So poorly and defeated

[[ch...]]

Am I doing the right thing to get off with all these awful symptoms, I don't know I can't really hold on my 0.03mgs valium but maybe I should have held for a very long time higher up,

 

Too late I suppose now, Is it really this hard  when you have tapered so long?  maybe I hurried the end?  I am panicking I know but this is horrible the FEAR the weak arms the numbness the TERROR . Guess it is this way for some?

 

Help Jen

[[CM...]]

Am I doing the right thing to get off with all these awful symptoms, I don't know I can't really hold on my 0.03mgs valium but maybe I should have held for a very long time higher up,

 

Too late I suppose now, Is it really this hard  when you have tapered so long?  maybe I hurried the end?  I am panicking I know but this is horrible the FEAR the weak arms the numbness the TERROR . Guess it is this way for some?

 

Help Jen

 

I don’t know how to put this nicely but I don’t think you need nicely right now. You need the truth

 

You’re on .03mg of Valium. That is literally like air. You are not taking any medication. It is all in your head. I shave my pills. When I shave off .03mgs, it is literally the size of ONE particle of salt. It is nothing. You need to let go of  the dose and focus on healing. I sympathize with your suffering. But you need to at some point start being honest with yourself. You’re not on anything. This is doing nothing but causing you stress. This is the definition of physical dependence. Being terrified of letting go of the last tablet. But this is even more than that. You need to realize you’re not on a dose of medication that would touch a new born baby. You’re only causing yourself pain by obsessing and worrying about your dose at this point. You have to let go and trust that you will heal because YOU WILL HEAL. This is the acute phase you’re in. This .03mgs isn’t keeping u from more withdrawal. It’s keeping you stuck mentally and causing so much more suffering. Let go. Trust everyone on here. Trust yourself. Trust whatever you believe in and just. Let. Go. You can do this. But only you can. Nobody else. I believe in you and I will say a prayer for You right now. That you get the strength to believe this in yourself and to let go. You can do this. But YOU have to do this. It isn’t time to jump, because there is no jump from .03mgs, it’s time to glide.

[[ch...]]

Thank you so much for your honesty CMZ. Yes I think you are right, this is acute or if it isn't it's doing a fair imitation of it.

 

I will take the symptoms if this is really what it takes,  I am only afraid that I went too fast at end after taking several antibiotics  . I think they in any case pushed me into a further state , acting like a cut.

 

I am not sure though that acute should be this bad after such a long taper,  I don't know,

 

I really don't know now if I did right to even try to remove the drug, but yet again I know I have been months on it being none functional and ill,  Now it's high power Fear, I cannot do anything for shaking with fear, I can't calm enough I just want to run but cannot run from myself

 

I had hoped that the withdrawal would b e a  little easier as it seems to be for others, but maybe not, ,

 

I totally appreciate your honesty though , Guess this is it and in a way that is good news because that means I am on the road to recovery and didn't know it,  I had already removed the daytime dose 6 days ago which what I might be feeling now, or just plain acute as you say , either way with my taper I finish in three days or now,, Just finishing the job so to speak. 

 

I find your post very positive , thank you ,

 

At least I then have an explanation though wish it wasn't this bad, I have to deal with it somehow,

 

Hopefully this really awful part will be limited, and then maybe the panic will not be crawling the wall type,

 

I hope that is the case as my dear sister is sick of me and thinks I need ECT, I mean that is a bit drastic, but then she refuses to believe that this is withdrawal , as relatives often don't.

 

Jen

(74)

 

 

[[be...]]

Am I doing the right thing to get off with all these awful symptoms, I don't know I can't really hold on my 0.03mgs valium but maybe I should have held for a very long time higher up,

 

Too late I suppose now, Is it really this hard  when you have tapered so long?  maybe I hurried the end?  I am panicking I know but this is horrible the FEAR the weak arms the numbness the TERROR . Guess it is this way for some?

 

Help Jen

 

I don’t know how to put this nicely but I don’t think you need nicely right now. You need the truth

 

You’re on .03mg of Valium. That is literally like air. You are not taking any medication. It is all in your head. I shave my pills. When I shave off .03mgs, it is literally the size of ONE particle of salt. It is nothing. You need to let go of  the dose and focus on healing. I sympathize with your suffering. But you need to at some point start being honest with yourself. You’re not on anything. This is doing nothing but causing you stress. This is the definition of physical dependence. Being terrified of letting go of the last tablet. But this is even more than that. You need to realize you’re not on a dose of medication that would touch a new born baby. You’re only causing yourself pain by obsessing and worrying about your dose at this point. You have to let go and trust that you will heal because YOU WILL HEAL. This is the acute phase you’re in. This .03mgs isn’t keeping u from more withdrawal. It’s keeping you stuck mentally and causing so much more suffering. Let go. Trust everyone on here. Trust yourself. Trust whatever you believe in and just. Let. Go. You can do this. But only you can. Nobody else. I believe in you and I will say a prayer for You right now. That you get the strength to believe this in yourself and to let go. You can do this. But YOU have to do this. It isn’t time to jump, because there is no jump from .03mgs, it’s time to glide.

