Agoraphobia

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My doctors keep telling me that I need to push myself too but from what I've read it can actually backfire in withdrawal. It is so stressful to force ourselves out that it causes more withdrawal symptoms. I've read of lots of people getting rid of the agoraphobia and anxiety once they are off the meds and through the withdrawal. It's a withdrawal symptoms and getting out isn't going to make the withdrawal symptom go away anymore than walking on a broken leg will make it heal. 

 

I think the doctors just haven't been trained in the difference between drug induced anxiety and agoraphobia, etc and when we are thinking negatively and causing it. All the therapies like CBT, DBT, ACT, etc don't work very well in withdrawal because it's drug induced not thought or action induced.

 

Sorry about the rant. I'm just frustrated with this and people who don't understand telling us they know what is best. I'm also a memeber of another forum. There was a woman who tried to push herself and ended up with ptsd for her troubles. The agoraphobia went away once she was through withdrawal but then she had to deal with the aftermath of pushing herself when her brain wasn't ready for it.

 

I really think drug induced withdrawal symptoms are our bodies way of telling us to slow down, stop, regroup, rest, etc because that's what we need right now.

 

Take care of yourself and do what is best for you.

 

Hugs

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I started my taper and though I didn't think it could my agoraphobia got worse. Probably because I became hypersensitive to noises and movement again.

 

I had a discussion about agoraphobia with my psychologist and I think he finally understood what I was trying to say about the agoraphobia from withdrawal not being emotional, or based on a fear of anything but instead based on very real symptoms of feeling overwhelmed by noises, light, basically the overstimulation of being outside or around other people. He said to let him know when I am ready to pursue any desensitization if it doesn't go away after I get through withdrawal. That was a relief. He still is worried about me isolating but I'm not sure what I can do about that other than make sure I go to my appointments no matter how terrifying it is.

 

I was doing a daily liquid micro taper but the withdrawal sxs got so bad I had to hold. I'm hoping I will be well enough to go to DBT on Wednesday.

[[Ke...]]

Hi buddies

I can't handle the anxiety anymore I've had tolerance withdrawals for so so long now(four years)from a horrific addiction to massive amounts of diazepam which at first I'd self medicated not knowing what I'd become addicted too,then prescribed large doses from a doctor who kept me on them for years, I kindled twice over the years back up yo 80mg daily,just getting off it has stripped me to the bare bones,now the horrendous anxiety and social phobias are making me lose my mind,After 6 months off everything I'm lost and on the brink of hopelessness. Can't remember back to a time I had pleasant thought that weren't poisoned by withdrawals. I think I've reached the end of my patience! Too all the people that have been to the edge and have come back please any advice coz life don't seem worth it right now ❤️ I know this is negative but unfortunately that's how I feel

[[Fi...]]

Hi buddies

I can't handle the anxiety anymore I've had tolerance withdrawals for so so long now(four years)from a horrific addiction to massive amounts of diazepam which at first I'd self medicated not knowing what I'd become addicted too,then prescribed large doses from a doctor who kept me on them for years, I kindled twice over the years back up yo 80mg daily,just getting off it has stripped me to the bare bones,now the horrendous anxiety and social phobias are making me lose my mind,After 6 months off everything I'm lost and on the brink of hopelessness. Can't remember back to a time I had pleasant thought that weren't poisoned by withdrawals. I think I've reached the end of my patience! Too all the people that have been to the edge and have come back please any advice coz life don't seem worth it right now ❤️ I know this is negative but unfortunately that's how I feel

 

Hi Kenzi

 

That was indeed a massive amount of diazepam - 100mg and you successfully brought it down to ZERO! Really that is a spectacular achievement 

 

I just want to draw attention to the last line in your sig:

 

S L O W L Y  I M P R O V I N G  W I T H  T I M E

 

You wrote that because it is true and it was true for you at the time you wrote it and it is still true for you - and for all of us - now.

 

If I were you I'd copy & paste that message IN BIG WRITING and plank it everywhere around your house - and give it a big smiley thumbs-up every time you lay eyes on it. 

[[Na...]]

It will go away. It is all because of a lack of GABA and too much glutamate. It makes you hypersensitive for everything. The DP/DR, anxiety, depression and low confidence also play a big part in this agoraphobia. My agoraphobia is completely gone and my confidence is through the roof. It will get better buddies

[[Fi...]]

Well said & thanks Napdmd!

 

I suffered horribly from agoraphobia at the very deepest part of this and couldn't even leave my own room, or go to another room in the same house (nevermind out the front door) - for weeks on end. But, gradually, layer by layer, it lifted. The improvement process was so unbearably slow from one day to the next that I could not perceive any direct improvement on a daily basis - all I had to go on was the general trend over months which, though also slow, was undeniable.

