Your Appearance in w/d

[[Se...]]

SerenityNow-I work in the world of Plastic Surgery. There are a lot of wonderful fillers that can be used to restore volume to one's face and we are lucky that we have options if needed. When I first went off a benzo I loss 5 pds (it was mostly muscle) I dropped to 105 pds. I never eat carbs however I made sure to add carbs into my diet and now I weigh 107.8 pds. I have been working out so hard at the gym and I have noticed that my muscle that I lost is coming back. I'm shedding hair and quite nervous about that symptom but I am going to remain positive and pray it abates in time. I rather have a sunken face (add some fillers than end up bald) It's all relative....

 

Hi, Always :-)  Thanks for that info.; however, I would never consider fillers, especially after going through benzodiazepine withdrawal.  My appearance may or may not be horrific to others, but I will let nature take its course either way.  I'm moving away from adding toxins and foreign, damaging substances to my body, not toward.

 

P.S. - I think Madonna's filled face looks awful.  Too bad, as she's a naturally beautiful woman.

[[no...]]

A-ha... just went to the other threads nova posted about this topic & I have found this, from a member named Hope:

 

"I have : thin, wrinkled, sagging skin all over my body. It looks like my skin suddenly became 2 sizes too big and very soft and mushy.

I'm 42 now. This all started last year when I was 41. I look like I'm a sickly 52 year old. Not even a healthy 52 year old.

Dark circles under my eyes, under eye wrinkles, sagging eye lids, deep marionette lines on either side of my mouth, sunken cheeks, protruding cheek bones, MAJOR hair loss (I have what looks like male pattern baldness), muscle wasting and my hands look like serpent skin."

 

 

 

My heavens, this is my experience EXACTLY.  Wonder if a lot of the saggy, wrinkling, parchment (serpent) skin stuff has much to do with the muscle wasting/loss involved with benzo use & withdrawal.

 

 

Ditto to all the above plus tooth and gums problems and crystals like salt/sugar coming out of my skin all over my body and my eyes,one other person on out of 1000's  here said they had crystals coming out of their skin for a while then it went, mines been happening for a few year's  + a heap of other stuff .

 

Even my vaginal muscles dropped for a few year''s I mean really dropped, it was painful to try and sit down, but thats okay now, its gone back to normal. I 'm 5ft 6-1/2 I went from  125lbs up to 200lbs .Then  back down to 98lbs and for 4 year's no matter how much I ate could not put any weight on. 

 

I've now gone up to in a 2 to 3 weeks 141.45lbs but this fluctuates up and down during the day by 4lbs, all this is on the same diet and like Francesca I had to add real food carbs back and also raw dairy to put weight on as I never ate them for year's.

 

I took a selfie yesterday as i can feel my face dropping further down and compared to a pic 5months ago were i looked 30 not 55 going on 56 I now seriously look like a late seventies or older woman. I always looked way younger facially and body wise and became aware 4year's age my face was dropping rapidly. 

 

Much faster than normal aging and the more i taper down the worse it gets and i mean this is every day or two its getting worse and its defiantly not because of being delusional because of benzos. If that was the case ALL my pics would look awful but i am unrecognizable now. 

 

I am also anti face filler and was shocked by Madonna's appearance too, And here in UK too many famous naturally beautiful women have had there face and bodies wreaked by long term damage or instant damage from fillers, implants, the usual suspects. 

 

And after benzos i never want what nature never gave me any where in my body again. As long as i can have inner peace and be happy after all this thats 100% good enough for me. A beautiful face is worthless without a peaceful joyful soul, and if the deal is happiness or beauty then i take happiness any time. I  was bloody miserable most of the time when other people said how beautiful i was anyway!!

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[sw...]]

