Severe mental symptoms, intrusive thoughts, severe anxiety support group

[[le...]]

Early morning here didn't sleep a lot but think things easing bit. So sorry what you have gone through at such young age. Seems definte connection with the the SSRI's causing the intrusive thoughts. I get so mad medical profession won't acknowledge withdrawal exits, want to label you then just use you as Guinea pigs to try various drugs to " fix you". I only ever had insomnia, never anxiety, so angry a GP's incompetence  caused this, but they now refuse to give me anything that might actually help. I am convinced something like lorazepam for the meltdowns would help but refusing to give me any. Over here have to go to surgery where you live so I'm stuck. I've had hours therapy, tried everything under the sun, was convinced had OCD, SSRI's meant be the recommended treatment but just escalated the symptoms.

I think mental symptoms much harder to deal with than physical, all usual stuff meditation, distraction, positive thinking just doesn't work with mental stuff.

Anyway gives me but hope  you are 4 years off and seeing bit improvement, hope to hear again from you soon.

[[Da...]]

I only count myself as 2 years off since that is when i last took meds even though i am 4.5 years off my original cold turkey.  Mental symptoms are beyond brutal.  I have actually had OCD since i was about 6 years old but it was never ANYTHING like it is in withdrawal.  This is OCD on speed.  With my original OCD i did ERP therapy (self-guided) and it essentially cured me.  I hadn't had intrusive thoughts for years when i started meds.  Like i mentioned earlier i only took meds for situational depression due to job loss.  My intrusive thoughts have been so bad since this started I'm sure i would be labeled psychotic.  Mine are so so so bad.  But i can completely distract from them now sometimes whereas i couldn't for the first 3 or more years of withdrawal.  More like 4 years.  And ERP doesn't even touch withdrawal OCD.  At least in my case.  I was lucky enough to finally find a doctor that diagnosed benzo damage and i was able to get disability. 

[[Be...]]

Sorry Leann.  Hope things settle down for you soon and everyone else.

[[le...]]

I only count myself as 2 years off since that is when i last took meds even though i am 4.5 years off my original cold turkey.  Mental symptoms are beyond brutal.  I have actually had OCD since i was about 6 years old but it was never ANYTHING like it is in withdrawal.  This is OCD on speed.  With my original OCD i did ERP therapy (self-guided) and it essentially cured me.  I hadn't had intrusive thoughts for years when i started meds.  Like i mentioned earlier i only took meds for situational depression due to job loss.  My intrusive thoughts have been so bad since this started I'm sure i would be labeled psychotic.  Mine are so so so bad.  But i can completely distract from them now sometimes whereas i couldn't for the first 3 or more years of withdrawal.  More like 4 years.  And ERP doesn't even touch withdrawal OCD.  At least in my case.  I was lucky enough to finally find a doctor that diagnosed benzo damage and i was able to get disability.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Been doing the ERP fir several years but hasn't made any difference think because it's withdrawal induced symptoms. Even though it's probably morphed into OCD type symptoms, it's really extreme anxiety which has triggered it. Which why get angry they won't give me anything to help.. At first distraction helped when symptoms were milder. Been really bad this year. Think coz had lit emotional stress last year. My toxic mother died last year discovered she secretly changed her will, left everything to sister and cut me out as executor. I know they say only count from when you stopped last meds, but I think if symptoms are continuous that's how long you've been suffering. Anyway given me hope after 4 years you can distract now. Was it case eventually trying to distract started to help. Did you find new ones would pop up, and other ones lessen. Very weird!Will be 4 years Jan fir me so maybe there is still hope. Like my prayers been answered  to finally find someone with same symptoms as me, who understands how mental symptoms drive you to point of feeling you're loosing your mind so thank you so much Daisy..Don't know  what time is over there as don't know where you are in US, but guess you are all in bed now. Thanks Becks for your kind thoughts.

[[Da...]]

