The Long Hold Support Group

[[Tr...]]

Hi sweet D, SS, 4G, can't, Esp and everyone,

 

Hope it was a decent day for you guys.

 

How are your muscles Mary ? You rolling the hell out of that ball??

 

4G, hope you're feeling better about your decision today to updose, I think it was wise to do so.

 

Ss, hope you're still feeling wonderful, rocking that taper eh? ( a little Canadian speak for you)

 

Esp, always thinking of you <3

 

Can't, I hope your feeling heaps better today mate! ( a little aussie speak for you)

 

Love to you all,

Trish

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Just found myself reading through this post: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=153201.msg2146546#msg2146546

 

Yes this post is essential for the ideas that many of us have used to get to stable spots with out w/d.  Such good experience summed into one long post.

Glad to hear you have such an experienced therapist!

:smitten:

 

Hey SS, miss you.  Did you read begood is thinking of getting a dog?  I am really trying hard, you might mention how well things are going with Sufi . Yes, I'm a  .  Want her to have something that loves her and she loves, ruff ruff.  Luv ya, Mary 🙏💜☮️

[[Tr...]]

Ok I'm being very fresh right now and after airing my dirty laundry about " Joe " I have to say that I think Jude Law should be added to the hot list of actors!  :laugh:

 

I liked him, but not crazy about him like Anson, ugh, sigh, moan  :D

agreed D, they're in a very different league lol!! I just really liked Jude Law in the movie the Holiday with Cameron Diaz.. Might be that English accent that gets to me

[[Tr...]]

Well my friends wanted to pop in and say hello but now it's off to bed for me.

Love you guys be well,

Trish :smitten:

[[Ma...]]

Well my friends wanted to pop in and say hello but now it's off to bed for me.

Love you guys be well,

Trish :smitten:

 

Love you my comedian, Mary, sleep well and uh dream   :laugh: :sleepy:

[[St...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary Trish Miyu Bluepill Gard Free Intend NJ SS TMB Green Deep Nova Barbara Olive Ginger Cally Battle Esperanza Anu Gilly Milli Val and everyone here hoping everyone has a better day.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning Trish sorry you had to go through that and l am glad it is resolved.l won't be speaking to him as that would be a way in so silence will continue.l will be grand.

  Have a good day my lovely sister.

.. love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Hope welcome to the LHSG.It can take people more than one try to get off these drugs so l would not worry about that.The message here is simple listen to your body and taper according to how you feel.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Well folks into sis today again.l will be away visiting my aunt so won't be on.Sending you all healing thoughts.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning Can't l hope you are doing ok l am worried about you mate.lf you are lurking today just a couple of words would be great.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Ma...]]

Well folks into sis today again.l will be away visiting my aunt so won't be on.Sending you all healing thoughts.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

You be careful driving and helping your sis, hope you have a great visit with your aunt.  Love you, Mary.

I have pt this morning, and it is foggy and drizzly here, ugh.

💚💛❤️💙🐾🐕

[[Ma...]]

Morning Can't l hope you are doing ok l am worried about you mate.lf you are lurking today just a couple of words would be great.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Me too, MMim 🛵🏍💚💙❤️🐕

[[Ma...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary Trish Miyu Bluepill Gard Free Intend NJ SS TMB Green Deep Nova Barbara Olive Ginger Cally Battle Esperanza Anu Gilly Milli Val and everyone here hoping everyone has a better day.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Early physical therapy for me, nasty foggy, drizzly weather, but tagging on to Stut's wonderful good morning. Love you all, Mary.  💚💙❤️🙏☮️💜

[[4G...]]

Hi Everyone. I'm lying low again today. Got some magazines and Tilly. Had jerky arms and legs and a feeling of having a fit coming on. I had epilepsy in my 20's. So I'm not pushing anything.

 

Thanks for your supportive message, Trishy. It's interesting that you like Jude Law. At one point I had to go to the gynaecologist and one of the nurses had stuck a picture of Jude Law on the ceiling where your eyes were when you were being examined! I found that quite funny!

