Zolpiclon/Lunesta

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0,050 g. I have gone down 0,005 every two days and so far it has been ok. Still falling asleep and not having stings/spasms in the morning.

Had a bit more anxiety yesterday than I have had in a while. And this morning I struggled to get out of bed. The cortisol rush made me believe that getting out of bed would feel bad, when it was simply the "rise and shine" morning response. I remind myself of that. 

Maybe I should hold a little longer. But it might also have been due to taking magnesium glycinate. People says it helps them be calm, but every time I take them I feel I get agitated.

I got up eventually because I got hungry. And hunger has been very elusive these months, so that's a win. 

I notice that my brain wants to hang on to specific things more than usual. Like a line from a song, a word, a part of a video I watched. I remember someone, the psyc ward I think, said that anxiety have a tendency to lead to rigidity. I run it is best to just notice it as a detached viewer.

Edited March 25 by [...]

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My teen will be gone for 4-5 days this week, and my body wants to feel nervous about me being alone. It is not like I rely on them a lot, they spend a lot of time gaming in their room, and I still do most of the home chores, so it is not like they need to adult.

But they provide a framework for the day: I have to get up with them in the morning when they go to school. Needing to wash their clothes and the dishes. Taking care of dinner same time every day. Bedtime same time every day. And of course also talking with each other when they are home, regular hugs, just having company.

I recognise that the anxiety/depression/Z-drug is lying to me about it being terrible to be alone. I am ususally completely fine with being alone, and enjoy pottering about doing stuff and being creative. 

I will continue with my regular schedule no matter if my teen is here. Including going to the community centre, which I do almost every day and which is so good for company, good experiences, and acceptance. People are so nice there.

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I feel great. Like, really good. It has been a while since I have felt like this. This is a window? 

I remind myself that if I don't feel as great in any coming days, it doesn't mean that all is bad. It just means 2 steps forward, 1 step backwards, which is still progress.

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0,045 g. 

Again first woke up when it was already full daylight outside. And got myself out of bed when I wanted to, less zombie.

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It went well with 0,005 g less every two days, so last night I went for a reduction last night, even though it had been only one day. 

I woke up 3-4 times during the night, and with racing-ish heart, but was able to fall asleep again every time.

I had a LOT of dreams, including one challenging one (don't remember the content) where I woke up because I was (internally) screaming something about "trauma". And one where I dated my favourite YouTuber. One extreme to the other.

I feel like I should go back to every two days, it is probably better. Maybe.

I feel decently rested.

Edited March 27 by [...]

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I have been sort of dizzy today. I had no issue working in the garden or biking down to the pharmacy. So it doesn't actually affects my balance. It is more of an internal sense of dizziness an tingling in my head and teeth. It feels a lot like it used to do when I had forgotten to take my AD. Maybe I did? 

I was also pretty itchy.

Yesterday I went to a knitting event and it felt good to be with people. Today I made some plans to see some friends to go for walks. Also bought seeds online for my ggarden. All these things I could not fathom doing or taking an interest in again, just a month ago. 

Edited March 28 by [...]

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0,040 g.

Seem to be back to waking up sometime in the middle of the night, but then slept until daylight. 

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0,035 g/1,544 mg

Slept well, and it felt like real sleep. 

I contacted my craft buddy to meet up again.  I have the energy for it finally.

Edited March 29 by [...]

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0,035 g.

Woke up really early,  but I feel like I had enough sleep. 

Legs been somewhat restless and sore this morning, but nothing that bothers me too much. Could be because I am moving more now.

I have had more muscle jerks/nerve stings during the day than I have had in a while. Somewhat annoying but again not disturbing me that much. 

I wonder whether at the low dosage I am on now, and having taken the Z for now app. 2 months, if it actually has an effect on making me go to sleep and if it suppresses night jerks/stings.

I am still going to taper at this rate of 0,005 g per 2 days because it is working for me.

And then we'll see once I am off what happens.

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0,030 g/1,323 mg

I am no longer fatigued and zombie until noon. It was definitely the Z that made me so.

I have started going for walks. My legs, that have been kind og weak/tensed feel better.

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0,030 g.

I had quite a lot of nerve stings yesterday during the day. Wonder if it had to do with me taking a walk. I have been doing walks energy day for now 5 days. It feels SO good, though,  and I am pretty sure it is net positive that I go for walks.

Sleep this night felt very light, but I am not sure if it was. 

I no longer wake up in hot flashes, or with anxiety.

And I have started setting my alarm so I am only in bed for 6 1/2 hours. I only sleep or sleepish for that time anyway,  and then I don't get frustrated. 

