Is this what we want, is this who we want to be?

[[pi...]]

Hello everyone! We really appreciate all the comments from members about returning to our original mission; to provide encouragement and positive support to those in withdrawal. Please keep the comments coming. We’d love to hear from more members.

 

I know there are some exciting changes comes soon. Perhaps technical discussions about the new format and platform could be discussed here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=278390.0

 

Thanks all!

 

 

piamogirl

[[Fa...]]

Hello All,

 

My interaction on the site has drastically decreased due to the trigger factors.  And, the few times I do come on more recently, I am met with discussion that goes down a very dark path.  Some members, and very much gratitude for their efforts, try to get the thread back to a position of positivity and hope but get squashed almost within the next post within the thread.  I won't name the members, but we can all see who they are that continue to retort with positivity.  So, thank you very much for your efforts.

 

Here is the problem...for me.  Aside from AKA, my largest symptom is terror.  So, mental symptoms are my largest concern moving through this.  I do not have to go into detail of how this affects our thought processes and our outlook on our prognosis.  I would be preaching to the choir.  However, I battle despicable/insidious thoughts every waking moment of my day.  Many may not experience this, but for those that do, you walk a fine line every day.  You must bring your mind back to centre if at all possible and not allow it to spiral down ultimately leading to thoughts we all do not want to have.

 

The discussions being had on the site are walking a fine line when it comes to following the guidelines.  In my opinion, they have crossed the line in terms of the guidelines...sometimes in creative ways.  I'm not sure how others 'feel' posts as they are read, but the energy is what it is...and, it is toxic in my opinion.  The energy of fear breeds more fear.  The energy of 'giving up' breeds more of the same.  And, if members think that this does not affect them upon reading on a physical/mental/emotional and spiritual level, I would ask them to reconsider.

 

There have been times at the beginning of my signing up here that I was able to contribute far more than I am able to now.  I was in a better 'place' to do so, and I could contribute in a positive way.  I was still sharing uncomfortable realities, but that is the reality of the site...we share our discomfort and pain to find understanding, help and encouragement.  We share hoping, also, that someone may benefit from our sharing to help them to feel that they are not the only person experiencing what they are.  That functionality of the site is beneficial.

 

However, when I have knowingly not been in a place to come on and share, I choose to stay quiet.  Why?  Because I know that what I have to offer will not be of benefit at that time...it will only be content that will add potential negativity and very probably triggering to others.  I know it is not the time to come on and post, and I listen to it.  I know I am not able, at that time, to express my feelings and thoughts in a way that will not harm.  And, the last thing I want to do is to trigger/harm others.  Because here is the thing...my suffering is not more important than another's.  Also, in my opinion, in BW, when we are like that, we can express our darkest thoughts over and over again looking to release them and feel some decompression and relief...but, we know...that doesn't work.  We seek reassurance in those darkest of times, but we aren't able to be reassured.

 

I understand, believe me I do, the level of suffering taking place.  And, I wish I could wave my hand and make it disappear for all of us.  I truly, truly do.  I, also, know that being told to call a hotline is often not a viable option because we NEED to speak to someone who understands this process...all of it.  And, they simply do not.  This goes, as well, to being asked to seek a professional during times of crisis.  We, also, know what that leads to.

 

Friends...we are in a very sticky situation.  And, the only answer, in my opinion, is balancing your immediate needs along with the needs of others while engaging on the site.  Discussion of end of life measures/giving up/negative opinions regarding prognosis for all...this is serving no one.  I can bet that after sharing it, you may feel a temporary release, but within a short, short period of time, you are right back where you started.  Within that time, how many have been greatly affected by their reading the thread?  How many were just hanging on that day and managed to maneuver many dark, dark thoughts only to be set-back by reading content that is filled with extreme negativity?  What would be the ratio?  Any ratio is really not acceptable.  One person is enough.

 

Mental/emotional/physical/spiritual setbacks due to toxic negativity while in BW...it doesn't just wash off of you after a few minutes.  We all know, it sticks to our brains and wreaks havoc.  And, that is the affect of content such as what has been occurring on the site has been to me...a set-back.

 

Please do not read this as my not understanding the degree of pain and suffering.  I truly understand.  This is the best I can express my feelings on this thread.  I can't discuss logistics of the new software...not my thing...as I see the thread has taken that turn.

 

The site needs to regain it's integrity...and, that can only happen via the members.

 

Warmly,

F

 

       

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hello All,

 

My interaction on the site has drastically decreased due to the trigger factors.  And, the few times I do come on more recently, I am met with discussion that goes down a very dark path.  Some members, and very much gratitude for their efforts, try to get the thread back to a position of positivity and hope but get squashed almost within the next post within the thread.  I won't name the members, but we can all see who they are that continue to retort with positivity.  So, thank you very much for your efforts.