 

Love and Hugs to All. Gilly xxxxx

[[Va...]]

Feeling not ashamed isn't right. What... Frustrated, low-grade, but frustrated, maybe mad at myself but not letting myself feeling it.

 

I started cutting two medications about five weeks ago, tramadol and diazepam, both prescribed 17 years ago after a back injury--for the back spasms, for anxiety and for insomnia:

 

I started on Ativan then asked to be switched to valium so I could come off benzos (used the Ashton method.

 

My doctor at the time was an internal medicine specialist, diagnosed me as having fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety disorder, and put me on Remeron which worked for 3 months with massive weight gain then abruptly stopped working so I weaned myself off the Remeron.

 

My doctor and other doctors through the years tried me on various medications for depression, the malaise, none of it worked, and I always had to wean myself on whatever they tried me out on.

 

Through the years I have taken myself off diazepam and the tramadol and always had to reinstate both because the extended withdrawals especially extreme lethargy and feeling deadened... I couldn't function; couldn't cope with that.

 

So five weeks ago I started cutting the medications in anticipation of my current doctor having me start withdrawing from diazepam in the spring. He never pushed me to get off the tramadol as I have auto immune diseases including Raynauds and because perhaps he notes, it has a bit of an anti-depressant quality to it.

 

I failed.

 

I couldn't take the withdrawals of either medication and put back 25mg of tramadol first, but ended up having to put back the other 25 mg because of withdrawals.

 

Then when I thought I could handle the diazepam withdrawals because some symptoms had lifted when I reinstated the tramadol, the withdrawals for the diazepam began to really kick in around day 10:

 

Flushing, sore throat, chills, weeping eyes and blurred vision, extreme mental confusion and general inertia, nightmares. I broke out on my face as though I had insect bites, had sinus pain, and a voracious appetite, feel hungry every two hours.

 

Scarier still is how I'd start to do things like drink soap from the dispenser in the bathroom instead of bottled water I keep in there, and how I almost left a metal spoon in some oatmeal I was microwaving, did other odd and dangerous things.

 

Now, even though I reinstated the diazepam three days ago I am still waking up--after taking my morning dose of both meds, with malaise, mental confusion, swollen eyes as though I am having a ragweek attack or something, feeling mentally confused throughout the day, and eating, eating, eating.

 

I angry at myself for starting the cuts; angry at doctors who put me on this stuff as though the medications were benign; angry at my body for not being able to handle the attack; and angry at my parents, how I was raised, because of the resulting anxiety, how I isolate, a whole lot more.

 

I don't feel the anger, it's repressed but I know it's there.

 

And I'm scared.

 

What if this doesn't lift; what if I screwed up 'too' bad by making these cuts; what if I'm stuck not only on the medications but stuck at this point of suffering?

 

I needed to share this; please don't let it burden you--anyone reading this.

 

I don't usually share with anyone but my husband when I hurt, a habit i picked up as a child because my parents didn't care when I hurt, but here I want to be able to tell the truth, hoping no one will condemn me for what I feel or what I can't do or how I have to stay on the medications for... I don't know how long:

 

My counselor whom I saw last night is frightened for me and thinks I shouldn't try getting off them at all because of my childhood. She thinks from infancy on that my brain got rewired for fight or flight, and it's permanent. She said, "My mother doesn't want to take her heart medication but she needs it and you need this."

 

I'm grateful for her support but I'm confused too.

 

That's all. Thanks for anyone who read this.

[[4G...]]

Hi Val. Well you're in the right place! Not only do we recommend long holds but the group is incredibly supportive. I will tell you what I think I would do, but that's just me. I'm sure other buddies will 'chime in'.

I am sure that you need to hold. I doubt that anyone would disagree with that. Then I would say to myself that I wasn't holding but that I was always going to take the tablets and get settled down on that idea.