My appetite feels very normal now, I was even a bit candy-hungry yesterday. 

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I wonder if this small dosage does anything or if I should just quit altogether. But I am going to stick with the taper.

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0,025 g/1,1 mg

Went to a social gathering yesterday. And I was there for 4 hours before I needed to go home.

The nerve stings have felt like itchiness for the last couple of days. I was a bit worried going to bed, but I was totally able to ignore it.

I only first woke up to the alarm! (Except for one wakeup to remove the blanket on top of my duvet, because I was warm). I have been waiting for this for so long! I slept about 6 1/2 hours, and it feels glorious.

I am pretty sure that although the Z makes you "sleep", it also causes bad quality sleep. And I have had the issue that whenever it stopped working, I could continue into normal sleep.

The extreme tiredness until noon was definitely also the Z. 

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Over 6 hours of sleep, wow!  I agree with you about the quality of sleep z drugs provide, it feels shallow.  I would wake up so quickly, and while I thought that was a good thing, I realized it wasn’t restorative.  That delicious feeling of first waking and luxuriating in the transition from deep sleep to awakening was never there.  

I see a lot of reflection in your posts, I like that you’re looking at events in your life and questioning them from a different perspective.  Withdrawing from a drug is traumatic but once free of it, we need to find new ways of dealing with life, it looks to me like you’re finding your way. 

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0,025 g

Still kind of itchy. Could be pollen allergy too, it is the season for it.

I wake up easily in the early morning, but do sleep until something wakes me up. Bloody early morning birds chirping SO early. Might have to use earplugs again. 

I feel more rested and have more energy during the day, than I have had for most of this. 

I was so hungry yesterday all day! It was glorious. Today I feel a bit stuffed but that is only natural.

Edited April 3 by [...]

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13 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Over 6 hours of sleep, wow!  I agree with you about the quality of sleep z drugs provide, it feels shallow.  I would wake up so quickly, and while I thought that was a good thing, I realized it wasn’t restorative.  That delicious feeling of first waking and luxuriating in the transition from deep sleep to awakening was never there.  

I see a lot of reflection in your posts, I like that you’re looking at events in your life and questioning them from a different perspective.  Withdrawing from a drug is traumatic but once free of it, we need to find new ways of dealing with life, it looks to me like you’re finding your way. 

It is so nice to hear my own experience mirrored, that you understand.

And you are right, this has definitely made me reflect a lot. More than I have probably ever truly done before. I don't want to rely on meds, I want to live life with the good and the bad, the tough and the easy, acceptance and rejection.

It feels like "bad" feelings can't hurt me anymore. Suppressing feelings and to shy away from situations that might be challenging, is in the end going to hurt me much more than dealing with them, and putting myself out there. 

So now I am "biting life in the thigh" as we humorously say in my language. 

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0,020 g/0,88 mg

I slept until the birds started to sing, put in earplugs, and slept on.

Yesterday I went to town. I had planned to do four errands, but after two ones I felt exhausted mentally. In the "before times" I would have pushed on. Of course I could manage, and you must show a strong will, and don't be weak and lazy. But yesterday I decided to go home after the two errands, and I am proud of myself for doing it.

My old attitude - learned by my mom - probably contributed to the bad mental health that got me into the mess and meds.

And after having rested for a couple of hours I actually felt like doing something, and mowed my little lawn.

I felt kind of energetic in the evening and worried if I would be able to sleep. But after half an hour with only my red light on and playing a soothing mobile game, I felt tired and went to bed no problem. 

I have been working on pushing back my sleep, for the last week or so. The sun rises so early, and it is going to get much earlier too (until we only have about 4 hours of darkness). I have always been a night owl, but now I have decided that I want as much of my sleep to be when it is dark so I get the best possible sleep. (And my bedroom is straight east, so it gets bombarded by the sun, even with black out blinds AND blackout curtains).

Edited April 4 by [...]

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 0,020 g

I have been pretty active yesterday and the day before. While I limited the amount of things I did, I need to also not overexerte myself. It is a balance. I have had pain in my legs and some leg restlessness and general pain in the body. Probably natural, but I need to respect my body's signals, and not overdo stuff.

I had no nerve stings at all all day and thought they were gone for good. So when I had some the last couple of hours before bedtime, I got a hint of anxiety - something I also thought was gone. They probably come when I am tired. And then I got a hint of anxiety because of feeling anxious...

I am working a lot with acceptance, and a few stings while awake is probably natural. They don't affect my sleep by now, so I am just going to think of them as a natural thing,  like random itchiness.

