I’m off A cold turkey and feel no anxiety

[[li...]]

I’m 2 weeks off a cold turkey and I don’t feel anxiety symptoms. I just feel mental fog and total numbness as far as emotions. I feel as if i’m just drifting along in life feeling nauseous and dizzy. It’s just worrying me so much that I feel no anxiety withdrawals at all. No shakes or trembles. Was anyone ever just stuck in A mental fog or numbness during taper or cold turkey? I’m wondering when this wall of anxiety is gonna hit me. I feel super nauseous I didn’t eat at all today. I’m just scared that this cold turkey just screwed up my brain. Any similar experiences would be much appreciated. I am barely holding on right now.

[[li...]]

i guess i’m alone

[[Be...]]

Calm before the storm. Hunker down.

[[li...]]

I’m so sick and thinking negativity. I am spinning and super dizzy right now. I can barely handle the numbness and manic feeling. I know i’m 2 weeks out of A cold turkey but is it possible to be feeling way more mental symptoms instead of physical?

[[Be...]]

I’m so sick and thinking negativity. I am spinning and super dizzy right now. I can barely handle the numbness and manic feeling. I know i’m 2 weeks out of A cold turkey but is it possible to be feeling way more mental symptoms instead of physical?

Sounds like you answered your own question. Everyone reacts differently on different timelines.

[[li...]]

thanks for replying. trying so hard to cope. minute to minute right now:(

[[Be...]]

thanks for replying. trying so hard to cope. minute to minute right now:(

My best advice is to prepare yourself. Get all your shopping done, pay your bills, etc. When the physical hits you want to minimize any collateral damage.

[[Gr...]]

It's completely possible.  My symptoms really go back and forth between varying physical and mental symptoms.  For the first two weeks of February I had so much muscle tension and pain.  Now that has subsided and I'm having anxiety.  It's just back and forth for me.

[[li...]]

My best advice is to prepare yourself. Get all your shopping done, pay your bills, etc. When the physical hits you want to minimize any collateral damage.

 

Thank you so much. It’s really good to hear that because I have stocked up groceries and supplies. I can barely get out of the bed now so I can imagine how worse it’ll be when it comes. Thanks again.

[[li...]]

It's completely possible.  My symptoms really go back and forth between varying physical and mental symptoms.  For the first two weeks of February I had so much muscle tension and pain.  Now that has subsided and I'm having anxiety.  It's just back and forth for me.

Thanks for replying. U don’t know how much these posts help. Maybe i’m just in A mental wave right now. hopefully it’ll clear up down the road

[[pj...]]

any updates

[[Ca...]]

So many variables of the healing process of the brain that one could expect quite a variation of symptoms between one person to the next, yet within a scope of commonality - be it yet physical or mental. My initial experience was a really hyped apprehension of what might happen - moment to moment. I had noticed things going south into about 5 mo. as I would come to find on here, not so uncommon. My physical symptoms were constant but comprised only of about, I would say, 20% or my experience. Anxiety was/is certainly a constant - just below or at the surface, but depression has been/is the above and beyond mental symptom in my particular case. I would say stress is what would never fail to bring on symptoms further so it is that I would definitely avoid. Has been a freaking nightmare - on the edge of desperation, at at least some point daily. Yet here I am - 18 mo. out. Take care -

[[Un...]]

How is it going, Lizard?

[[li...]]

not good. I feel horrible. I don’t want to do this no more. I feel there is more to it than withdrawal. Feeling totally different withdrawals then what i’m used to and i’ve withdrawaled so many times. I waited too long I seriously feel that this is it for me. No getting better at all. Not even having real withdrawals. I know myself so well obviously and I know i have confused my brain. I hope all you get better and i wish i would have tapered years ago. I had chances but now I am accepting my condition. I don’t even like logging in on here because I am so different from everyone on here. I am alone and scared and feel hopeless. Sorry guys good luck to all you

[[tr...]]

Dear Lizard, I don`t think that any symptoms are more different than anyone else. Although the healing, of course is very individual, the brain and nervous system reacts in a similar way to healing from benzo. But we interpret, and explain enough completely different ways, even though the symptoms are about the same.

I also think that the symptoms vary depending on what time we are in. Now I don`t feel the same way I did in the beginning because the symptoms await their turn. And there is probably nothing to be forgotten.

 

Sometimes I read about symptoms that I have forgotten, but when I really think about it I remember them. So I think we are all about the same situation, but it's time and how we describe the symptoms that differentiate us.

 

So I promise, you are not alone! We are many here who are afraid and feel very lonely, but we have each other. I hope you will find security again through everyone`s understanding and support. Hug! 

 

 

 

 

[[li...]]

