New 6-12 month buddy group

[[Ry...]]

Month 7 has been up and down. Seems I’ve had one of my lowest lows and highest highs all in the same month. Very volatile but now picking up on the wave pattern. Still feel like I’ll never heal when I’m in a wave. In a window I feel progress.

 

Most notable progress is my DR lessens when I’m at home. Still not great. When at work, it goes right back up. I wasn’t getting any breaks so there’s some progress. Still getting hit with fatigue/flu like feeling in a wave. Man I wish that would go away. Makes me feel like I’m dying!

[[Be...]]

Oh yes... intense waves do feel like you are dying!  This is the hardest thing we will probably ever have to do. Just hang in there! These waves always pass.

 

 

edit: Praying for everyone here.

[[...]]

Month 7 has been up and down. Seems I’ve had one of my lowest lows and highest highs all in the same month. Very volatile but now picking up on the wave pattern. Still feel like I’ll never heal when I’m in a wave. In a window I feel progress.

 

Most notable progress is my DR lessens when I’m at home. Still not great. When at work, it goes right back up. I wasn’t getting any breaks so there’s some progress. Still getting hit with fatigue/flu like feeling in a wave. Man I wish that would go away. Makes me feel like I’m dying!

 

My life exactly. 

[[Ry...]]

Hate that for you T1D, but selfishly glad I'm not alone in that feeling.

 

 

[[...]]

Hate that for you T1D, but selfishly glad I'm not alone in that feeling.

 

same here man, don't feel selfish... glad you could maybe get some comfort. 

[[...]]

Me too. Same boat here at 8.5.

 

I'm so glad I found this thread.  As much as I hate to see you all suffering, the fact that we are all sort of in the same pattern helps normalize things.

 

Month 8 was a backslide into a big wave that has been going strong for over two weeks. Old stuff intensifying, new stuff coming, strangely sleep has been getting more solid.

 

Today was ok. I actually woke up at five in a little window where everything was low and I felt like me. That lasted a whole 1/2 hour then the anxiety hit out of nowhere. It was about 3 hit and runs. Then it left, so today was less anxiety.  Tinnitus is changing again, it seems to change a lot lately. Woozy head on and off today, again. Not dizzy but funky in the head. And ear pressure.

 

I feel like maybe something is changing. I felt this way in month 7 and crashed in 8. But overall improvement.

 

This is really more horrible than I ever imagined. But we are healing! I can't wait to read our success stories.

 

Mcs

[[...]]

Hello gang! 

 

Well, there sure is a sense of belonging. I'm sorry everyone is suffering of course..  at least we have one-another. And anyone of us experiencing a window or improvement always spreads so much hope...!

 

Month 9 for me, I've seen tiny "windows" from the mental anguish, and a some improvement on the physical side too but I currently seem to be back in a wave.

For me, the mental stuff is still the worst though. I can't stand being alone for very long  Always trying to find someone to have dinner with me to escape the "nothingness of my brain"... One day at a time... have to figure out something for tomorrow now that I have survived today... this is getting tough... but one day at a time...

 

We are healing though, no matter how we feel, we are healing 

Hugs 

Julz xx

[[...]]

Julz,

 

Me too. I hate being alone. People are my best distraction. I'm lucky that between my husband and my mom, I don't have to be alone very much. I'm a 48 year old toddler these days.

 

I know we'll all get there.  We are healing even if it doesn't feel that way.

 

Mcs

[[...]]

Julz,

 

Me too. I hate being alone. People are my best distraction. I'm lucky that between my husband and my mom, I don't have to be alone very much. I'm a 48 year old toddler these days.

 

I know we'll all get there.  We are healing even if it doesn't feel that way.

 

Mcs

 

I'm so sorry you too are dealing with this inability to be alone for very long... it is exactly as you say: people seem to be my best distraction as well. And I also say that I feel like a 35 year-old toddler!!

I haven't read many accounts of this weird thing, I have called it monophobia even if it is not a "phobia" as such. I have also wondered whether this wasn't stemming from mental akathisia, in my case at least...