I have had major appearance issues throughout my whole journey. I considered myself stylish and attractive and I looked young for my age. I took pride in my appearance and put effort into it. Not only did the depression and agoraphobia make just bathing difficult, my skin looked like I had aged 15 years...I had dark purple circles under my eyes and at about 5 months off I started loosing hair (which was all I had left). My nails were brittle and ridged and I walked slumped like an old lady. Add in the F"ed Up kind of weight gain that we get with muscle loss and cellulite in places I did not know could exist and I was sure it was over for me. But I have to tell you that it ALL COMES back...those people who tell you you get a better version of yourself back are not lying. I am at about 13 months out now with matching windows to waves and I can see things returning to normal. My skin has gone back to the way it was and glows again and my eyes are no longer dull, they are bright like they used to be. I can see the hair growing out now and it is amazing how much of it I lost. I got my hair cut and colored for the first time in forever and it was exciting again, not anxiety producing...it felt like it used to before this nightmare happened. For the first time in 2 years I look in the mirror again and I am actually wearing mascara and lipgloss again. Disclosure: I did start a new cleaner diet and I am taking food grade Diatomaceous Earth which has been amazing, but I am healing. I am better than ever because I have a new appreciation for what I feared I had lost. It WILL come back. This is all SO demoralizing and we also forget that this can hit women a little harder with aging on top of it all. Hang in there.

[[MT...]]

So glad you're doing so well Sweetlila. Thank you for sharing the hope. I look forward to when I can feel good about how I look again--not self-conscious.

 

[[Lo...]]

I have had major appearance issues throughout my whole journey. I considered myself stylish and attractive and I looked young for my age. I took pride in my appearance and put effort into it. Not only did the depression and agoraphobia make just bathing difficult, my skin looked like I had aged 15 years...I had dark purple circles under my eyes and at about 5 months off I started loosing hair (which was all I had left). My nails were brittle and ridged and I walked slumped like an old lady. Add in the F"ed Up kind of weight gain that we get with muscle loss and cellulite in places I did not know could exist and I was sure it was over for me. But I have to tell you that it ALL COMES back...those people who tell you you get a better version of yourself back are not lying. I am at about 13 months out now with matching windows to waves and I can see things returning to normal. My skin has gone back to the way it was and glows again and my eyes are no longer dull, they are bright like they used to be. I can see the hair growing out now and it is amazing how much of it I lost. I got my hair cut and colored for the first time in forever and it was exciting again, not anxiety producing...it felt like it used to before this nightmare happened. For the first time in 2 years I look in the mirror again and I am actually wearing mascara and lipgloss again. Disclosure: I did start a new cleaner diet and I am taking food grade Diatomaceous Earth which has been amazing, but I am healing. I am better than ever because I have a new appreciation for what I feared I had lost. It WILL come back. This is all SO demoralizing and we also forget that this can hit women a little harder with aging on top of it all. Hang in there.

 

i just ordered the diatomaceous earth!!!! happy to here it works. glad you are feeling better!!!

[[Al...]]

I have had major appearance issues throughout my whole journey. I considered myself stylish and attractive and I looked young for my age. I took pride in my appearance and put effort into it. Not only did the depression and agoraphobia make just bathing difficult, my skin looked like I had aged 15 years...I had dark purple circles under my eyes and at about 5 months off I started loosing hair (which was all I had left). My nails were brittle and ridged and I walked slumped like an old lady. Add in the F"ed Up kind of weight gain that we get with muscle loss and cellulite in places I did not know could exist and I was sure it was over for me. But I have to tell you that it ALL COMES back...those people who tell you you get a better version of yourself back are not lying. I am at about 13 months out now with matching windows to waves and I can see things returning to normal. My skin has gone back to the way it was and glows again and my eyes are no longer dull, they are bright like they used to be. I can see the hair growing out now and it is amazing how much of it I lost. I got my hair cut and colored for the first time in forever and it was exciting again, not anxiety producing...it felt like it used to before this nightmare happened. For the first time in 2 years I look in the mirror again and I am actually wearing mascara and lipgloss again. Disclosure: I did start a new cleaner diet and I am taking food grade Diatomaceous Earth which has been amazing, but I am healing. I am better than ever because I have a new appreciation for what I feared I had lost. It WILL come back. This is all SO demoralizing and we also forget that this can hit women a little harder with aging on top of it all. Hang in there.

