2 years and TIME is what it took!

[[Po...]]

Thank you for sharing your story. It was very helpful to read.

Best wishes.

[[Re...]]

Congratulations on being healed that is awesome!

 

When did you notice improvements? Did you have times where symptoms were less intense and then come back more intense then before?  Did you have any symptoms a long time?

[[La...]]

Thanks so much for coming back and sharing your success story!! This gives me hope that my sister will someday feel good and happy again after we get her off of this Ativan poison!

[[sl...]]

Hello fellow warriors! I have not been here at BB for a really long time. So I wanted to post a hope message for you all, as I can remember the days where this was my only lifeline on the entire planet. I hung onto every story and every ounce of hope.

It took an entire year to really feel normal again and now I celebrate 2 YEARS since I swallowed the last rotten Ativan, I would ever swallow again.

 

I know how important hope is and the hope I clung too for me, when I thought I'd die and never live thru the next second, minute, hour...the day and especially the nights. I was so afraid of night time. The relentless Akathisia, depersonalization, 24/7 HORRIFIC panic attacks, tinnitus, heart racing out of control, the vibrations, the rushes...OMG, those cortisol rushes...the fear, the thoughts of losing my mind, the irrational thinking, the burning flesh feelings, the word benzo and what it was doing to me, was never out of my mind, the insomnia, the head & ear pressure that was so intense, I thought my brain would explode any second. The brain zaps, MONTHS of waves, in relentless roller coaster HELL, day and night, filled with the most intense fear I can't even begin to describe, but you know...you all know that are in this battle and those that have recovered from it and made it thru to the other side. I could go on and on about the horror movie it all was and everything that happened to me, but there is enough of all that here on this board.

The beauty is, the windows did come and the light began to shine again. So this post is one of hope and encouragement, for those coming here that need it, so you will know it can happen. I am now 100% healed and I never thought I could ever, ever say that...NEVER. I would never have believed in the first few months and year, that what happened to me, could ever be made right again. My CNS was so damaged and had gone so haywire, I had prepared myself that I really did myself in, when I quit CT on Feb 1st, 2015. But here I am now, 2 years later and I am fully healed, restored and living life 100% normal again.

 

My life I dare say, is even better than before, because I learned so much thru this journey of recovery about myself, meds and what I really needed to do to stay off future medication. The fact that I never even think about benzos anymore is the most incredible miracle, because I can remember when it was all consuming, looping thoughts for months and months on end. I was TERRIFIED. I have my mind back, its sharp and clear and I feel intelligent again! You don't really realize how this crap dumbs you down, till you look back after a year, or 2 and see what it was doing to you. I made stupid decisions, spent money I never should have spent and on & on, while under the influence of Ativan. Just total craziness and it's now all over, thank God! 

I was scared of my house, places in my house that I remembered going thru the scariest things. It's all gone now, it's all faded away. I rarely think about it and I love my home again. I don't see, or remember those scary thoughts and images anymore, that were like demons torturing my mind and following me around for months on end. It has all vanished now.

Getting off this poison is one thing, but once you recover, then what? A whole new plan, lifestyle, healthy boundaries to control stress and a new mindset needed to be faced. It's hard to put into words what 2015 was like for me, it was the most challenging year of my life. Along with WD, I also had my dad and my brother die, while I was in the throes of acute WD. I didn't even have the mind to process it and because of that, I have had delayed grief to face and get thru. I was in such shock at the time because of WD, I could not even begin to process their deaths. It still hurts and my heart aches, to even think about it. It was unreal, surreal and there really are no proper words to describe it, just none and there never will be. But I am working thru it and my thoughts and mind are my own again.

 

What I am truly amazed at now, is the human body's ability to heal itself and what it does to get there, given enough time, patience and good self care. It really is a miracle after such a traumatic event and I know I will never, ever touch a benzo again, outside of some surgical procedure, I may need down the road, where they are used for sedation. That is all they should ever be used for. I have found out so much about this class of drugs since my experience and I tell everyone I can, what can happen, if they take them over 2 weeks, or a Dr is giving them an RX for them. I have saved a few unsuspecting souls from the hell this all was and I am so grateful that my story and and journey was not in vain. To help others, with my story thru the trauma I endured, feels really good.

