New 6-12 month buddy group

[Guest [Lu...]]

lol. glad to hear things are tracking better for you ryano

and yeah lets keep trucking along there mcs!

[[pi...]]

Great analogy luke skywalker. It is exactly like that for me lately.

 

Update: things have changed up a little the last week or so. Sleep quality has improved again but the midnight awakenings have increased from 0-1 up to 3-4. 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

 

The healing feels like its slowed and the re-emergence of old symptoms that were intense is really disheartening. The chest discomfort and breathing irregularities are back on the scene as a constant for last few weeks.

 

Some great news: last 2 days the anxiety seems to have lifted alot. Like I feel calm. A little out of it like I smoked something but still ALOT damn calmer then I was. I feel like I dodged those elephants and they went off a cliff and now im catching my breath again. Its a very eerie feeling. Something closer to the DP/DR but not as bad. Whatever it is, Ill take it over the anxiety 

 

Anyone noticed any changes/end to the one year craziness yet? Im searching for examples and information on here regarding this time period. I cant seem to find anything.

 

Anyways, just felt like touching base here.....hope your all well and soldiering on.

[[Gr...]]

Great analogy luke skywalker. It is exactly like that for me lately.

 

Update: things have changed up a little the last week or so. Sleep quality has improved again but the midnight awakenings have increased from 0-1 up to 3-4. 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

 

The healing feels like its slowed and the re-emergence of old symptoms that were intense is really disheartening. The chest discomfort and breathing irregularities are back on the scene as a constant for last few weeks.

 

Some great news: last 2 days the anxiety seems to have lifted alot. Like I feel calm. A little out of it like I smoked something but still ALOT damn calmer then I was. I feel like I dodged those elephants and they went off a cliff and now im catching my breath again. Its a very eerie feeling. Something closer to the DP/DR but not as bad. Whatever it is, Ill take it over the anxiety 

 

Anyone noticed any changes/end to the one year craziness yet? Im searching for examples and information on here regarding this time period. I cant seem to find anything.

 

Anyways, just felt like touching base here.....hope your all well and soldiering on.

Well I felt a little better this past week at 13-1/2 months. I started feeling off around 11-1/2 months and continued through February. Also went off my thyroid med for a bit then went back on it at a lower dose which seems to have helped. My thyroid levels were within normal range when the wave started, but I just seem to feel better with the lower dose. Could be coincidence, hard to tell. But I cautiosly feel like I'm coming out of the wave now. Anxiety is better this past week and I haven't had chest tightness.

[[Sc...]]

6 months and 3 (I think) weeks here!

 

Was doing good, man. Got to the 6 months mark and a lot of symptoms returned very intensely. Disheartening!

 

Hanging in there!

[[Ry...]]

6 months and 3 (I think) weeks here!

 

Was doing good, man. Got to the 6 months mark and a lot of symptoms returned very intensely. Disheartening!

 

Hanging in there!

 

I know how you feel. Other than the first month off, around 6 months was a lot worse for me. Thankfully things have started smoothing back out. Still a distance to go, but things are becoming a bit more manageable.

[[...]]

6 months and 3 (I think) weeks here!

 

Was doing good, man. Got to the 6 months mark and a lot of symptoms returned very intensely. Disheartening!

 

Hanging in there!

 

I know how you feel. Other than the first month off, around 6 months was a lot worse for me. Thankfully things have started smoothing back out. Still a distance to go, but things are becoming a bit more manageable.

 

I second that. Months 4-6 where a living nightmare. Things where up and down after that...but def better.

[[...]]

How's everyone doing?  I know we are all in the same timeframe. And we seem to be following similar patterns.

 

The last week has been really weird for me. I've been in a wave since 8.5 and it just kept intensifying. Symptoms getting worse, symptoms returning and, worst of all, new symptoms. Because really, I'd hate to go through withdrawal and actually miss out on one  .

 

I was beginning to understand what other buddies meant when they said back to acute, or acute lite. But this last week, I started pulling out of it a bit. On Friday night everything lessened, and a rapid cycling set of symptoms set in. They all would hit in succession and then go. The last week was like a window (nothing great or glorious, just things lessening to a more tolerable level) with little waves in it. Most amazing is that the anxiety and fear have really ratcheted down. Sleep has been getting better too.

