Rehab

[[Sp...]]

I guess they're saying now it'll be an 8 day taper. That means I'll be off next Wednesday. My biggest fear is my mental capacity to handle this. I've been through a lot of trauma the past few years mentally, suffer from multiple dx, depression, severe ocd, anxiety, likely bpd) if it comes to the point I literally cannot sleep, and I'm awake 2-3 days straight, I know myself and I will go psychotic. I've already warned my father of this now while I'm still okay and functioning at 75% that if I end up in the psych ward it wasn't my doing. They would like just tell him, "well, gee, he just lost it, idk"

 

The director this afternoon, the same director who said he went to rehab for 4mg Xanax over 4 years and was struggling at day 14, but back to normal by day 30 claimed to me that 9/10 people coming through here for benzos walk out perfectly fine by day 30. I mean, am I the only one here that realizes how that cannot possibly be true? I mean I can't say it's not, but really?

 

As for today, I'm not horrible, but anxiety has crept up a bit, likely just worrying about what is to come. My ocd is creeping up and it hasn't been an issue in years. Head pain is bad. Depression is creeping up as well. It's difficult being in a program that you don't believe in the science behind it, but I have to at least stick it out until things likely go haywire. It's also difficult that I am not allowed to participate in the normal activities until I detox. Idk wth they're thinking? Are they planning to wheel me in there likely half out of it and drugged up beyond belief?

[Guest [pa...]]

It's certainly possible to cold-turkey someone off benzos and have him walk out with no symptoms, if they put him on verapamil, zacopride, and baclofen. Maybe a few other drugs to boot.

[[Sp...]]

It's certainly possible to cold-turkey someone off benzos and have him walk out with no symptoms, if they put him on verapamil, zacopride, and baclofen. Maybe a few other drugs to boot.

 

But what then? Would you recommend I recommend these drugs to them, or go with my alternative plans of a fairly rapid xanax taper or the slim chance I can convince my doctor to give me another chance and complete a Valium taper?

 

I'd imagine the drugs you mentioned would need to be tapered over time as well, and then the issue arises with my past even finding a psychiatrist who would prescribe these to me. I very well may walk out with a 14 day supply and then run out of them and get wacked?

 

I live in Florida and most psychiatrist will not work with anyone with a history of drug abuse, and that shows up right on their computer screen with all of the connected databases now.

[[Sp...]]

They haven't mentioned many drugs besides the ones I've been, gabapentin, seroquel (hated it, horrible sleep and woke up severe depression) trazadone (helps for sleep, but irritates my headache next day with metabolite, and it's further down regulating my h1 which is already getting blasted by 30mg mirtazepine), propanolol to likely keep my heart from flying out of my chest, and Buspar which I've taken in the past and was completely useless. I just fail to see any type of positive outcome here. I mean maybe I'll be one of the few lucky ones who doesn't experience hell going through this, but with my underlying conditions I'm quite concerned.

[[di...]]

No, I'm absolutely against such a detox program too. It's completely unscientific. There are perhaps a small number of people who are addicted to benzos but not chemically dependent where such a program could help but it's not at all suitable for most. I figured you had this part adequately covered so I set about helping you with getting through it, since you seem to have no choice. You have my sympathy... despite whatever blunders you have made, you don't deserve this.

 

I have had to manage psychotic symptoms in the past, so I understand your fears. All I can think that you can do is what you're already doing. Tell your dad as well as anybody else who you think needs to know that psychotic symptoms are a predictable consequence of over rapid benzodiazepine withdrawal. That should give you leverage to refuse antipsychotic medication if it does happen in favour of the appropriate treatment - the introduction of the lowest possible dose of a long half-life benzodiazepine to bring symptoms under control ahead of a gradual taper. I believe that if you hold your ground, they will have to cave. I am pretty sure that if you're having psychotic symptoms, they'll put you on a benzo before having you sectioned, if that is the only option. The only way they can make you take the antipsychotic is if they have you sectioned. This gives you some leverage. So, although it's probably going to get crazy, I think you'll be alright ultimately. I just hope it's not too bad for that short period and I hope you'll be strong enough to withstand the pressure to do more harm.

[Guest [pa...]]

