Akathisia before I even get started - anyone else?

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, those are intrusive thoughts. Many on here get them, including me. It sucks, I know. They will go with time, as your brain and body heal. If you google 'benzo buddies intrusive thoughts', you'll see how common they are.

 

Just keep reminding yourself gently that they're caused by the drugs, nothing more. They're not real, they're not you, and they can't hurt you.

 

Then try to ignore them as much as you can by distracting yourself, over and over.

[[ar...]]

Have read a bit more on them. I’ve had them before but going through this it seems harder to deal with.

 

I’m so confused about these drugs. The clonazepam has mixed effects, sort of adverse, plus heavy chested, depression, revved up when I take second dose.

 

I wish I had support in my home as I feel so alone in it.

 

Trying to be a mum and struggling.

 

I think for me the worst thing is how long I’m going to not have a life as I’m so debilitated.

 

 

 

 

[[Pl...]]

Have read a bit more on them. I’ve had them before but going through this it seems harder to deal with.

 

I’m so confused about these drugs. The clonazepam has mixed effects, sort of adverse, plus heavy chested, depression, revved up when I take second dose.

 

I wish I had support in my home as I feel so alone in it.

 

Trying to be a mum and struggling.

 

I think for me the worst thing is how long I’m going to not have a life as I’m so debilitated.

 

Artistprayer, this is my experience exactly as well!

[[ar...]]

💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏 and you’ve survived, so it gives me hope X

[[ar...]]

Thank you Artistprayer -

 

I was experiencing akathisia during my own taper and also the hospital taper, but I also had hip surgery in August, 2017 right before I started to taper, so I was unsteady on my feet because of that.  It just made it worse.

 

I was not in a "severe" state, but pretty bad.  I woke up on Wednesday, February 7, 2018, took my 6:00 a.m. dose, went back to sleep and woke up again at 10:00 a.m. feeling like I was poisoning myself.  At that point I made the abrupt decision to sign myself into the 4 day detox program at a local hospital. 

 

During my time at the hospital, they switched me from Xanax to Klonipin because it has a longer half-life.  I was definitely experiencing withdrawals in the hospital because of the rapid taper, but nothing compared to what I've been feeling since I jumped.  While there, they dropped my dose and spread the doses out.  I gave myself 5 months to go from 5mg a day to 2.5mg a day.  They took me from 2.5 to 0mg a day in 4 days.  It was too fast.  I'm glad I did it because I wanted that part of the torture to end, but the real torture was just beginning. 

 

As I'm typing this, I went from having severe palpitations, to ok for a moment, and now to feeling dizzy with a headache and that's all within 5 minutes. 

 

When I'm feeling hopeless, I try to remind myself of the w/d symptoms I'm no longer having, which I equate with progress.  Nonetheless, it's been pretty horrific.  I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other every day until this is far behind me.

 

I'm wishing the same for everybody on here.

 

Angel.

 

Angel I’m so sorry I never responded. How are you doing? Is the akathisia still going? I think you were very brave to do the detox. Wishing you healing 💕

[[An...]]

Hi ArtistPrayer -

 

How are you today?  Well I hope.

 

I'm actually having a somewhat decent day.  Some moments not too good, but overall not horrific.

 

Not too much akathisia today.  Still somewhat unsteady on my feet, but more due to my hip and other generalized muscle pain and weakness, but overall slightly more bearable.

 

Went out and ran two errands.  It tires me out, but at least I'm not bored all day.

 

I feel better when I am productive.  It's also a distraction tactic.

 

Today is actually the first day where I have some hope that I truly will heal.

 

Hope you're having a good day as well.

 

Regards,

Angel

[[Be...]]

Hello artistprayer,

 

I just started to read your post and i can relate because i am almost in the same situation as you are.

 

I took zoloft for 7 years. Got off. 7 month later was hit with horrendous panic and doom. Couple of months after, i tried mirtazapine for 5 months. Was the biggest mistake i made. Left me with restless legs.  I guess also a form of akathisia. My legs get lots of spasms, like lava bubbles pooping on both legs randomly and my feet burn and have like ants crawling in them. Do you have this also? Since November last year i had also to rely on a benzo to relieve a little and am taking it for 4 months now. The problem is that now i cant reduce anymore. I already reduced some trought the last months but if i reduce more the restless legs gets worst and panic doom from  zoloft also. The panic doom sensation is with me for almost 1 year and half, and the intensity of doom panic is the same, since!!!! It is really dificult for me to sit or relax, is like my mind i always restless and in panic. I am desperate and dont know if i am trapped by the benzo and all this symptoms for life. I hope you do get better.