 

Sweetlila- I'm SO happy to have read this. When I first went off Valium I used to weight 110 pds but then I lost 5-6 pds literally over night and I lost a lot of muscle weight. Instead of panicking I increased my work out with lifting weights and I added carbs into my diet. I have been on a no carb, low fat, no sugar diet for years. I am in excellent health and I have been working out for 23 years every day. Muscle weighs more than fat but I am happy to say that I have regained my muscle loss in about 3 weeks. It has not been easy but I was determined to do it. When I wasn't sleeping well I did have terrible circles under my eyes however I told myself when my sleep returns the circles will go away. For the last 5 nights I have been sleeping and the circles abated.

 

It's so important to stay positive and have a great attitude and to realize a lot of these side effects are caused by w/d of a Benzo. Everyone heals in time!! My hair has been shedding for the last three weeks. It hasn't shed in two days and this AM it's shedding, and I can't make this up. Instead of panicking about this I know this symptom will abate in time. I already noticed new hair growing in so I continue to remain positive. Positivity beats negativity any day:) and there is a reason I chose not to be friends with negative people.

 

Sending you continued good vibes!

Francesca:)

[[no...]]

I have had major appearance issues throughout my whole journey. I considered myself stylish and attractive and I looked young for my age. I took pride in my appearance and put effort into it. Not only did the depression and agoraphobia make just bathing difficult, my skin looked like I had aged 15 years...I had dark purple circles under my eyes and at about 5 months off I started loosing hair (which was all I had left). My nails were brittle and ridged and I walked slumped like an old lady. Add in the F"ed Up kind of weight gain that we get with muscle loss and cellulite in places I did not know could exist and I was sure it was over for me. But I have to tell you that it ALL COMES back...those people who tell you you get a better version of yourself back are not lying. I am at about 13 months out now with matching windows to waves and I can see things returning to normal. My skin has gone back to the way it was and glows again and my eyes are no longer dull, they are bright like they used to be. I can see the hair growing out now and it is amazing how much of it I lost. I got my hair cut and

colored for the first time in forever and it was exciting again, not anxiety producing...it felt like it used to before this nightmare happened. For the first time in 2 years I look in the mirror again and I am actually wearing mascara and lipgloss again. Disclosure: I did start a new cleaner diet and I am taking food grade Diatomaceous Earth which has been amazing, but I am healing. I am better than ever because I have a new appreciation for what I feared I had lost. It WILL come back. This is all SO demoralizing and we also forget that this can hit women a little harder with aging on top of it all. Hang in there.

 

 

My nails are the same and have been for a few year's, BUT I noticed yesterday that although their still rigged and not at their best, they have grown longer than in many year's and where they were thin and easy to bend their now toughing up!! So my sxs are getting worse but my nails they are a changing!!, So although each day I feel worse  minute by minute, my body is doing a repair job some where I'm not aware of. 

 

And our bodies know what they need to do and where it needs to begin the repair process, and yes believe me I know its not where we want as with pain and physical and mental suffering.  But it knows its circuit board I just hope next repair job Is this F-ing pain and burning I had for year's for starters, and at least SOME of the mental crap. But I'm taking the nails as a good sign in all the mayhem  and suffering that life has been for many year's for me.

So chins up chaps and chapesess, the change is gonna come

 

Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Se...]]

Yup.  Nova... Same here with the nails.  Mine are growing like crazy and SO much stronger than they've been in years!  SO encouraging, that little sure sign of... HEALTH.

 

We ARE healing. 

[[sw...]]

Aw ladies, such nice words and I am so glad what I said may have helped...I know I just wanted answers and the best we can do in our cases is constantly say "it just takes time". As a person who always tries to make the best of the worst and rally, I know I am completely fed up with waiting. So here is some info I know for sure and if it helps you in any way then that makes my day:

 

Re: the diatomaceous earth...it is hard to find dosing info with any clarity on the internet or any packaging. Make sure it is food grade and EASE into how much you are taking. I say this because it can give a real boost of energy to sensitive systems (I believe we ALL suffer from that here) and the first couple of nights it was a little too hard to get to sleep and my sleep average went down by about an hour. Mama no like. Mama NO LIKE. I also say this to those who might still be at that adrenaline phase of their withdrawl because it might increase cortisol rushes if you take too much. With that said, do not be afraid to try it because the benefits I got from fatigue and mood swings and depression were major. Because it is mostly silica it will also help with the hair and skin issues as well as with joint pain. Start off with 1/2 teaspoon for a few days in the morning. Then up it to one teaspoon for a few days and so on. I currently take one heaping tablespoon in the am and about half that in the afternoon when fatigue sets in...any more than that and getting to sleep is restless (not scary like a few months ago, just a pain in the ass). The goal is to find the dose that you like best. You should feel a little burst of energy and motivation about an hour or less after taking it. I get a little buzz of well being and start to have lots of ideas and get kinda chatty and it reminds me of my old self. Also start by taking it in the mornings until you see how energetic it makes you. Good luck!