 

I'm at the stage now where I can perceive the improvements and have been out and about and driving without any problems. Not fully there yet, but I'm in a place where I can see the changes now

 

 

[[Ke...]]

I've just read your original post,and can relate completely and feel you couldn't of put it better explaining panic and anxiety I just wonder if you are feeling any better now a while later? Hope you are!! I still have social phobias which are becoming worse by my psychological tendency to avoid difficult situations,whist I was reducing and really struggling last year I went out with friends on a bit of a bender and after a good night I woke up and my friend told me I had attacked him in the night,I did have bruises but I had totally blacked out,and didn't recall any of it. I have since become very reclusive and I fear it has become a THING as I have extreme anxiety when I even see people I know in town,and have become alienated with all my friends,because of my tendency to always think I've done something wrong,it doesn't make any sense but it has happened and I don't know what to do. I've had friends who have lost the plot and I'm very worried I'm getting close to that point!! Benzo's are evil but I want to be a survivor not a casualty. Any tips to change this mindset? I wondered about hypnotherapy? Just want to feel ok again ❤️💤💤

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Napdmd, Hypersensitivity is the biggest thing that is causing my agoraphobia. I even get overwhelmed in my house when my husband is home. He likes to keep busy and I find it overstimulating when he moves around and makes noises. The things need to be done so I usually hide in another room until he is done. Outside though, everything comes at me and I have no way to get away from it so I just stay inside.

 

Our son is supposed to come home for Christmas and I'm a little worried about having another person in the house. More stimulation. I can always hide in the basement if it gets to be too much.

 

FizzleWitch, thank you so much for your story. I'm sorry to hear that you had it so badly but I'm glad you are starting to heal. It really gives me hope that I will heal too, even if it takes a long time.

 

Kenzi, Have you tried any type of therapy, meditation, or mindfullness in regard to the incident that happened while you were tapering? I'm sure that the emotional trauma didn't help while you were going through withdrawal. Are you still experiencing withdrawal symptoms? I'm glad that you reached out to us but I think you may want to talk with someone in person as well. Even just a crises line might help you talk through how you are feeling.

 

I don't know about hypnotherapy but I have heard really good things about EMDR. There are some people using that therapy during withdrawal and it is helping them. You would have to find a therapist that practices it though. Just know that we are thinking of you and you are "Slowly improving with time.

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It will go away. It is all because of a lack of GABA and too much glutamate. It makes you hypersensitive for everything. The DP/DR, anxiety, depression and low confidence also play a big part in this agoraphobia. My agoraphobia is completely gone and my confidence is through the roof. It will get better buddies

 

Good to hear , do you know if the brain starts to balance the GABA levels the closer you get to 0mg?.

I feel like my whole body is in an extreme hypersensitivity mode.

Unfortunately the help I get don't seem to acknowledge the fact that the extreme anxiety is caused by withdrawls.

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Hey Bain,

 

I'm with you. I want to know if the agoraphobia, especially, goes away the closer you get to zero. I'm looking at a three at least taper and I really don't want to be locked up like a prisoner in my house for three years. I do know that some people have experienced that and for longer so I know I may need to accept it but I'm really hoping it will be one of the first symptoms to go away.

 

I was actually able to convince, I think, my psychologist that the agoraphobia is due to me being hypersensitive and not fear. I took in a very well written post by a woman from surviving antidepressants that explained it quite well and he said to let him know when I felt that I was in a place where I was ready to deal with it if it didn't go away after the withdrawal. That felt so good because he had been pushing me to go out to desensitize myself but all that was doing was making my withdrawal symptoms worse because it would overload my senses.

[[Fi...]]

I see agoraphobia as just another protective inhibition. You're already overloaded and overwhelmed and, as you say tntd, over-stimulated and sensitised. The body is saying "No" to any more of that kind of stimulation in those conditions - and this makes perfect sense.

 

As the load of baseline anxiety lightens and lowers, so does agoraphobia.

 

It doesn't help to push or force it (I'm soooooo anti "exposure therapy" )

 

Like everything else, it will fall away slowly over time 

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FizzleWitch, I love your name and avatar.

 

Thank you for the validation on agoraphobia being "just another protective inhibition". I get so frustrated when I see other people, even on these boards, say to go out and do exposure therapy. 

 

I love what you have to say about "as the load of baseline anxiety lightens and lowers, so does agoraphobia". I'm so looking forward to that day. 

