Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

[[ja...]]

If I could cry I would have tears in my eyes from your response! You are so loving, truly a blessing. The validation is so so important for us as you know. I do not have one person in my life who gets this, I hang on this site so much, I almost feel obsessed!

 

You said you had the deep dark depression, when did it start to lift for you? I haven't had a tiny break since a few amazing days last august while in tolerance. I literally can't even smile.

Aww 

 

Hopeful my god you poor girl . Not smiling and having that kind of soul crushing depression is so heartbreaking. I can relate . For me it lifted around month 7 and I was able to sheed some smiles maybe half ones. But then as the weeks started to pass I actually found myself laughing . Omg it felt great. I want you to know that depression does lift when the chemicals start to level out. I will be praying for it to end for very soon.

 

Validation is so important . When I finally found BB myself I was at month 7 and when I learned all of this I was going through WAS w/d I took the first clean deep breath and just cryed. I felt so much better for the first time this w/d started.

 

Your going to get through all of this 

[[ja...]]

Hey Jaso! I just love you . What would we do here without you around.  Gosh you such an encouragement to many of us fighting this battle.  I have 2 questions for you if you don't mind. ..

 

I see you were bedridden months 3 to 6... how was months 1 and 2?  We're they better and functional?

 

Did you struggle with the extreme fatigue at all, this is so harsh on many of us and I just cant see how this one will leave. ..

 

Last question did you try any supplements or diets?  

 

Thanks for sharing and reassurancing us newbies.

Aww Kimmy thank you so much 

 

I have been seeing your posts the last few days and I find you so positive and uplifting! Your a very kind hearted and strong woman. Im glad to have met you.

 

Month 1 and 2 were like a crazy train for me. I got hit with so many creepy scary sxs. But I was functional and had this extreme freaky Unwanted energy. It was come month 3 and on that Fatigue hit me like a train.

 

I only at month 10 started to take flax seed in smoothies and I got hit so hard with burning skin and fried CNS feelings all over again. I stopped and continued without any suppliments

 

Im so happy you came by . Keep doing what your doing you make a difference here

[[Ho...]]

Jaso,  Thankyou, Thankyou!  Just hearing someone say they experienced all you did and came out smiling and laughing gives so much hope.

 

I can't imagine the agony you were in without having any validation. Not having BB is unimaginable for me. You are amazing!

 

 

Kimmy, yes, we seem to have so much of the same stuff going on. Both started coming off in Jan. ALthough you c/t'd and I tapered. You seem to be able to do more though. There is NO WAY I could drive like you. My head and ear pressure are severe, and my head is extremely heavy and dizzy. As awful as the s/x are from neck down I could function if my head would clear!

 

I think we are neck in neck and may be writing our success stories around the same time! Hang on !

 

[[...]]

hey little sweetie pie;  well here it is summer;  i have known you for 2 years jen;  can't get over it.  i am much better but still not all the way;  thankful it has gotten so much better tho;  geez jen i will never forget the horror of it for a year and a half.  i don't know why it is taking me so long but i am just glad it is not like it was

i can think well;  taking two graduate courses now;  did 2 already;  i will be a therapist and help people get off these poisons.  do have the dvd still;  will edit it when my bff gets back from calif and send it to a lot of people;  had to end my job with the school board somewhat first

 

had a guy but it ended; darn;  i just was not feeling it all the way;  but it was 4 months and he was awesome to me;  still calls and cares.

having my first Bible study here at my house tonight.  my sis.  she got Jesus thru this;  trying tro help me get to church;  pretty cool

i love yu so much sister.  i will always love you;  you said things to me that kept me hoping and i was so scared.  you are an angel jen

pals forever;  i hope i get to meet you one day;  if i open a center....my little dream....big dream

[[...]]

hi jaso , hii every body iwanna stop and say iam 100 percent normal now every body here iam telling you you will be back to your self soon iam here and idid it thx  jasso fore yous support

[[Ho...]]

Hi Hoda,

 

I am so happy for you. Did you write a success story yet? Would love to read about you experience. I don't see a signature line under your posts??

[[Ho...]]

Hey Jaso,

 

I just now saw the link you posted about "the battlefield". What an amazing post! I love love love your determination! I agree that what you went through with your daughter probably prepared you for going through this. We just don't know how strong we are until we have to be, and I believe we build on our strength.