 

I don't really know what to make of it. And today I went back down into the pit, but even so I didn't get slammed with the mental stuff even though the tinnitus is ramped up, head stuff is crazy and the symptoms are cycling in and out all day.

 

Baylissa recently said in some of her webinars that better sleep, rapid cycling symptoms and weepiness can often signal a healing spurt. I'd love to think that but really, I'm bracing for the hurricane. I figure I just spent a week in the eye and the other side of the storm is going to hit at any time.

 

I hope you all are having some serious healing and some good windows. We ARE going to get through this. We are all going to heal and move on to wonderful lives.

 

Keep healin'

Mcs

 

[[pi...]]

 

Baylissa recently said in some of her webinars that better sleep, rapid cycling symptoms and weepiness can often signal a healing spurt. I'd love to think that but really, I'm bracing for the hurricane. I figure I just spent a week in the eye and the other side of the storm is going to hit at any time.

 

I hope you all are having some serious healing and some good windows. We ARE going to get through this. We are all going to heal and move on to wonderful lives.

 

Great description and I really feel like I know what baylissa means by the rapid cycling sxs, better sleep and weepiness. Im too pessimistic to hope Im in that phase right now but after 6 weeks of chaos im sleeping better and im generally kinda bummed out and self pitying, + random sxs winking back into existence (bladder craziness between 4am-10am groan). Fingers crossed baylissa is right and this is a healing point. Thanks for the post McS, very insightful.

 

Glad to hear the anxiety and fear have ratcheted down for you and your sleep is improving. Yes its uncanny how many of use seem to have eerily similiar timelines. Wishing you and everyone well for the coming months and agree...we will get through!!!

 

 

pinky

[[Li...]]

About to hit month 10 in a few days. Really surprised at how bad I am, as I figured I would be healed by this point. I never expected the healing to take this long. I'm fortunate in the fact that I don't struggle with too many physical symptoms, but the mental symptoms are still hammering me. Still struggling with high anxiety that is constant, doesn't ever seem to stop or go away. I have minor windows, which allow some days to be a little easier to cope, but it's always with me.

 

The only real physical symptom that I suffer from is air hunger/breathing issues. I'm stuck consciously/manually breathing most of the time when I think about it, which I'm pretty sure is linked to anxiety because it goes away when I am distracted.

 

It's mainly just constant anxious thoughts and weird loopy/confused feeling that makes me feel like I'm going to go insane.. The typical high anxiety/panic psychological symptom that we get used to after having it this long, but it never actually gets easy.

 

I'm still very triggered by food such as sugar, or any type of stimulant like heavy MSG in fast food and chinese. It seems to really make my mental symptoms worse and causes severe mood swings and despair, along with even more rapid and severe anxiety. I can't seem to get a handle on my cravings.. I will decide that I am no longer going to ingest sugar or anything that will stimulate me, but I forget this when I am feeling "better", and I end up doing it anyway.. Which of course makes me feel horrible all over again. I'm my own worst enemy.

 

Really hoping to just wake up one of these days feeling normal. I spend most of my days distracting and just try to continue living my life as best as I can, doing my best to ignore it all and not give in to the anxiety and the strange thought patterns. It's wearing me down.

 

I "do" see the progress though. Earlier in my WD, it had me on my knees begging for death and I would just cry and freak out all the time. Now I just feel horrible and like I'm about to fall over the edge into insanity when the anxiety is high, but I rarely ever have panic attacks or actually lose my mind these days. Just exhausted and tired of living with constant anxiety and fear.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

[[Sc...]]

It's interesting how many people here have described a worsening of symptoms all around the same time frame. Very interesting - and actually quite encouraging, personally. Good to know it's not just me.

 

Wish I could crack open my brain and see what's actually going on in there sometimes!

 

Dammit body, get this nonsense sorted faster. You're killing me here!

[[Be...]]

Hey guys....I had very bad waves at 4, 7, and 10 months off....Now that Im close to a year I feel pretty good these days. Im still not healed but I would say my baseline is 90% or better (benzo belly is crazy)...I think most of us here will take 12-18 months to fully heal.