 

I personally think this is the definition of MENTAL dependency.

[[ch...]]

Well I finally ran out of doses  I guess,

 

today zero dose, 

 

 

Jen

[[be...]]

:thumbsup:

[[ch...]]

Thank you so much for the messages.. Yes it has been a long battle to get free , but I know I have quite a way to go yet.

 

I think I might just have a small glass of warm milk tonight as a reward, instead of my milk mix,

 

Phew this is so scary,  but the only way to heal, so onward

 

 

[[es...]]

So happy for you, Jen. You have walked through hell and kept going. Courage is not a strong enough word to define just what it takes. You have faced down the tiger. Take a bow, girl. Espy

[[Ca...]]

Well Done Chin..!!

 

A huge effort for sure..!! That determination will see you through as you keep healing..

 

Enjoy that glass of milk..!!  -I wouldnt know, I have never drunk milk in my life..

 

Proud of you..

 

[[Ma...]]

Jen, you have done it.  I know it's been a long hard journey but never in my life, have I seen such determination.  My heart wishes you a quick healing but I also know you can handle anything that comes your way.  Love you and very proud of you, Mary 💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙

[[ch...]]

So happy for you, Jen. You have walked through hell and kept going. Courage is not a strong enough word to define just what it takes. You have faced down the tiger. Take a bow, girl. Espy

 

 

Oh Espy that is so kind,  I know it's been a tough journey and I know it's far from finished, but part one is done, 

 

Not worthy of a bow though, Not yet  ,When I am back out there again I will bow to the world

 

 

[[ch...]]

Well Done Chin..!!

 

A huge effort for sure..!! That determination will see you through as you keep healing..

 

Enjoy that glass of milk..!!  -I wouldnt know, I have never drunk milk in my life..

 

Proud of you..

 

 

Thank you so much Cant,  I am very tired I do know that,  Milk is not my drink either, but I have had to get used to it over the last few months,  I am a long way from the end of the journey and I know a lot more to face but part one is over, and healing can begin without having to wonder if it is happening when still tapering or not, 

 

I will be so glad when I feel released from the agoraphobia that has gripped me since the valium,, I managed over 70 years without it and I want it gone,  .

 

You have always been so kind,  and try to help, thank you Cant ,

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Congrats, Jen.  Now true healing can finally begin and no more wondering over tapering, etc.  Hope that you get quick relief from all of your symptoms. 

[[ch...]]

Jen, you have done it.  I know it's been a long hard journey but never in my life, have I seen such determination.  My heart wishes you a quick healing but I also know you can handle anything that comes your way.  Love you and very proud of you, Mary 💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind message, . I am very tired now,, but I am ready to accept what comes in order to gain life back,  We all deserve a life free of a drug that eventually hurts and for me that hurt was fast.

 

You have been so kind to me, supporting me most every day,  You showed me how to do a milk titration, and here I am at the end and celebrating with a small glass of warm milk in honour of the milk.

 

I know the journey has a long way to go yet. but I can hope for the best, and take what comes,

 

 

Thank you again 

 

Jen

[[Fi...]]

Wow, way to go Jen!!!! Healing awaits you! ❤❤❤

[[ch...]]

Congrats, Jen.  Now true healing can finally begin and no more wondering over tapering, etc.  Hope that you get quick relief from all of your symptoms.

 

 

Thank you so much. Everyone is really  kind,  I am tired I must admit and so used tapering it will seem odd.

 

It's been a long difficult journey and far from over I know, but part one is,

 

I have no illusions that the rest will be easy but at least my body will have a chance now to try and heal.

 

I could not have got this far without the massive support I have had on here,  I am so thankful for that

 

So the rest begins 

[[ch...]]

