Is this what we want, is this who we want to be?

[[Pa...]]

I’ve been a part of this forum for a long time and have witnessed many changes.  As the membership changes, so does its personality and I have to say I’m alarmed at who we are at the moment.  I don’t believe I’ve ever witnessed the negativity I see now but I also don’t believe its who we are as a whole.  I feel a few in the vocal minority are drowning out those who are seeking hope, camaraderie and support. 

 

The team has seen posts of late pointing to the negative turn of the forum with these members saying they’re leaving because of it.  Is this what we want, is this who we want to be, a place where hope goes to die, where members are driven away by the negativity?

 

The teams purpose in calling attention to this isn’t to single anyone out, we all have bad days and most everyone is in pain but we see too many posts from members who seem bound and determined to be the worst case.  People who say they will never heal and its up to everyone else to convince them otherwise, is this support or are we being manipulated by the few at great cost to the many?  Do these members really want to be convinced they’ll recover or are they comfortable making everyone dance to their negative tune?

 

As some of you have noticed, we’re making some changes to the forum, we’re migrating to new software.  We’ll have a totally new look, the teams hope is that we can leave the negativity behind when we make the transition, wouldn’t it be great if we could not only revitalize our look but our personality as well?

 

This is your forum, the team does its best but can’t lift everyone up, it takes all of us to make it something hopeful and helpful.  Please let us know your thoughts and if you feel as we do then lets change the tone, together we can.

 

Pamster

[[pi...]]

I think at one time or another many have faced doubt about the idea of complete healing. These drugs are strong and make significant changes to the cns. However, even in the worse times I still believed in my healing. I found a cadre of ‘friends’ here on the forum and we supported each other with kindness and support. No one felt they were the worse case, we all had our issues based on our unique situations.

 

I actually started my Blog with a positive statement every day., even if it was that I got dressed that day.

 

Everyone deals with challenges. I have a friend whose sister has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. After going through the expected despair, she decide to to live the time she has with grace and humor. A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma while I was in withdrawal. After a long 18 month battle, she died. I had to remind myself that my condition was NOT terminal.

 

As I sit here now, almost 2 months out of a second shoulder replacement surgery I know I have a long road of rehab ahead of me but I’m determined to get to where i want to be. I’m doing what I can with what I have. I swim with one arm, peloton holding on with one arm, PT many times a week and dealing with subsequent cspine issues. I choose  to look forward and think positive because, why not?

 

I should be around the forum more often now. I’d like to offer the kind of support and care I was given. It did help me through the rough spots. I’d also like to see our members do the same for each other

 

Benzo withdrawal can be the hardest thing people will go through in their lifetime. We understand that. For myself it was well worth the effort. I’m trying  to approach my present challenge in the same manner, believe me, my second surgery was no walk in the park.

 

Be kind, offer the kind of support you would wish to receive.

 

pianogirl

[[Sn...]]

I was asked to chime in about the discussion about the rising negativity on the forum, before I leave for the summer.

 

I read that there is going to be a new website. My thoughts would be to promote positivity on the front page. Give the success stories a more prominent place. Make them the first thing to read.

 

Maybe also give a page about healthy habits a prominent place on the website. That you can get faster to full healing with these healthy habits, such as a positive mindset, eating healthy and if you're able to, exercise.

 

And maybe put some kind of slogan on the frontpage that we all heal

 

And maybe put somewhere that talking people down with negativity will bring a negative vibe to this place. A negative vibe causes sadness. Sadness causes stress and delays healing. That's why it's important to be positive and lift eachother up.

 

And speaking of that, make more place for fun. Fun is so important, because happiness promotes healing. We have to goof around a little to get through this. Make specific age hangout places. Maybe more room to post pics and videos.

 

Something like that, just a few thoughts.

 

Good luck 

[[Sh...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

 

 

[[pi...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

 

Thanks for this Shayna!

[[pi...]]

I was asked to chime in about the discussion about the rising negativity on the forum, before I leave for the summer.

 

I read that there is going to be a new website. My thoughts would be to promote positivity on the front page. Give the success stories a more prominent place. Make them the first thing to read.

 

Maybe also give a page about healthy habits a prominent place on the website. That you can get faster to full healing with these healthy habits, such as a positive mindset, eating healthy and if you're able to, exercise.