But what then? Would you recommend I recommend these drugs to them, or go with my alternative plans of a fairly rapid xanax taper or the slim chance I can convince my doctor to give me another chance and complete a Valium taper?

No, of course not! Definitively go for the Valium taper. I would certainly recommend against polydrugging. But it is what these "detox" centers frequently do. If you ask me, it's not much of a "detox" if you walked in dependent on one drug, and walk out dependent on five.

[[Sp...]]

So, in everyone's opinion, deny the antipsychotics? I have no interest in using those, nor the side effects to mask a situation that  to me is nearly unethical. I'm sure if I deny the antipsychotics it'll piss them off and they'll tell my father I'm denying medication meant to help me. I'm with the above poster, putting me on a ton of drugs just to get me drug free out their door to suffer later is a joke. I'll take the gaba, Buspar if they want to throw it at me, propanolol, that's about all. Once I hit two nights of no sleep, hallucinations, or unbearable anxiety; I'm demanding my Xanax bottle and booking my flight home

 

In all honesty, I'm terrified. I'm at a rough point in my life and not near as strong mentally as I normally am. The thought of being hit with massive anxiety and symptoms is terrifying to me. I'm having horrible anxiety tonight as my morning Valium is wearing off; and tomorrow the dose goes down.

[[Sp...]]

Even more concerning: my blood pressure has been running very high, especially diastolic since I arrived. It was very high earlier this afternoon and they gave me a clonidine. Surprise! I take mirtazepine that they give me nightly. Look that interaction up in Google. It takes 10 seconds. I'm supposed to trust these people handling a dangerous detox??? 🙄

 

Also, before I start going downhill here, my plan leaving to go home is to reinstate at 1.25 or 1.5mg of my 4mg of Xanax I have on me. How should I handle this dose? It'll be difficult to measure out with the small crumbs. I was planning on 0.25 5x per day. If I can get a doctor back, I'm going Valium. That new FDA announcement does not help matters. If not, I'll taper over 14 weeks with 79mg that I still have in my possession. That's not an ideal way to go, but I may have no choice.

 

Actually, the tabs are 0.5 so I just split them to get the 0.25 to work with. Should I take a higher dose at first, say 0.75mg or something to prevent seizure risk? Or just start at 0.25 5x.

[Guest [ba...]]

I'm not a supporter of detox centers for benzo withdrawal, but a few months ago there was a person who detoxed and recovered from a benzo addiction/dependency. 

 

Before you completely write this intervention off, you might at least give it a chance.

 

I haven't been to San Clemente in 25 years.  We took the train there once (from LA area).  The beach was nice.  Do you have a chance to get out to the ocean while you're there?

[[Sp...]]

I don't. I think they normally go to the beach, but covid and all. The house, and view is absolutely gorgeous. It feels a lot like home to me, but with that Cali flair. It's a real shame these places neglect to treat people like me with addiction issues for my real problem (which is the internet research stuff) and force people off of something they don't have an addiction to, but a dependency if only, I could see myself getting a lot out of this program if that was the case. You aren't allowed to participate in classes until you finish detox, and who knows what shape I'll be in. Regardless, the most important thing I've gotten out of this is I need to get my crap in order, and start doing things the right way, or next time I won't be in a house but on the streets or worse.

 

I absolutely have been truthful with them that I will give this an open mind. Given my somewhat lowish dose I was able to taper Xanax to, and the fact I'm stable on 20mg Diazepam (around 1.5mg Xanax) I'll give it a shot. I just am making sure going into this I have all my cards in order in case things go haywire.

[[Sp...]]

Anxiety is up a bit today on the drop to 15mg Valium. Headache still 8/10, body pain 6/10, shaking 4/10, depression 6/10.

 

Blood pressure has been out of control since I arrived (I need to get this managed when I get home, likely from all of the abuse) I requested some propanolol two days ago and finally get it today. In 10mg tabs 3x per day. Blood pressure control starts at 40mg doses. My BP yesterday afternoon was 150/108. The diastolic is 2 off a recommended visit to the ER. What do you think will happen to it as they drop my Valium? They better start upping those propanolol doses or it's bad news. Also, guy last night couldn't even put the BP cuff on me correctly, the girl came in and had to show him how. This and the mirtazepine/clonidine mix up makes me very wary of my life being in their care. Continuing the gabapentin at 600 600 300. Taking nothing else at moment. Don't want to be on gabapentin more than 2-3 weeks max due to wd issues there.

