HELP ME PLEASE

[[or...]]

Hey, Carla.

 

As Pamster says, it is good to try and make yourself eat. I lost a ton of weight on my taper. Everything nauseated me. I made a smoothie every day, though. I found a protein powder that was tasteless and I made smoothies with yogurt or almond milk. I added a banana to it and sometimes chocolate syrup. My smoothies kind of saved my bacon. I lost 40 pounds from being too nauseated to eat, but my smoothies gave me a lot of protein so I didn't perish. Can you order from Amazon where you are? I'll tell you the protein powder I ordered. I still use it!

 

I know you'll worry, Carla, but I believe you'll get through this. I thought I neve would, but I listened to a few buddies on here who were optimists. And we all got through our rotten tapers. Please don't pay attention to the bad stories on here. Their distressing symptoms will not necessarily be yours.

 

So, best to you and bisous as well. I'm French Canadian, but alas, my French is very rusty nowadays.

 

 

Katz

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Katz thank you!

 

I feel better this morning, I forced myself to eat yesterday and this morning I'm hungry

 

Hope it's a good sign. Going to buy some clean protein powder too.

 

And thank you for your optimism, this is all we need going through this.

 

 

I hope that you are feeling good in your life now, you went through a lot

[[Pa...]]

It's wonderful to hear you're feeling a bit better today, we so need those moments that give up hope! 

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Update from this morning:

 

Feeling weak ( is it a symptom??) and anxiety++, with thoughts that i will never go through it ,

 

It's hard  :'(

[[Ca...]]

Sorry Pamster , was typing at the same time 

[[Pa...]]

Darn it, I'm sorry to hear your good feelings were short lived, but this is so common.  We call the good times windows and the rotten ones waves, these can be short or long and they're maddening because we never know what to expect.  Our recovery isn't linear as you've seen and even though we feel like we're taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back, we're always going forward in our recovery so try not to get discouraged.

 

Fear is a huge symptom and its important you know that its simply a symptom, its not you, not real and not who you'll be when you make it through this.  I fought hard against it and I hope you will too, deny it's existence, don't give it the power to make you think you'll never get through this. 

 

Fatigue and weakness are symptoms too, have you read our list of symptoms lately?  Reading it actually helped dispel my fear, it let me know that what I was feeling and why helped.  https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm

[[Ca...]]

Thank you Pamster , I really appreciate your help in this very lonely moment.

 

I know well fear as I almost recovered 100% from an anxiety disorder so it's hard to go back into it

 

You have been very strong to think so well by yourself.

 

If you just can help with this last question running in my mind non stop: as i cut a lot ( 50% of my dose ) over 6 weeks, does that mean that my wave is going to take more time to heal than a regular small cut ?

i'm really scared it will last months before i stabilize

 

Thank you so much from a worried girl

[[Pa...]]

What has occured is your large reductions has caught up to you, these have a tendency to pile up at some point and that has happened to you.  This is nothing to be worried about, your body right now is attempting to balance this out and its working very hard to do this, this is why you're feeling so awful.

 

You've been suffering since the 14th, I predict that very soon you'll stabilize and be able to hold this dose for a bit longer then press on with your taper.  The fact that you had a good moment, were able to eat and felt hunger is proof this is coming.

 

You're going to be okay, your body let you know it wasn't happy with the pace of your taper and you've learned a valuable lesson. 

[[Ca...]]

Thank you so much, i'm having a big smile now.

 

Thank you for taking the time to explain what's going on. 

 

Will refer to your message when feeling down. And dont let my thoughts spiraling .

 

 

 

[[Ro...]]

Hi Pamster, just wanted to say thank you for the brilliant advice you gave Carla on fear being just a symptom. Reading that just now really helped me. I keep getting confused on the difference between symptoms and reality. I woke up in a bad wave after a short sleep and have been so crippled with fear all day that I haven't moved. Going to get up soon and try some TV. Thank you 

[[Pa...]]

Hi Pamster, just wanted to say thank you for the brilliant advice you gave Carla on fear being just a symptom. Reading that just now really helped me. I keep getting confused on the difference between symptoms and reality. I woke up in a bad wave after a short sleep and have been so crippled with fear all day that I haven't moved. Going to get up soon and try some TV. Thank you 

 

You're welcome Roxy7, I worried about so many things that I'd never given a second though to when I was going through this.  How can we go from intelligent fully functioning adults to fearful crazed people afraid to even leave the house, the power of these drugs is truly frightening!  Have you read this, it talks specifically about the fear center in the amygdala.  What’s happening inside your brain

[[Ro...]]

