Akathisia before I even get started - anyone else?

[[ar...]]

I’m so depressed I’m scared I can’t do this.

 

Awful agitation and inner rage this evening. I want myself back.

[[es...]]

Hi. had akathisia too and it lasted a couple of months. I had it at the beginning of my taper and I haven't had it since and I'm about half way through my taper. I know how awful it is. I really hated it myself. It will pass. You're so brave for coping with it. Hugs

[[ar...]]

Thank you estella

 

Unfortunately I’ve had it constantly for 9 months and caused by all sorts not just taper, so glad it went for you x

[[ar...]]

AP, I remember Mark worried about the same thing. He'd been on benzos for only about 10 weeks. But then, I think, he had to taper his a/d first, as he felt it was agitating...something like that. He was terrified of the tolerance issue throughout. But, in the end, it worked out fine. He healed.

 

I'm pretty sure I've been in tolerance throughout my slow Ativan taper. I've never really stabilized and I've struggled the whole way down. And yet I can see my body healing, even though my brain still needs to catch up. But when the body heals, the mind WILL follow in time.

 

If you search for 'Eli's story' on here, you'll see that he had the same pattern. He'd been an alcoholic for more than 20 years, in his case. And yet he healed spectacularly. I hope this brings you a bit more peace.

 

Lara

 

Just wondering how you are?

 

God bless, AP

[Guest [Ru...]]

Hello AP,

 

I'm holding out... Thank you for asking - I appreciate it!

 

I seem to be in a strange 'rapid cycling' stage: an hour of feeling decent, then a sudden panic attack, then akathisia, then anger...then good again! Crazy stuff. I literally feel as though my brain is trying to re-balance/retrain/rewire itself in short, rapid bursts. At least it feels better than being stuck in dark limbo and anxiety/terror, which was the case for me for so long... It feels like a new healing phase, and I'm deeply grateful for that - and hopeful.

 

How are you doing today?

[[ar...]]

Hi Lara

 

Oh I’m sorry you’re going through that but I do know it’s a good thing as crazy it is to manage. I had it before after my cts and I do believe if I’d not messed up and ended up on the clonazepam I’d be continuing to see phases of healing like that.

 

I’m dealing with the daily agitation inside and awful restlessness of akathisia but the pacing has subsided and I’ve had a few windows without the discomfort under my skin (still aka but not that revolting feeling inside).

 

Some flares of terror and panic.

 

And the fear of the future!

 

I’m four weeks into my first clon cut and am thinking of continuing to reduce that until I’m down to 50% then reassess. I don’t like taking a benzo and it worries me.

 

Am just working out the when...as you know it scares me especially with the constant and volatile akathisia.

 

I’m really looking and feeling frazzled by it all!

 

💕

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, I know it doesn't feel like it to you (and I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through at all), but it really does sound to me like you're making progress. The fact that you're experiencing small windows is promising - I had none of those for a long, long time.

 

I also still have the terror flares - and the fear of the future. I hate them, but there are times when they are less. That means that, in time, they'll go for both of us... Just another feature of withdrawal. All worries are exaggerated during this process. During windows, I can see that. But I know it's hard to believe when we're in the thick of it...

 

I'm so happy you're moving forward, AP. Thinking of you. 

[[ar...]]

Thank you Lara. They’re not total windows from akathisia as I’ve never had that, but times - maybe a couple of hours - where the feeling under the skin goes, so I’m restless but not horribly uncomfortable. But I’ll try to trust that’s a good sign!

 

I had horrible intense symptoms and that awful inner rage/ nastiness not that long ago, and just two days ago was moving my arms around and flexing my hands on sheer torture by the aka. Then it just stopped and it was usual discomfort but not the horrific feeling.

 

I am scared as I go down on the benzo I’ll end up stuck in the worst kind of akathisia but I don’t know what else I can do but get off the darn drug!

 

Have you had it severe before?

 

Yes I guess I am moving forward, thank you, and so are you Lara, very much 💕

[Guest [Ru...]]

Thank you, AP, it really helps to hear that.

 

My windows have never been total, either. I have hours of hopefulness and relative peace, but the restlessness is almost always just under the surface. But it's such an improvement from the severe bouts, that I'll take it! My worst episodes are around ovulation and my period, but I've read that that's typical. That's also when I get bouts of murderous rage - just horrible.

