I can’t do this anymore

[[Be...]]

I always say I got the short end of the stick in this life.  I get a pittance on disability now. 

[[An...]]

Beck, what do you think you would be doing if you had lots of money? What would be the 1st thing you would do or buy?

[[He...]]

I have to agree with you guys. I used to have a Mercedes and a big house and was able to fly first class and go on trips. I was able to afford massages, pedicures and dinners out often. I had my identity stolen and was wiped out. I had a nervous breakdown and ended up on disability. I used to own a 5-bedroom (brand new) house and now I rent a room in an old run-down house. I was MUCH happier when I had money. Much. I could do things, have things and go places. My life is completely different now and I am trying to start a business where I can get back up to over 100K a year so I can afford to go places and do and have things.

 

Wish me luck!

 

HM

[[Be...]]

I grew up in a big new two-story house in a nice suburban neighborhood and had lots of rich friends and had nice expensive clothes and other stuff as a kid, so I know what it's like to live with having money.  Now I'm poor on disability and can't even afford OP health insurance and don't have much at all and live in an old run-down single wide trailer in a trailer park with poor nabes.  It's very depressing knowing that at one time in my life, I lived comfortably and now I don't.  If I had lots of $$$, I'd move out of this piece of crap trailer and trailer park and live in a big expensive house and buy a new expensive car, too.   

[[An...]]

I grew up in a big new two-story house in a nice suburban neighborhood and had lots of rich friends and had nice expensive clothes and other stuff as a kid, so I know what it's like to live with having money.  Now I'm poor on disability and can't even afford OP health insurance and don't have much at all and live in an old run-down single wide trailer in a trailer park with poor nabes.  It's very depressing knowing that at one time in my life, I lived comfortably and now I don't.  If I had lots of $$$, I'd move out of this piece of crap trailer and trailer park and live in a big expensive house and buy a new expensive car, too. 

 

That is understandable. I also live in a mobile home but I don't live in a trailer park. I have 5 acres of land, so I have a certain amount of privacy. I don't have a lot of money either, Beck. Having more, a lot more, would really be nice though. I also would buy a new car instead of continuing to drive around in my 20 year old car that is currently in need of another repair. I would also have much better dental and medical insurance than I have now. 

 

^{edit: grammar correction 1/31/22  6:24PM US EST}

[[Be...]]

These drugs have ruined my life.  I had to quit my good-paying job with great benefits because these poisons caused me to have a seizure at work and it damaged my brain.  People should be sued for the bodily harm that they've done to me and be thrown in prison.

[[An...]]

Hey Beck, I also lost my job of 25 years in the end. I am also on disability now. It was really hard at first, but I don't dwell on it much anymore. It was a good job and paid really well. I miss the money but not all the workplace stress which could get terrible at times.

[[Be...]]

I had to start taking the benzo's and Z-drugs because I was being abused at work by my incompetent bipolar boss and other mentally ill bosses and coworkers. 

[[An...]]

I hear you Beck. I think those of us who eventually go on to develop anxiety disorders (like Panic and GAD) are probably predisposed genetically, and some catalyst (stress event(s) in your life) is what lights the fuse. I got along pretty good with most of my supervisors but a few co-workers were really hard to work with. This coupled with daily excessive workloads and long workdays (12-14) hours / 6 days per week is what led to my final collapse that I just could not recover from.

[[He...]]

Looks like we all used to have good jobs and money and we are all on disability now. I used to own a 450K house, which is probably worth about 700K at this point and now, I live in a bedroom at my elderly fathers small, run-down home that I rent for a few hundred a month. I am trying to start an online business and hoping by the time I am 55 (I am almost 53), I will be more financially stable.

 

I have an aunt that I am very close with. She is more like a cousin because she is only 6 years older than me. She is on SSI and has been poor her entire life. She has only been on a plane once in her life, has rarely ever gone to the movies, has never owned nice things etc. and she is happier because she has never had money. There is nothing to miss. I don't tolerate being poor nearly as well as she does because I have experienced wealth and it is very nice. The contrast is very hard to adjust too.

 

Oh well, it is what it is as they say. Life goes on.

 

HM

[[Th...]]

I am retiring at the end of this year, December 22, 2022...God willing.  I'll be 59 when I retire.  I've never been wealthy and don't come from a family that had money either, but I have a decent paying job and a decent house.  All I really need is a roof over my head, some quality food to eat and a new vehicle...LOL...I've only had 3 new vehicles my entire life and I am buying new at the end of this year.

 

As long as my sleep is good, which it is almost every night, my days are great.  I've become a gym rat now and plan to be at the gym even more after I retire.

 

Sorry Benzos have stolen the livelihood from many of you.  I am so thankful I didn't have to quit my job.  I'm an IT Director at a school district and have been doing that for 27 years.  Prior to that, I was a HS computer and business teacher for 4 years.  We have a great state retirement....50% of the average of your best 3 years of pay for life and then 75% for life to a named survivor...

 

There should be some type of Benzo disability for those that lost their jobs?  But, that will never happen until a MAJORITY of the medical community recognizes Benzo WD as something that exists....

 

Good luck everyone.

[[An...]]

I don't tolerate being poor nearly as well as she does because I have experienced wealth and it is very nice. The contrast is very hard to adjust too.