 

I continue to try and keep an open mind, but I see a lot of yellow lights flashing to be cautious.

[[Sp...]]

Very poor day so far today. Was dropped back to 15mg valium yesterday, felt fine the previous two-three days on 20mg Valium and lower dose gabapentin (900mg). Did need 1800mg gabapentin yesterday.Have taken my morning dose so far of Valium 3 hours ago, and 600mg gabapentin and it's not even touching the anxiety. Not feeling good at all. OCD is 8/10, anxiety 8/10, shaking 5/10, headache 8/10, body pain 6/10. The Valium will be dropped to 10mg tomorrow. This process is absolutely insane, and I'm sure most if not all of you agree. I just don't see where we are going here. It's pretty obvious I have too much underlying mental issues, and physical concerns to handle a process like this. I can't take ibuprofen because my BP continues to be out of control and that will only aggravate that. Asked for propanolol and they give me a 10mg dose which BP control starts at 40mg. I feel like I have to be my own doctor with them giving me interacting medications I can look up in Google in 10 seconds, a dude can't take my BP correctly, they can't prescribe the correct dosage of propanolol for bp control. This is absolutely nuts, and I don't believe they have much of a clue how much anxiety I have lying underneath being shoved off a medication in an unethical and ridiculous way.

 

 

Hell, they're taking me to 0mg by Wednesday. I feel like I'm being abused, tbh. I don't agree with the process, I find it inhumane, and I am miserable. I was perfectly functioning, albeit with some depression and obvious poor choices (which I've already met with a therapist a couple times here and we quickly got to the root of where the problem is causing me to make the wrong decisions, and it's not a difficult fix, I just need to find and use actually use a support system, and be patient; basically stop being lazy about it and take getting help seriously) I don't know what to do. I am scared, very anxious. Very worried about the damage that will be inflicted upon my brain with such a rapid taper, and that is a fact from reading so many horror stories from many on here and elsewhere of being practically disabled for many months with horrible panic attacks, very little sleep, depression, I was at least functioning before I made the poor choices in recent history. I feel the worst I've felt since I got sick with NDPH when I was 13. Basically it appears their plan is to drug me up with gabapentin, which itself is addictive and can cause dependence, and anti psychotics (which worsen my depression) again of which I'll have no way to access with most doctors unwilling to work with me given my substance abuse history. Basically it's a let's get him drug free, no matter what shape he's in and send him out the door. I'm terrified  beyond belief here of what's to come. It doesn't feel like torture yet but it's getting very close.

 

To be blunt, I've learned my lesson here. I needed to learn it because I need to get my life in order and take care of myself. But, I just don't see how besides that I can benefit from the program when I'm literally losing it with the amount of anxiety and pain I'm going through that's only going to get much worse, much worse, when they pull me off the Valium. Just venting here... this is rough and I know many of you can relate. I really do not want to end up in worse shape than I was coming in here, and it's beyond obvious already will be. I'm scared, and I'm not one to be easily scared of things.

[[Be...]]

@[Sp...]

 

I'm in favour of the drugs they're prescribing for your therapy actually. Unlike most people here, I know that Seroquel (quetiapine) is the best for alcoholism and benzo recovery. I myself am using it right now during my cold-turkey. Yes, you wake up with a sleep hangover, but it doesn't last long, and you can't expect it to be perfect. I'm just curious what kind of expectations people usually have when it comes to benzos. That they get off them without any pain??? Because that's not a realistic solution.

 

The Seroquel, which you hate so much, is used as protection for severe withdrawal symptoms - that's why they're tapering you faster than usual. I've seen it Seroquel used in pretty much every rehab or hospital I've been to. I also am using it on my own now, and it works wonders. I hate the sleepy effect too, but without it, the withdrawal would be worse. Plus, unlike what others say,you can't get addicted to Seroquel. I used it for a year, then stopped abruptly and there were no symptoms.

