22 months and 90% healed

[[ru...]]

SO Kenny, was it Christmas last year that you could do nothing and now this year you are fully into life again?? Amazing. Thankyou for sharing your story.

[Guest [CM...]]

Wow, I am crying tears of Joy.

I don't know how I didn't see this back in October when you posted it, but I sure needed it today.

Something led me here. Thank you Kenny, Thank you for being a light for all of us.

This is truly an inspiration story. Perfect for the week leading up to Christmas!

Much love and further healing. I can't wait until you post that you are 110%. I think you're pretty darn close.

Melo x

 

[[mi...]]

Thank you so much for your inspiring story.  Would you like to come build something like that in my yard?  Fantastic 

 

Popcornlady

 

Thank you so much for your story.. So much luck to you now.. Really happy for you.

Be Happy

mishi

[[mi...]]

Well, a success story for everyone............. :yippee: :yippee:

 

I went to a shrink and was put on 4 mg of klonopin,  then came tolerance, so I spent 9 months tapering.

 

GOD..........it was awful!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I wsa on the couch for over a year, afraid to go places.  I was depressed and could not have guests over.  My social life vanished, along with the rest of my life.  I wrote suicide note after suicide note, and even went shopping for suicide supplies, and bought the suicide manual and even went to an attorney to change my will.  I wanted out of life.

 

Instead of killiing myself, I decided to live one day (one day at a time), so I put my jogging shoes on and ran and ran and ran and ran.

 

And I screamed while I ran, at the top of my lungs "why god?  Why god?  Why god?"

 

I drove in my car and I screamed.  I screamed so loud my voice grew horse.

 

I wrote in my journal page after page of the psycholgocial vortex that only those of us in BW can understand.  It was a nighmare of jealousy, hopelessness and futility.

 

I did not kill myself.  I chose life instead.

 

I am a building contractor, and my tools were in the shop, right where I left them when I started BW, and I could not go into the shop because the pain of the loss of my career was so great.

 

I almost sold those tools, but something inside of me said that one day I MIGHT be well again.

 

That first christmas off benzos was painful.  I had no energy to leave the hosue and I bought no christmas presents for anyone.  I felt so sad and just wanted to cry for the loss to myself and my friends.

 

I can't say when it happened because it happened so slowly, but I will fast forward to today to give to you all an idea of what to look forward to.

 

Today I work, and I work hard, and I am doing a dam good job at creating art.  I have developed a network of new friends, and I have social events at my new home.  I have a partner now, for the first time in my life, and I am learnign how to have intimacy.  I still have minor bouts of depression, but they do not last long and they always always alwasy end, so no biggie, really.  I am studding for the contractors exam. 

 

There is somethign good that came out of all of this.  I do not have fear anymore.  I am free of fear.  BW was the dark night of the soul, and I lived thorough the most horrific experience.  My ego and all false pretense has burned through the fires of purification and today I contain and embody transparency. 

 

Basically, I don't have time for nonsensical bullshit in my life, and I value life more than ever today.  I do not need to look back except when it comes to helping others with this story.  I will only look back if it can help another person, like I am doing right now.

 

If you are in the throws of a benzo depression, then read this and know that I have my life back.  I lost 5 years but who cares, because that is all in the past.  I recommend that everyoen research the dark night of the soul and email me if you would like some perspective and encouragement.  I believe, today, that religionis are for people who are afaid of hell and spirituality is for people who have been.

 

I am not too spiritual, really, becausae i don't meditate, but I have captured wisdom through all of this, and you will also.

 

Keep going, no matter how rough it seems right now, becaue the body does heal.  Express and vent your frustration in positive ways like screaming and jogging.  And, keep a journal, becaue you will help others in BW after you heal. Thats the reason why we are all here.

 

I am off to go create more art now.  Joy is on the horizon for everyone.

 

Love

 

Kenny

 

Kenny what a story.. I cried so hard... What a journey and yu are so strong.. You are amazing... I wish you all the best in life now.

Thank you

xoxox

mishi

[[Mo...]]

Bump for people with DP.

[[Co...]]

Wonderful inspiring authentic success story....thank you so much for taking time away from your beautiful new life to come back on the site to help those of us still living one day at a time.

....As I am just entering month 6 ...thinking about 16 more months is a little overwhelming, but thinking about just today.. and as you so well expressed ...not looking back....will get me to the next day....

......Your story is helping so many of us to keep it going...So happy for all of your joy in your new life....coop

[[bo...]]

bump

[[ba...]]

Another huge thank you! How wonderful it is! Hugs!

[[ne...]]

Bump

[[ne...]]

Thank you for sharing about 'The Dark Night of the Soul." I have been reading about it and WOW does it ever resonate with the spiritual experience of benzo withdrawal.

 

na- 

[[ne...]]

bump..