 

My husband and I have 5 adopted kids, 2 very difficult. My son was in and out of jail during his teens, extreme anger. We ended up finding his birthparents to try and help him and he moved in with them for awhile (heartbreaking). My daughter has recieved 5 mental illness diagnosis, has extreme behavioral, cognitive and emotional issues and what she did 7 years ago started me on this psych med journey.she has been in and out of facilities and is now prostituting. Throughout all this I nursed my Dad through Parkinsons and dementia till death and my mother in law through alzheimers. We also lost one of our businesses and landed in debt to a tune of $400,000.

 

I have also seen 7 psych ward stays and survived 16 psych drugs with awful side effects. I say all this because NONE of that could have prepared me for benzo hell, NONE OF IT! I think part of the problem is we lose our ability to think rationaly and focus. Our brains are so altered we cannot process what we are going through!

 

I don't know if I would handle this differently had I not been through other stuff, but I know I can survive, that's for sure. Difference is before somehow I kept a smile on most of the time. Benzo take out your serotonin bigtime, so no smile yet in this battle! But i will be the last man standing!

[[ja...]]

hey little sweetie pie;  well here it is summer;  i have known you for 2 years jen;  can't get over it.  i am much better but still not all the way;  thankful it has gotten so much better tho;  geez jen i will never forget the horror of it for a year and a half.  i don't know why it is taking me so long but i am just glad it is not like it was

i can think well;  taking two graduate courses now;  did 2 already;  i will be a therapist and help people get off these poisons.  do have the dvd still;  will edit it when my bff gets back from calif and send it to a lot of people;  had to end my job with the school board somewhat first

 

had a guy but it ended; darn;  i just was not feeling it all the way;  but it was 4 months and he was awesome to me;  still calls and cares.

having my first Bible study here at my house tonight.  my sis.  she got Jesus thru this;  trying tro help me get to church;  pretty cool

i love yu so much sister.  i will always love you;  you said things to me that kept me hoping and i was so scared.  you are an angel jen

pals forever;  i hope i get to meet you one day;  if i open a center....my little dream....big dream

Awe Pan this is awesome.

 

I am so happy for you and I think you opening a center would be so full filling. You are going to be such a wonderful therapist .I mean that. You just have that gentle honest quility that many dont.

 

I have to say Pan your lovable!!!!

 

I hope to get to meet you to honey..

[[ja...]]

hi jaso , hii every body iwanna stop and say iam 100 percent normal now every body here iam telling you you will be back to your self soon iam here and idid it thx  jasso fore yous support

Hey hoda

 

This is wonderful ..Way to go getting all the way through. Im very happy for you and I know your going to love life as a healthy guy.Your very welcome for the support!

 

Cant wait for your success story

 

[[ja...]]

Hey Jaso,

 

I just now saw the link you posted about "the battlefield". What an amazing post! I love love love your determination! I agree that what you went through with your daughter probably prepared you for going through this. We just don't know how strong we are until we have to be, and I believe we build on our strength.

 

My husband and I have 5 adopted kids, 2 very difficult. My son was in and out of jail during his teens, extreme anger. We ended up finding his birthparents to try and help him and he moved in with them for awhile (heartbreaking). My daughter has recieved 5 mental illness diagnosis, has extreme behavioral, cognitive and emotional issues and what she did 7 years ago started me on this psych med journey.she has been in and out of facilities and is now prostituting. Throughout all this I nursed my Dad through Parkinsons and dementia till death and my mother in law through alzheimers. We also lost one of our businesses and landed in debt to a tune of $400,000.

 

I have also seen 7 psych ward stays and survived 16 psych drugs with awful side effects. I say all this because NONE of that could have prepared me for benzo hell, NONE OF IT! I think part of the problem is we lose our ability to think rationaly and focus. Our brains are so altered we cannot process what we are going through!

 

I don't know if I would handle this differently had I not been through other stuff, but I know I can survive, that's for sure. Difference is before somehow I kept a smile on most of the time. Benzo take out your serotonin bigtime, so no smile yet in this battle! But i will be the last man standing!

Omg Hopeful you are simply amazing! I can not believe what you have over come. You are such a inspiration to me. I am very sorry for the pain you have been through. I believe strongly its the hard road that brings forth our internal strength. You are someone that deserves so much blessings.

 

Your positive attitude will bring you all the way through . I pray it happens so soon 

[[...]]

hey miss angel;  how can i find the battlefield post? loving you...