 

And maybe put some kind of slogan on the frontpage that we all heal

 

And maybe put somewhere that talking people down with negativity will bring a negative vibe to this place. A negative vibe causes sadness. Sadness causes stress and delays healing. That's why it's important to be positive and lift eachother up.

 

And speaking of that, make more place for fun. Fun is so important, because happiness promotes healing. We have to goof around a little to get through this. Make specific age hangout places. Maybe more room to post pics and videos.

 

Something like that, just a few thoughts.

 

Good luck 

 

Good ideas, thanks so much. Some of us had great success lifting each other up with humor.

[Guest [...]]

I agree 100% to make this forum a place where people come to learn and to have hope and be a supportive community where everyone feels a sense of camaraderie. PM me and tell me how I could help?  BB has helped me in so many ways it’s time for me to give back.

[[Co...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

 

Sad to hear you dialed back because of it. I enjoy your posts. They help me a lot.

[[be...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

I agree with all that miss you, I do too, even when you was hit the hardest...you made me laugh. And even in your darkest days and nights, you always tried to lift others. I also believe we all heal, it may take more time than we would like, but it will happen....patience and more patience and accepting the process of healing even when we want to scream for it to all go away!. Enjoy your life and thanks again for being a light to others, during a horrible time in your life. 💖Peace and Continued Healing.

[[je...]]

Our community should be providing an emotionally safe space for people wanting recovery. The toxic negativity from a select few who also invades the positive threads creates fearmongering and depression. If I was a newbie I would not join this site. It is difficult for me to find satisfaction in helping people because the intense negativity I encounter far outweighs the benefit of helping others. I feel exhausted and drained after I've been on here.

 

When I joined here two and half years ago, this place had immense suffering and pain but there was always hope. Some people seem determined to kill the hope. If you're going to kill the hope you're going to shut this place down. People will leave. Correction, people are leaving. This is one of the only places we can come where people understand what we're going through. We cannot help you if you don't want to be helped. Remember, it is much easier to drag people down than to lift them up. Therefore we have to be mindful of what we post and the spirit in which we do it. If we don't, we drag so many people down. Someone who came here for support and hope might feel defeated because of something you said.  We can talk about our pain, but we need to do so in a spirit of hope so we can all feel supported and encouraged through this journey.

[[Re...]]

Pamster, Thank you for posing this question.

 

It would be great if the forum provided members with choices for engagement. A mute or block feature would be great so that members can create their own worlds here and you don't have to see posts from people whose views you may not agree with or get random weird or mean DMs.

 

Attacking another member publicly or in DMs, threatening, cussing towards them, encouraging violence or end-of-life options obviously should not be tolerated. Those are negative and should be against community guidelines. But if someone has an opinion that differs from another, that is conversation and you can't censor people's opinions just because you don't like them. If you had a filter option, then members would be able to mute those conversations if they do not want to participate. If you could block and remove someone from your threads like you can on any other social media platform, that would solve the problem.

 

Just like anywhere else in life, there will be people here who you resonate with and others you do not like. The forum can't really control people not liking each other's personalities. A friend told me she left BB because she felt there were two extremes here -- toxic positivity and suffering rivalry. And neither of those energies aligned with her healing process. That was her experience.

 

Just my two cents.

 

 

[[Pa...]]

I agree 100% to make this forum a place where people come to learn and to have hope and be a supportive community where everyone feels a sense of camaraderie. PM me and tell me how I could help?  BB has helped me in so many ways it’s time for me to give back.

 

You’re already helping Jackie, you do your best to be positive through your suffering like so many of our members, thank you and thank you for the beautiful pictures you share. 

[[Pa...]]

Cocodot, hopefully we can keep more members from leaving if we work together and I’m glad you chimed in Begood, thanks for starting and maintaining such a welcoming space on the forum, its fun to read and great distraction.

 

Rebecca29 and SnelleJelle, the new software has a lot to offer and we’re excited to get it all up and running.  I believe you’ll be pleased with the extra’s we’ll be able to take advantage of.  Of course, there’ll be a learning curve for all of us but with patience, we’ll get there. 

[[or...]]