Thank you translator 100. It’s posts like these that keep me living. Not sure what’s going on in my head but I know it’s nothing normal. I would accept anything that happened to me (good or bad) right now I don’t care no more :/ I only keep pushing for my wife and my baby. I’m A fool for waiting so long

[[2t...]]

Lizard keep pushing and be kind to yourself.

Pretty much every one on here thought or feels that they are special and unique in this situation, you are not and it is a component of withdrawal.

I have been off for 12 months and up until recently would still get a day here and there when my brain would try to tell me it is not worth the effort and I will never be better, remember this is on the heals of weeks of feeling much better.

It seems benzos have a long lasting effect on your thoughts that can rear its head any time.

Read the success stories on this board and you will identify with the day to day feelings of many of them.

 

Beast wishes

 

2trusting

[[li...]]

I try to keep pushing but my brain is so jacked up. I am certain I have caused brain  damage. I’m in that percentage that don’t make it. My left side of my body is numb and I can give A shit about going to the doctors because they are all clueless. Just waiting for something to happen already.

[[tr...]]

Lizard, I also waited a very long time, and did a CT after being polydrugged for 25 years. I have gone through all the symptoms, and for a long time I could hardly turn around on the couch.

I couldn`t eat, sleep or talk to anyone - life was just a big suffering.

But in some way I've been through every minute, hour and day. Slowly but safely heals the brain to 100%, but it takes time. I know it's hard to hear the words "time, patience and distraction" but that's what the brain and nervous system need, and demand, to heal.

As I wrote, we are many here in the same situation. Although it feels very far away right now it`s a day when everything is as asual again. 

 

Don`t be scared of my story, and long healing time. I am 60+, and was sick before the withdrawal, so I have double problems.

[[Un...]]

Lizard, I feel so much like you.  I was right where you are now so please know you're not the only one.  Only difference is I came off opiates and benzos cold turkey at the same time.  The 'addiction specialist' said it would be painless but farrrrr from it.  My regular doc just put me back on 1mg Klonopin for a 1-3month taper to help me adjust to an antidepressant.  I wasn't able to hold on longer, at day 35.  I pray you are hanging on and keep pushing through.  Cold turkey is brutal, I know.  I got suicidal, so I had to try a different way.  How are you today?  You're so grave.  All of us are, whether we suffer immensely or not.  It's the hardest thing to go through, man. 

[[st...]]

Lizard remember we are all here and we are all in various stages of at times despair,  feel we cannot do it but we do. People with what we have never feel like we are in control but you are. You mind and your body wants something and I found they both will make you feel you should give in to the medications you were on because it was easy for them to live with them. However you have to think positive, you have no idea the power you have over your body. Do "whatever it takes" is what i said to myself as I went through all the physical and mental bad thinking that I cannot do this. Of course you can. Your brain has a tremendous capacity to heel and following that your body has the same. I noticed you have a lot of "I  cannot do this" as if it was something terminal. It is just thoughts, your brain and body will not let you down they just want to take the easy way out. They want you to give up, give in, but we all feel that way because we do not think we can do this. There are many, success stories and some had bad symptoms, really bad for me me and I thought well i do not think that i going to do me in. Yes everything that happens is hard to explain. Do not think about what "is going go happen' because 80% of what we worry about does not happen. Think more positive, my i can's more i can do this, more and more you will be in control. Why/ because you are. i and everyone thought about giving up because of the horror stories that we read before we started. These were post heal people not fully remembering that they got through it. It just seemed like hell because we fear the unknown, and panic and anxiety is the brains answer to 'what is going on with me'. They are just as confused as you and want you to give up. Gosh your heart is in it and it is still beating, strong, quickly, a lot of times but it will not let you down. We will not let you down, nothing will let you down unless you want it to. Dr. Ashton said it best when she said "anyone who has the determination to beat this can and will' You just have to stay positive, life has made it difficult enough to just live, life with withdrawal makes those things not such a big deal. You will post later on I am sure and have some wisdom for us all or those who are just starting out and believe me we need your wisdom as you need to remember no one will let you down and I man no one. Most of do not let yourself down. Be positive, no negative talk , even when you want to give up. we all went through the want to give up stage. many times. Take over that brain and body and see who has the power, i am determined you do. The brain and body want it to be over, easy for them, they are intrusive thoughts. Show them who is boss, every minute of every day. Post how you are doing. We all want to know.  :thumbsup:

[[Na...]]