 

Now, on the issue of how fast they're tapering diazepam, don't expect that they've read the Ashton manual. I'm really sorry it's a real torture for you but you could be aggravating it by generating your own anxiety and fear. Don't worry, friend, just be patient to get out of the detox center, or find a way to get out, and can discuss your taper 

[[Sp...]]

The issue I'm worried about is kindling. They plan to have me off the Diazepam by mid week. That still leaves another 16-18 days before I can reinstate on Xanax at around 1.25mg is the plan, and see if my old psychiatrist will be willing to work with me on a Valium taper (Longshot, but worth a try) if not I'll have to go with a taper off the Xanax with the 79mg I have over about 3 months. I don't expect that to be easy, but it'll be my only option. Plus, I'm on Gabapentin to keep my Anxiety at bay at 1800mg/day. I will not increase Gabapentin over that, as I'm full aware of the potential wd issues. I have a feeling the gabapentin is what's keeping me relatively stable (this afternoon I'm feeling alright, it seems to have a delayed effect by 2-3 hours) and then I'm going to be cut off from gabapentin with no way to aquire it/taper it once I would leave. So reinstating on Xanax at a mg below the dose when I entered will be a challenge and pray it works. Regardless, if I'm having this much trouble at 15mg diazepam, I don't see how they're going to drop me to 0mg in a matter of days and things not go completely haywire. I'm trying, I really am, to keep an open mind, but they're just adding more medications to an issue with my med (that I don't even have, I don't abuse Xanax) by adding on medications like gabapentin to cover the withdrawal.

 

I have no issue with Seroquel specifically. The problem is that I've been on Mirtazepine (15 and then 30mg) for the past two months. It's a very strong H1 blocker for sedation. I'm sure my H1 is plenty resistent by now to any H1 sedation. They've given me vistaril and I took seroquel one night and my sleep was very poor. Basically, I'm in a mess here

[[Be...]]

@[Sp...]

 

Oh boy, what a pickle... I'm so sorry for all the hurt you're going through I know because I was suffering too in rehab a month ago but for different reasons - the place was full of sociopaths...

 

Anyway, I know "kindling" seems to be an issue a lot here on this forum, but I personally myself have never experienced it, if that helps you. I've gone periods without benzos, then reinstated (or better said relapsed), and I was fine. It was like I had just gone back to benzos. However, even though you feel terrible at the moment (I know it's awful, but you have to be strong), what if you feel much much better 16-18 days before you are able to reinstate on Xanax? Then you can make a conscious decision not to take benzos at all. 

 

Space, we can't make prognoses that easily, so just endure rehab as much as possible, and we'll come up with a plan.

 

P.S. I just did a little research on mirtazepine... Another anti-depressant. They shouldn't be giving you that many meds, for Christ's sake.

[[Sp...]]

Somewhat stable this morning. Am only on Valium 5mg x2 today down from 15mg the past two days. Have taken 600 gabapentin this morning as well. The plan is for my last dose of Valium (5mg) to be on Thursday. 2x 5mg today and tomorrow, and then 5mg x1 Wednesday and Thursday. That'll leave about 19 days between the (basically) cold turkey and when I am scheduled to leave. I imagine this week, especially later in the week will tell the tale with Valiums long half life. I expect if I'm going to start experiencing significant withdrawal l it would begin to manifest later this week or this weekend. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but I have already quit quit Xanax once before for a few months in 2018 (off of 1.5mg), but I had the benefit of being on Suboxone at the time which likely benefitted me there, that was with minimal discomfort. It would be great if I was one of the rare cases that only experiences a moderate uptick in anxiety and transient insomnia, I'm open to that and could deal with that. What I can't deal with in my current state is completely sleepless nights, anxiety to the point of panic attacks, and a major uptick in my already severe depression/anhedonia. The other stuff, like hallucinations, massive tremors, yeah I'm going to have to cut my stay short. I just have to keep a very close eye on the situation as if I get to the point I'm losing my mind, I still have to travel home from LAX to Orlando.

 

I'm only 22 days out from being done with the program, so I'll hope for the best, maybe I'll catch a break as I could definitely use one. We will see, the condition I'm in a week from today (3-4 days off Valium) will be my measuring stick of whether I'm going to be able to stick it out in the program, or I'll need to depart and do a slower taper with my remaining Xanax supply, or slim chance potentially be able to work with my psychiatrist again on Valium taper. I'm not contacting him until I am out, as I am afraid the knowledge he won't work with me would just add to the anxiety I'm already dealing with.