 

So...I hope this update gives you all needing a shot of faith, hope and healing, what anyone out there may need today. You can do this, you CAN and WILL recover. The only thing in the end, when all was said & done, is TIME...Lots & lots of TIME. So keep going, one hour and one day at a time, until you too have your story of healing. It will come. I thank God everyday what He did for me, but especially right now, as I realize...2 years is now here and for most going thru this, that is a real and permanent healing mark in this recovery.

 

Love & hugs fellow BB.

Lysa

 

good to read. I feel I will live with insomnia the rest of my life (I am only one month out, so maybe the road will be long).

[[ml...]]

Wow! I needed this today... !

You are an inspiration Lysa. Your story mimics mine. I just hit 11mo and am still in the thick of it.

I dream of the day I'm where you are at...

my question to you is when did you start to turn a corner ? Or notice some big improvements?

 

And regarding Brain zaps- I don't read about them often on here, but I've had them all along . I also have this weird brain sensation that feels like whooshing or sometimes a falling sensation .. I hate it all.

 

I'll be especially thankful when I have waves that aren't 10/10.

 

Thanks again for being a light at the end of this dark tunnel

 

~Debbi

 

 

Hi Debbie...so long since Ive checked in and saw the replies here on my post. Thank you for the words and I hope your feeling better & better!  My year mark was when I saw some real light in the tunnel, your over that now, yeah! Truthfully though, its now been 29 months for me and this whole deal is a major process and cannot be rushed. I know one thing for sure, TIME, TIME, TIME is what it takes and then a little more time after that even. Hang in there, as IMO, your far enough out to now have some real relief, but it still takes more time, for all the issues to work themselves out. Im giving it another year or 2 myself to see some things I know for myself still fully resolve. Mine would be anxiety, but that is what I was given an Ativan rx for in the first place, so sometimes its very hard to know where that ends and this started. Blessings! 

Lysa

[[ml...]]

Thank you so much for that story of hope. It's so great that you are healed and living the life you deserve!

I can sympathize with you because you went C/T, I tried that at first and had all of those horrific sxs before I tapered properly. It's like looking into a mirror when you hear of others and their descriptions of what you went through. Stuff nobody else even believes and tells you its all in your head. Only we know how crazy and truly horrific all those feelings were. Thank you and congrats!

 

Thank you for your kind words...so tru and I can so relate! Keep fighting the fight BB! 

[[ml...]]

Hello there!  Your success stories are my all time "go too" when I'm needing a word of encouragement.  God has a plan for all of us, and I know after going through breast cancer and now this that it is to help others along their journey, and you are doing just that by sharing all of this with us.  It truly gives us hope!  I'm thankful for this site as it led me to my guardian angel I met on here and people like you who gives us hope!  Thank you and God bless, enjoy your life!  I can't imagine being 100 percent healed and better but with Gods help I'll get there!😘

 

Wow Bbbc, I am humbled and your words give me encouragement. Just to know I have helped others in what I thought would kill me, is so validating. Thank you!  Blessings in your own journeys thru such difficult things, my goodness, you are a true warrior and so strong!!

[[ml...]]

Thank you so much for your story,it give us all here hope!

I have to ask if you also suffering form depression and conastant anxiety during the wd?

 

Hi Camela, I have not been on here for a while, so to answer you back finally, Yes, The dpression and anxiety are relentless. I still battle that hard on some days, but I was given the rx of Ativan for that before all this started, so its hard to know, what is back to the original issue and what is from the drug. I do know this, there is def a difference with the Ativan, as  "stuff" Its more of a chemical feeling of fear, anxiety and depression. I don't know how to explain it better than that. Exercise helps A TON!! make sure you get your heart rate UP and get those good brain chemicals moving! If I give up on exercise, I have troubles again.

 

Blessings, 

Lysa

[[ml...]]

Thanks Lysa. Really needed this now.

 

Hugs! Keep fighting! 

[[ml...]]

Yeah we got some positive input!!  This we need tomorrow us going.  Thank you for leaving your story so we can benefit from it.

 

Thank you!! 

[[ml...]]

Thanks so much for your encouraging post!!!  It really helped.  Beside all of the anxious and panicky feelings, insomnia, &  heart racing -- of which I am starting to see a sliver of healing at 6 weeks, I am dealing with the burning skin sensation.  I am wondering where you felt the "burning flesh" (as you put it) on your body and how long it took to go away.  Thanks so much!!!