Hey i'm actually in Canada . It's 9 am here right now.  I think we are 8 hours behind UK?  I understand the length of time suffering.  if you count that for me it's been 54 months.  But i only count myself as 20 months into healing since that's how long i've been off all meds.  It's just because i had adverse reactions and some people take only 3 pills their whole life (and have adverse reactions to them) and take 3 years to heal.  So i count healing starting at last pill.  It's all so stupid and unnecessary suffering.  I personally believe 95% of people who are prescribed psych drugs don't need them.  They all cause neurotoxicity and shut down parts of the brain and who knows what that does long term.  Even severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia have hidden cures that don't involve these poisons.  Anyway, once i really stopped messing around with rescue doses and all over the counter meds and supplements and did tons of self care was i able to start distracting.  It literally just happened one day where i could be free from this for parts of the day.  I still get horrendous waves though and it's usually from lack of sleep or artificial sweeteners or doing too much.  Or sometimes no reason at all.  Ridiculous.  I understand about the stress I unexpectedly got pregnant in September 2021 (wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant) and that added a ton of stress on my body and my symptoms went nuts.  I am now 5 months postpartum and am starting to feel better.  I just had a 3 day window (symptoms not gone but only patchy during the day) and now i am entering a wave.  When my ears start ringing that's when i know it's coming. 

[[le...]]

We've been to Canada, were in Ottowa for Canada Day, it's lovely country. Yes must admit took few rescue doses last year with the stress over my Mum's will. Plus have tried umpteen supplements all of which revv me up. So think you are right. Only take chamomile capsules which I've done for years as help bit with sleep. What things did you do re self care? Just so reassuring talking to you felt was only one with severe mental symptoms. Congratulations on having a baby.

I only ever had insomnia and only had about 4 packets a year tiny doses, think was SSRI's revved up all symptoms. Never had any anxiety or OCD. The paramedic kept insisting was things in past caused this not withdrawal. Am pretty bad at moment, developed contamination type phobia which is new. Think it's the anti histamine plus had flu jab yesterday. Which revved me up bit last year. Only had it because hubby had flu and was seriously ill and really unwell. I got covid in April but thankfully didn't affect symptoms much. So was about 4 years in total from first CT you started improving? Yes I dream of having a day not constantly thinking about it, it dominates my whole life. You are 5 hours behind us timewise😋

[[Da...]]

You only took zopiclone the odd time and you still got severe withdrawal?  I hate these drugs.  I started getting windows at about 4 years and 2 months after first cold turkey.  My waves are still really brutal though and i barely crawl my way through them.  I talk to several people with severe mental symptoms.  I only know of one who was helped by going back on drugs.  The thing with benzos is they work really really well at first but they lose effectiveness quickly and can go paradoxical which happened to me.  Benzos are arguably the hardest drugs to come off so i highly recommend not taking them at all.  I have intrusive thoughts all day every day.  It's only recently i get breaks.  Starting June of this year.  It's been extremely extremely traumatizing i feel like i have real PTSD from this.  It has changed my entire life.  Having a baby keeps me going.  Pregnancy was really hard on things but it is so stressful to the body.  I would love to visit the UK some time i have had it on my bucket list for years.

[[le...]]

For long time I only took them maybe couple times or so week. 6 years ago my husband had cardiac arrest and heart attack at home nearly didn't make it. In hospital for month, one therapist thought was delayed PTSD from that, he got pneumonia in hospital was ill for long time.After that sleep went really bad so for last 3 years took them every night but only 1/4 a tablet. I was fine on them lived a normal life, So am convinced if I could tapered would been fine, as they always worked no side effects. I would never go back on meds every day, but really could do with something on meltdown days as fir some reason been lit worse this year. Def nit taking any more anti depressants. Feel more hopeful fact took you over 4 years to get Windows. A baby must such a joy, on bad days think I have nothing to make me want to carry on, but a baby is a real incentive to be more hopeful I imagine. Well if you ever get over here come and visit us. It's evening here so will chill in front TV, couldn't concentrate on it last night. Good talking to you😋

[[Da...]]

Nice talking to you too!  I might not be on for a few days now, I need breaks from the forums sometimes for my mental health.  I hope you get some relief soon!  You are definitely not alone with severe mental symptoms.  Mine are some of the worst i have ever read about.