 

I so understand the hair thing and I will tell you that based on my experience and my research (so much) it seems that once you start shedding from the time it stops, if you have a lot of hair (I have thin hair but a ton of it) you loose about 1/3 of your hair and if you have thinner hair it seems more like half. You will not go bald. And it is only really noticeable to you and maybe your mom:) So the best thing to do is make peace with it and say F-it! It is going, it will stop when it stops and it will come back. When you see massive regrowth is when the shedding usually has stopped for good. The shedding lasted about 3 months and then it was about three to see the major volume from the regrowth. That turnaround is not too bad all things considering. I did find that getting a shorter style helped (I cut off 7 inches) it look fuller and spending my time planning a new style and color via Pinterest was much better than stressing. The worrying only makes it worse and all I did was worry about something I had no control over. Besides, none of us are looking in the mirror or wearing anything other than sweats most of the time, so throw it in a pony and remember that the regrowth grows almost twice as fast as it did...you can fix it for sure down the line:)

 

As for my dark circles, they make me look so much older but they come and go with equal measure now and I am thrilled for even that! So in order to help with that issue I got an amazing pair of sunglasses to go with my thin but stylish hair and I am keeping it moving. After spending three plus years worrying about everything and anything, the second the chemical compulsions to worry went away, I promised myself I would put the whole thing in the rearview and not focus on what I cannot control anymore. This is another reason why I think we are all better than we were before after this experience. We will take less for granted:) xoxo to you all.

[[Al...]]

Sweetlila-May I ask you one question about the hair shedding? I have noticed my hair does not shed every day. It sheds when it wants to which is so weird (maybe every other day) Did you experience that? I remember after my son was born my hair was shedding for 3 months but I got a baby out of it:). I do have fine hair however I am not going to worry or stress about it anymore.

 

Thanks.

Francesca

[[sw...]]

Francesca,

I do not know the rate of the shedding on a daily basis because I would put it up in a bun for a week at a time (sometimes more when it was really bad) What would happen is when I would wash it and run a comb through it in the conditioning phase, I would have a huge amount of hair come out. At first I just thought it was more because I was not regularly washing it. But I had hair all over my apartment and clothes and after a few weeks I could see that my hair was thinner. I also had a ton of breakage, despite not coloring it and not using heat or styling tools on it. It was so hard to believe and even my hairdresser said she could see all the baby hair growing back in and confirmed the amount of loss based on regrowth. Somehow her confirmation made me feel better, like it was really happening.

 

So sorry, but I do not know the daily rate of loss it just all kinda hit at once making it scarier. I did notice when less hair would come out in washing and a lot of things started getting better at this time and I was bathing more and was more active in general.  It took several months for me to believe it had stopped. The other thing that bothered me so much about the hair loss was the idea that my body was so jacked up and presenting symptoms that a severely ill person would have with nothing "technically" wrong with me. It just felt so dangerous to lose hair without another symptom. It is funny with how I still have to say to myself "that really did happen" or " this is really happening because of withdrawl". I think it is for sure the hormonal changes in our bodies causing the most damage, but this is scary as hell. Good luck, you got this:)

[[Al...]]

Sweetlila-thank you for getting back to me. I definitely know it's due to my endocrine not being balanced. I'm in excellent health and knowing that this is happening to me is upsetting. I never thought going off a benzo especially C/T could be so self destructing to my body. I read that it's easier to come off meth than a benzo. Very sad!!