 

Here is the problem...for me.  Aside from AKA, my largest symptom is terror.  So, mental symptoms are my largest concern moving through this.  I do not have to go into detail of how this affects our thought processes and our outlook on our prognosis.  I would be preaching to the choir.  However, I battle despicable/insidious thoughts every waking moment of my day.  Many may not experience this, but for those that do, you walk a fine line every day.  You must bring your mind back to centre if at all possible and not allow it to spiral down ultimately leading to thoughts we all do not want to have.

 

The discussions being had on the site are walking a fine line when it comes to following the guidelines.  In my opinion, they have crossed the line in terms of the guidelines...sometimes in creative ways.  I'm not sure how others 'feel' posts as they are read, but the energy is what it is...and, it is toxic in my opinion.  The energy of fear breeds more fear.  The energy of 'giving up' breeds more of the same.  And, if members think that this does not affect them upon reading on a physical/mental/emotional and spiritual level, I would ask them to reconsider.

 

There have been times at the beginning of my signing up here that I was able to contribute far more than I am able to now.  I was in a better 'place' to do so, and I could contribute in a positive way.  I was still sharing uncomfortable realities, but that is the reality of the site...we share our discomfort and pain to find understanding, help and encouragement.  We share hoping, also, that someone may benefit from our sharing to help them to feel that they are not the only person experiencing what they are.  That functionality of the site is beneficial.

 

However, when I have knowingly not been in a place to come on and share, I choose to stay quiet.  Why?  Because I know that what I have to offer will not be of benefit at that time...it will only be content that will add potential negativity and very probably triggering to others.  I know it is not the time to come on and post, and I listen to it.  I know I am not able, at that time, to express my feelings and thoughts in a way that will not harm.  And, the last thing I want to do is to trigger/harm others.  Because here is the thing...my suffering is not more important than another's.  Also, in my opinion, in BW, when we are like that, we can express our darkest thoughts over and over again looking to release them and feel some decompression and relief...but, we know...that doesn't work.  We seek reassurance in those darkest of times, but we aren't able to be reassured.

 

I understand, believe me I do, the level of suffering taking place.  And, I wish I could wave my hand and make it disappear for all of us.  I truly, truly do.  I, also, know that being told to call a hotline is often not a viable option because we NEED to speak to someone who understands this process...all of it.  And, they simply do not.  This goes, as well, to being asked to seek a professional during times of crisis.  We, also, know what that leads to.

 

Friends...we are in a very sticky situation.  And, the only answer, in my opinion, is balancing your immediate needs along with the needs of others while engaging on the site.  Discussion of end of life measures/giving up/negative opinions regarding prognosis for all...this is serving no one.  I can bet that after sharing it, you may feel a temporary release, but within a short, short period of time, you are right back where you started.  Within that time, how many have been greatly affected by their reading the thread?  How many were just hanging on that day and managed to maneuver many dark, dark thoughts only to be set-back by reading content that is filled with extreme negativity?  What would be the ratio?  Any ratio is really not acceptable.  One person is enough.

 

Mental/emotional/physical/spiritual setbacks due to toxic negativity while in BW...it doesn't just wash off of you after a few minutes.  We all know, it sticks to our brains and wreaks havoc.  And, that is the affect of content such as what has been occurring on the site has been to me...a set-back.

 

Please do not read this as my not understanding the degree of pain and suffering.  I truly understand.  This is the best I can express my feelings on this thread.  I can't discuss logistics of the new software...not my thing...as I see the thread has taken that turn.

 

The site needs to regain it's integrity...and, that can only happen via the members.

 

Warmly,

F

 

     

 

Hello Faith25624,

 

I do not have the time right now for an adequate response to your carefully thought out post, thank you for this.

 

There is certainly a delicate balance that must be maintained so that members can post about what can be a very challenging and difficult process but avoid messages that can trigger dark and dangerous thoughts. We all have to take ownership about what we say. So often in the past, I’ve advised people to stop and read their message before clicking on ‘post’.

 

The myriad of withdrawal symptoms can cause people to feel despair, the best we can do is to bring encouragement and positive thinking to the message as well as sharing our tips for dealing with symptoms. My go to was distraction, it worked for me as well as others.

 

You know they say ‘It takes a village’. Well,  we are a village of very diverse individuals all with a single goal. We can help each other, especially those of us that have finished the journey and are healed.

 

pianogirl

[[Ho...]]