[[Pa...]]

Hi All,

 

I'm joining the group. I'm 6.5 months out. Month 4 was actually pretty good and I thought I was 90% healed. After month 4 the waves starting coming back and i was up and down all the way to 6. At 6 I went on vacation and was really nervous on how I was going to feel. The day before the vacation I began to feel good and that lasted for 10 days. Two days after coming back from vacation I went into a wave.

 

My CNS is really sensitive and I think for me, sugar, alcohol, supplements and stressful events become triggers. Two weeks ago I tried CBD oil and this started just before my vacation. Because I felt great for 10 days I thought the CBD was helping. Then last week all my sfx ramped up with a lot of shakiness. I had it all day yesterday. This was not normal. I've decided to stay off CBD to see if that caused the ramping up.

 

I'm really looking forward to warmer days so I can stay occupied and distracted.

 

I hope I can help and encourage some of you to help you get through this awful chapter in our lives.

[[pi...]]

Hi All,

 

I'm joining the group. I'm 6.5 months out. Month 4 was actually pretty good and I thought I was 90% healed. Month 4 the waves starting coming back and i was up and down all the way to 6. At 6 I went on vacation and was really nervous how I was going to feel. The day before the vacation I began to feel good and that lasted for 10 days. The last leak, except for Friday has been rough.

 

My CNS is really sensitive and I think for me, sugar, alcohol, supplements and stressful events become triggers. Two weeks ago I tried CBD oil and this started just before my vacation. Because I felt great for 10 days I thought the CBD was helping. Then last week all my sfx ramped up with a lot of shakiness. I had it all day yesterday. This was not normal. I've decided to stay off CBD to see if that caused the ramping up.

 

I'm really looking forward to warmer days so I can stay occupied and distracted.

 

I hope I can help and encourage some of you to help you get through this awful chapter in our lives.

 

Welcome bud

 

Ive found this board very helpful and useful during my 6-12 month period, so I hope you do as well. Good to see you approached something around 90% at 4 months. Thats great.

 

Hopefully you can keep that momentum going. This board was really helpful for getting a sense of the landmarks that I might see and to be aware of them, like icebergs in the night I guess (titanic analogy not the best but oh well)

 

Some similar patterns seem to emerge around people who have similar "timelines". Myself and others noticed smoother sailing around 7-9 months but hey, its benzo's. Its all guess work 

 

Anyways just wanted to say welcome.

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi Pinky,

 

Glad to hear that 7 to 9 gets better. I've heard that from others as well.

 

I would suggest an AD but I know first hand they can present their own problems. Unfortunately for me, I think I need AD's because I also have a underlying depression problem.

[Guest [Lu...]]

10 months is in sight but blah not feeling good lately. i honestly cant even tell if im in a wave or window anymore. month 8 1/2, 9 ish i thought things mighta been looking up but now approaching 10 its rough. just grappling this extreme anxiousness. everything i do cranks my heart rate up. actually dared to drive to a friends house yesterday whose 40 minutes away and by the time i got there i was crazy level anxious, like someone took the "i just got frightened" lever and shifted it to "on" permanently.  it was a gorgeous day down here in fl yesterday but i was a wreck... its so weird, the sun was shining, birds chirping, dudes laughing relaxing on patio, a total picturesque sunday, and i felt like i was in a cocoon of horror while all around me was pleasant.

 

these are guys that want me to jam again (its most of the guys from the band i had to leave when all this started ramping up, im an aging metalhead...)

 

ughhhh. im sooooooo tired of this battle....its been over 2 years from tolerance, taper and now post....life is not waiting for me and it feels like the clock is ticking...

[[...]]

I hear you Luke.  I'm 9.5 months out and things seem to "change" somehow.  I can't explain it.. I'm in this new constant state of anxiety and tinnitus... frankly, I feel like shit all the time, and feel like I'm losing my mind.  Hopefully something changes for us soon.

[[...]]

Hi Buddies!

 

Also nearing 10 months out... and feeling like nothing is changing  Perhaps someday I will look back on this and realise that things were starting to change...  ???