Lizard remember we are all here and we are all in various stages of at times despair,  feel we cannot do it but we do. People with what we have never feel like we are in control but you are. You mind and your body wants something and I found they both will make you feel you should give in to the medications you were on because it was easy for them to live with them. However you have to think positive, you have no idea the power you have over your body. Do "whatever it takes" is what i said to myself as I went through all the physical and mental bad thinking that I cannot do this. Of course you can. Your brain has a tremendous capacity to heel and following that your body has the same. I noticed you have a lot of "I  cannot do this" as if it was something terminal. It is just thoughts, your brain and body will not let you down they just want to take the easy way out. They want you to give up, give in, but we all feel that way because we do not think we can do this. There are many, success stories and some had bad symptoms, really bad for me me and I thought well i do not think that i going to do me in. Yes everything that happens is hard to explain. Do not think about what "is going go happen' because 80% of what we worry about does not happen. Think more positive, my i can's more i can do this, more and more you will be in control. Why/ because you are. i and everyone thought about giving up because of the horror stories that we read before we started. These were post heal people not fully remembering that they got through it. It just seemed like hell because we fear the unknown, and panic and anxiety is the brains answer to 'what is going on with me'. They are just as confused as you and want you to give up. Gosh your heart is in it and it is still beating, strong, quickly, a lot of times but it will not let you down. We will not let you down, nothing will let you down unless you want it to. Dr. Ashton said it best when she said "anyone who has the determination to beat this can and will' You just have to stay positive, life has made it difficult enough to just live, life with withdrawal makes those things not such a big deal. You will post later on I am sure and have some wisdom for us all or those who are just starting out and believe me we need your wisdom as you need to remember no one will let you down and I man no one. Most of do not let yourself down. Be positive, no negative talk , even when you want to give up. we all went through the want to give up stage. many times. Take over that brain and body and see who has the power, i am determined you do. The brain and body want it to be over, easy for them, they are intrusive thoughts. Show them who is boss, every minute of every day. Post how you are doing. We all want to know.  :thumbsup:

 

I agree 100%!

 

Mindset will carry you through the dark times of recovery and is crucial to beating this and healing. Stay positive and keep your goal in mind. I focus on what my life will be like when I am healed: No more worrying about pills, hiding my addiction, worrying about refills etc.

 

My own family doesn’t know what I am going through right now but my wife and children are the reason for this change. They deserve better and more importantly I deserve better.

 

The same applies to everyone on this board: YOU deserve better. Remember that and don’t forget it. Find whatever you need to cling to in this time to keep you going, just know that this endeavor is not fruitless. You will be better for it.

 

Stay strong, stay positive!

 

John

[[tr...]]

Unfortunately I can`t bring smileys when they don`t work for me, had otherwise had some friendly guys. I hope the medical text works when I use Google translator.

 

There is a lot happening in the brain at the withdrawal, the most awful thing I've been involved in.

It's very easy to be positive a few days after you have finished taking the tablets, I was also. I thought I would be better and better, and completely healthy after 3-4 months. But have you been feeling bad for months, and maybe years, it's not that easy.

If you fail to be positive enough you can be depressed as you can`t live up to this. You start asking yourself why others can, but not myself? It can make you feel even worse.

 

All systems that have been suppressed by benzo become overactive, and are at high speed. The peripheral nervous system is over-stimulated and very stress-sensitive. Many end up in a state like PTSD. It isn`t uncommon with agoraphobia, DR/DP, hallucinations, morbid thoughts and other terrible symptoms. Most of these people are familiar with them.

 

Benzo reduces the activity of serotonin, norepinephrine; neurotransmitters that are thought to be closely involved in depression. The immune system is affected by increased secretion of the stress hormone cortisol. Morbid- and intrusive thoughts due to overactivity, the central and peripheral nervous system usually respond to fears and reactions. You also get extremely sensitive.

 

So, kindly, it can be hard to cope with being so positive and thinking that it's only something going on. During certain periods it is completely impossible. There is a lot going on in the brain and nervous system, it's going to be demolished and rebuilt again - and you feel terribly bad. If you are fully healthy then positive thoughts and affirmations can work very well, but now the situation is something completely different.

 

As I said, it's a big difference in 4-5 days, and months or years - it's not even possible to compare. It is also very important to show respect for the trouble of others, and not to judge anyone.

 

 

Sincerely!

[[jo...]]

Lizard, I am here for me, and for you, and for everyone else who can benefit from knowing my walk through what so many have perfectly described as benzo hell.

 

Without a doubt, BenzoBuddies have saved me, literally, several times since my CT from Klonopin and Vicodin that began on Oct. 6, after so many years of being polydrugged. If you counted all the Rxs and years I've been on them, it's longer than I've been alive and I'm well past middle age. (Right now I'm tapering/cutting/holding six more Rxs. It's hard to believe I'm living through this nightmare, but I'm determined to beat Big Pharma!) I couldn't even write an introduction until month 2. Month 3 was when I had to take medical leave for the rest of the year because I'm a teacher and there's no way I could function away from home right now. I can't even function AT home right now. I'm in month 6 and I move from bed/bathroom/kitchen/couch throughout the day. I've been to the ER four times and I've been admitted to the hospital once. I was in acute WD for at least the first three months, and I've had plenty of days, nights, and weeks since then that were even worse than those first three terrifying months. Just like everyone else, my recovery has not been linear; it hasn't followed the four phases of benzo WD in chronological order. Just like you, I didn't develop crippling anxiety and panic attacks right away, but I did much later (month 3). We are reminded over and over, however, that no two survivors share identical recovery stories. You might be one of the lucky ones who never has to experience them.