I want to chime in, because I've noticed the negativity too, but for me it's been one particular aggressive poster. No names, of course! But I noticed that this poster was a very high-powered person before this overtook them. In my mind, the same mechanism that made them high-powered is working against them. They are driven in directions that, in the past, would have brought results. In these benzo-diven circumstances, those same qualities are like a hammer, pounding on worst-case scenarios endlessly. They can't see that they are battling ghosts and in the ferocity of the battle, alarming others.

 

I believe that acceptance and coping skills aid healing, but some people have tremendous difficulty getting there. I'm not sure how to sort of legislate anything helpful, because sometimes people really do need to lay it all out, and there is no where else to do it. I don't know all the by-laws here (and would have a hard time slogging though them, truthfully!) but could the administrators be empowered to circle around people who are so caught up in their own pain they are making themselves worse (and disenfranchising others?)

 

My thought is that perhaps these people could be limited in their posts for a while, and the administrators work with them. It might be too much to ask, as I think about it. Either way, I think the administrators should be able to pull down overtly negative strings that are posted, especially by posters who make it a habit. It feels mean to say it because this kind of pain makes us do crazy things, but there aren't that many options!

 

 

[[Pa...]]

I want to chime in, because I've noticed the negativity too, but for me it's been one particular aggressive poster. No names, of course! But I noticed that this poster was a very high-powered person before this overtook them. In my mind, the same mechanism that made them high-powered is working against them. They are driven in directions that, in the past, would have brought results. In these benzo-diven circumstances, those same qualities are like a hammer, pounding on worst-case scenarios endlessly. They can't see that they are battling ghosts and in the ferocity of the battle, alarming others.

 

I believe that acceptance and coping skills aid healing, but some people have tremendous difficulty getting there. I'm not sure how to sort of legislate anything helpful, because sometimes people really do need to lay it all out, and there is no where else to do it. I don't know all the by-laws here (and would have a hard time slogging though them, truthfully!) but could the administrators be empowered to circle around people who are so caught up in their own pain they are making themselves worse (and disenfranchising others?)

 

My thought is that perhaps these people could be limited in their posts for a while, and the administrators work with them. It might be too much to ask, as I think about it. Either way, I think the administrators should be able to pull down overtly negative strings that are posted, especially by posters who make it a habit. It feels mean to say it because this kind of pain makes us do crazy things, but there aren't that many options!

 

I’m so glad you’re speaking out Hotcoldhotcold, this is exactly the kind of feedback we’re looking for, thank you.  I believe you’ve accurately described a certain behavior on the forum and made a great suggestion which the team can implement without difficulty, again, thank you.

 

 

[[Fa...]]

I want to chime in, because I've noticed the negativity too, but for me it's been one particular aggressive poster. No names, of course! But I noticed that this poster was a very high-powered person before this overtook them. In my mind, the same mechanism that made them high-powered is working against them. They are driven in directions that, in the past, would have brought results. In these benzo-diven circumstances, those same qualities are like a hammer, pounding on worst-case scenarios endlessly. They can't see that they are battling ghosts and in the ferocity of the battle, alarming others.

 

I believe that acceptance and coping skills aid healing, but some people have tremendous difficulty getting there. I'm not sure how to sort of legislate anything helpful, because sometimes people really do need to lay it all out, and there is no where else to do it. I don't know all the by-laws here (and would have a hard time slogging though them, truthfully!) but could the administrators be empowered to circle around people who are so caught up in their own pain they are making themselves worse (and disenfranchising others?)

 

My thought is that perhaps these people could be limited in their posts for a while, and the administrators work with them. It might be too much to ask, as I think about it. Either way, I think the administrators should be able to pull down overtly negative strings that are posted, especially by posters who make it a habit. It feels mean to say it because this kind of pain makes us do crazy things, but there aren't that many options!

 

This was incredibly insightful and on point.  I agree with this, and feel it is a very good idea, HotCold. 

[[Co...]]

I also like the idea of the admins helping those posters perhaps even in PM and chiming a bit more in there when needed to not trigger everyone else. Great idea! But let's not limit ourselves so much to be like "one particular aggressive poster", that seems a bit too narrow and specific, even without names. There have been in the past, there are now, there will be in the future.

 

 

[[B1...]]

Also what about adding tags to posts? Such as:

 

- Just venting - no reassurance please

- Looking for reassurance/hope

- Small success (could be helpful when reducing the amount of threads)

- [Drug, Supplement, Food, etc] question

- [symptom] Question

- Trigger warning: [insert trigger here]

...

 

The team have been discussing the use of prefixes (tags). They can very useful, and even provide for extra search functionality. We need to be careful to avoid prefixes which will create silos. I am not stating that any of suggestions for prefixes necessarily would tend to create silos - only that we need to consider their use carefully so that we avoid unintended consequences.