This site saved my life. I was a part of the old "Working Group" of me, etown, jjrosk, eliz, Drew28, momofone, Bart, Rabbit11, and kiddo. When I fell down the rabbit hole -- I dropped stupidly from 6 mgs of valium to 5 and got really, really sick, my buddies rallied round. They picked me up and held my hand as I learned to cut smaller and be patient. They helped me change my dosing methods and frequency. They suggested how to move my dose around.  I feared in that awful 2 year period from 5 mgs to zero, that I would never make it, never get better, never heal. But you know what? I did get better. And they cheered me on as I did them. I seemed to have every s/x in the world, but gradually, my s/x abated or just left.  And as my s/x improved, one by one, my hope grew. If one s/x could leave, why not another one? And another one? I saw my buddies getting better and better and "graduating" and I came to believe that their fate would be mine, that I, too would get well. And that's what happened. 

 

So am I "healed"? I really don't like that term, but I can say that I am 99% better than the miserable suffering wretch I was on my taper. The  missing 1% is my tinnitus. But really . . . I can live with that. I am functional, have a social life, have re-discovered joy . . . and have even started a new business.

 

For those who want to convince others that no one in the world is suffering as they are and that no one ever heals, I say get over yourselves. Maybe try to help someone else. Encourage them. Reach out to lift someone up with optimism, not drag them down with pessimism. Help them celebrate small successes. This benzo tapering is the hardest thing I've ever done, and if it weren't for my buddies and this site, I would never have made it. So thank you to my long-ago Working Group buddies, to others on here who helped along the way, to Colin for giving us this support forum, and to the mods and administrators who unselfishly give their time and expertise.

 

Katz

[[Pa...]]

This site saved my life. I was a part of the old "Working Group" of me, etown, jjrosk, eliz, Drew28, momofone, Bart, Rabbit11, and kiddo. When I fell down the rabbit hole -- I dropped stupidly from 6 mgs of valium to 5 and got really, really sick, my buddies rallied round. They picked me up and held my hand as I learned to cut smaller and be patient. They helped me change my dosing methods and frequency. They suggested how to move my dose around.  I feared in that awful 2 year period from 5 mgs to zero, that I would never make it, never get better, never heal. But you know what? I did get better. And they cheered me on as I did them. I seemed to have every s/x in the world, but gradually, my s/x abated or just left.  And as my s/x improved, one by one, my hope grew. If one s/x could leave, why not another one? And another one? I saw my buddies getting better and better and "graduating" and I came to believe that their fate would be mine, that I, too would get well. And that's what happened. 

 

So am I "healed"? I really don't like that term, but I can say that I am 99% better than the miserable suffering wretch I was on my taper. The  missing 1% is my tinnitus. But really . . . I can live with that. I am functional, have a social life, have re-discovered joy . . . and have even started a new business.

 

For those who want to convince others that no one in the world is suffering as they are and that no one ever heals, I say get over yourselves. Maybe try to help someone else. Encourage them. Reach out to lift someone up with optimism, not drag them down with pessimism. Help them celebrate small successes. This benzo tapering is the hardest thing I've ever done, and if it weren't for my buddies and this site, I would never have made it. So thank you to my long-ago Working Group buddies, to others on here who helped along the way, to Colin for giving us this support forum, and to the mods and administrators who unselfishly give their time and expertise.

 

Katz

 

Thank you for sharing how you found benzo freedom, I hope some of our newer members can find their own buddies to keep them going like you did.  And thank you for sticking around, we understand its not possible for everyone but its so important for members to connect with those who have made it through.

[[B1...]]

I am just going to chime in to say I am glad this question is being posed. I for one am much much much more active on the Reddit sub because I find people are much more open to suggestions there and agreeing with Rebecca's friend I do not see as much of suffering rivalry. I was incredibly discouraged the other day that only TWO people responded to my post about running into a healed buddy to give others hope. I also agree with a mute/ignore button as this is another reason I have been more drawn to Reddit - I don't believe anyone should be banned for leaning towards a negative lense but I think if you want to be able to avoid certain people chiming into your posts or if you want to avoid seeing their posts that should be up to the Buddy themselves. Ironically this post itself is quite negative but I have been wanting this off my chest for a while now. I look forward to a more positive, hopeful space where I will gladly return to contribute to. I have made a lot of strides in my taper with therapy, supplements and other interventions and would be happy to share them in a safer environment.

[[je...]]

