New 6-12 month buddy group

[[id...]]

I am peaking into this thread, trying to find glimpses of hope for the future. Anyone had a horrible 3-5 months wave and recovered?

 

Month 4-6 was my worst (although this past week could compete for first place) and then month 7 was by far my best month. Hold on, you’ll feel better soon.

 

Thank you for the reassurance!

I am sorry you're not feeling well now. Hope that changes soon!

[[Ry...]]

I hit 9 months today and I find myself in a little anniversary wave. Month 7 & 8 we’re definitely progress months and I’ve now taken a step back. The head pressure/ache, DR, and low mood are in full force right now. On paper, I have made progress, but I just can’t be excited about it while I still feel so crummy.

 

Depression and anxiety are better than they were. Vision is getting better. Fatigue hasn’t been an issue in a month or so. Just tired of this battle. Again, I should be thankful, but I just want to feel better. If DR would go, I think I would feel so much better.

[[pi...]]

Awesome post Luke Skywalker.....right on the money as usual with your description.

 

Really good to see so many newcomers.....the more experience to share the better. I am on the end of my time here as I am nearing end of month 12 and this thread was really useful, especially considering the horrible wave I've been in for what feels like months now. Like sky-walker said though, its hard to see the window and waves anymore, its all just blended together.

 

For me the last 3 months have felt like an encore. Every hellish symptom has come back onto the stage to have its glory in the spotlight. Things dont flash into existence anymore, they drift in. They dont disappear by PM but hang around for days and weeks. Its like when people describe having the black dog on them, it creeps in and your aware of it but your not sure if its real or this is just a bad day most people have now and again. but then you have it again tomorrow and its slightly different again. Its definitely doesnt feel 'right' though.

 

Ah well, i just felt like posting here one more time for consistency sake. I think ill come back maybe a little out of curiosity but its off to find a 12-18 month group for me i guess.

 

Some good news for those newcomers who may be worried by a 12 month person saying its still bad -> resilience rises. I can definitely say with certainty im stronger then where i was at 6 months. I dont mean like scar tissue over a wound, I mean like energy reserves have begun to refill day to day giving me that invigorated feeling to tackle life. That is slowly slowly returning. the evidence -> I can push out a full day or work and life on poor quality sleep if I have to. That was a big deal when I noticed it somewhere it the last month

 

Wishing you all well

 

Pinky

[[Cl...]]

Hi. I would like to join you here.

 

In the last week or 10 days ( since all the V has gone from my system) I have developed the feeling of a lump in my throat, a big belly ( feeling like I am filled with air)  and  GI upset  so that I am afraid to eat but am ravenous.

Is this the Benzo belly I have heard about? I have struggled to keep my weight down ( always 15 lbs  over or 10 lbs under ideal) never a big stomach- middle age or benzo withdrawal symptoms??

Thanks,

Cliff

[[Su...]]

Hi to all the 6-12 month buddies, I’m at 9.5 months right now and have had a huge setback. I suspect it’s the infamous month 10 wave rearing it’s ugly head. I have both physical and mental symptoms from breathing issues to anxiety to brain fog to burning skin...sigh! It’s interesting how even though our withdrawal timeline seems random there are some common trends such as bad waves around the 6 and 10 month mark. I really hope I don’t have too many more of these acute waves, I mean I can tolerate some symptoms and expect to have them on some level for at least the rest of the year, but these bad waves where I can barely walk, let alone function normally are too much.

I really hope we all start to feel better soon 

[[...]]

Hi to all the 6-12 month buddies, I’m at 9.5 months right now and have had a huge setback. I suspect it’s the infamous month 10 wave rearing it’s ugly head. I have both physical and mental symptoms from breathing issues to anxiety to brain fog to burning skin...sigh! It’s interesting how even though our withdrawal timeline seems random there are some common trends such as bad waves around the 6 and 10 month mark. I really hope I don’t have too many more of these acute waves, I mean I can tolerate some symptoms and expect to have them on some level for at least the rest of the year, but these bad waves where I can barely walk, let alone function normally are too much.

I really hope we all start to feel better soon 

 

Almost the exact same thing here.

[[...]]

Here too. I’m slammed for the last two weeks, now going into week three. New symptoms, old symptoms revisiting, everything just more intense than ever. It really is like being back in acute.

 

But I’ll share this quote from Baylissa’s email that came this morning. “This is a non-linear process, as you know, and when the symptoms are most intense is when profound healing is taking place.”

 

Fingers crossed that once we get past this 10 month wave we experience some good progress.

 

Mcs

[[Su...]]

It seems a lot of buddies who are around the month 10 mark are really struggling right now. I agree it feels like going through acute all over again (maybe worse). That’s a positive way of looking at our symptoms, that when we’re struggling the most we are going through the most healing. I am no doubt going through some pretty intense healing these last few weeks. 

[[To...]]