 

And on a technical note: as far as I know there is no way to two-tier prefixes ('Trigger warning: [insert trigger here]'). I should add/ask, would trigger warnings tend towards creating silos, where some groups of members never interact and learn from each other? It must be a possibility so would require careful consideration. I am just keen for us to avoid negative unintended consequences. But neither should be so risk adverse to not testing waters. After all, we can always change course if need be.

 

Along those lines. Could be customizable. It would give the reader an idea of what sort of response the poster is looking for while also protecting themselves by giving them a heads up of what they are about to read. Too often I will be halfway through a post and be like WHOA that was unexpected. Or, and this happens even more frequently, it is very hard to tell if a Buddy just wants to blow off steam and have people say: that fking sucks vs. when they want to be told everything is going to be alright. That could help solve this notion of toxic positivity coming through - which I think is mainly a result of people just wanting to vent and instead hearing everyone will get better and heal. I hope that makes sense.

 

It is balancing act. On the one hand, members appreciate being informed about the nature of threads and posts they read. But at the same time, we should not unnecessarily burden members with a long list of requirements before they post to the forum. There is a lot for us all to explore with the new software.

 

Idk how to only reply to one part of the post sorry. To add, I think the prefixes wouldn't have to be mandatory to post - but perhaps would be very helpful for the "just want to vent" / "need reassurance" ones I suggested. I'm not sure about siloes to be honest and I appreciate how much thought is going into that but I think with no intervention at all we can all see siloes are being created naturally. The same people are replying to the same posts, the same posters post about the same things. It's something that cannot be avoided in its entirety. It is just in the nature of human beings to create their own reality.

[[Ho...]]

I also like the idea of the admins helping those posters perhaps even in PM and chiming a bit more in there when needed to not trigger everyone else. Great idea! But let's not limit ourselves so much to be like "one particular aggressive poster", that seems a bit too narrow and specific, even without names. There have been in the past, there are now, there will be in the future.

 

Apologies, I don't mean to call anyone out or be thoughtless; it's a general suggestion. My 'person' was my own example of someone who's made me hold back from the forum, but now I wonder if I should have been more sensitive! And you are so right! It will always come up. I do get the most help from this forum when people who have been healed come back and I absolutely understand that many posts, at heart, are cries for help. Of course they are!

 

The administrators are doing a bang-up job in helping this forum straddle two very different islands. On one hand (or under one foot!) is the island of suffering and the many souls who are alone, discouraged and mortally afraid. On the other is healthy ways of dealing with this very unhealthy and unwholesome problem. It's what keeps this forum as a safe place. We need both, right? And the fellowship we get here. It's definirely a challenge. God bless the admins!!! 

[[pi...]]

I also like the idea of the admins helping those posters perhaps even in PM and chiming a bit more in there when needed to not trigger everyone else. Great idea! But let's not limit ourselves so much to be like "one particular aggressive poster", that seems a bit too narrow and specific, even without names. There have been in the past, there are now, there will be in the future.

 

Apologies, I don't mean to call anyone out or be thoughtless; it's a general suggestion. My 'person' was my own example of someone who's made me hold back from the forum, but now I wonder if I should have been more sensitive! And you are so right! It will always come up. I do get the most help from this forum when people who have been healed come back and I absolutely understand that many posts, at heart, are cries for help. Of course they are!

 

The administrators are doing a bang-up job in helping this forum straddle two very different islands. On one hand (or under one foot!) is the island of suffering and the many souls who are alone, discouraged and mortally afraid. On the other is healthy ways of dealing with this very unhealthy and unwholesome problem. It's what keeps this forum as a safe place. We need both, right? And the fellowship we get here. It's definirely a challenge. God bless the admins!!! 

 

Thanks so much for the kind words. Everything certainly is a balance and we are working to achieve just that. Of course, with the help of our wonderful members.

[[Be...]]

I try very hard to confine my negativity to my blog and not muck-up someone else's thread with my complaining.

[[pi...]]

I try very hard to confine my negativity to my blog and not muck-up someone else's thread with my complaining.

 

Thanks for this Becks. Please remember, however, that forum guidelines apply to Buddie Blogs as well. We much appreciate you being concerned about others, as they are concerned about you.

 

pianogirl

[[Pa...]]

I’m overwhelmed by the response to this thread, thank you to all who contributed.  It appears a majority of members would like to see a more positive forum, I’m pleased and relieved, now its up to all of us to make this happen.