 

In a few months when you are more stable you could consider a very low, symptoms based taper. But only ONE med at a time! Diazepam is very hard to stop, as you have found. So trying to come off Tramadol at the same time is almost certainly going to lead to an unsuccessful taper.

 

So, carry on as you are. Let Christmas pass. Let New Year pass. Let February pass. See how you are after that, though I know a few people here would recommend six months at least. Be kind to yourself. Your taper didn't work last time but that doesn't mean you are a failure. You are just stuck here at this point in your life. But it will not have to be like that forever.

 

Hope that sounds reasonable!  Gxxx

[[Ma...]]

Hi Everyone. I'm lying low again today. Got some magazines and Tilly. Had jerky arms and legs and a feeling of having a fit coming on. I had epilepsy in my 20's. So I'm not pushing anything.

 

Thanks for your supportive message, Trishy. It's interesting that you like Jude Law. At one point I had to go to the gynaecologist and one of the nurses had stuck a picture of Jude Law on the ceiling where your eyes were when you were being examined! I found that quite funny!

 

Love and Hugs to All. Gilly xxxxx

 

Thinking about you GB❤️ Trishy will be looking for a new Dr      Mary 💛💙💚💜

[[Va...]]

Thanks Gilly - That helped. I am hard on myself, and it doesn't help when I read people's post who say, gist, "It's easy, just keep cutting slowly and you'll be done in no time!"

 

My husband tried to get me to not cut either, and certainly not both but I had a real hard-nose Dad who thought anyone who couldn't do tough things was less-than, especially women who couldn't do whatever he did.

 

I need this supportive, sensible kind of recommendation.

 

My counselor said if she needs to, even though it might not effect what my doctor does, she will tell him, "She's been on this" (meaning the Valium, specifically, as that is the one he wants me to come off) "for 17 years, that's a long time, so having her come off it quick or at all might be dangerous."

 

He might listen to her; he might not. With doctors, who knows.

[[Su...]]

Just found myself reading through this post: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=153201.msg2146546#msg2146546

 

Yes this post is essential for the ideas that many of us have used to get to stable spots with out w/d.  Such good experience summed into one long post.

Glad to hear you have such an experienced therapist!

:smitten:

 

Hey SS, miss you.  Did you read begood is thinking of getting a dog?  I am really trying hard, you might mention how well things are going with Sufi . Yes, I'm a  .  Want her to have something that loves her and she loves, ruff ruff.  Luv ya, Mary 🙏💜☮️

 

Hey there!

Sufi slept on the bed last night and didn't inadvertently get kicked off .

Taper continues to go well!  have not had to hold for even one day yet -- will do so if the body requests it.

I think it's Cona wants a pocket dog!! Such a good idea you started there Mary. 

I had another Feldenkrais session yesterday - such good work.

Hope you are doing well?  The back letting up at all?

 

Love

 

[[Ma...]]

Feeling not ashamed isn't right. What... Frustrated, low-grade, but frustrated, maybe mad at myself but not letting myself feeling it.

 

I started cutting two medications about five weeks ago, tramadol and diazepam, both prescribed 17 years ago after a back injury--for the back spasms, for anxiety and for insomnia:

 

I started on Ativan then asked to be switched to valium so I could come off benzos (used the Ashton method.

 

My doctor at the time was an internal medicine specialist, diagnosed me as having fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety disorder, and put me on Remeron which worked for 3 months with massive weight gain then abruptly stopped working so I weaned myself off the Remeron.

 

My doctor and other doctors through the years tried me on various medications for depression, the malaise, none of it worked, and I always had to wean myself on whatever they tried me out on.

 

Through the years I have taken myself off diazepam and the tramadol and always had to reinstate both because the extended withdrawals especially extreme lethargy and feeling deadened... I couldn't function; couldn't cope with that.

 

So five weeks ago I started cutting the medications in anticipation of my current doctor having me start withdrawing from diazepam in the spring. He never pushed me to get off the tramadol as I have auto immune diseases including Raynauds and because perhaps he notes, it has a bit of an anti-depressant quality to it.