 

We are all so impatient and I think it is really hard to wait and let time heal us as we want to get on with our lives. I know I struggle with this and have to recommit myself to accepting the withdrawal and agoraphobia everyday. Some days it's easier than others.

 

Thanks again for the uplifting post. 

[[Fi...]]

That day will come too, tntd - you can be sure of it!

 

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance - I know it can sometimes be hard to 'do', but really, it's about not doing at all, it's about the opposite of 'doing'... Like, I stopped fighting it and I stopped struggling with it... The symptoms were still there, but a whopping % less intense

 

I couldn't do the meditation thing, but I got very into 'passive progressive muscle relaxation' - a great way to learn how to let go. (google that)

 

One tiny step at a time...another small brick in the wall

 

:smitten: 

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I catch myself fighting the anxiety and agoraphobia and I have to remind myself to accept it and just let it be. I will definitely look up passive progressive muscle relaxation.

 

I do meditate and I practice mindfullness, when I remember, but every coping skill helps in just a little different way.

 

I have a great paper on acceptance and how if you try to accept to get rid of the problem it will just come back on you. I had the hardest time with it for quite awhile and then one day it just clicked. I'm still working on it, daily, but that is part of acceptance. I say working but it's more like telling myself that it's ok to feel this way, it's withdrawal and not fighting it or pushing back against it. It's amazing the difference it makes when I realize I'm fighting it and then I change the mind set and accept it. PMS makes it harder to do every month but I keep on just trying to let it be.

 

Thanks for the support FizzleWitch 

 

 

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I saw my pdoc on the 28th. We had discussed agoraphobia before and I had shared a paper with him and he seemed to get that this isn't nomal agoraphobia, that it is not something that has an underlying fear. I guess it wasn't strong enough to break his paradigm because he was after me to do exposure therapy again. I just wanted to shake him. It didn't help that I was coming down with a really bad cold at the time, it made me a bit grumpy.

 

I have to admit I'm really struggling with acceptance right now. I don't know if it's because of the holidays or if it's becasue I'm so sick. I suppose it could be a combination of the two. I just want to be able to go out and do things and it feels like it will never happen. I'm stuck like this. I know in my mind that it's the benzo lie but my emotions are really not believing that right now and I feel like this is never going to end. So I'm re-reading Fizzlewitch's comment to try to help get through this wave.

 

I hope despite all of this that everyone has been able to enjoy the holidays to some extent. 

 

 

[[Fi...]]

Hiya tntd...

 

Sorry to hear you're a little under the line. I have no doubt the fuss & bother of Christmas (even the good stuff, like meeting up with family) caused a bit of a swirl. It affects us all in different ways 

 

Here's Heather Ashton on Agoraphobia in the context of benzos:-

 

"...Agoraphobia - Eleven of the 12 patients developed agoraphobia while taking benzodiazepines. Six were completely unable to go out of the house alone and others had to overcome feelings of panic to do so and were not always successful. Sometimes they would "freeze" with panic while out. Five patients had had unsuccessful psychiatric treatment for agoraphobia with drugs, psychotherapy, or behaviour therapy. This symptom improved remarkably, however, with no other treatment but benzodiazepine withdrawal. At present four of the six patients with severe agoraphobia can go shopping, visit neighbours, or attend the outpatient clinic entirely alone, and agoraphobia is no longer a problem in the less severely affected patients..."

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/ashunfi.htm

 

(As far as I remember from reading other accounts of her studies, they all made it in the end!)

 

Hang in there - You'll be just fine

 

:smitten:

 

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Thanks so much fizzlewitch,  I really needed that today. I just wish I knew how long it was going to take. Right now it looks like I will be tapering for years. It seems like it's one way or the other. Taper for years and have symptoms that aren't horrendous, or taper fast and have horrendous symptoms for years.

 

I'm just tired from being sick so it makes everything harder to deal with.

 

I love the quote, especially the part where they worked with the doctors and still couldn't get better until they were off the meds. It's what I tried to tell me pdoc, I even quoted some Dr Ashton to him, he still couldn't get his head around it. Paradigms are hard to break.

 

I hope you have been enjoying the Holidays,

 

Hugs 

[[Fi...]]

Thanks so much fizzlewitch,  I really needed that today. I just wish I knew how long it was going to take. Right now it looks like I will be tapering for years. It seems like it's one way or the other. Taper for years and have symptoms that aren't horrendous, or taper fast and have horrendous symptoms for years.

 

I'm just tired from being sick so it makes everything harder to deal with.

 

You're welcome T! I used to be very worried about it too, one time. I wouldn't say I'm fully free of it yet - with so many other things to deal with -  but I'm in a place now, thankfully, where I can "declare" that I can see the positive trend, and there is no comparison now with where I was on this six months ago.