Hi Pamster,

 

I have just finished reading this amazing post. I now finally understand what is happening to me. I was clueless until this. Understanding it makes all the difference. I can't thank you enough for this. It means so much. I am going to print it out and laminate so I don't lose it and read it every time the fear gets unbearable.

 

I have rotten agoraphobia too. I have only left the house once for the dentist since I started my taper last March. Now I know why. Thank you. I really thought I had finally gone crazy.

 

It never stops shocking me how this poison is even legal nevermind being handed out like smarties to supposedly help us. I hate this drug so much. I don't think anyone would ever consent to it if they even had a glimpse of what a bad wave looks like. It doesn't belong beside the word prescribe. Thankyou :smitten:

[[Ca...]]

Pamster thank you for sharing the post!

 

I wrote in the titration topic  but just have one answer and dont know what to think... could you help again?

 

Actually im cut tiny pills in two for my morning dose, and it's not perfectly even! so im worried it's going to mess up my stabilisation now that i realize how a crumb is important   

 

I decided to try the titration following videos , but my pills doesnt dissolve evenly even if i let them one night or even in vodka there is still some lumps , or crystals... On a french forum they told me it's hard to titrate with lexomil because of that... is there a solution ? I ordered a mortar online to give it a try. Or can I scale such small dose?

 

In a french forum they only advise to switch to prazepam as my benzo is quite short life.

 

I dont want to crash again!

 

Thank you so much for your time

[[Ca...]]

Hi Roxy,

 

congratulation for tapering since last march!

 

Are doing very slow reduction following a plan ? I always wonder why people can have still so many strong symptoms going slow , i crashed because i went too fast , now im going to taper very slowly but i Hope i will have manageable symptoms and wont have to put my life on hold

 

Regarding agoraphobia and anxiety i know how hard it is , as I have been suffering from an anxiety disorder most of my life ( im 33 ) But agoraphobia was worst with benzo

 

kiss

[[Pa...]]

Pamster thank you for sharing the post!

 

I wrote in the titration topic  but just have one answer and dont know what to think... could you help again?

 

Actually im cut tiny pills in two for my morning dose, and it's not perfectly even! so im worried it's going to mess up my stabilisation now that i realize how a crumb is important   

 

I decided to try the titration following videos , but my pills doesnt dissolve evenly even if i let them one night or even in vodka there is still some lumps , or crystals... On a french forum they told me it's hard to titrate with lexomil because of that... is there a solution ? I ordered a mortar online to give it a try. Or can I scale such small dose?

 

In a french forum they only advise to switch to prazepam as my benzo is quite short life.

 

I dont want to crash again!

 

Thank you so much for your time

 

I'll pop over there but if I don't know the answer I'll try to find someone who can help.

[[Ca...]]

thank you 

[[Ro...]]

Hi Carla,

 

I went too fast last autumn then had a bad crash when all the cuts caught up with me so know how bad that can feel but it finally stabilised and then I was able to slow it right down.

 

I was on 20mg diazepam for 8 years. I started my taper with cutting 1mg approximately every fortnight. I was completely clueless and my psychiatrist wasn't that focused on it so I thought I had nothing to worry about. He didn't even warn me to expect side effects and I didn't research it as I thought it was no big deal as my doctor would surely tell me if it was!

 

The main problem with my fortnightly 1mg cut method is it didn't take account of the fact that the percentage drop was going up every time. My body let me know big time! I held at 3mg after my big crash and since then have been doing a symptom led slow taper. I held again on 1mg for 2 months. It was frustrating but I am thinking in my head that it will take a good while after the taper to heal anyway so the delays this side of finishing are time already served so to speak. i. e less time needed after by going slow now. Not sure if this is how it works but it's what I think/hope for.

 

This Monday sx were too bad so I didn't cut. On Monday I will make the decision again. I am using liquid diazepam so I can control the dose finely now.

 

I hope you feel a lot better soon and get a slow taper you are comfortable with. Taking control of my taper by letting my body decide how quick to go gave me back some feeling of control of this process. Sending hugs

 

Roxy 

[[Si...]]

How are you feeling now? Message me if you need help. Love

[[Ca...]]

Hey Roxy,

 

Just saw your answer....I think we experienced the same crash...

 

It happens to me 10 days ago now, i can say the physical symptoms are gone but i've been hit by a terrible anxiety wave today, that lasted few hours , a lot of thoughts that it will last forever , feeling like i was back to square one of my anxiety disorder adding more and more fear and more distress... so frightening.