[[gr...]]

Haven't been here for a few days. Just get so depressed with my withdrawal. My eyes are blurry all the time and my sleep continues to be a problem. Restless leg is back and is horrible. I also had OCD as a child. Pretty terrifying. It was over 60 years ago. My mom just suggested I jump out the window and leave her alone. Those were the Days! Anyways, like many folks I went through life ok for the most part until I was prescribed Benzos for sleep. ugh

[[le...]]

Nice talking to you too!  I might not be on for a few days now, I need breaks from the forums sometimes for my mental health.  I hope you get some relief soon!  You are definitely not alone with severe mental symptoms.  Mine are some of the worst i have ever read about.

 

 

 

 

OK hopefully catch up soon. Feel free to PM if you want.😋

[[Be...]]

graced, did your mom really suggest that you jump out the window and leave her alone?  That's not nice at all.

[[gr...]]

Yes, my mother did say that. But I felt somewhat lucky because she screamed at my older sister all the time. Mother, unfortunately was not meant to be a mother. Yet she had 5 kids. The oldest committed suicide and the rest of us fled. Still, I did forgive her in my heart.

Thank you for listening. All those old sadnesses are coming forth during this withdrawal.

[[Be...]]

My mom was abusive to me too and I estranged myself from her decades ago because I couldn't tolerate her criticizing me and putting me down all the time.  I did get back in touch with her a few years before she died and had a nice conversation with her.  She was going to disown me and that is a horrible feeling to feel from a parent.  My mother never should have had kids either.  She was cold and uncaring.  Never hugged me or told me she loved me ever except for the last phone conversation that we had.  She would never call me and ask how I was doing ever.  When she died I didn't have any emotions at all.  Not glad she died and not sad either.  I didn't even cry.  Nothing.  I considered my mother like I would a friend who would start criticizing me.  I'd just get them out of my life and stop communicating with them unless they apologized to me and stopped abusing me.

[[gr...]]

I so understand. We move forward.

[[le...]]

Welcome to the club Grace, hopefully get few more people on here, mental symptoms are one of the hardest and most distressing symptoms to deal with, not talked about much here. They seem linger for long time for some reason.

I had emotionally abusive mother, died last year and I'm not sorry. Her final parting gift was secretly change her will, cut me out leave everything to sister who saw her once year lives in Australia. She lived in home never even listed me as a contact if she died so they only told my sister. Some women shouldn't be mothers😩

[[Da...]]

It's Thanksgiving here in Canada (yesterday) and i was able to be Thankful for a HUGE window.  Felt 100% normal.  Was dumb and drank some diet pop, knowing this is bad for me, and now in huge wave this morning - akathisia, intrusive thoughts, whole body shaking, ears screaming.  Ugh.  There is hope though Leann, even when waves come now I know my brain and body are totally capable of normalcy.  I just need to be super careful.  Took me a LONG time to get here though but i get nice windows now.  I tried EVERY supplement and every class of drug, including CBD, nothing helped but time and being very kind to my body.  Intrusive thoughts are a beast.

[[gr...]]

Very sick feeling right now and sad. Thinking too much and blaming myself for old past mistakes. Blurry eyes continue. Will try and take a walk outside. Lovely fall colors.

[[le...]]

It's Thanksgiving here in Canada (yesterday) and i was able to be Thankful for a HUGE window.  Felt 100% normal.  Was dumb and drank some diet pop, knowing this is bad for me, and now in huge wave this morning - akathisia, intrusive thoughts, whole body shaking, ears screaming.  Ugh.  There is hope though Leann, even when waves come now I know my brain and body are totally capable of normalcy.  I just need to be super careful.  Took me a LONG time to get here though but i get nice windows now.  I tried EVERY supplement and every class of drug, including CBD, nothing helped but time and being very kind to my body.  Intrusive thoughts are a beast.