[[ar...]]

Dear Benzssri

 

Thank you for writing and I’m glad you found this thread. I completely understand all you’re going through!

 

Yes I get those sensations in my legs and all over my body. The akathisia also causes the doom and panic. It does sound like this is from the zoloft wd and added/ removed drugs but all of this does heal in time.

 

I know it is utterly miserable and makes you despair. But your cns does heal.

 

I’m in the same boat with the benzo and don’t know what to do next. I feel the escitalopram (which I ct’d last year and started the constant akathisia then reinstated and lots of other messing with drugs by doctor/psych made it all worse) could be still causing issue for me.

 

Please write as much as you like. All I know is that in the end, everything heals.

 

Sending my best and healing wishes, AP

 

 

[[ar...]]

Have read a bit more on them. I’ve had them before but going through this it seems harder to deal with.

 

I’m so confused about these drugs. The clonazepam has mixed effects, sort of adverse, plus heavy chested, depression, revved up when I take second dose.

 

I wish I had support in my home as I feel so alone in it.

 

Trying to be a mum and struggling.

 

I think for me the worst thing is how long I’m going to not have a life as I’m so debilitated.

 

Artistprayer, this is my experience exactly as well!

 

Hi Lara

 

I hope your day isn’t too bad.

 

I’m having a lessening in akathisia intensity again today after hell yesterday, though have one of my common migraines.

 

My doctor called and he’s really doing his best to support me. I’ve been feeling the clonazepam is way too much for me and strangely adverse many times I dose. He suggested I make another 1/8 cut. But I felt it might be too much. On the other hand, I have noticed when I wake without the akathisia already more severe (ie distress and legs going and the bugs/ toxic under skin feeling), as soon as I take the escitalopram, it all starts up within about 15 minutes. As it’s notorious for akathisia (like citalopram) and was the drug that started my problems (though I didn’t realise st the time), I said to him about me cutting that. He agrees and suggested I halve my 5mg dose! I said that’s too big and he said drop 1/4.

 

It’s the same as citalopram basically but more concentrated.

 

I desperately want to be off it. And the benzo but don’t want to be left on the escitalopram in case it is a key akathisia issue.

 

Just wondered your thoughts?

 

AP

[[Be...]]

AP,

 

Thank you for your kind response. I can almost be certain that your akathisia could be caused by mirtazapine. I know people who started to have while taking it. Mirtazapine messes with norepinephrine unselectivetly. It means that all parts of your body where norepinephrine is needed is affected by mirtazapine.

Even the digestiv system is affected because it also needs norepinephrine balanced there.

 

What do you feel if escitalopram or clonazepam is reduced ? Does the akathisia get better? Or does it get worse? Only you must find that out and decide.

 

I am still getting also this akathisia / restless legs. Its horrible. Oxazepam seems to help. But i am all the

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, I'm so glad you're at least feeling a lessening today. Try to hang on to that. I had a small break this morning, now more anxiety.

 

It's great that your doctor is supportive! That's a big factor in your favor. I don't want to undermine his suggestions in any way, of course, as I'm not a doctor. But, as you ask my opinion, I agree with you that a 1/8 benzo cut is probably too much. I do think it is best to go with your own gut feel/intuition when it comes to cuts.

 

Your instinct says to cut the escitalopram first, and your doc seems fine with that. That's what I would do, too, AP - plus, it's what the folks at Surviving Antidepressants advised. But, my own feeling is that dropping 1/4 is very fast and risky, considering how sensitive your CNS is. Did Surviving Antidepressants have advice regarding tapering rate for lexapro? Are there other forums you could consult on this, or perhaps we could create a new thread on here? Or - what do you think of a 10% cut?

 

These are just suggestions. If it were me, I'd probably cut no more than 10% on the escitalopram and see from there... One small step at a time.

 

I think you're doing great on this, chatting to a supportive doctor and getting more input on here. Regardless of what you decide, you're on your way. You've got this. Let me know how it goes.

 

Wishing you a very hopeful Easter, sweet friend. Much love, hugs and strength.

[[ar...]]

Thanks Lara

 

Gosh I have a migraine so typing this with one eye as I have a cold cloth on the other!

 

Yes SA did say 10% but that was before I ended up on more benzo.