 

For the first few months of WD, I had the same buzzing, tingling (sometimes painful) feeling on my entire left side, just like you describe. I was constantly afraid that I'd developed blood clots on the left side of my body because I couldn't get up and move around at all. When I finally ordered Baylissa Frederick's book, Recovery and Renewal, and read that she'd experience the SAME symptoms, I was able to accept that sx as part of my recovery. It didn't lessen the intensity of it, but at least it didn't add any more anxiety to what I was already trying to handle all the time. In month 6 right now, I can honestly say that one sx is gone, and I don't even remember when it left me. THANK YOU for making me realize I can check that one off my long, long list.

 

Today is a beautiful, sunny, 55-degrees spring day and I can't even look out the window because of the burning pain in my eyes and the feeling that what I see is no longer a familiar place to me. I try to use the smells of my house and food, along with the music I play each day, to help keep me as grounded as I possibly can be right now.

 

I woke up this morning from a dream that was so vivid I couldn't come out of it for a short while. I finally realized I was in my bed, in my room, and I heard the birds singing outside. I'm still struggling terribly with derealization, mostly because I can't reconcile time in years, seasons, on the clock, etc., and I'm suffering from extreme tinnitus and all the dizzy sxs that are hallmark of benzo WD. Earlier I had to touch the window, then open the door to feel the air temperature so I could try to understand it. My sister-in-law tells me it sounds like a hallucinogenic experience

from the 60s or 70s. Many others have said the same thing.

 

I've described just these three sxs--derealization, tinnitus, and dizziness--from the long list I still have every day, because they're the ones that seem to cause me the most distress right now. That doesn't mean it will be the same tomorrow, though. And the anxiety--the choking, toxic, medically-induced anxiety--is with me every day now, but I try to distract myself with relaxing music to prevent another full-blown panic attack (I have uncued attacks, too, even when I'm asleep) from hijacking my entire day/week.

 

I hope my writing helps you understand how mentally "foggy" I feel right now, maybe just like what you've described. I do know that being told I have to accept everything and then actually doing it are two very different things right now. I'm finally starting to understand that it's my resistance and fear that help fuel the overwhelming stress that turns into even more anxiety, which can lead me right into a panic attack.

 

You've also written about your wife and daughter and how you wish you'd done this sooner. Think about this: When our children do things repeatedly that, for some reason or another, they shouldn't, we don't focus on repeatedly punishing them for all the times they've done it and remind them constantly to consider how much time they've used or wasted in the past. We help them understand why the future can be so much better and reward them when they get it right! Why then, do we insist on punishing ourselves in a way that we'd never treat others? We should be just as gentle and forgiving with ourselves as we'd be with our children. And please remember that you and I are so fortunate to have people in our lives who need us, who can't imagine a world without us. They're the same people who love and support us, unconditionally. What reason more do we need to get up every day and continue our fight to regain our selves and our lives?

 

Lizard, thank you so much for motivating me to write today. I've needed to do this for myself, but it's different when you know someone else is out there who needs you. I hope you get even half as much from reading it as I have in writing it to you.

 

As several people have said, we'll get through this like so many who have gone before us. And BBs are here with you and for you, every step of the way!

[[jo...]]

Lizard, I feel so much like you.  I was right where you are now so please know you're not the only one.  Only difference is I came off opiates and benzos cold turkey at the same time.  The 'addiction specialist' said it would be painless but farrrrr from it.  My regular doc just put me back on 1mg Klonopin for a 1-3month taper to help me adjust to an antidepressant.  I wasn't able to hold on longer, at day 35.  I pray you are hanging on and keep pushing through.  Cold turkey is brutal, I know.  I got suicidal, so I had to try a different way.  How are you today?  You're so grave.  All of us are, whether we suffer immensely or not.  It's the hardest thing to go through, man.

 

Unicorn, we are sisters from another mother! I, too, was duped by an "addiction specialist" who told me I'd "never miss a day of work" when I CT'd Klonopin and Vicodin. My GP and Rheumatologist refused to help me get off the opiate and benzo, so I was at the mercy of anyone who would help save me after I developed thyrotoxicosis and almost died. That was over five months ago and I still can't function. I feel your pain every step of the way, and I'll be thinking of you every day!