 

Please think about what you write, how powerful your words can be and use them for good.  If you encounter negativity, try to counter it with positivity and kindness with reminders of how important it is to our emotional health and the health of the forum.  You can always use the Report to Moderator tab located in the body of every post if you don’t feel comfortable pushing back.  While it will sometimes be necessary for the team to take action on an individual member, we can’t moderate negativity out of the forum, that would create over moderation bordering on policing and no one wants to see that, so really, it’s up to all of us to make this happen.

 

We can do this, we can be a force for good, thanks everyone.

 

Pamster

 

P.S. Contributions to this thread are still welcome, we love hearing your voices.

[[to...]]

I am glad that this thread was started, thanks Pamster.  I am so looking forward to the new site.  I almost completely stopped posting a couple years ago after a situation on here and no longer felt comfortable.  I always feared if I posted, someone would write something trying to be mean and hurtful – which did happen a few times. 

 

There was a group of us on here that used to post daily giving each other support and always reminding each other that we do heal and that even if one day was bad, the next could be better.  That was a blessing.  I was told we were too “nice” to each other and we weren’t genuine.  So untrue.  We had grown to love each other and really did care about each other and care about not just the tapering and withdrawal.  When people are going through something like this, you get close, quick,  and you really do care about the other people you are communicating with. 

 

I have always said “Treat others like you want to be treated” and that is what I do.  Also, “If you do not have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

 

I think the way the site has been, the admins and mods could only do so much to protect members and it sounds like the new system will help with that.

 

It is so helpful when you know you have others here that are positive and supportive.  This is the hardest thing I have ever been through and for the last couple years, I have had to use the PM system, and I thank God for that, but it would be nice to be able to post openly and get support and give it as well.  We all need support and need to know we are not alone! 

 

Going through a taper and dealing with withdrawal is hard, no one is here because it is easy to go through, but BB saved my life and even though I have not been posting for the most part in quite some time, at least I knew I could read success stories that give me hope and also the search function helped me find answers that I needed.  Using the PM system has saved my life multiple times.  Thanks to the friends that have been here for me and you know who you are!!

 

Thanks, Colin, for this site and to all the mods and admins for the selfless work you do every day, and to the BB members that help each other get through this every day!

 

[[Br...]]

I am glad that this thread was started, thanks Pamster.  I am so looking forward to the new site.  I almost completely stopped posting a couple years ago after a situation on here and no longer felt comfortable.  I always feared if I posted, someone would write something trying to be mean and hurtful – which did happen a few times. 

 

There was a group of us on here that used to post daily giving each other support and always reminding each other that we do heal and that even if one day was bad, the next could be better.  That was a blessing.  I was told we were too “nice” to each other and we weren’t genuine.  So untrue.  We had grown to love each other and really did care about each other and care about not just the tapering and withdrawal.  When people are going through something like this, you get close, quick,  and you really do care about the other people you are communicating with. 

 

I have always said “Treat others like you want to be treated” and that is what I do.  Also, “If you do not have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

 

I think the way the site has been, the admins and mods could only do so much to protect members and it sounds like the new system will help with that.

 

It is so helpful when you know you have others here that are positive and supportive.  This is the hardest thing I have ever been through and for the last couple years, I have had to use the PM system, and I thank God for that, but it would be nice to be able to post openly and get support and give it as well.  We all need support and need to know we are not alone! 

 

Going through a taper and dealing with withdrawal is hard, no one is here because it is easy to go through, but BB saved my life and even though I have not been posting for the most part in quite some time, at least I knew I could read success stories that give me hope and also the search function helped me find answers that I needed.  Using the PM system has saved my life multiple times.  Thanks to the friends that have been here for me and you know who you are!!

 

Thanks, Colin, for this site and to all the mods and admins for the selfless work you do every day, and to the BB members that help each other get through this every day!

 

Thanks so much for this thoughtful post.  I'm glad you found such warm and caring support here.  I'm very sorry you received unsupportive posts that caused you to pull back.  BB policy is that posts must be polite and respectful.  Because the team can't see every post we encourage members to report posts that go against BB policy. Reports of such posts are a very important piece in supporting a positive environment for everyone on the forum. 

[[ba...]]

This is a very fresh breath of air. I am familiar with many of the posters. Wonderful people I have missed very  much. The comments are so encouraging, and I hear voices of reason and genuine concern in every one.

 

I am so proud of the leadership for wanting to make BB a healthy and safe place. As others said, this site saved my life when I found it.

 

I am guilty of negativity in my personal blog, I have used it to vent. So, I am culpable too. Although I have stopped doing that for a while, and use it as a journal and tracking site mostly now.

 

Also, when people would bite me in a post, I bit back.

 

At the same time, it has been a very long time since I went through threads, it is such a downer. And the advice I got when active was terrible and discouraging. And, like Tol, I have been personally attacked, and that was the end for me.