[[ja...]]

hey miss angel;  how can i find the battlefield post? loving you...

Hi sweety...

 

Hope your doing ok . Loving you back 

 

Here ya go....

 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=46317.0

 

 

[[ge...]]

Hey Jenny... I am wondering how you were at 11 months... I am doing better than months 1-7, but it's still really tough everyday. Most symptoms have lightened and the fear has left, I'm sleeping well. But I continue to switch between intense agitation to a heavy depressed / apathetic feel. Also still deal with some other stuff, but I won't bore you with all my lingering symptoms. I know I am over the worst (torturous ) symptoms but it's still really hard....

 

Thanks 

[[ja...]]

Hey Jenny... I am wondering how you were at 11 months... I am doing better than months 1-7, but it's still really tough everyday. Most symptoms have lightened and the fear has left, I'm sleeping well. But I continue to switch between intense agitation to a heavy depressed / apathetic feel. Also still deal with some other stuff, but I won't bore you with all my lingering symptoms. I know I am over the worst (torturous ) symptoms but it's still really hard....

 

Thanks 

Gettingthere hello

 

OMG you described me to the tee with being at month 11 . I know exactly what you mean. Its like all the horror has left but the ongoing sxs still remain wich makes us think were in this forever.

 

I just wanted to  have a happy day again with no sxs. It was super hard for me at month 11 still. I hit a wave and had about 10 sxs that were lingering. They werent terrible and I was living more then I was in the entire time but still it was a struggle.

 

I had that until around month 13 then everything started to just ease and go away. I was healed and so much better at month 15. Hang in the best you can the worst is over. Only good things from here on out

 

The sxs I still had at month 11 were... Muscle pain and weakness. Lump in my throat. Sinuses messed up. I had vibes running through my body. Freezing hands and feet. Hard to force food down. Shakey. Depression. And I had emotional disconnect. I had few more but they were all mild compaired to earlier on

 

Im pushing for honey .Your gonna get there gettingthere 

[[Ja...]]

Hi Jenny. Still trying to get through this hell. It is getting tough. 8 1/2 months out. Bad symptoms are now appearing in their true form. Vibrations/nerve stuff/head pressure all causing body agitation and then left with depression. All of the above had decreased prior. How do they go away if they come back with a vengeance/lasting longer. I am so depressed today from this. There is no way out. No professional can help you. When you are in a bad way it is hard for another person to help you. It's a lonely road which makes no sense. I have 100% days and days from hell. Just venting 

[[ja...]]

Hi Jenny. Still trying to get through this hell. It is getting tough. 8 1/2 months out. Bad symptoms are now appearing in their true form. Vibrations/nerve stuff/head pressure all causing body agitation and then left with depression. All of the above had decreased prior. How do they go away if they come back with a vengeance/lasting longer. I am so depressed today from this. There is no way out. No professional can help you. When you are in a bad way it is hard for another person to help you. It's a lonely road which makes no sense. I have 100% days and days from hell. Just venting 

Im so sad to hear this..

 

Jazzy its so normal tho. I know its so upsetting to have to keep going through this. I called it Ground Hogs Day because thats what it felt like . But the great news is it will stop. Little by little the sxs will just leave then disappear. Hang in ok and just keep yourself as positive as you can until this wave ease and the sxs lift..

 

You can do this...

[[Ja...]]

Tx Jenny. I always appreciate your encouragement. Hope all is well at your end. Will keep you posted.

[[Ch...]]

Hi Jenny,

Hope you are having a good day today.

 

Do you think that even if all you think about is your health and sx that you still heal.  I'm having such a hard time.  Seven months out.  It's never ending and it's insane. 

 

Thank you again for you deep commitment to this forum.  It people like you that the suffering turn to because you provide hope in your story

[[ja...]]

Hi Jenny,

Hope you are having a good day today.

 

Do you think that even if all you think about is your health and sx that you still heal.  I'm having such a hard time.  Seven months out.  It's never ending and it's insane. 

 

Thank you again for you deep commitment to this forum.  It people like you that the suffering turn to because you provide hope in your story

Hi Charlene

 

I want you to know all I did from the moment my eyes opened was think about sxs and my health. I became so overwhelmed by the non stop monotney of this w/d.

Once my though pattern changed is when the sxs started to ease .Thats when I felt hope creeping in again.