Hi, it's been a while since I have posted here...Hopefully by now, you are way past all that garbage!  That burning skin thing was more in the early months of WD. The first year, it all came and went over & over. 29 months now, so many things have gone and I am living my life fully again. Some things still do surface from time to time, but I just keep going. This takes a really, really long time to heal form, but we will heal!

Blessings and keep moving ahead! 

[[ml...]]

This is my "go to" success story whenever I start feeling that this will never end.  Thank you for sharing your journey with those of us that are still suffering. 

 

That is so kind and I am truly humbled by your words and that my crazy story can help you!! You got this, God's got this!! 

[[ml...]]

Hi Lysa! I hit the 2 yr mark this month as well.  I need to write my success story.  It has taken me 2 yrs to heal as too.  I am glad you and I are on the other side now and can put that nightmare behind us !  Meggie 😊

 

YEAH!!! Happy 2 years and over that for you as well meggie!! Hope you are feeling good! 

[[ml...]]

Thank you again, Lysa, for your story. I'm going thru a wave and just read it again to keep me going !  Meggie, I'm looking forward to your success story!  I'll watch for it!  Thanks, for remembering those of us who are still suffering and coming back to spur us on to the finish line of healing!

 

Hi susan...Its been a while since I logged on here...I hope your feeling better. Those dreaded waves...

I still have one every now and then and think...no way, this just cant be after 29 months, but the "stuff" is just all too familiar. It passes and off I go, you will too! Hugs 

[[ml...]]

Oh my! This gave me such encouragement! Thank you! I'm nearly 6 weeks into w/d and it's horrific. Almost all symptoms gone except head pressure/dizziness/aches. I was on Valium, Norco for 4 months, so I figured it would be over by now. I'm very weary and my spirit is broken. I'm new to this site so I know I'm probably missing so details. But can you tell me how long you were on Ativan and does w/d depend on how long you took benzos?

 

Oh my, its been a while since Ive been on BB...your way past the 6 week mark now and I hope your seeing some real relief! This healing takes so long, years truly, not for everything, but for the stuff that just hangs on. Hugs and hope your doing WELL! 

[[ml...]]

Thank you for sharing your story. It was very helpful to read.

Best wishes.

 

Thank you, so glad my crazy ride could help you!!! 

[[ml...]]

Thanks so much for coming back and sharing your success story!! This gives me hope that my sister will someday feel good and happy again after we get her off of this Ativan poison!

 

Thank you Laura...I hope your sister is doing much better. Its been a while since I have logged in here 

[[iw...]]

Lysa,

 

Has the tinnitus returned at all?  I'm still battling it at almost 16 months.  Will it really end?  I'm losing hope.

[[HO...]]

Thank you so much! I really needed this today! I'm so happy for you!

[[ml...]]

Lysa,

 

Has the tinnitus returned at all?  I'm still battling it at almost 16 months.  Will it really end?  I'm losing hope.

 

I still have the T unfortunately. It comes & goes, it's better but still waiting for that to totally go. Hang in there!! 

[[ml...]]

Thank you so much! I really needed this today! I'm so happy for you!

 

Thank you! 

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you for your inspiring story...It does give hope in this darkest time...I wanted to ask about your akathisia? How did you deal with it? It's my most debilitating symptom-I don't pace but have agony in my brain-like terror. Thank you again.

[[ml...]]

Thank you for your inspiring story...It does give hope in this darkest time...I wanted to ask about your akathisia? How did you deal with it? It's my most debilitating symptom-I don't pace but have agony in my brain-like terror. Thank you again.

 

Oh don't I know and so sorry you are dealing with this! It's just horrific! That lasted for me the first 2-3 months. Thru acute was the worst and then it began to settle down. I used distraction every hour of every day. Nothing helped and its just white-knuckling it for sure. But distraction, like doing something, or just getting distracted with whatever you can. I cleaned my house over & over to help release the nervous energy that I could. It's all that worked and it only took the edge off, hope your better soon!!

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you; I appreciate the encouragement

[[iw...]]

Lysa,

 

Has the tinnitus returned at all?  I'm still battling it at almost 16 months.  Will it really end?  I'm losing hope.

 

I still have the T unfortunately. It comes & goes, it's better but still waiting for that to totally go. Hang in there!! 

 

Lysa,

 

How do you cope with the tinnitus?  Mine gets quieter at times, but it is still constant - the hissing buzzing noise in my head.  I feel like I'm stuck with this forever because I don't notice any improvement.

 

iwsth