 

I am among those using the PM system, and it has allowed me to become a better person, a more hopeful person, and develop a deep bond, with one person especially (Hi ladybug).

 

We have been building foundational relationships that allow us to share or vent, when things go upside down, and be there for our friends. Having someone care for you, validate your experience, and just listen is as important as the encouragement.  The support I have gotten through the PM system has sustained me.  It is always supportive, encouraging and validating. I hope I have been an equal blessing to those few.

 

I did start a blog about muscle pain, and only got  good responses, then it died out, which was fine.

 

If we could get even half of this in the forums, it would completely revitalize BB, and it's reputation.

 

Being off the boards has significantly aided in my progress, and understanding of what my recovery looks like. And I have made leaps and bounds with driving my own recovery with my toolbox.

 

I learned new skills. I followed other sites that were so kind and did not let the pain take dominance, rather, steer me to accept it, retrain my reaction, and know that whatever I was going through it was normal, and temporary.

 

Also, I came to understand why I got stuck tapering for 2 years, but I had to research things to figure it out. And it's fine. My body was so busy undoing trauma from getting floxed 3 times, that it could not move forward with tapering until it recovered from fluoroquinilones and other medications.

 

When I posted on the forum about being stuck, the responses were judgemental and not helpful at all. I was told that I had to CT, that I had to go to rehab, that I had to suffer and start cutting. Terrible and wrong opinions. My body just needed time. If someone had just suggested that I was healing from other medicinal trauma, and that I would recover, and included encouragement to learn to self calm via many proven practices, that would of left me feeling heard and supported.

 

Each of us has to navigate our own way. It is better to be encouraged ,validated and steered back to our coping skills. Also, some of us have a lot of research that can benefit the community at large. One poster in particular has done an amazing job researching histamine and its role in wd and ways to mitigate it. Invaluable work.

 

As to desperate peeps who post in terror and and hopelessness and only swat down posts offering hope or suggestions, and continue to lament:

 

The few should not have the liberty to traumatize the many. Put them in pre moderation regarding future posts until a change in perspective that is rational is presented.

 

They can be quite toxic, even if not intentional. I think such persons need professional guidance for their mental health as opposed to venting on posts and creating threads to cope with their issues. We are not equipped or qualified to help those who need such help. And professional support is something many benefit from.

 

Expand the scope of referral to a qualified professional in addition to those who are experiencing SI. Include the desperate, terrified and toxic They need help we cant give.  I know how delicately the team can propose this action to a member, and it could be the catalyst they need to see that they need help.

 

Also, I do not see a benefit in pairing newbs to older members. We cant serve as their therapists. However, we can encourage them to seek outside help. I am with Collin on this.

 

In closing, please forgive me when I have crossed lines. And thank you for your amazing dedication to the medically injured. I am so proud of the team for wanting to take BB into a healthy and positive direction. I am proud of you for just sticking it out, often for a very long time.

 

In Peace

-Dove

[[pi...]]

This is a very fresh breath of air. I am familiar with many of the posters. Wonderful people I have missed very  much. The comments are so encouraging, and I hear voices of reason and genuine concern in every one.

 

I am so proud of the leadership for wanting to make BB a healthy and safe place. As others said, this site saved my life when I found it.

 

I am guilty of negativity in my personal blog, I have used it to vent. So, I am culpable too. Although I have stopped doing that for a while, and use it as a journal and tracking site mostly now.

 

Also, when people would bite me in a post, I bit back.

 

At the same time, it has been a very long time since I went through threads, it is such a downer. And the advice I got when active was terrible and discouraging. And, like Tol, I have been personally attacked, and that was the end for me.

 

I am among those using the PM system, and it has allowed me to become a better person, a more hopeful person, and develop a deep bond, with one person especially (Hi ladybug).

 

We have been building foundational relationships that allow us to share or vent, when things go upside down, and be there for our friends. Having someone care for you, validate your experience, and just listen is as important as the encouragement.  The support I have gotten through the PM system has sustained me.  It is always supportive, encouraging and validating. I hope I have been an equal blessing to those few.

 

I did start a blog about muscle pain, and only got  good responses, then it died out, which was fine.

 

If we could get even half of this in the forums, it would completely revitalize BB, and it's reputation.

 

Being off the boards has significantly aided in my progress, and understanding of what my recovery looks like. And I have made leaps and bounds with driving my own recovery with my toolbox.

 

I learned new skills. I followed other sites that were so kind and did not let the pain take dominance, rather, steer me to accept it, retrain my reaction, and know that whatever I was going through it was normal, and temporary.