I am just going to chime in to say I am glad this question is being posed. I for one am much much much more active on the Reddit sub because I find people are much more open to suggestions there and agreeing with Rebecca's friend I do not see as much of suffering rivalry. I was incredibly discouraged the other day that only TWO people responded to my post about running into a healed buddy to give others hope. I also agree with a mute/ignore button as this is another reason I have been more drawn to Reddit - I don't believe anyone should be banned for leaning towards a negative lense but I think if you want to be able to avoid certain people chiming into your posts or if you want to avoid seeing their posts that should be up to the Buddy themselves. Ironically this post itself is quite negative but I have been wanting this off my chest for a while now. I look forward to a more positive, hopeful space where I will gladly return to contribute to. I have made a lot of strides in my taper with therapy, supplements and other interventions and would be happy to share them in a safer environment.

 

I completely understand what you say B1rdie. I noticed the exact same thing. I was very encouraged by your post and made a point to comment, especially because you made the effort to point out something positive. 

[[le...]]

I sometimes think there could be more of a middle ground on the site. I agree we should try and be more positive, but it can be hard when you don’t get windows, and then get criticised by other members for being too negative. Or blamed fir the situation you are in because you stupidly took another med recommended by your gp.. Equally those also should not be attacked for being too positive, or saying everybody heals .  Maybe a bit more empathy at times. I know it is difficult as people in withdrawal have strong opinions, but maybe just think a bit before you reply. I agree with mute/ ignore button, but sometimes bit more understanding to those of us who are protracted, despite our best efforts, and not make it competition as to who has worst symptoms. Definitely distinct lack of understanding fir those of us who don’t have windows and struggle to have any positivity. I wish I could be more positive, but agree it should definitely be encouraged.

[[Oc...]]

Well

I do feel like I’m never going to heal, I don’t come here that often as the actual feedback is lame, every now and again it’s good

But most read and don’t comment

At 2.5 years off feeling dread of not healing isn’t manipulation?! Not by all that write it like I feel it but some will be manipulative, and lie

 

I also feel the no talk on suicidal feelings is a big let down, it’s not your job to heal that but a listening ear help which is what those kinda call centres do and it’s one very large symptom that is listed as such and I think could be help more than saying no don’t go there

 

Apart from that

This site was a fantastic place to start the journey of coming off when there’s nothing else out there

[[Sh...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

 

Sad to hear you dialed back because of it. I enjoy your posts. They help me a lot.

 

 

I’m sorry for it honey, but honestly, if I read one more post  of said posts…I was ready to snap. I’m a humongous smart ass, and I didn’t want you lovely people seeing this lil Aussie get nasty 😆 and start using cuss words 🤣

 

Like … dang and heck 😎 hehe

 

If u ever need to chat x feel free to PM me ❤️

 

[[Sh...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

I agree with all that miss you, I do too, even when you was hit the hardest...you made me laugh. And even in your darkest days and nights, you always tried to lift others. I also believe we all heal, it may take more time than we would like, but it will happen....patience and more patience and accepting the process of healing even when we want to scream for it to all go away!. Enjoy your life and thanks again for being a light to others, during a horrible time in your life. 💖Peace and Continued Healing.

 

Oh beautiful begood. Ur village helps so many buddies. You are someone who always shows kindness and support. I truly hope you know how special your support is to me and so many here. You are a true benzo warrior. 💪🏾 I am still here. I still check in and even tho I don’t post a lot I always log on to see how u are all doing. I’ll always be around to help no matter what. If it was for all you beautiful people here to validate what I was going through, I truly dread to think where I would be now. Katz said it right. BB saved my life too. I’ll always pay it forward xx 💋

 

Sending you lots of love BG from down under xxxx

 

 

Edit: Fixed mixed quote

 

[[be...]]

I definitely have stopped posting as much on the main forum due to my posts being hijacked by negativity. It was actually one of the reasons I dialed back my interaction here. Positivity and mutual support towards the goal of healing is how we get better. Not by telling each other not everyone heals. That’s what keeps people right where they are.

 

Keep lifting each other up and dragging each other over the finish line buddies. Any posts that say otherwise I suggest u block and do not read. Healing is real don’t believe anything else ❤️

I agree with all that miss you, I do too, even when you was hit the hardest...you made me laugh. And even in your darkest days and nights, you always tried to lift others. I also believe we all heal, it may take more time than we would like, but it will happen....patience and more patience and accepting the process of healing even when we want to scream for it to all go away!. Enjoy your life and thanks again for being a light to others, during a horrible time in your life. 💖Peace and Continued Healing.