 

Then I spoke to my therapist , and the wave subsided, so i dont know if it's wd symptoms or just my  fear of the fear...

 

 

Have you ever experienced that during you rapid taper ?

 

Pamster any thoughts?

 

 

Hope you are doing good this week

[[Pa...]]

We all try to make sense of whats happening to us so we can avoid the bad stuff.  We'll eat something and react to it but are we really reacting to what we eat or is it just the unpredictability of withdrawal?  We do the same thing with supplements, other medications, certain activities, you name it we're trying to assign a reason but sometimes there isn't one, it's just the stupid drug.

 

I don't know what caused your anxiety and fear but I'm grateful that speaking to your therapist pulled you out of it.  Distraction is a wonderful tool, remember this for the next time. 

[[Ca...]]

thank you Pamster,

 

Actually woke up short time after falling asleep with this chemical anxiety and pounding heart...I can accept for a short time but it's so hard when it last hours and i dont know for how long im stuck with this symptome :'(

 

I had no problem like this even since i crashed 11 days ago....

 

This stuff is very difficult thank you for your support  :'(

[[Ro...]]

Hi Carla,

 

I've just seen your reply. I've been sorting out a new phone. I am hoping by now your anxiety wave has passed. Anxiety and insomnia are the worst for me. I wake up in bed with my heart beating like crazy and then I worry that there is a medical emergency and it gets worse. I have very bad medical anxiety. I got valium in the first place to help with medical anxiety. I don't remember it helping. Possibly it did. I do know that it had caused more medical anxiety for me than it ever cured.

 

Fear, anxiety panic fuelling more fear anxiety and panic. I am so crippled with fear that on days when my physical symptoms are not too bad I still stay in bed due to fear. Rationally I know that it is all down to the gaslighting benzo withdrawals but it still feels so real.

 

I'm back in a wave right now but I had a better spell before that as I cut again on Monday after a week hold. The only reason that I know that I had a better spell is because I cut. Otherwise I would not know as I seem to forget the easier times and focus on the anxiety and fear.

 

Pamster, Thank you again for the reminder of distractions. It is not possible to say this too many times. Every time I see the word I actively think about something easy I can do and it helps a lot. I have very bad memory these days so I do need regular reminders to actively seek out distractions. It helps so much.

 

Have a lovely weekend 

 

 

[[Ar...]]

You ARE going to stabilize. Your body/brain is seeking homeostasis --  it's desperately trying to adapt to your latest cut. That's why you feel bad -- your body/brain is struggling. It will settle down. You just have to give it time. How much time? No one knows. Can you do something to distract yourself? I  found that helped me -- reading, binge watching tv programs.

 

I also kept a journal about my individual s/x and a rating scale 1 to 10. Headaches, akisthisia, nausea, dizziness, anxiety. That really helped me see that yes, day by day I did feel better as those s/x subsided a bit.  Maybe that will help you.

 

Best to you and as the French say courage, mon vieux

 

Katz

       

 

Okatz, I need your help,  I am starting my cross over to valium, and I have to cut .25 off of my 1mg dose of Ativan.  How do I do that?

Please help.

[[Pa...]]

You ARE going to stabilize. Your body/brain is seeking homeostasis --  it's desperately trying to adapt to your latest cut. That's why you feel bad -- your body/brain is struggling. It will settle down. You just have to give it time. How much time? No one knows. Can you do something to distract yourself? I  found that helped me -- reading, binge watching tv programs.

 

I also kept a journal about my individual s/x and a rating scale 1 to 10. Headaches, akisthisia, nausea, dizziness, anxiety. That really helped me see that yes, day by day I did feel better as those s/x subsided a bit.  Maybe that will help you.

 

Best to you and as the French say courage, mon vieux

 

Katz

       

 

Okatz, I need your help,  I am starting my cross over to valium, and I have to cut .25 off of my 1mg dose of Ativan.  How do I do that?

Please help.

 

If you'll start a thread on the substitution board I'll make sure you get help, okay?  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=61.0

[[Ca...]]

Hi Roxy  im sorry to hear you are suffering with anxiety...

Did you work on your anxiety with a therapist since you where first prescribed Valium? How long did you stay on it ?

 

i have good ressources you can use to recover from your health anxiety if you need...

 

And do you experience waves each time you cut ?

 

My horrendous anxiety is gone for now. I just have mild anxiety , like a knot in my stomach and tense, but it bothers me as well! of course the more we think about it the more it's here.

 

hugs