And on the topic of itchiness, I have been rather itchy for the last couple of days.  It seems that some of the stings have morphed into that, and that is defintely preferable. 

I woke up one time during the night because I was laying on my hands and they were getting numb. I went back to sleep afterwards (which has been a major issue that I couldn't) and slept until the alarm. 

 

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0,015/0,66 mg

I didn't sleep particularly good, but I did sleep. I felt i already when I went to bed that I wasn't tired enough. So it was to be expected that my sleeo wouldn't be optimal. What is the most important is that I did fall sleep.

I think I should aim for 6 hours of sleep rather than 7. Sleep restriction is proven to be very effective to better patchy sleep. 

Did the now very low dosage of Z have any influence? It is possible. I choose to focus on the fact that I did sleep, even though it wasn't optimal sleep. 

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It has been an interesting day. I have had, at a pretty low level, several symptoms that I haven't had in a while, or only had very little: Palpitation, a little anxiety, a muscle spasm in the morning, some stomach pain.

It seems like a recycling of it, just to like check out if it works. I might have been too active for the last few days.

I think that it is more likely that it is the very low dosage, which makes the body kind of want to react with the symptoms I had before I started Z. But my body has healed so much since then - and Z has actually helped with that by allowing me to sleep at all in the beginning.

So the symptoms now don't linger. They show up, but then fade away because my body is getting back to its balanced state. 

And I am ok with not sleeping a lot, as long as I sleep some

And I know that I might sleep worse or not at all for a few days when I jump. I am ok with that. With the other symptoms low/gone, I can handle it. And also, I think that because I taper I won't necessarily experience insomnia. This slightly worse sleep might be all that I experience.

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0,015 g

A neighbour had a party, with loud music and they shouting loud enough that I could hear it clearly in my house. As we approached midnight (it is generally the time that people are allowedto be noisy until), I got increasingly angry that they kept on being very noisy. So I went and complained, and they seemed surprised 🙄, but turned down the volume enough that I could sleep when having earplugs in. And most importantly: Even though I was angry, I didn't have any issue falling asleep. I was worried about that. 

I have had some visual disturbance with floaters, and with - not bright light brain zaps - but more like small cracking lights.

Woke up fairly early (5-ish AM I think, and fell asleep several times and woke up again, until I was fully awake by 6 AM. My nose was/is a bit stuffy. Had to breath through my mouth consciously sometimes.

I woke up holding my earplugs in my hand. I have no recollection of removing them.  Which is good. Having those very light wakeups during the night (for moving mainly) is an important part of sleep. 

I slept about something with travelling. Remembering dreaming is important to me.

 

Edited April 7 by [...]

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My legs have been sore, tight, active  restless. It doesn't have any effect on my ability to sleep.

But I notice that I am worried about that internal restlessness, akathasia, coming bac. And I notice that worrying about it makes the restlessness worse. 

So? Anxiety? Or low Z? Or something else?

 

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I have had quite restless legs today. I went for a walk,  and I also worked in my garden for quite a while. It was nice while doing it, and it did help some in the legs. 

I was really tired most of the day, and in the afternoon I tried to take a little nap, and I had muscle spasms/twitches. Which I haven't really had for... a week?

Then  got worried if I would have it when going to sleep. And what will happen once I jump. But I can definitely handle the anxiety better now.

I haven't had that much appetite today, even a bit of food aversion, whereas for the last week I have been eating a lot, and snacking and felt hungry a lot.

I noticed that I have had some sound sensitivity. Not super bad. But I was surprised that it came back. 

I would expect it all to be due to being down on such a low dosage. It is like I get a rewind of the symptoms I have had, just milder. 

With having had it so good for the last week, it has been sad to fell less so for the last two days. But I remind myself of how bad it used to be, and that 2 steps forward and one step backward is still a net positive.

 

 

 

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I wonder if I should taper the very last little amount even slower? I don't know if it even does anything at this point. 

But with how I twitched when I tried to nap, then maybe it does have a effect, since I fail asleep at night without that issue. 

I have been reducing 0,005 g per two days. I could go down by 0,003 g or 0,002 g for the last amount?

Would it make any difference at all? 

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0,015 g. Since it has been more difficult the last few days,  I decided to hold. Not sure itlf it did anything. 

Really tired, didn't sleep enough. But also couldn't sleep much. Almost fall asleep now wake, but can't.

Nauseated and gag reflex this morning. It had been a while since i had that. 

Restless legs and can't really relac.

Bunmer  this last week of feeling much better, made me believe that I was fast tracking to healing.