 

I will say..No matter how many times you think about your health and these horrible sxs your still going to heal ! Thats a promise.

 

7 months out is hard I know. But give your self alittle more time and you will feel how things ease..

Hang in there honey and thank you so much for saying such nice things to me. I feel very committed and will never let what I went through be for nothing but helping anyone whos hurting in it .

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Charlene your gonna get through this !!!

[[Ch...]]

I hope and pray so. I never had such a pity party in all my life Thank you for the kind words.  May God bless you for your work here on BB

[[ja...]]

Thank You Charlene 

 

I just want you to know I feel so much for what your going through...I understand. I was a very serious case of c/t w/d .I didnt understand anything about what was happeneing. My brain was really broken.Noone knew they believed I had something else wrong and it was noway w/d. I just really knew in my heart it was. I fought the good fight allot alone. And learned little by little these sxs ease. Maybe not all at once. But tell yourself if even one sxs has eased and subsided then all will do the same. It just take time and the brain heals.

 

I had my own pitty partys myself so dont worry. I really never felt so much desperation in my life for help.Thats why I try my best always to help if needed... You will get better and you will get through this

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Hi Jenny,

 

You are one of my "benzo heroes", I read your story and Battlefield often and always think if she can do it so can I! I am 3 1/2 months off a 3 month taper from 1.25 mg clonazepam. My mental side effects have gotten crazy over the last 3 weeks. I didn't realize things could actually get worse at this time but they have.

 

The D/R has become severe. I feel completely recessed into myself, i feel like I live in a place I never knew with people i have no feelings for; I can't drive or work so being stuck here makes it even worse, it feels like there isn't a world beyond this house. I have severe intrusive thoughts, obsessions and fear. I have so much rage over nothing at all; the rage scares me; I feel like I could hurt someone but I won't. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING MAKES ME ANGRY ALL THE TIME. I can't get away from the despair, fear, depression and anger. I feel like I am on a merry-go-round that will never stop. I HAVE LOST ALL PERSPECTIVE!

 

I know you were this bad , I just need something, I don't even know what.I feel like I am going crazy

 

 

[[ja...]]

Hi Jenny,

 

You are one of my "benzo heroes", I read your story and Battlefield often and always think if she can do it so can I! I am 3 1/2 months off a 3 month taper from 1.25 mg clonazepam. My mental side effects have gotten crazy over the last 3 weeks. I didn't realize things could actually get worse at this time but they have.

 

The D/R has become severe. I feel completely recessed into myself, i feel like I live in a place I never knew with people i have no feelings for; I can't drive or work so being stuck here makes it even worse, it feels like there isn't a world beyond this house. I have severe intrusive thoughts, obsessions and fear. I have so much rage over nothing at all; the rage scares me; I feel like I could hurt someone but I won't. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING MAKES ME ANGRY ALL THE TIME. I can't get away from the despair, fear, depression and anger. I feel like I am on a merry-go-round that will never stop. I HAVE LOST ALL PERSPECTIVE!

 

I know you were this bad , I just need something, I don't even know what.I feel like I am going crazy

awe Hopeful-One

 

I feel so sad for what you going through rt now because what you just said is exactly how I felt. Omg Im so sorry. I wish I could take it away for you. But I can help by letting you know everything you described does end soon.That acute w/d that brings such anger and rage eases soon after 3 months off. I had it to. I became so devistaed and how I was thinking and acting.So completely out of my character. Its all so hard. But your doing so well reconizeing all these horrible sxs. You know who you are and Your going to be that beautiful calm person again.

 

I remember being so trapped in my mind being scared of what my thoughts were. But do everything you can to keep reassurring yourself that this will all end and your mind will come back to the real you.

 

I couldnt work I lost my buisness and all my motor function was slow and off balanced. i couldnt drive for months. But then my motor function started to come back after 3 months off .

 

I just dont want you feeling alone and lost.Because if not anything im saying makes any sense or brings any peace to you just pls know in your heart this is all w/d and your brain will fix it. I promise. You will be ok and I been where you are so I can understand so much how your feeling. Hang on ok. This will subside and you will see the healing thats taking place even though youve been suffering.. Your gonna get through this Hopeful-One

 

[[Ho...]]

Wow! what a quick reply, thankyou. I know you said before you had your big break at 7 months. Here you said your anger and rage and motor function was better at 3; that is so encouraging, when could you drive?