 

That’s pretty much what I’ve decided to cut. I made a 2% reduction a few weeks ago but hard to tell if that did much as I had the other changes going on.

 

I hate staying on the benzo especially as it’s not been that long at this dose and drug so I am torn but feel the escitalopram is unfinished business.

 

The benzo charity I speak to are adamant about leaving the ads which I understand as benzos quickly turn and are not long term so I do agonise!!

 

I just know I’ve got to get off it all!

 

I’m glad you had a bit of a break but sorry the anxiety is up now.

 

I appreciate your input. I know you came off citalopram and felt it was too fast. What dose did you taper from? Ad wd is as bad as benzo wd I think!

 

Well it’s all scary when you’re sensitive and have aka and many symptoms going on.

 

AP 💕

[Guest [Ru...]]

You're so welcome, AP!

 

I think you're making the right decision, I really do. Also about getting off it all. It's the only sane decision, at this point.

 

I know it's easier said than done (geez!), but try not to agonize about your decision anymore. No matter what snags you hit along the way, in the end you will heal. I've seen it in so many stories. People say, 'I probably should have done this/that...' - but in the end, they healed. That's what matters. Nothing wrong with sometimes ending up on the scenic route...  This w/d thing seems to have a mind of its own, anyway. Just try to accept whatever crazy symptoms pop up, and tweak your plan as you go along.

 

If I remember correctly (it's all so fuzzy now), I tapered off about 15 mg citalopram. But I didn't taper from that directly - I crossed to Prozac, which ended up not agreeing with me. But...I survived it.

 

And we'll both get through all this, too.

 

Love,

Lara

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

So true. Im my case if i reduce just a little bit more my oxazepam  i get worst. So i have no choice to hold longer. If i have to hold longer, then i am willing to do it.

 

Be strong AP. We will do it.

 

Is your sleep at least ok?

[[ar...]]

Hi Benz

 

I will definitely hold as I need to. I’ve never been stable so just trying things out.

 

I sleep some thanks currently to the Mirtazipine. I know it causes akathisia and other issues but I’ve got to start somewhere and it’s the only thing that eases the aka so I can sleep. At higher doses it was awful though.

 

I hope you can taper when you’ve taken a break. That’s your only drug now right? AP

[[ar...]]

You're so welcome, AP!

 

I think you're making the right decision, I really do. Also about getting off it all. It's the only sane decision, at this point.

 

I know it's easier said than done (geez!), but try not to agonize about your decision anymore. No matter what snags you hit along the way, in the end you will heal. I've seen it in so many stories. People say, 'I probably should have done this/that...' - but in the end, they healed. That's what matters. Nothing wrong with sometimes ending up on the scenic route...  This w/d thing seems to have a mind of its own, anyway. Just try to accept whatever crazy symptoms pop up, and tweak your plan as you go along.

 

If I remember correctly (it's all so fuzzy now), I tapered off about 15 mg citalopram. But I didn't taper from that directly - I crossed to Prozac, which ended up not agreeing with me. But...I survived it.

 

And we'll both get through all this, too.

 

Love,

Lara

 

Yes, we will.

 

Sorry I forgot you crossed to Prozac. I don’t know how long to wait til I cut. The urgency to get off fogs things!

 

I do worry I’ll just fade away or go mad being on my own in this and in this house. I’d walk if I could but the ME prevents it. I find the agitation weakens me too and makes being with others so difficult (not that I see many people!).

 

Did you feel any healing eventually in getting off the ssri?

 

The mirt I’m on is v heavy and so is the benzo.

 

And I can easily convince myself the akathisia will not go.

 

I see so many people got it dreadfully from taking clonazepam.

 

Oh dear, the gloom is moving in as it does.

 

 

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, not sure what the 'standard' waiting time is before each a/d cut. That might be something to look into. Wild guess - maybe 2 weeks? I really don't know with this one, and wouldn't want to speculate. What was Surviving ADs's take?

 

Please do not feel alone in this, AP (or even in your house). Because you're really not. So many of us are in the same boat. We're right here with you. I can't be with others, either. It's a common thing in w/d.

 

Can you take baths at all? (I can't right now - it's one of the phobias benzos caused me.) But I've heard that some on here find Epsom Salt baths very helpful for akathisia - 2-4 cups, water not too hot, soak 20 minutes. You'll be getting in magnesium through the skin, and it might help soothe some of the agitation.