 

Current symptoms -

 

Anxiety 6.5/10

Body pain-- 4/10

Headache-- 6/10 (my baseball with ndph is 3-4 for ref)

Depression- 5/10 (baseball is normally 3-10, my depression centers around my anhedonia and lack of motivation, I'm not sad per se)

OCD- 5/10

 

Medications at moment

 

Mirtazepine 30mg (have been on for two months now)

Valium 5mg 2x day

Gabapentin- Has been 1800mg/day past 3 days, took 600 this morning, shooting for 300 and 300 this afternoon for a total of 1200 today)

 

Multivitamin

Coq10

 

Am trying to order in (need physician approval) magnesium calm, Taurine was excess Glutamate, Vitamin C 500-1000mg

[[Be...]]

Hey Space,

 

I'm sorry to hear about how preoccupied your mind is right now Rehab, quick taper to cold turkey, unstable medical care... Just know no matter what, you have the inner strength to deal with whatever symptoms appear (if they do! sometimes they don't). And we're here for you no matter what 

 

I'm not an expert on some of the meds they're prescribing you, but maybe someone else will pitch in and help here.

[[Sp...]]

Feeling OK tonight. Notice a pattern; same as I notice at home with baseline depression that I feel my best in the evening. I think it's just a phenomenon of it being close to bed time and knowing that during sleep I don't have to feel the pain and anxiety I deal with. Have taken 1200mg gabapentin today, they want to give me another 600 here in an hour with my 5mg Diazepam but I'm going to cap that at 300mg as I expect to sleep fine. Blood pressure with propanolol (low doses) has returned to near normal range. Pulse it still near 100/min. Am planning on asking the director here tomorrow about ordering in magnesium citrate and Taurine (for glutamate rebound)

 

I'm trying to not let the anxiety get too much into my head; I believe that was what was happening earlier today. I also try to remind myself that as much as I respect this community and that benzo Wd can be very severe, and very long, every case is unique. It's the law of averages that the people who wd from benzos, even years of use with minimal symptoms are unlikely to seek out forums to talk about it. Personally, given my underlying comorbidities, I'm prepared for the worst. But, I'm open to the potential (as slim as I see it) that maybe they won't. If that makes any sense.

 

Today was my first day at 10mg Diazepam from two days at 15 and two at 20 the day before. As of this moment, I feel as stable as I did at 20. I know Diazepam has a very long HL and all of that, but I find that to be something encouraging. And at this point, I need all the encouragement I can find. Attended classes for the first time today, besides seeing my therapist twice. Am expected to continue classes from here on out for insurance purposes daily. The next 7-10 days will be the real show as I continue 10mg Diazepam tomorrow, and then two days at 5 before dropping. Am thankful that prior to this I did at least get my xanax dosage to 2.25 from 3 in around a month pretty painlessly.

 

Plan continues to be the same. I'll stick it out until I literally am unable to sleep for multiple nights, or the anxiety becomes overwhelming. If that is the case, I will try to reconnect with my older doctor, or the more likely scenario would be to reinstate Xanax around 1.25mg for a 3month (14 weeks) taper.

 

I'd love to be a success story here of someone coming in with a long term fairly high dosage making it out of this and functional enough to power through the rest. If I was that lucky, I would never touch another benzo, or drug (alcohol included) in my life again. We will see how the next 10 days go.

[[Sp...]]

Still hanging 9 days in. Today is my last day at 10mg Valium then two at 5 mg and off on Friday. Everyone here knows I have plan B and C in place in case things go off the cliff, but I'm being honest with them that I'll give it all I have to try and power through this.