I just hit 9 months and really struggling. Starting to really forget who I even was. This is so insane. I had days in like September where I was ready to write a success story then bam...

[[bo...]]

Month 10 and really struggling .. I have got really bad nausea .. wasn't bothered over much by that during withdrawal but it's nasty now.

I am slowly trying to taper off the small amount of zopiclaine I have been on a single well , but just holding there for a while until these sx subside ..

anyone else getting nausea at this rage ? Horrible..

[[nm...]]

Just passed 11 months. Why do I STILL feel very few changes? The only positive things that have occurred (largely around months 8-9) were significantly reduced anxiety, getting some emotions back, and dreams returning. That's about it, though. No windows to speak of, still. How long is this going to take?!?! Although I had only been taking .5 mg Klonopin once every week or so for a year and a half before I ditched it for good, I took benzos for 7 years - so I'm guessing it'll be awhile. Ugh...my patience has been wearing thin for months now. I've suffered for so long from this and just want it to be OVER.

 

Although, I will say that I was watching TV last night and actually laughing at some of the scenes. When I was on Klonopin, no matter how funny something was, I was more or less totally blunted. I guess I'll appreciate the little things for now...

[[Pa...]]

Hi All,

 

Hang in there, this pain is part of the healing process. My head is definitely clearer than when I was on lorazapam but like all of you, when you feel like crap it's hard to get through.

[[Sc...]]

Been a while since I've checked in, folks. I hope you are all keeping well.

 

7.5 months out (after 3 months use). I had a really good solid 7, 8 days feeling relatively normal and very few symptoms.

 

Couple of days ago I got hit with the tremors again. A lot more intense than it's been in recent months. All over. Stood back from making a sandwich, looked at my hands and I was like "Are you serious? This again? Why must you do this body?!".

 

Next day, all the twitching, breathing etc crap returned. And here I am. Frustrated. Angry.

 

My psychiatrist made it abundantly clear to me on 3 occasions, that she had been prescribing Benzos all her career, and doesn't think it's possible to have symptoms for more than 2 weeks.

 

Zero support from the medical community.

[[bo...]]

Just passed 11 months. Why do I STILL feel very few changes? The only positive things that have occurred (largely around months 8-9) were significantly reduced anxiety, getting some emotions back, and dreams returning. That's about it, though. No windows to speak of, still. How long is this going to take?!?! Although I had only been taking .5 mg Klonopin once every week or so for a year and a half before I ditched it for good, I took benzos for 7 years - so I'm guessing it'll be awhile. Ugh...my patience has been wearing thin for months now. I've suffered for so long from this and just want it to be OVER.

 

Although, I will say that I was watching TV last night and actually laughing at some of the scenes. When I was on Klonopin, no matter how funny something was, I was more or less totally blunted. I guess I'll appreciate the little things for now...

 

That all sounds quite significant to me.. the reduced anxiety, dreams returning,and feelings . That's huge ! And I know exactly what you mean by the LOL at things now. It's so hard to put into words but it's like I'm more in touch with what's going on .. I'm coming up 11 months , and my experience is similar to yours. For me I'm pretty happy with the change , but I was a 40 year user so hard for me to remember what it was like 'before' ... that may be the difference !

[[...]]

Just passed 11 months. Why do I STILL feel very few changes? The only positive things that have occurred (largely around months 8-9) were significantly reduced anxiety, getting some emotions back, and dreams returning. That's about it, though. No windows to speak of, still. How long is this going to take?!?! Although I had only been taking .5 mg Klonopin once every week or so for a year and a half before I ditched it for good, I took benzos for 7 years - so I'm guessing it'll be awhile. Ugh...my patience has been wearing thin for months now. I've suffered for so long from this and just want it to be OVER.

 

Although, I will say that I was watching TV last night and actually laughing at some of the scenes. When I was on Klonopin, no matter how funny something was, I was more or less totally blunted. I guess I'll appreciate the little things for now...

 

That all sounds quite significant to me.. the reduced anxiety, dreams returning,and feelings . That's huge ! And I know exactly what you mean by the LOL at things now. It's so hard to put into words but it's like I'm more in touch with what's going on .. I'm coming up 11 months , and my experience is similar to yours. For me I'm pretty happy with the change , but I was a 40 year user so hard for me to remember what it was like 'before' ... that may be the difference !

 

I agree, those are HUGE signs of healing! Perhaps you are still suffering with other physical symptoms and you are eager to see them go? You are healing... trust that all symptoms will go away! In the meantime, keep distracting - probably much easier now that you are feeling more connected to the world around you!

 

Big hugs, Bozo! I hope your recent wave has passed, teeth pain and depression...!

 

Nearing 11 months off and still struggling so very much with mental akathisia, anhedonia and emotional numbness (some would call that "depression"). Haven't had a true window to speak of, no baseline improvement that I can see as of yet. Finding ways to cope, ways to survive one day after another... phew.