Wow, way to go Jen!!!! Healing awaits you! ❤❤❤

 

 

Thank you, Yes I am hoping so, whatever it takes . I will keep fighting, and now at least I can say that I am in with a chance,

 

So many months and none of it easy, but don't let any of it put  you off,  Everyone is different,  for me it's been hard. but for others it may not be. It is all so unpredictable, Who knows I may find I heal fast, No harm in remaining hopeful whilst being realistic,  I will still need you all,  Just part one over, Now onto part two

 

[[Ma...]]

Jen, you have done it.  I know it's been a long hard journey but never in my life, have I seen such determination.  My heart wishes you a quick healing but I also know you can handle anything that comes your way.  Love you and very proud of you, Mary 💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind message, . I am very tired now,, but I am ready to accept what comes in order to gain life back,  We all deserve a life free of a drug that eventually hurts and for me that hurt was fast.

 

You have been so kind to me, supporting me most every day,  You showed me how to do a milk titration, and here I am at the end and celebrating with a small glass of warm milk in honour of the milk.

 

I know the journey has a long way to go yet. but I can hope for the best, and take what comes,

 

 

Thank you again 

 

Jen

 

Even though I don't do milk anymore, I will have a small glass in your honor.  I know you don't realize this, but you have been an inspiration to me and helped me understand, I can be stronger too.    :smitten:

[Guest [...]]

Absolutely thrilled for you, Jen!  Your strength, courage and resolve to come off have inspired so many.  Hoping for a smooth healing phase for you

[[ch...]]

Absolutely thrilled for you, Jen!  Your strength, courage and resolve to come off have inspired so many.  Hoping for a smooth healing phase for you

 

Oh thank you so much for your lovely comment. Really I am very weak but have gained strength from the love and support on here, to keep going even though I have not had a time when symptoms eased,  I had so little choice as the drug seemed to turn on me very quickly though at the time I didn't realise that was what was happening and just kept following the advice of the CPN to keep taking it,  Hindsight is a wonderful gift, if only we could use it.

 

So here I am at the end of part one, and aware that the rest is yet to come but at least I am giving my body every possible chance now, and I have no doubt I will be needing yet more support, and I will do it, 

 

A big thank you , to everyone for helping me get to this far , and onto the next part

[[ch...]]

Jen, you have done it.  I know it's been a long hard journey but never in my life, have I seen such determination.  My heart wishes you a quick healing but I also know you can handle anything that comes your way.  Love you and very proud of you, Mary 💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind message, . I am very tired now,, but I am ready to accept what comes in order to gain life back,  We all deserve a life free of a drug that eventually hurts and for me that hurt was fast.

 

You have been so kind to me, supporting me most every day,  You showed me how to do a milk titration, and here I am at the end and celebrating with a small glass of warm milk in honour of the milk.

 

I know the journey has a long way to go yet. but I can hope for the best, and take what comes,

 

 

Thank you again 

 

Jen

 

Even though I don't do milk anymore, I will have a small glass in your honor.  I know you don't realize this, but you have been an inspiration to me and helped me understand, I can be stronger too.    :smitten:

 

 

Oh thank you for those kind words, You are right . I had no idea I have been  an inspiration, I am just a little old lady trying hard to undo the damage done,  and for some reason it have not been my good fortune to have an easy way off the drug, but it has been my good fortune to have found such wonderful caring people on here

 

Jen

[[De...]]

Jen, this has been so emotional, I have tears in my eyes. You are amazing and you did it!!! So proud of you!!! 

[[Pa...]]

I heard there was a celebration over here, congratulations on getting rid of the last of it!    Just imagine what it will be like not to be chained to this process, no more science lab in your kitchen, no more schedule to keep, no more mixing, storing, measuring or fretting, now it's up to your body and believe me, it knows what to do!

 

You've done this right, done it the through the best practices we have available and now the miracle of your brain will take over from here.  Trust the process, trust those who say you'll get through this and trust the real you will emerge a stronger, more confident and grateful person. 

[[Ma...]]

I heard there was a celebration over here, congratulations on getting rid of the last of it!    Just imagine what it will be like not to be chained to this process, no more science lab in your kitchen, no more schedule to keep, no more mixing, storing, measuring or fretting, now it's up to your body and believe me, it knows what to do!

 

You've done this right, done it the through the best practices we have available and now the miracle of your brain will take over from here.  Trust the process, trust those who say you'll get through this and trust the real you will emerge a stronger, more confident and grateful person. 

 

That was a great post Pamster! 

[[Se...]]

Well I finally ran out of doses  I guess,

 

today zero dose, 

 

 

Jen

 

So glad it’s FINALLY over Jen!  You’ll heal beautifully and be healthy, happy and loving life again soon! 

 

💜