 

Regarding getting off the ssri: I am very sure I would've seen substantial healing. But I didn't know much back then. I ct'd the birth-control pill at the same time. These two events overwhelmed my body. My family was very worried and insisted I see a doctor. I couldn't leave the house, due to anxiety, so I took a few intermittent doses of Ativan to get to appointments. I think, due to the fact that I'd been poly-drugged as a teen, I developed immediate tolerance/adverse reactions to Ativan. Took me a long time to figure that out. So here I am.

 

Akathisia ALWAYS goes, AP, for everyone. It can take a while, but it's one of the symptoms that WILL go. I promise.

[[Be...]]

If you take mirtazapine a feel better then perhaps its not mirtazapine causing the akathisia. In fact there is evidence that mirtazapine can treat akathisia, speciallly medication induced akathisia, see here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4622124/

 

In my case I have done cold turkey that because i got akathisia from mirtazapine.

 

Hope you feel more assured.

 

I truly believe akathisia comes from unbalanced brain chemicals. This chemicals are sent from  the brain and when they are balanced the agitation goes away. That is what i hope for all of us.

 

 

[[ar...]]

Lara, I understand about the Ativan and tolerance and that worries me about the clonazepam as my gaba receptors are very unhappy (I’m a recovering alcoholic of 5 years and my poor receptors are getting mashed again by this stuff) and I’d hate to get stuck on it at such a dose and be in tolerance withdrawal. Argh! So complicated!

 

I think SA would say cut when you feel ready, I know some did two weeks, others longer. As you know when you’re never really stable it’s hard to know.

 

Benz, yeah Mirtazipine is a strange one! You were definitely right to stop it if it was clear it caused it!

 

Akathisia is so hard to pin down when there’s no definite clear cause as with me, but I do know now it started appearing when I was on just escitalopram then with other drugs added and taken away.

 

Wishing for healing for us all 🙏💕

[Guest [Ru...]]

 

I truly believe akathisia comes from unbalanced brain chemicals. This chemicals are sent from  the brain and when they are balanced the agitation goes away.

[Guest [Ru...]]

AP, I remember Mark worried about the same thing. He'd been on benzos for only about 10 weeks. But then, I think, he had to taper his a/d first, as he felt it was agitating...something like that. He was terrified of the tolerance issue throughout. But, in the end, it worked out fine. He healed.

 

I'm pretty sure I've been in tolerance throughout my slow Ativan taper. I've never really stabilized and I've struggled the whole way down. And yet I can see my body healing, even though my brain still needs to catch up. But when the body heals, the mind WILL follow in time.

 

If you search for 'Eli's story' on here, you'll see that he had the same pattern. He'd been an alcoholic for more than 20 years, in his case. And yet he healed spectacularly. I hope this brings you a bit more peace.

[[ar...]]

Feel vulnerable saying about my drinking! I recovered from ME and went a bit ott with partying!

[[ar...]]

AP, I remember Mark worried about the same thing. He'd been on benzos for only about 10 weeks. But then, I think, he had to taper his a/d first, as he felt it was agitating...something like that. He was terrified of the tolerance issue throughout. But, in the end, it worked out fine. He healed.

 

I'm pretty sure I've been in tolerance throughout my slow Ativan taper. I've never really stabilized and I've struggled the whole way down. And yet I can see my body healing, even though my brain still needs to catch up. But when the body heals, the mind WILL follow in time.

 

I drank consistently during the time I was on psych meds - towards the end, alcoholically, I would say. I could never understand why (I didn't particularly enjoy or crave it), except it was the only way I knew how to manage my constant anxiety. Now I know it was the meds that caused it... The good news is, it has NOT prevented me from steadily improving.

 

If you search for 'Eli's story' on here, you'll see that he had the same pattern. He'd been an alcoholic for more than 20 years, in his case. And yet he healed spectacularly. I hope this brings you a bit more peace.

 

Well that is encouraging thank you 💕

 

I can’t tell if it’s too soon after my k cut to do the escitalopram cut.

[[ar...]]

Hi Lara

 

How are you today?

 

Been a middling day with akathisia today. Strangely just took my second clon dose and legs are going.

 

Just feel poisoned all round!

 

Not made any cuts yet as I started a new brand of Mirtazipine last night and I swear it felt different to usual brand.

 

Feeling so trapped by drugs and akathisia and scared again.

 

Have been trying out more mindfulness.

 

I feel an urgency to be off. And I can’t believe it’s going to be years of this.

 

😕🙏

[[ar...]]

So often the clonazepam feels paradoxical or agitating, I don’t get it.