 

Don't really feel the gabapentin anymore, at least not acute, but I know it's helping in the background here. I took 1200mg gabapentin yesterday, I declined the night dose and slept fine. Today I am probably going 600-600 again and I'll see how I feel tonight. Still, even without the assistance of gabapentin, the fact I'm 3-4 days stable on 10-15mg Valium gives me hope that if I have to go to plan C (140 day Xanax rapid taper) I should be in position to reinitiate around 1.25mg, I may even attempt 1mg. I have looked up how to prepare microgram dosages out of my 0.5 mg tablets, or even the option to turn them into a liquid solution to measure out. BP still running high, but we are talking 120-135/82-92, not the crazy high diastolic we were seeing last week. Regardless, during my last few years of stupid acts, I have been ignoring some cardiac signs, I know my BP often runs very high on stimulants, and I will consult a cardiologist for a full work over when I am stable outside of here.

 

It's basically a waiting game right now that I am taking one day at a time. In a way I'm retraining my mind while I'm in here that I have to learn how to feel, and I have to learn how to live with depression and deal with it the correct and healthy way, and hopefully, eventually, my brain will respond and I can reach stability in my life without the assistance of addiction. In a strange way, my head feels a bit more clear off of the Xanax and what I'm on now, it's a bit difficult to explain. But, again, the real show is going to be the next 7-10 days. I keep repeating myself but I've told them as long as I don't have sleepless nights, and my anxiety is manageable I'll gladly complete the program as I actually am/and it has has a major impact on my view towards the life I've been living the past few years. If the wd goes bad and I have to go for plan b or c, I won't see it as failure but as the biggest wake up call of my life to start doing things the right way.

 

At the moment-

 

Anxiety- 5.5/10

Depression- 6/10

Headache- 5/10

Body pain/tingles 4/10

[[Sp...]]

Tonight is the first evening I'm actually watching the clock waiting for night meds. Definite uptick in anxiety levels, a bit of sweating, some shaking in hands. Going back about 3 days from today, I'm guessing my tolerance factoring in the gabapentin lies in the 15mg Diazepam range. I will be sending my father a short message tonight to update him on how I'm feeling, the plan they have for me, and my lack of great confidence they know what they're doing. And, to be prepared that if things start going south fast to pull me out so I can reinstate, collect myself, and get a flight back and figure things out from there. I continue to plan to stick it out as long as possible, but it's difficult to imagine positive things ahead being tapered from 15mg Diaz to 0 in the matter of 6 days. My plan for reinstating Xanax is still 1.25mg, probably stabilize at that dose for two weeks, and go from there based on ability to require prior doctor, or continue with Xanax taper. I've always taken Xanax 3x per day no matter what my base dosage, and that'll be the plan if reinstatement is necessary.

 

Most concerning today was my session with my therapist. A very nice girl who has actually helped me in 3 sessions. I asked her honestly how many people have you seen come here for detox off of long term benzo usage? Her reply... she couldn't remember the last time. That says quite a lot....

 

At moment..

 

Anxiety- 7.5/10

Headache-- 4.5/10

Tremors/shaking- 5-10 (having difficulty typing on my phone)

Body pain-- 4.5/10

[[Sp...]]

Continue taking it one day at a time. Today is my first dose of 5mg Valium only. I've been on 10mg two days prior, 15mg two days prior to that, 20mg two days prior to that and 15mg the first two days, so.

 

15/15/20/20/15/15/10/10/5

 

Gabapentin since I've entered rehab has been held steady between 1200-1800mg per day. I will not got over 1800mg gabapentin as I've said I've well aware of the withdrawal issues there. They did order me in another packet of 60 300's of gabapentin so I'll have a supply to taper if I get slammed into wd in the next 5-7 days. So an avg of 13.8mg Diazepam per day off of my 2.25mg Xanax dosage.

 

I'm well aware of the long half life of Diazepam and this is likely the honeymoon before the real show, but I do take comfort that at the very least I seem to be basically stable on 15-17.5mg Diazepam (factoring in the help of Gabapentin)

 

Most sources seem to indicate a lag of around 3-7 days (sometimes shorter, some longer) from dosage cuts.

 

20 days to go in here. I'll take it on a day by day basis. If wd hits massive and they try to offer up a cocktail or several medications to control the wd, I'm likely to decline, and I doubt they'll impact the symptoms that would bother me the most (anxiety is #1, I'm very sensetive towards it) plan c of doing Xanax taper is the likely outcome if things go haywire here, but I will attempt to work things out with my psychiatrist. Just a note, but depression actually seems better on Diazepam vs Alprazolam which is odd, my thought process and head feel a bit more clear as well. I have already drawn up taper plans off of 1.25mg Alprazolam. I have enough for around an 18 week taper. Not perfect, but hopefully can be manageable if needed.