 

Oh beautiful begood. Ur village helps so many buddies. You are someone who always shows kindness and support. I truly hope you know how special your support is to me and so many here. You are a true benzo warrior. 💪🏾 I am still here. I still check in and even tho I don’t post a lot I always log on to see how u are all doing. I’ll always be around to help no matter what. If it was for all you beautiful people here to validate what I was going through, I truly dread to think where I would be now. Katz said it right. BB saved my life too. I’ll always pay it forward xx 💋

 

Sending you lots of love BG from down under xxxx

 

   

 

Edit: Fixed mixed quote

[[Pa...]]

Thanks for writing this Pamster.  I myself have been negative in many of my posts.  I personally have been using BB as a vent/punching bag, instead of trying to gain some useful information.  If it makes any difference, I went back and tried to take some of the negative, self-pity comments out of my posts.  I hope going forward to feel differently towards BB, and the information we all share.  - Gonzo

 

Thank you Gonzo2504, to be able to recognize something in yourself you hadn’t been aware of is huge, especially feeling like you do, I’m so impressed with your self awareness and willingness to modify your behavior.  You give me hope. 

[[Pa...]]

I sometimes think there could be more of a middle ground on the site. I agree we should try and be more positive, but it can be hard when you don’t get windows, and then get criticised by other members for being too negative. Or blamed fir the situation you are in because you stupidly took another med recommended by your gp.. Equally those also should not be attacked for being too positive, or saying everybody heals .  Maybe a bit more empathy at times. I know it is difficult as people in withdrawal have strong opinions, but maybe just think a bit before you reply. I agree with mute/ ignore button, but sometimes bit more understanding to those of us who are protracted, despite our best efforts, and not make it competition as to who has worst symptoms. I wish I could be more positive, but agree it should definitely be encouraged.

 

Thank you for your thoughts leann, its certainly a delicate balance, but you bring up another point, why would someone give another person a hard time for being positive?

 

I understand the term toxic positivity has been thrown around but the actual definition in my opinion doesn’t fit any situation or any member here.  I’ve never seen a member be toxic in their encouragement, this can’t happen here because of the level of suffering we see.  Yes, we see members provide positive tips or encouragement but we cannot deny the pain we see here.  This forum was formed to allow people to share their experience with benzodiazepine withdrawal, its inherently fraught with suffering, we can’t deny it but we can acknowledge and commiserate then try to find something positive, like hope.

 

Toxic positivity is a "pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one's circumstance is", which may prevent emotional coping by feeling otherwise natural emotions.[1] Toxic positivity happens when people believe that negative thoughts about anything should be avoided. Even in response to events which normally would evoke sadness, such as loss or hardships, positivity is encouraged as a means to cope, but tends to overlook and dismiss true expression.[2]. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_positivity

[[pi...]]

Well

I do feel like I’m never going to heal, I don’t come here that often as the actual feedback is lame, every now and again it’s good

But most read and don’t comment

At 2.5 years off feeling dread of not healing isn’t manipulation?! Not by all that write it like I feel it but some will be manipulative, and lie

 

I also feel the no talk on suicidal feelings is a big let down, it’s not your job to heal that but a listening ear help which is what those kinda call centres do and it’s one very large symptom that is listed as such and I think could be help more than saying no don’t go there

 

Apart from that

This site was a fantastic place to start the journey of coming off when there’s nothing else out there

 

Oceandude,

 

I’m sorry you are still in the thick of things in terms of benzo withdrawal. I’m not certain what you mean by manipulation and lies. I think overall people are very honest and have no purpose in trying too manipulate anyone. I’m sorry if you feel this has happened to you but know you can always bring concerns to the team.

 

As far as allowing discussion of suicidal ideation, we do understand it is a withdrawal symptom for some. However, the issue is that we are not equipped to deal with this very serious problem. Not only is it stressful for members who are concerned for the person, it is stressful for the team to deal with this. I could go into more detail but suffice it to say, we’ve tried to help people in the past. The best thing we can do is to point those needing this kind of support to qualified professionals.

 

pianogirl