 

I failed.

 

I couldn't take the withdrawals of either medication and put back 25mg of tramadol first, but ended up having to put back the other 25 mg because of withdrawals.

 

Then when I thought I could handle the diazepam withdrawals because some symptoms had lifted when I reinstated the tramadol, the withdrawals for the diazepam began to really kick in around day 10:

 

Flushing, sore throat, chills, weeping eyes and blurred vision, extreme mental confusion and general inertia, nightmares. I broke out on my face as though I had insect bites, had sinus pain, and a voracious appetite, feel hungry every two hours.

 

Scarier still is how I'd start to do things like drink soap from the dispenser in the bathroom instead of bottled water I keep in there, and how I almost left a metal spoon in some oatmeal I was microwaving, did other odd and dangerous things.

 

Now, even though I reinstated the diazepam three days ago I am still waking up--after taking my morning dose of both meds, with malaise, mental confusion, swollen eyes as though I am having a ragweek attack or something, feeling mentally confused throughout the day, and eating, eating, eating.

 

I angry at myself for starting the cuts; angry at doctors who put me on this stuff as though the medications were benign; angry at my body for not being able to handle the attack; and angry at my parents, how I was raised, because of the resulting anxiety, how I isolate, a whole lot more.

 

I don't feel the anger, it's repressed but I know it's there.

 

And I'm scared.

 

What if this doesn't lift; what if I screwed up 'too' bad by making these cuts; what if I'm stuck not only on the medications but stuck at this point of suffering?

 

I needed to share this; please don't let it burden you--anyone reading this.

 

I don't usually share with anyone but my husband when I hurt, a habit i picked up as a child because my parents didn't care when I hurt, but here I want to be able to tell the truth, hoping no one will condemn me for what I feel or what I can't do or how I have to stay on the medications for... I don't know how long:

 

My counselor whom I saw last night is frightened for me and thinks I shouldn't try getting off them at all because of my childhood. She thinks from infancy on that my brain got rewired for fight or flight, and it's permanent. She said, "My mother doesn't want to take her heart medication but she needs it and you need this."

 

I'm grateful for her support but I'm confused too.

 

That's all. Thanks for anyone who read this.

 

I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I don't have enough experience to suggest anything, but there will be people on soon to give you more suggestions.  I can tell you, we are here for you, please post anytime you need to.  Glad you are with us, you are in the the right place.  Mary ☮️🙏💜

[[Su...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary Trish Miyu Bluepill Gard Free Intend NJ SS TMB Green Deep Nova Barbara Olive Ginger Cally Battle Esperanza Anu Gilly Milli Val and everyone here hoping everyone has a better day.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Morning everyone!  Have the best day..... off to choir rehearsal.

:smitten:

SS

[[Ma...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary Trish Miyu Bluepill Gard Free Intend NJ SS TMB Green Deep Nova Barbara Olive Ginger Cally Battle Esperanza Anu Gilly Milli Val and everyone here hoping everyone has a better day.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Morning everyone!  Have the best day..... off to choir rehearsal.

:smitten:

SS

 

Sing loud my friend  . Luv ya, Mary

[[Va...]]

Enjoy rehearsal SufferingSixty :-)

[[4G...]]

Yes, hope you enjoyed choir, SS!  ❤❤❤

[[4G...]]

Lol, Mary! Yes Trishy would change docs! The picture helped put me at ease because it was a young good-looking guy who did my examination. I'd rather have had an old woman! But he was lovely. He said there were no irregularities and then said "Look there! That's where your baby came out! Not every woman has seen that". So he knew how to make me relax!

 

I've come round to doing quite a few household chores today. Plus I washed and dried hair 💇. So that's more than I thought I would have done.

 

Thank you everyone for the support. You are fantastic.

 

A special hello to you, Esperanza, if you're reading. Thinking about you.

 

Also, hope things are improving, Cant.

 

Love to All.  Gilly xxxxx ❤❤❤