 

The other thing I did - as much as I could - was to do away with "deadlines" and "expectations" about being well "quickly". The mindset we attach to that means we are constantly monitoring and disappointed afresh every day if we can't perceive some improvement. Mug's game

 

I love the quote, especially the part where they worked with the doctors and still couldn't get better until they were off the meds. It's what I tried to tell me pdoc, I even quoted some Dr Ashton to him, he still couldn't get his head around it. Paradigms are hard to break.

 

I hope you have been enjoying the Holidays,

 

Hugs 

 

One of the all-too-obvious & recurring lessons to be learned from all of this is that docs of all persuasions are just out of their depth on bwd - unless they have personal experience of the process. I sometimes think most of them are like eager, self-important little boy-scouts, lol, poking sticks at their grannies!

 

Stay with it! You'll show them, in time  :thumbsup:

 

And Happy New Year! 

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One of the all-too-obvious & recurring lessons to be learned from all of this is that docs of all persuasions are just out of their depth on bwd - unless they have personal experience of the process. I sometimes think most of them are like eager, self-important little boy-scouts, lol, poking sticks at their grannies!

 

Stay with it! You'll show them, in time  :thumbsup:

 

And Happy New Year! 

 

Lol, poking sticks at their grannies. That's really good. I wish they could all experience a month of what we go through, then maybe they would better understand.

 

How long have you been dealing with agoraphobia?

 

Happy New Year to you too 

[[Fi...]]

Agoraphobia - Since at least November-ish last year. (The year before last, shortly!)

 

It was absolute and very severe. I couldn't even leave my bedroom to go the lounge/family room. And when I eventually got to do that, I still couldn't go to the ground floor and approach the front door.

 

About two hours ago, though, I drove downtown on my own - no pre-planning - and had a chat with the guy in the shop I went to, as if none of this had ever happened. I'm still thrilled in a curious way about that, and it might be a while yet before I take to the skies - but I've no doubts now that that will happen too.

 

It will happen for you as well - and if I had any little insight to pass on, it would be to lower your intensity about wanting it so much - for that puts you under unnecessary pressure and makes a big "issue" out of it. That, alone, throws up a kind of an extra barrier that you don't need. Let it all go and just 'be'.

 

You'll be running around your locality before you know it!  :thumbsup: 

 

 

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Thanks so much Fizzlewitch, what a wonderful suggestion. I do believe I have been doing just that, putting unnecessary pressure and making a big issue out of it. It's what I wanted most for Christmas

 

My CNS is super sensitive and I'm looking at a multi-year taper so I think that is one of the reasons I am so frustrated with this symptom. I can't imagine being housebound for years. I know others have experienced it and have survived. I just need to let it go and accept that what will be will be. I can't change how fast my brain will let me taper or how quickly the wd sxs will abate.

 

I'm so glad that you have been able to get out. To go from not being able to leave your room to being able to go out and chat with others is wonderful. I'm so happy for you.

 

I have to admit my agoraphobia is more about stepping out the door. I can leave my room and move around the house though I tend to stay away from the other people in the house unless we're watching a movie or something together. Otherwise it's just too much activity for me to deal with. We just moved and downsized so we have less space for me to escape though our basement is partially finished and that helps a lot

 

Hope you have a good New Years Eve. I like this post that I found on BB on another thread. I thought it was appropriate for here.

 

 

 

http://www.zingerbug.com/holidays/glitter_graphics/new_year_rainbow_glitter.gif

 

 

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way

of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use".~A.U.

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I'm glad I visited this thread again, feels a little better knowing I'm not the only one struggling.

The holidays have been a nightmare , only been outside for a couple of minutes the last month, and the anxiety has increased like crazy. I hope I don't loose my mind being so much inside.

 

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I got a sunlamp for Christmas. I'm probably going to have to use it all year since I like to hide in the basement that has no windows!!

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I got a sunlamp for Christmas. I'm probably going to have to use it all year since I like to hide in the basement that has no windows!!

 

Also remember to take d-vitamine supplements.

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Yep, fortunately I've been taking those for years. Combined with the way I used to be out in the sun all summer I had wonderful D levels. We'll see what hiding in the house all summer while still using the same dose of Vit d did for my levels this year. I should be getting them checked in February.

 

That is a really good point for all of us that are housebound though. We may need to supplement with some amount of vit D, just make sure you get your levels checked because too much Vit D is bad for you too. I've also seen that some people in withdrawal can have their sxs revved up by vit D so start low and go slow if you do decide to supplement. Also make sure it is D-3.