Words just elude me. I can't call any of what I am going through "depression" or "anxiety" - it's just always different from anything known to mankind 

 

Yes, we are healing!

Hugs 

Julz

[[...]]

Do you get the anxiety/fear thing Julz?  That just keeps hitting like a freight train. Some days it's less but it's ramped up over the last six weeks.

 

Mcs

[[Li...]]

I get the fear thing, McS. It feels like I'm just stuck in fight or flight and have extreme fear of basically nothing and it attaches to my symptoms. It feels like I just have constant anxious thoughts rolling in on their own and I just kind of have to endure them. Can't wait for a peaceful mind to return.

[Guest [Lu...]]

does anyone elses anxiety feel like a "tangible" thing? like the anxiety is radiating from the elephant sitting on my chest.

 

i live 24/7 now with a stupid crazy amount of literal anxiousness, and its centered right in the upper middle portion of my chest. i cant sleep lately at all. its like living in a 24/7 adrenaline surge almost, its like im in constant panic state and it will not relent tis driving me crazy. a lot of my other symptoms have calmed down a bit, though honestly most of them are still there. i wouldnt be toooo bad if the stupid level anxiousness calmed down, its so damn uncomfortable all day and awful trying to sleep with it at night.

 

its worse when i lay down actually, like it rolls up almost into my throat. silliness.

 

and yeah its all accompanied with fear and racing thoughts, im looking over my shoulder for the reaper.

 

i know this sounds pretty grim, but again, its not all bleak, a lot of my symptoms arent nearly what they were.

 

 

[[...]]

Do you get the anxiety/fear thing Julz?  That just keeps hitting like a freight train. Some days it's less but it's ramped up over the last six weeks.

 

Mcs

 

I don't experience fear as such, dread, usually attached to being alone and passing time in what feels the void  And the mental anguish I am trying to escape from is something closer to mental akathisia, nothing can quite describe this.

 

But fear is definitely a component of benzo withdrawal. GABA needs to upregulate - and this is taking place as we speak 

 

It is 8.40 pm and I am expectantly waiting for my brother to come home  :( He's not replied to my text, probably not even left work then he has a 40 min drive. I feel like a stalker, checking WhatsApp to see when he connected last. However, posting this, another few minutes have passed, another few minutes no one will have to go through again, another few minutes "more healed"...!!!

[[...]]

does anyone elses anxiety feel like a "tangible" thing? like the anxiety is radiating from the elephant sitting on my chest.

 

i live 24/7 now with a stupid crazy amount of literal anxiousness, and its centered right in the upper middle portion of my chest. i cant sleep lately at all. its like living in a 24/7 adrenaline surge almost, its like im in constant panic state and it will not relent tis driving me crazy. a lot of my other symptoms have calmed down a bit, though honestly most of them are still there. i wouldnt be toooo bad if the stupid level anxiousness calmed down, its so damn uncomfortable all day and awful trying to sleep with it at night.

 

its worse when i lay down actually, like it rolls up almost into my throat. silliness.

 

and yeah its all accompanied with fear and racing thoughts, im looking over my shoulder for the reaper.

 

i know this sounds pretty grim, but again, its not all bleak, a lot of my symptoms arent nearly what they were.

 

Luke, nothing is ever silly (or even crazy!!) enough for benzo-withdrawal  While I don't get the fear exactly, the mental anguish I keep talking about seems connected to my stomach area. As such, I sometimes mistake it for "hunger", or rather, an urge to eat 

 

I'm sorry the anxiety is as bad and preventing you from getting some decent hours of sleep, but know that it will start improving... so hang in there 

[[...]]

I get the anxiety "feeling" in my stomach and chest. Like butterflies if butterflies were the size of elephants 

 

I never had anxiety that felt like this does now. I never really had anxiety that had a physical feeling associated with it until this whole nightmare began.

 

Speaking of hunger, sometimes my body seems to misinterpret digestion or hunger as a threat and it manifests as anxiety. Seriously. You can't make this stuff up.