 

Exactly....you can't miss what you've never had. I am not dirt poor but far from being rich. I would love to have more money. I think money can buy a certain amount of happiness like Beck said. 

[[An...]]

I am retiring at the end of this year, December 22, 2022...God willing.  I'll be 59 when I retire.  I've never been wealthy and don't come from a family that had money either, but I have a decent paying job and a decent house.  All I really need is a roof over my head, some quality food to eat and a new vehicle...LOL...I've only had 3 new vehicles my entire life and I am buying new at the end of this year.

 

As long as my sleep is good, which it is almost every night, my days are great.  I've become a gym rat now and plan to be at the gym even more after I retire.

 

Sorry Benzos have stolen the livelihood from many of you.  I am so thankful I didn't have to quit my job.  I'm an IT Director at a school district and have been doing that for 27 years.  Prior to that, I was a HS computer and business teacher for 4 years.  We have a great state retirement....50% of the average of your best 3 years of pay for life and then 75% for life to a named survivor...

 

There should be some type of Benzo disability for those that lost their jobs?  But, that will never happen until a MAJORITY of the medical community recognizes Benzo WD as something that exists....

 

Good luck everyone.

Good for you ThEwAy2. You made it (or, I should say very close to making it). It sounds like you have got a really good, comfortable retirement package. Pensions are rare nowadays.  My goal was to retire at age 62, but I did not make it, unfortunately. I have a brother who works for a large airplane manufacturer making over 6 figures. I was making only half that amout but I was happy. The good thing about my situation was that I had considerable savings and I was 100% debt free when this happened to me. I do have two lifetime small pensions and a nice 401K that I will eventually access at some point, so my last 25 years of hard work were not all in vain due to benzo w/d.😁

 

^{edit: grammar correction 2/01/22  12:54PM US EST}

[[Be...]]

Besides being abused by my boss, I was burned out.  Lab work can be very stressful.  The samples never stop coming in and you have to get them done and the work needs to be accurate or people can die.

[[An...]]

How did your boss abuse you Beck?

[[Be...]]

My boss was bipolar and whenever I'd disagree with the way he was teaching me to do the job, he would blow up at me.  He was incompetent and I had a background in doing lab work and I knew what I was doing, but he didn't.

[[He...]]

I've had a couple bosses that were abusive to me as well. One barked in my face like a dog for no reason. Just because he was miserable and could get away with it. It sucks when you have an abusive boss because there is no one to complain to. You have to just take it.

[[Be...]]

The problem with abusive bosses is that you can't get away from them.  You go into work and you have to deal with them everyday.  Also, you have to do what they tell you too.  The problem with me was that I liked my job and it was a state job too.  I even threatened to call the capital police at work one time if he abused me again, since no one was really stopping him.  I also got a restraining order from him at work, but he just kept coming into my lab.  That's the reason I had to start taking the benzo's and Z-drugs at bedtime.  So I could sleep so I could go to work the next day and take his abuse. 

[[He...]]

I am so sorry to hear that, Becks. That really sucks. I also started taking Benzos to deal with targeting and bullying, so I understand that. I am at least glad we have our disability. Thank God for that.

 

HM

[Guest [An...]]

The problem with abusive bosses is that you can't get away from them.  You go into work and you have to deal with them everyday.  Also, you have to do what they tell you too.  The problem with me was that I liked my job and it was a state job too.  I even threatened to call the capital police at work one time if he abused me again, since no one was really stopping him.  I also got a restraining order from him at work, but he just kept coming into my lab.  That's the reason I had to start taking the benzo's and Z-drugs at bedtime.  So I could sleep so I could go to work the next day and take his abuse.

 

That's just unbelievable. I work in a field where they desperately need competent people. Hence, I have never had to take guff from any bosses. I've put quite a few of them in their place. Sometimes I had to (metaphorically) slam them like 5 or 6 times, in front of their bosses. I got a couple of write ups, but was never threatened to be let go.

[[Be...]]

The boss who was 5 levels up was on my side until she got fed up with me and then she laid into me too.  I went to her cubicle and told her off and knew then that I was screwed.  A few weeks later is when I had the seizure at work and had to go home and could never work again.  Stress and tolerance w/d to the drugs don't mix! 

[[An...]]

Beck said>>>

Stress and tolerance w/d to the drugs don't mix!

 

Yep, this was my downfall too.

[[He...]]

I am entering into a much better field. So much more peaceful and happy. I woke up with extreme stress this morning. More like panic and it's partly due to benzo WD and partly due to a lifetime of abuse. I am hoping that as my life stabilizes, I will get happier and have less morning anxiety.

[[Bu...]]

Is the adrenaline rush maybe “brain zaps”? Because that’s what I get if I try to nap in front of the TV at night and also if I try to roll over in the morning and sleep in. Since I started in Sept last year, I am ruled by these drugs and have not slept a wink outside of the drugs. And I feel that the drugs have actually caused my depression and anxiety rather than helped. Is that possible?

[[Th...]]

Yes, these drugs cause a laundry list of symptoms with anxiety and depression near the top of the list.

 

The only way out is through the healing and recovery process and the only healer is time...not another non-Benzo Rx drug.

 

If you haven't already read this, do it now:  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=235100.0