Started tapering today from 6mg valium

[[tt...]]

Hi JJ,

 

I felt compelled to reply because we're in similar boats. I drank for about 20 years, starting in my late teens. It was every day for about half that time, five times a week for seven years, then 3/week for the last three. My hangovers got worse and worse: lightheaded, dizzy, a deep sense of dread that felt like an alligator in my belly. I was convinced I was hypoglycemic, had an equilibrium disease, etc. Then one month I drank almost every day and all the problems went away. I realized I was detoxing every time.

 

I quit five years ago, CT. I had some benzos from a fear of flying years earlier, but I knew they were trouble, so I didn't touch them. I didn't touch a drink for three years and had all the PAWS symptoms people here talk about: confusion, anxiety, sense of motion, but weirder ones like feeling I was going to be sucked into the sky, or that people had put Chinese research chemicals into my vending machine drinks. I have no history of any mental illness whatsoever, for the record.

 

After the first year, the symptoms settled down by about 30%. The second year, by about 80%. The third year was so good that I thought I'd drink responsibly. And I basically did. No doctor would bat an eye at the amount I drunk. But because of kindling (not drinking every day, but drying out in between binges), I set myself up. Two months ago, after six beers two Saturdays in a row, I wound up having convulsions. I chewed a benzo.

 

The doc gave me more, and I was on 45mg the first day, 35 the second, then trying to bring it down as quickly as possible. I got down to 2mg after two weeks, and my body went nuts. I was told to reinstate at 8mg 40 days ago. I did, and I was okay. I dropped 1mg/week until 4mg, and I went nuts. I couldn't go to work, my whole day was spent thinking about how I've ruined my life for myself, my wife, and my two beautiful kids. I wanted off the goddamned drugs NOW! My doc said I could up the dose, but I only allowed myself 4.5 and held. I refused to give any more ground. I cried a lot. I was scared as hell about everything. I took sick leave from work for three months. I lost 11lbs in two weeks.

 

I held for 12 days and began a micro taper (10% over the next two weeks). That holding made me able to feel normal. I was coming off too quickly.

 

Nobody knows better than me how badly you want to get off this garbage. But I will tell you that PAWS is very real, and getting off too quick might make your long term life harder than it needs to be.

 

You're a grown man and your determination is admirable. I just wonder if you might be setting yourself up for a worse post-withdrawal than you can foresee.

 

Either way, good luck! I hope the best for ya!

 

 

Matt

[[JJ...]]

Matt I appreciate your feedback and take that all on board, and I acknowledge that PAWS is all too real. Our history is not dissimilar, and you may well be right, I could be setting myself up for a fall. But I would feel like a fool if I didn’t at lease try to do a linear taper. Believe me there’s been many a day where I felt like ‘reinstating’...

 

I was merely commenting on the unintended potential of the forum culture to unnecessarily elongate suffering, even increase the likelihood of severe PAWS for some people. Don’t get me wrong, BB has literally saved me..

 

I totally appreciate that some people may need a LOOOOOONG taper, and that we are all different.

But my issue is, I think the trivialising and routinising of the process is problematic, as indeed is messing with the formula. Cut, hold, up-dose, hold, cut, reinstate etc etc.. it can become blasé... when in actual fact people are playing with fire. This filth ruins lives and ultimately we are here for the same reason, to get off benzos and live fulfilling lives.. and we know from the evidence that a slow, systematic taper is effective, and that there will undoubtedly be side effects and withdrawal, potentially ongoing, and the answer is generally not to take more benzos..

 

I dunno, I’m just some a-hole trying to navigate my way through this. When I did my big cuts I cried like a baby abandoned in the forest ffs.

 

 

[[JJ...]]

Day 27

Things evening out, early waking, manic at work, weird blotches on skin, ears ringing...

The symptoms keep changing!!

As is clear from my previous ranting posts, a bit tetchy.....

All in all happy with how things are going.

Food is so important, have changed my breakfast to porridge w/ bananas and blueberries, and feel much better than I did with eggs on toast..also any processed foods totally messes with me...

Caffeine is now but a distant fond memory! But much more stable mood now.

Also no more white sugar.

 

Will taper again on Sunday I think...just a bit under 10% of current dose..

Weekly tapering seems to be working so far so will continue...

 

 

 

[[st...]]