 

One day at a time and we'll get through this. Just listened to Baylissas webinar and she said that when the waves hit and are intense it means there is profound healing happening. If that's true I'll be writing my success story in March.

 

Mcs

 

 

 

 

 

[[Ry...]]

 

 

One day at a time and we'll get through this. Just listened to Baylissas webinar and she said that when the waves hit and are intense it means there is profound healing happening. If that's true I'll be writing my success story in March.

 

Mcs

 

[Guest [Lu...]]

Thanks Julz and McS,

Yeah for sure with stomach, i had always heard how the stomach was very much tied to all this, but never really felt the correlation until this nightmare.

 

[[...]]

 

 

One day at a time and we'll get through this. Just listened to Baylissas webinar and she said that when the waves hit and are intense it means there is profound healing happening. If that's true I'll be writing my success story in March.

 

Mcs

 

 

[[...]]

Thanks Julz and McS,

Yeah for sure with stomach, i had always heard how the stomach was very much tied to all this, but never really felt the correlation until this nightmare.

 

I hear there is a lot of GABA-stuff around the stomach and GI track in general. So I guess it is upregulating in there too.

 

Another thing about the stomach, it is said to "hold" many of our emotions. Perhaps this has to do with the above, I don't know. But true enough, I had a week or two of anger (I am largely apathetic from the drugs so the anger was something I hadn't experienced in a long time), and that is where I "felt" it...

 

So, all in all, we are healing 

 

Hugs 

 

Julz xx

 

[[pi...]]

does anyone elses anxiety feel like a "tangible" thing? like the anxiety is radiating from the elephant sitting on my chest.

 

i live 24/7 now with a stupid crazy amount of literal anxiousness, and its centered right in the upper middle portion of my chest. i cant sleep lately at all. its like living in a 24/7 adrenaline surge almost, its like im in constant panic state and it will not relent tis driving me crazy. a lot of my other symptoms have calmed down a bit, though honestly most of them are still there. i wouldnt be toooo bad if the stupid level anxiousness calmed down, its so damn uncomfortable all day and awful trying to sleep with it at night.

 

its worse when i lay down actually, like it rolls up almost into my throat. silliness.

 

and yeah its all accompanied with fear and racing thoughts, im looking over my shoulder for the reaper.

 

i know this sounds pretty grim, but again, its not all bleak, a lot of my symptoms arent nearly what they were.

 

Lol not too grim, after all this and being on BB's a while I've seen grim bud. I totally understand when you say compared to where we were, this is a different kettle of fish.

 

My anxiety was so bad the other night I couldn't leave the house without that stomach drop feeling of dread and the waves of dread as I left. Anxiety seems to be the flavor of the month.

 

Oh and my sleep has also gone backwards 3 steps. Im back to vivid dreams that I need to calm down from when I awake. Like I go to sleep more feeling wide awake and wake up tired from all the effort and work in my dreams. I woke in a rage at one point and had to pace around and remind myself it was a dream. This is crazy.....

 

Your in your house and theres lions at the front door and crocodiles at the back door. Thats my anxiety

 

 

 

[[...]]

Sorry you too are dealing with crippling anxiety, Pinky. I can relate with the vivid dreams and lack of restorative sleep at the moment, in spite of sleeping a lot for someone in benzo-wd (probably 8 hours per night, definitely lucky me ). Crazy dreams, some sleep paralysis from having been on K and withdrawn from that drug, but sleep paralysis usually happens once a month now. And muscle tension in the back-body with a lot of difficulty feeling comfortable in bed. Gee, welcome to our world 

 

BUT even if all this feels like far too much activity in our brains, it is sign of healing. No more dreamless benzo nights lol... things will "normalize" 

[[...]]

I’m so sorry to hear that so many of us are dealing with the anxiety/fear thing. Sorry Pinky.

 

What’s up with the crippling anxiety this month?  Me too. Gone for the most part in December, creeping up in January and killing me in February.