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Thanks Daisy you definitely have given me hope. Very jittery again today for some reason, but made myself go out for a walk this afternoon. I think this latest wave is probably the unisom and the flu vax. Just get so angry get no help from doctors. Was really suicidal when saw paramedic Friday when was having complete breakdown , was told GP would ring me as he sent long e mail. Zilch from them. Getting more OCD type symptoms is unbearable, my hands red raw from washing hoping will ease off. Now rebound insomnia joined the party. So glad you got a window.

Sorry you are part of this club graced, but welcome aboard😋

[[Da...]]

Hi Leann,

I think my symptoms are a little different than yours.  I just have intrusive thoughts, i don't have the other typical OCD symptoms like compulsions.  I had more of that when i had "organic" OCD before i ever took meds (which had been in remission for years when i started meds).  I know you are in such a tough situation but was the ERP therapy you did OCD specific?  OCD needs very targeted treatment like hierarchical exposure to fears, etc and flooding, stuff like that.  When i cured myself of OCD before ever taking meds i did specific OCD ERP.  It is very effective.  But maybe it won't be for you since yours is med induced.  Just trying to offer suggestions.  It is very hard if not impossible to overcome OCD if you are active in compulsions like handwashing.  It is a nightmare i know, but it is possible to overcome.  I don't even have physical anxiety and i'm not afraid of my thoughts they just play on loop which is typical in benzo withdrawal.  Psych drugs perpetuate mental illness there have been studies done on it.  So i personally believe meds just extend the illness and cause more relapses so they likely aren't the answer to our problems. 

[[le...]]

It's only last week since I stopped unisom that had hand washing, so think just withdrawal symptom from that. Up to recently just been pure o not compulsions. Mainly fear may have accidentally hurt someone. Was very mild when stopped the zopiclone, was functioning reasonably, just stopped me driving. Wish to God never took the AD's they made it go off the scale, gradually got worse longer was on them. Yes done 2 lots CBT was useless. I literally make myself go out every day, walk past people, go to shop, expose my self to my fear but absolutely no habituation, hasn't lessened at all. I think mine is more severe anxiety rather than OCD. Think maybe years of emotions suppressed by zop is coming out now. Toxic mother, was  estranged from my sister, mum refused come son's wedding unless sister came so day from hell. Husband had cardiac arrest nearly died. Then finding mum lied to me and changed her will. Years being treated as second best. I think coz it's med induced the therapy doesn't touch it, but no it's thoughts not compulsions always living in fear. No physical symptoms.

 

 

[[Da...]]

I completely understand.  I am the same.  My thoughts all revolve around harm (minus a few others too gruesome to mention) and they are SEVERE.  But i believe yours will ease as mine have.  Just takes forever.  I'm in a wave today and they are nonstop again.  But i have hope for another window.  Interestingly enough when i stopped the last round of meds in Feb 2021, i took a zopiclone as i had been prescribed them at one point but never took them.  I took half a pill during the day (not at night for sleep) and i felt 90% normal.  That drug definitely has brain effects.

[[le...]]

If I thought they would ease it would try taking few zop got left.But have taken odd rescue dose last year , helps me sleep but anxiety worse. Diazapam would help as had packet when hubby was so ill, but bl**dy doctor won't give me any.  But have as many AD's as you like.I can't understand why would get these thoughts never harmed anyone in my life. Felt like doing my mother some damage but never did. Yes can't live rest my life like this😩

[[Da...]]

Don't feel too bad about not being prescribed them.  I got prescribed a few different benzos, they don't help for long and you can get addicted to them in 9 days.  the rebound is HORRENDOUS.  But antidepressants are not much better.  Same with antipsychotics.  I took gabapentin too.  They're all horrible drugs in my opinion.  Intrusive thoughts make no sense.  Right after i stopped SSRIs in 2018 i was at work and one just flashed through my mind during a conversation.  Then they never stopped.  Got way worse after reinstating.  10 times worse.  But they are finally losing their grip on me.  But like i said waves still brutal. 

[[le...]]

Just would like a day without symptoms so had enough this. Hope your wave soon eases . Is exposure therapy type thing I've been doing, making myself go out and walk past people, as that's what stresses me out so feel that's what should be doing.