 

We're getting there, AP. We'll get there together. Just keep going.

 

Sending you much love.

[[ar...]]

Thank you Lara.

 

Oh yes that time of the month!! Just awful.

 

Yes those moments of relative peace are golden!

 

We will get there - you’re so close!

 

Much love

[[ar...]]

Thank you, AP, it really helps to hear that.

 

My windows have never been total, either. I have hours of hopefulness and relative peace, but the restlessness is almost always just under the surface. But it's such an improvement from the severe bouts, that I'll take it! My worst episodes are around ovulation and my period, but I've read that that's typical. That's also when I get bouts of murderous rage - just horrible.

 

We're getting there, AP. We'll get there together. Just keep going.

 

Sending you much love.

 

 

 

Had such a terrible day today. High agitation, and intense nausea and shaking 😢

 

I just don’t know what to do. My cns feels absolutely screwed. I don’t know if I can cut. Back to wondering about the escitalopram being too stimulating/ agitating.

 

Really, really struggling.

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, I'm so sorry...

 

My day has been the same. Just really suffering. Can't write much...I'm just reading success stories...

 

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

[[ar...]]

Thank you Lara.

 

Oh yes I’ve read so many of them.

 

I’m so sorry you’re suffering so much too.

 

Sending love x

[Guest [Ru...]]

And mine to you, AP. Just hang in there. Much love.

[[ar...]]

Ok. Losing hope I’ll be able to cut anything.

 

Thank you dear Lara.

 

AP x

[[ar...]]

Hi Lara

 

I hope you’re getting a little relief.

 

Things just seem to be getting worse for me. Aka so bad everyday and the hopelessness. Exhausted.

 

Not made any other changes yet.

 

Feel stuck.

 

AP

[Guest [Ru...]]

 

AP, you really are in the thick of things now. I'm so sorry it's so hard...

 

I truly do think you need to start cutting. Perhaps the escitalopram - I believe this might well be overstimulating you. That seems to be the consensus on here and on SA - I think it's a safer bet than cutting the clonazepam right now. The general rule is to cut the more stimulating meds before you tackle the more sedating ones...

 

Holding is not helping you. Baby steps, sweet friend. It's the only way out.

 

Sending love. You can do this, AP. You can.

[[ar...]]

Thank you Lara.

 

I’ve rejoined SA and they’ve asked me to record my symptoms for a few days before deciding what to do. I know you’re right though.

 

I hate that I’m on big benzo. But cutting that is only going to make this worse.

 

I hate this feeling and the horrid thoughts/ feelings that come with it almost in peaking waves through the day.

 

Just devastated how my life is so limited and miserable and have got so far to go.

 

Sorry to be so low about things.

 

Receiving your response did pick me up though.

 

Am I really gonna be ok one day? X

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, I promise. If you take those baby steps, one at a time, you're gonna be BETTER than just OK one day...so much better.

 

Don't look at the benzo now. Just look at the next step: cutting the lexapro. One day at a time. Those thoughts & feelings can't hurt you. They're just signs of your brain trying to heal, to balance. Just let them move through you, AP, and try to accept it. Those waves...they're HEALING waves. We all feel them. You're not alone.

 

Sending you love and strength.

[[ar...]]

Lara

 

Thank you once again for your reassuring words.

 

Been praying so much.

 

I will move forward. AP

[[Th...]]

Lara

 

Thank you once again for your reassuring words.

 

Been praying so much.

 

I will move forward. AP

 

Onward and upward

..

 

No other place to go. :/ seriously!

 

Best of wishes.

[Guest [Ru...]]

I'm right next do you, AP. We'll do it together.

[[Th...]]

I'm right next do you, AP. We'll do it together.

 

I like your signature regarding hope it's pretty nice hopefully it doesn't die it's about the only thing I have left right now

[[ar...]]

I'm right next do you, AP. We'll do it together.

 

Yes. Thank you.

 

Oh dear I joined the akathisia group on fb and it’s scared me silly. 😞

[[de...]]

My Dear Lara,

 

You were so kind to me when I first joined BB wanted to send you my best wishes and all love. 

 

Same to you artistprayer.    This is so difficult, I know. 

 

We are strong women, and we will get there. 

 

Dee xx