 

I have been using a lot of stimulants (prescribed adderall, ritalin, high caffeine usage) pretty much my entire time on Xanax over four years. Clean off of all of those since May. Perhaps the high usage of stimulants offset some of the Xanax tolerance building, just a thought.

 

As of today,

 

Anxiety- 5/10

Depression- 5/10

Headache- 4.5/10

Tremors- 3/10

 

Sleep quality is good, and I have been active in classes the past three days, and speaking to therapist here soaking up all of this experience I can to make sure that this is the wake up call to start living my life responsibly. Will keep updating as things move along. I hope everyone is well.

 

 

[[di...]]

Sorry you're writing consecutive posts with no response. I'm sure it's nothing at all personal, it's just a lot of text to read and many of us have difficulty with concentration amongst other factors.

 

I think you've got a good attitude. I'm glad you're taking an honest look at some of the maladaptive coping strategies you have used. That will be valuable. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way too. Beware of anything that promises to be an instant remedy to all of your troubles. There's really no such thing. Genuine improvement is realised through incremental change which happens over time. That is, make a realistic plan and stick to it. Eventually you'll be where you want to be. I'd rather make constant slow and steady progress over a couple of years than have my meds rejigged to fix me every now and then. With that approach, it only gets worse.

 

To be honest, if you get through this, I hope you'll consider throwing the Xanax away unless things get dangerous. It feels like taking Xanax again could backfire on a number of levels.

[[Sp...]]

If I get through this, and am not overwhelmed with the anxiety, and can at least sleep somewhat, I will not reinstate. I would count myself lucky, take the lumps as they come, and move on in recovery. No doubt there. Thanks for the kind words. At the very least, I've learned from this, and I can take that forward with me.

 

Continuing to just use this as a journal of sorts, personally, and for others ever in a similar situation.

 

This morning was my last 5mg Valium, so I'm off from here. I also consulted with the doctor. I have declined any anti psychotic use moving forward, as they have never interacted well with me. I have agreed to continue the gabapentin at 1800mg/day, but not higher. Did agree to have my trazadone bumped for sleep. Outside of that, it appears they really have nothing else they are considering to throw into the mix, so things will either sink or swim over the next 3-10 days. I'm now 5-6 days into no more than 15mg Diazepam, and I am stable right now. Obviously, the next 5-10 days will bring on the real show of how bad the acute wd will be.

 

Alive multi men's standard

 

Coq10 100mg (waiting on Ubiquinol 300mg Saturday)

 

Taurine starting today or tomorrow 2000/mg day

 

Vitamin C 1500 mg/day

 

Magnesium Citrate 400-600mg day during withdrawal

 

Is my supplement stack while in here. I will be beginning the Magnesium, and Taurine, either today or tomorrow once they release it to me. Those are for general glutamate rebound. The vitamin c and Ubiquinol as extra antioxidant support.

 

Currently,

 

Anxiety- 5.5/10

Headache- 5/10

Tremors- 3/10

General pain- 4.5/10

 

Oh, and blood pressure is steady in the 115-120/85-90 range.

 

Continue to take it one day at a time, and we will see where I end up.

[[Pa...]]

Have you done a search on the Alternative Therapies & Supplements board to see what other members have said about supplements?  Some report reactions they wouldn't normally have due to the sensitivity of the CNS, just want you to be informed so you don't have to wonder if you're experiencing withdrawal or reactions from from the supplements.

[[Sp...]]

Have you done a search on the Alternative Therapies & Supplements board to see what other members have said about supplements?  Some report reactions they wouldn't normally have due to the sensitivity of the CNS, just want you to be informed so you don't have to wonder if you're experiencing withdrawal or reactions from from the supplements.

 

Thanks, will definitely take a look. I'm just concerned right now with getting through the acutes and controlling the glutamate rebound (why the taurine and magnesium) once I move past acutes (if I make it to the point without needing to reinstate) I'll take a long hard look over my supplement stack to decide where to go.