 

Still dealing with the nothingness/restlessness which seem to be the cause of the monophobia. However, whereas a few weeks ago I'd go to group exercise classes, to the movies, volunteering... just to do "something"... I am back at dancing, which is something I enjoy (definitely more than everything I have done post-withdrawal so far). I used to be extremely passionate about dance, so it seems natural that this would be an activity which would give me the most pleasure...

It is not progress in my healing, but rather in my coping... but it is progress in my life-quality... so I will take that 

 

I hope we all start seeing and feeling positive change soon...

Remember that no matter how this feels, we are healing, and have been healing for some months!!!

 

Take good care of yourselves,

Hugs,

Julz xx

[[Ry...]]

Hey guys....I had very bad waves at 4, 7, and 10 months off....Now that Im close to a year I feel pretty good these days. Im still not healed but I would say my baseline is 90% or better (benzo belly is crazy)...I think most of us here will take 12-18 months to fully heal.

 

Glad to hear it. Gives me hope.

 

Seems I’ve kicked the nausea lately so that’s nice. Hoping it’s gone for good, but I’m no longer that naive. DR is better but still sucks. Headaches are improving and fatigue is as well. Anxiety getting better in tiny increments. One remains pretty much unchanged and that’s cog fog. It’s like my thoughts are a square peg being forced into a round hole. Ah yes, almost forgot..no deep depression since December. Things improved quite a bit last month and seemed to level off. I’d say I’m 80%. Who knows, it’s hard to put a number on this mess. I guess I could say I’m half as bad as in the beginning so if things continue at the same pace, I’ll be feeling well in another 9 months or so. But again, who knows..I’m hopeful though.

[[Pa...]]

Hi All,

 

I see a few of you are not doing well right now. I'm sorry to hear this. Saturday until yesterday at 2pm I was feeling the same way. After 2pm yesterday things got better. I slept better last night and today I woke up with minimal anxiety. I'm at work and having one of my best full days at work in years. Still have a little anxiety and Tinnitus but it's minimal.

 

So I went from feeling hopeless to feeling great. It's always difficult to remember that it will pass and that we are healing when you're in a wave. I know it is for me. I need someone to constantly remind me of this so I hope you get this message and it gives you hope.

[[...]]

Thanks Paul, and congrats bud. 

[[...]]

Hi All,

 

I see a few are not as well as they were. Saturday until yesterday at 2pm I was feeling the same way. After 2pm yesterday things got better. I slept better last night and today I woke up with minimal anxiety. I'm at work and have one of my best full days at work in years. Still have a little anxiety and Tinnitus but it's minimal.

 

So I went from feeling hopeless to feeling great. It's always difficult to remember that it will pass and you are healing when you're in a wave. I now it is for me. I need someone to constantly remind of this so I hope you get this message and it gives you hope.

 

That's wonderful, PaulMar! Than you for sharing 

[[do...]]

I'm coming soon to my 6mo mark. Thought I would check out this group.  Glad I'm off it, no desire to take one again, but sometimes wondering if I should have kept the SSRI. I feel that as more time passes, I know the answer for sure.  I'll just keep on keeping on...

[[...]]

Dogs make me smile too!  I love my sweet puppy girl. She’s been a constant companion through all this. Welcome to the 6-12 month group. And congrats on 6 months. You are healing and you will find great support here.

 

Today is 10 months for me. I’m in a monster wave right now. It’s the works, new stuff, old stuff. Just awful. Intense. But I think it’s hopefully the beginning of a step up. It actually came after one of my best days yet. I had my first normal nap in 17 months. And the next day it was a plunge into the pit.

Sigh. It’s just the way this works. Possibly the infamous ten month wave??

 

So I thought I’d check in. I know there’s a few of us who all jumped at the end of May.

 

If it helps, in talking to Baylissa about this tidal wave, she said this is when the most profound healing is happening. Fingers crossed for all of us!

 

Keep healing!

McS

 

[[id...]]

I am peaking into this thread, trying to find glimpses of hope for the future. Anyone had a horrible 3-5 months wave and recovered?

[[...]]

I am peaking into this thread, trying to find glimpses of hope for the future. Anyone had a horrible 3-5 months wave and recovered?

 

Month 4-6 was my worst (although this past week could compete for first place) and then month 7 was by far my best month. Hold on, you’ll feel better soon.