I’m down to 2mg as of today going two weeks a time, I don’t see how withdrawal can be done without suffeing so I’m just going Ashton manual basic scheme. The point is it’s going to be crap and i don’t think I’m going to recover until I stop the last dose. The mistake I made before was thinking it was a 2 week thing  after last pill. If you can do 2 or 3 months afterwards you’ll be sound. Looking at this forum as newb some people are advocating almost a progression of infinite division. The final reduction is always going to 100% even from 0.2mg diazepam. The Ashton manual says the last part is shitty can confirm no matter what but not to prolong. Once you are down to low amounts around 2mgs’s it’s rubbish and then you’ve got to balance wether you can function or not but I’m not in favour of dragging it out.

[[JJ...]]

StupidDamnPills,

I agree with your “infinite division” point, it does seem a lot like that. Like you say, it’s going to be crappy no matter what. You’re doing it by the (Ashton) book. I’ve slightly slowed it, but like you don’t want to drag this out. Bracing myself, will be at the 2mg point in next few weeks and know it will be a rough ride at the end and post taper. I have a feeling discussion on the potential problems of severely elongated ‘tapers’ (sometimes multiple years - even for short to medium term users) may be confronting for some on this forum, but something that should be talked about more....

 

Keep on keeping on my friend. 

 

[[JJ...]]

Day 29

Cut morning dose again yesterday.

Feeling it... tight chest, amped, anxiety, itchy, antisocial, tetchy, palpitations....

Ate junk at a kiddies birthday party yesterday..... paid for it, severe indigestion and GI issues.

Work tomorrow, not looking forward. Seems like waves are hitting me weekends like clockwork. Then start to feel better later in the week. Uncomfortable but bearable....

[[st...]]

Hey hope you’ve had a good day with minimal stress at work. 

 

I’m 4 days at 2mg feeling ok for the moment sleeping alright. We’ll all be free soon enough no more

Worries. Try not to worry about everyone else and be kind to yourself 

[[JJ...]]

Thanks!

Actually work was fine. A colleague nailed it, “you’re so damn absent”.. I feel pretty much off the planet but functioning well if that makes sense?? The clients I deal with are in really crappy circumstances so always gives me a good perspective on my own issues too.

 

Latest taper no better or worse than past ones, very sensitive to food, interrupted sleep and all the usual wd stuff etc etc but that’s nothing really compared to my big reckless drops down to 6mg earlier in the year - after those feel like I can get through anything! So all in all no dramas. I only do a 3 day week at work (tues and wed off) which breaks things up.....tying to remove as much stress from my life as possible.....   ..... that’s one of the upsides of this brief but nasty brush with benzos.... have stopped just cruising along and am confronting everything that I think needs confronting in my life, it’s really ripped the bandaid off as they say.. this time last year I was working full time, stressed, alcoholic, staying out late, smoking weed, being an a-hole to my family, eating crap etc etc.. it’s been a turn around. In a way the depths that benzos took me to has been life changing.

 

Sounds like you’re doing ok at 2mg. May it continue. Keep it going!

Thanks for the encouragement. Yep, not long now.. Just got to stop myself from cutting too fast, as I am sorely tempted to!!

 

[[JJ...]]

Day 33

Weird.. after cutting back my pm dose by 0.25 yesterday, had the best sleep I’ve had for months. Woke up at 2am for a couple of mins but apart from that best sleep in ages. 

 

And daytime was fine, felt focused and cruised.. I think I’m having a window..

[[JJ...]]

Day 36

Tried 5mg capsule of Lithium Orotate at work this afternoon.

Ordered some online after reading of other BB’s experiences.

Really smoothed things out. Up to that point was super edgy.. really calmed my anxiety.

However felt a bit too smooth almost. Conversations with clients were pretty whacked out and found myself staring in to space at one point...

However, think I might try again next week, as day flew by.

 

Current annoying wd symptom is super itchy feet....and tinnitus really loud nowadays.

Cutting down morning dose again 2moro.

[[JJ...]]

Day 37

Wow, the Lithium Orotate has really evened me out. Subtle but effective.

 

Yesterday, as always when I cut down the morning dose, was kind of feeling the drop for a couple of hours before due for evening dose, but all good apart from that. Seems like if I stick to clean food, no caffeine etc I’m cruising...anything too salty of spicy or msg and I’m all over the shop....anxiety, benzo belly etc... also staying away from movies/tv... gets me too amped and I end up being more anxious/depressed/freaked out.. also helps me not stay up late!!!

Feeling a bit agrophobic, more just couldn’t be bothered at the mo perhaps.. Swerved a couple of social events/birthdays yesterday and chilled at home with the family, a bit of reading, sold a couple of things on Facebook marketplace, watched my wife do the gardening lol, did the washing up...nothing too strenuous.

 

This benzo wd has made me soooo sensitive to everything.. trying to identify all the triggers and avoid them. Seems to be working so far fingers crossed.