 

Also, I came to understand why I got stuck tapering for 2 years, but I had to research things to figure it out. And it's fine. My body was so busy undoing trauma from getting floxed 3 times, that it could not move forward with tapering until it recovered from fluoroquinilones and other medications.

 

When I posted on the forum about being stuck, the responses were judgemental and not helpful at all. I was told that I had to CT, that I had to go to rehab, that I had to suffer and start cutting. Terrible and wrong opinions. My body just needed time. If someone had just suggested that I was healing from other medicinal trauma, and that I would recover, and included encouragement to learn to self calm via many proven practices, that would of left me feeling heard and supported.

 

Each of us has to navigate our own way. It is better to be encouraged ,validated and steered back to our coping skills. Also, some of us have a lot of research that can benefit the community at large. One poster in particular has done an amazing job researching histamine and its role in wd and ways to mitigate it. Invaluable work.

 

As to desperate peeps who post in terror and and hopelessness and only swat down posts offering hope or suggestions, and continue to lament:

 

The few should not have the liberty to traumatize the many. Put them in pre moderation regarding future posts until a change in perspective that is rational is presented.

 

They can be quite toxic, even if not intentional. I think such persons need professional guidance for their mental health as opposed to venting on posts and creating threads to cope with their issues. We are not equipped or qualified to help those who need such help. And professional support is something many benefit from.

 

Expand the scope of referral to a qualified professional in addition to those who are experiencing SI. Include the desperate, terrified and toxic They need help we cant give.  I know how delicately the team can propose this action to a member, and it could be the catalyst they need to see that they need help.

 

Also, I do not see a benefit in pairing newbs to older members. We cant serve as their therapists. However, we can encourage them to seek outside help. I am with Collin on this.

 

In closing, please forgive me when I have crossed lines. And thank you for your amazing dedication to the medically injured. I am so proud of the team for wanting to take BB into a healthy and positive direction. I am proud of you for just sticking it out, often for a very long time.

 

In Peace

-Dove

 

BD,

 

Thank for for this thoughtful and and insightful post. It certainly seems like you are in a much better place now. I really hope to hear you more often either here or in the new platform.

 

PG

[[co...]]

First, I would like to thank all of the staff, the mods, and especially the owner Colin, for doing a wonderful job keeping this place going.

 

I haven't been as active here for a while.  But when I was active there were certain parts of the forum that I did not go to because I thought it might make me feel worse.  I imagine many board members do the same thing with them.  This isn't a knock against those areas or judgement on anyone who reads or posts in them.  I think those areas are highly helpful and necessary for many people, as evidenced by the number of posts in them and people who post there.  I imagine it is rough on the staff to have to deal with them.

 

I think many readers select what they read on the forum.  The staff doesn't have that luxury.  I know that they don't read every post, but they do have to read them if board members raise issues with them. 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi confuseduser, I’m glad to know you avoid area’s of the forum that can be troubling, its important to protect yourself.  Hopefully when we move to the new platform, it will be easier to avoid places and people, we want everyone to feel safe.

 

Thank you for your kind remarks and I agree with you about Colin, he’s done a wonderful job of keeping this forum going for the last 20 years. 

 

 

[[Ju...]]

I agree with this post, and I used to be one of the worst. Remember when I was telling you guys how horrible the United Kingdom was and how doctors deserve to die and how the moderators had never gone through anything themselves, and this was a doctor loving Forum promoting doctors and promoting big pharma? That was just the skim of my thought process at the beginning, after being suspended from the website numerous times. Luckily my brain started to come back around, and things have improved majorly.

 

Whenever I went through benzo withdrawal the first time, I was homeless on the streets. I was suffering from alcohol withdrawal and opiate withdrawal, went cold turkey on hundreds of milligrams of Valium and Klonopin and other stuff, had to sleep outside in the elements. I was in and out of jail cells, courtrooms, mental facilities, detox facilities, recovery homes, homeless shelters, eating at churches, all that kind of stuff. It was just a big mix up of social workers and authority figures and drug addicts on the streets and everything that you try to stay away from in life basically. Now my life is the opposite almost.

 

I'm still not healed, and I probably have more disapproval of this country than ever, but at least I'm capable of seeing the world as a whole now. I think benzo withdrawal teaches you to see inward and look at your current location and your current predicament, rather than seeing what's out there and looking out towards bigger more important things in the world.

 

But a lot of people on this website think it's only benzos. It's not just benzos, it's also alcohol. It's also phenobarbital and barbituates. It's also simple things that nobody thinks could even possibly do it, like marijuana or sleeping pills or allergy medicine. Even sugar, even a poor diet of stuff that isn't organic. I mean really, if you're not eating all organic and not living a completely stress-free life, it's going to affect your benzo withdrawal. But I think what a lot of people are relating to benzo withdrawal, is a lot of other things as well.