 

I hope most will start to notice more windows before the 12-month mark!

Hugs 

Julz xx

[[Li...]]

I'm at month 11 now. I do notice improvements, but life still very much sucks with all of the psychological symptoms I am still experiencing. I do notice that I am not in a panic attack all day, everyday anymore.. But the constant anxiety and strange thoughts are still present all the time, waiting in the background. All I can really do is distract and try to live my life, but it gets exhausting constantly being afraid of everything and nothing, with all the fear of never getting better. Here's hoping that we all get some relief.

[[...]]

I’m right there with you LAI.

[[Li...]]

Hey everybody!

 

I've been 6,5 months off now. I have severe DP/DR states at different levels. difficult severe anxiety attacks. OCD thoughts about loosing my mind and killing myself.

 

Today I kinda realized I've had a wave maybe a month now. Everything is distorted, but it's not that overwhelming, so I have problems to remember or realize that it's withdrawal.

 

Do you ever forget that you have withdrawal, and think you are just gonna be this way? Or do you think this is not withdrawal anymore, this is just how I was before I started to use benzos. Is it harder to distract the wd when it just don't stop?

 

I started to took benzos for bad anxiety almost 7 years ago, and the anxiety with derealization stuff is pretty much the same than back then. I have panic attacks, wich are not like people usually thinks. I don't have panic, just derealization and total cognitive fog, where I am not able to do nothing.

 

This is a bit messy, but I hope you can understand something. Maybe all I need is encouragement from you.

 

Thank you everybody.

[[...]]

Hey everybody!

 

I've been 6,5 months off now. I have severe DP/DR states at different levels. difficult severe anxiety attacks. OCD thoughts about loosing my mind and killing myself.

 

Today I kinda realized I've had a wave maybe a month now. Everything is distorted, but it's not that overwhelming, so I have problems to remember or realize that it's withdrawal.

 

Do you ever forget that you have withdrawal, and think you are just gonna be this way? Or do you think this is not withdrawal anymore, this is just how I was before I started to use benzos. Is it harder to distract the wd when it just don't stop?

 

I started to took benzos for bad anxiety almost 7 years ago, and the anxiety with derealization stuff is pretty much the same than back then. I have panic attacks, wich are not like people usually thinks. I don't have panic, just derealization and total cognitive fog, where I am not able to do nothing.

 

This is a bit messy, but I hope you can understand something. Maybe all I need is encouragement from you.

 

Thank you everybody.

 

Yea man, I can relate to everything your going through. Keep going, the windows will open up and give you hope. You haven’t lost your mind, it’s just temporary damaged. Make it through each day...you’ll get back to normal...even though it seems impossible from where you are right now.

[[Ji...]]

Hi everybody

 

After 3 years of Clonazepam (.5 mg/night) I tapered off by taking my last dose in August last year. Since then everything runs smooth, normal and no major symptoms were encountered. 7 months have passed since when I woke up one morning and found aching neck muscles, pressure in brain, blurred vision, dizziness while walking and errors on keyboard typing x 10 . Blood test and brain MRI requested by doctor showed that everything is normal. This is the very first time I experience those symptoms, I'm just wondering if this could be something related to late-withdrawal and if any buddy has had or read about this "late" symptoms after a long period of apparent fully-recovered state.

 

Many thanks!

[[...]]

I’ve read of many who believed try where healed to be slammed back into oblivion...but they all came out, and many claimed even better healing than before. One buddy was Dezlas (couldn’t find the post where she talked about it, just looked for you). But it’s not uncommon and it may be a little bit, but evidence says you’ll come out of it all just fine.

[[Ji...]]

Thanks T1D

[[ri...]]

Anyone else become a hypochondriac during this process? Name a disease and I think I have it. I have like 7 appointments lined up for this and next week.

 

3 weeks ago I thought something was wrong with my heart and when the cardiologist said I had the most beautiful heart he'd ever seen (I was having a panic attack next to him so he knew exactly what to say ha ha) it completely relaxed me but up until that appointment I had panic attacks everyday thinking something was wrong. Now I'm obsessed with other things like my stomach and now brain.

 

Ugh, I was never like this.

[[...]]

Thanks T1D

 

Found it:

 

“I just wanted to add this. 

 

In my case, I felt amazing at 13 months off.  So amazing that I declared myself healed and posted a success story.  Around month 14.5 I fell into a wave I called a tsunami because it was worse than when I first ct'd.  This wave lasted four long hellish months but I came out even better than I was at month 13.  I am 22 months off now and back to living every aspect of a normal life. 

 

Some heal in a linear fashion, some don't,  I think it's important to know this so that if you do experience a healing pattern similar to mine, you don't lose hope. 

 

Just my two cents. “

 

That was from Feildy’s SS. Hope this helps Jim.

[[Ji...]]

Hi T1D 

 

Thanks! You are such a caring person. You made me feel happy!