 

I feel like it’s going hand in hand with this wave I’m in. It’s like I’ve hit a wall, just tired physically and emotionally, slammed backwards and intensely symptomatic. Put it all together and it equals . . . Pure terror and anxiety. Welcome back acute!

 

But I also feel something different underneath it. It’s almost too much to be real. I really do think there’s some serious work being done in my body.

 

We are healing no matter how much it hurts. And Baylissa swears that the intensity of symptoms has no bearing on timeframe.

 

Let’s hope!

McS

[[pi...]]

I’m so sorry to hear that so many of us are dealing with the anxiety/fear thing. Sorry Pinky.

 

What’s up with the crippling anxiety this month?  Me too. Gone for the most part in December, creeping up in January and killing me in February.

 

I feel like it’s going hand in hand with this wave I’m in. It’s like I’ve hit a wall, just tired physically and emotionally, slammed backwards and intensely symptomatic. Put it all together and it equals . . . Pure terror and anxiety. Welcome back acute!

 

But I also feel something different underneath it. It’s almost too much to be real. I really do think there’s some serious work being done in my body.

 

We are healing no matter how much it hurts. And Baylissa swears that the intensity of symptoms has no bearing on timeframe.

 

Let’s hope!

McS

 

Thanks MCS appreciate the thoughts, yeah im not sure whats going on but anxiety definitely seems to be plagueing us all right now. Oh im praying your right about the healing taking place right now cause im struggling with the lack of sleep. Good to know im not alone. We should all definetely go to a 12-18 months group when the time comes. I know it sucks to think we would still need to be doing this 6 months from now but even if its only for another 1-2 months id like to conitnue seeing a space where I can check to see how Im progressing in relation to you all who are so remarkably similiar right now. Hopefully we all pull out of this together like clockwark in march or april. 

 

[[Li...]]

Hi, I am coming up on 8 months off a 12 day taper of valium (switched from Klonipin) , Lunesta..done by UK doc, unwitting ct of Lexapro at same time..currently given mirtazipine fir sleep 15mg. But only taking 7.5 as i am scared of it and everything!!! My main remaining symptoms are anxiety, insomnia..both of which I was taking all those meds for, morning dizziness and my hairs still falling out!!! I am taking mag glycinate at bed time, always have taken a ton of supplements, no reactiin that I can tell.  Gave up tomatoes fir 2 wks..nightshade family..love them so this was hard..no appreciable improvement. Started a pt job ckearing tables aypt McDs..hard work and i feel better at the end of a shift..my goal is to heal more and move back to MA..my benzo driven pack up and run plan has not gone great..too homesick and living with my 86 yr old dad is hard..mum died last summer thats my story so far

[[...]]

Hi, I am coming up on 8 months off a 12 day taper of valium (switched from Klonipin) , Lunesta..done by UK doc, unwitting ct of Lexapro at same time..currently given mirtazipine fir sleep 15mg. But only taking 7.5 as i am scared of it and everything!!! My main remaining symptoms are anxiety, insomnia..both of which I was taking all those meds for, morning dizziness and my hairs still falling out!!! I am taking mag glycinate at bed time, always have taken a ton of supplements, no reactiin that I can tell.  Gave up tomatoes fir 2 wks..nightshade family..love them so this was hard..no appreciable improvement. Started a pt job ckearing tables aypt McDs..hard work and i feel better at the end of a shift..my goal is to heal more and move back to MA..my benzo driven pack up and run plan has not gone great..too homesick and living with my 86 yr old dad is hard..mum died last summer thats my story so far

 

Welcome to the group - and to BenzoBuddies - Limeyadd! 

 

I'm sorry you are still suffering so much, and going through so much at the same time. It's wonderful that you are working again, clearing tables at McDonalds can't be easy. But you are doing it, amongst everyone not going through benzo-withdrawal  When things start to ease up for you on the withdrawal side, anything you wish to do will start to feel possible again. You are one strong warrior!! 

 

Sending you healing vibes!

Julz xx