or 6 year off, who recently made progress, to seeifitis possible? Vertigo,I thinkifI am not protracted thenI am healed.I recently - last year - hada 6 monthandanother 3 month spell of life being better thani remember pre benzo life being. Yet the past monthI've hada wave crashing down ( though of course brought on for reasonsI've mentioned). SoI know my brainis still notasit was pre benzo. So,I guessI'm protracted, despite prolonged periods of 'normality'. ButI've begun to think thatif thisis howI am,I mightalways be,andI might need to finda way to have my lifeinclude these wave passages.And not let them freak me out.

 

That's aninteresting point, Bill. We know that the healing off the benzo in the first year was not linear,at least not for me. Some have said thatas you get farther out, you have longer periods of "normal" with less frequent, perhaps shorter waves, maybe during very high stress situations or periods. I have come to realize that the CNS might be more vulnerable to stressin the early years off.I think thatanattitude ofacceptance that this might be the wayitis fora while,isa positive coping strategy to have. SinceI had struggles with anxiety/insomnia before benzos,I might have to face thatit might just be the wayI was built. I had a very anxious mother who hada very rough life,and it is very possible that some of those nerves got passed down genetically, in addition to some environmentally. We are what we are, and will be what we will be, perhaps aside from benzos.

 

Cheers, Vertigo

[[Ja...]]

My take is that our CNS is extra sensitive after benzos.  With time, I think it is possible that the CNS will be calmer, maybe GABA areas will rejuvenate and naturally start acting like they're supposed to.  I think we can balance out and at the same time learn better coping skills for when times get tough.  The blues and anxiety can be influenced both by our physiology/biology/DNA as well as environmentally and how we respond to our internal and external environments.  You know this, having a background in psychology. I would be thrilled to wake up and feel wonderful, but after living 50 years, I have come to realize that it's only going to last until the next stressful thing happens, whether it's an illness in the family, a personal health problem, a death in the family, a job loss or problem at work or financial crisis, problem with a child (if your'e a parent) relationship issue or something else.  Life is messy and can be difficult. I have resolved to try and cope with life as best as possible, without expectations of bliss.  I think things can and do get better.  A calmer nervous system would be nice.  Mabye that is still in store for us .

 

Vertigo, that's my take as well about this experience. Life goes on, problems will continue to "show" up here and there, but we can learn to how to cope and stay away from stress as much a possible. Easier say than done, but having this mindset is a start.

 

Ed

[[Ja...]]

Those of us past the 3 year mark have done a remarkable job of fighting for our health.  I am proud of myself and of all you guys who have perservered through this horrible torture.  There are a number of us who are between the 3-4 year mark and hopefully healing is right around the corner.

Patty, I'm getting close to the 3 year mark and completely agree with this take! We should be very proud! I've seen improvements and have been feeling better in the last 4 months.  Now where do I pick my trophy?

 

Ed

[[Ge...]]

I C/Td over 27 months ago and still no window; well, unless you count the first 3 days after I quit when I felt incredible, then it all went away permanently. Since then I have had extremely slow and inconspicuous improvement of symptoms. I would say I am 40% healed. Can anyone tell me why I haven't had a single window yet?

[[Wh...]]

Hi Georgy ... I think windows are a myth.  Having said that, I did get one when I was in my 19th month.  It lasted the entire day.  I remember it well ... there was no physical pain and the mind was quiet.  It was pure bliss.  Welcome to the protracted group ... I put you on the list at #79.  Please let me know when you are recovered so I can (happily) take your name off.  I'm sorry that you have to be here.