 

Think about the sleep stuff for example. A lot of people say their benzo withdrawal is keeping them up for days and all of their extreme symptoms is pill withdrawal. But what if they're not even going through withdrawal anymore, what if it's all the sleep deprivation causing these symptoms, and such. What about the other meds they're taking? What about the other illegal substances they're taking? What about that glass of wine they have every night? What about the donut they ate for lunch? A lot of those things are causing negativity on the website as well, it's just that the people taking those things, don't relate the two.

 

And then you have to remember as well, a lot of the negativity is coming from mental symptoms. You can't make a autistic person think differently, and you can't make a Bipolar person happy when they're going through a depressed state. So is it possible to make someone going through benzo withdrawal act to different way? I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure that's why a lot of people are still negative. Do others contribute to more negativity? Sure, but happiness also contributes to more happiness.

 

I think another issue causing negativity is the summer. I've noticed every year whenever summer rolls around, people start getting out of hand and getting negative and stressed out. People want to stay inside, people want to stay cool, people want the holidays to come around again. But instead, they're hot and they're going through benzo withdrawal, their brain cells are still messed up, and they want relief. The world is also going through a huge turning point and we don't know if it's coming back from war, so that contributes as well.

 

Think about when people turn on the news after going through benzo withdrawal all day, and look what you see on the news. Or better yet, look at the authority figures. The authority figures are arguing more than the regular people, Society members are trying to go back to normal life, yet the authority figures are pulling us into war.

 

Anyhow, there's lots of reasons for the negativity at the moment. What would be great for proving healing to these people when they are asking for proof, would be a survey of how many people on this website heal 100%. I don't know how that would be done, considering many people don't come back to do success stories.

[[Ha...]]

Bit late to this party 🥳 Not as active as I once was.

 

Just a quick 2 cents worth from me. I think we can all be a bit negative at times. Hell who wouldn't be going through this, it's going to happen. But I do notice that there's a few protracted that seem to tell people not everyone heals. I don't think it's a good thing for people early off to be hearing. We should be encouraging people. If protracted (myself included) want to talk about not healing, we should keep it to the protracted board.

 

People need support and encouragement, not being told by people 2,3,4 years out there's no hope. Which I might be guilty of too?

 

So on a positive note, I'm having a good day

[[pi...]]

Bit late to this party 🥳 Not as active as I once was.

 

Just a quick 2 cents worth from me. I think we can all be a bit negative at times. Hell who wouldn't be going through this, it's going to happen. But I do notice that there's a few protracted that seem to tell people not everyone heals. I don't think it's a good thing for people early off to be hearing. We should be encouraging people. If protracted (myself included) want to talk about not healing, we should keep it to the protracted board.

 

People need support and encouragement, not being told by people 2,3,4 years out there's no hope. Which I might be guilty of too?

 

So on a positive note, I'm having a good day

 

Thanks for this and I’m glad you are having a good day!

 

I agree with everything you said, we need to encourage those still in the process!

[[B1...]]

After reading through the benzo lies that have been busted thread again - I think that thread should be pinned somewhere very clear for people to reference to. Or maybe even sent for introductions (perhaps with some advisory or disclaimer). It's an awesome thread and brings a lot of comfort to many people.

[[Pa...]]

After reading through the benzo lies that have been busted thread again - I think that thread should be pinned somewhere very clear for people to reference to. Or maybe even sent for introductions (perhaps with some advisory or disclaimer). It's an awesome thread and brings a lot of comfort to many people.

 

Thanks for the suggestion B1rdie, that is a good thread and you rightly observed that its the lies that seem to have the loudest voice on the forum, time to drown those lies out! 

[[Bl...]]

I think alot of this is cultural too .. This is or seems to be primarily a UK based site and those of us to live in the US face a much harder life and we tend to be VERY realistic about stuff .. good or bad . I saw that when I lived in the EU for roughly 6 years  when the UK was also still a member . I also worked in the UK for a good chunk of that time.. the system is different and in general they just don't have to grind it like most of us do here and they cant understand us . They have the affordability of not having to face reality quite so harshly . Better care , services, far far more support with everything than we get and its hard not to get resentful when one tells us our reality is too negative . 

 I'm not on much anymore either and cannot find the protracted board where I usually stay ,so I guess its gone ?? 

 I hear you about being positive but 100% positivity is also not being honest about things . I wish I'd known not to sit around and wait for magic healing .. I am fair almost 5 years out but I'll never be the same again . 

Adios all .