 

I must stay positive. My hair is not shedding as much as is did so that's a good sign. Abut 4 weeks ago my hair texture changed and when it started to shed it became very greasy (and I never had greasy hair). Now it's not greasy anymore and the texture feels more like my hair. I am hoping it's starting to balance out and this terrible symptom abates.

[[Lo...]]

one question for you too sweetlila....how do you take your diatomaceous earth? i was thinking about in my smoothies but how do you eat it. i hope you guys are feeling a little better. I'm pretty up and down my self lately. just getting through. love to you all and big hug.

[[sw...]]

LongWalks,

 

I take the D-Earth in purified water. You just mix it briskly and down it. It does not taste bad at all, just gritty. I follow up with a big glass of water and take the rest of my supplements. Good luck!

[[Cr...]]

I used to be a good looking muscular 30 year old, now i look like a homeless crazy crack addict thats been awake for 3 months. Im so pathetic at the moment and its been like this for the past year. I cant take another year of this. I want my freakin life back

[[Cr...]]

LAST YEAR (pre benzo)

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r308/k2stypoint/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_20141019_124207_zpsno2o0frt.jpg

 

 

This year (post benzo)

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r308/k2stypoint/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_20150318_124403_zpsyr7xpnxh.jpg

Depressing, right? Normally i would have been embarrassed to post this 2nd pic, but i think it illustrates just how awful these drugs are. I have lost everything, mind, body and soul.

[[no...]]

Hi Ladies and Gents  I'm going to take green pastures fermented cod liver oil and butter oil blend which I bought and forgot as I read thats good for your skin amongst other things, and yesterday I tried the brown sugar and olive oil mixture  recommended on the old thread link I put up by  Pretty Daisies the Esthetician .

 

I only tried it on a small area on one side of my face  due to sensitivities and fear it would go wrong, but was pleasantly surprised it actually worked well with no problems  and made a noticeable difference to the appearance and texture of my skin.

 

I only gently rubbed it in for 2 to 3 minutes not the 10 minutes recommended, as I was worried, but in that short time it did good, so I've just mixed a batch in an empty jar of  Organic olive oil and  Organic raw cane sugar. But it doesn't have to be Organic, its just I use all Organic food, and everything else organic, you need to shake the mixture up in the jar before use.

 

But if you have a problem with shaking like I get on times due to pain and muscle spasm, just tip the jar from side to side from top to bottom. This mixes it just as well , Daisy also said as well as massaging it in putting it on and steaming your face over the top of it works well too. I think she meant steam and massage after, as I can't see what just steaming sugar and olive oil together on your face would do and nothing else.

 

Nova xxxx  :smitten:

 

Nova xxx

[[no...]]

LAST YEAR (pre benzo)

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r308/k2stypoint/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_20141019_124207_zpsno2o0frt.jpg

 

 

This year (post benzo)

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r308/k2stypoint/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_20150318_124403_zpsyr7xpnxh.jpg

 

 

 

 

Depressing, right? Normally i would have been embarrassed to post this 2nd pic, but i think it illustrates just how awful these drugs are. I have lost everything, mind, body and soul.

 

 

CP  my pictures look EXACTLY the same face and body ''before'',  and my ''after'' maybe worse, and my skin tone is the same as yours, You actually look a lot like  some of my family members, and your 'After'' pic  hair looks the same as mine a fooking 'scare cut'' man! And a guy I grew up with thought i was  a Heroin addict This is some one I've known all my life and knows me better than to fk with that shit? Says it all really don't it? Mind I said the same on post's on BB about  myself looking like a crack head hobo as well.

 

Nova xxx :smitten:

 

 

[[Cr...]]

I will make it back to the first image...may be a little more worn, but i will make it.

[[sw...]]

I totally get what you are saying Crazy Pants, even though I do not think you look as bad as you thing you look:) Your eyes do look sad, I call them benzo eyes. I swear to God once this shit is out of your system and you have some more time to heal, you will GET IT ALL BACK. I used to read the posts that said this and think "if I have to wait another year, though, I will go crazy". But the truth is you do not go crazy and you have no choice. Small things come back on line one by one (and then go away again in a wave:) but the cycling gets faster and before you know it, you have a day where the world does not look like it is made up of razor blades and you can think clearly. Focus on the things that are working, even if it is just a day with no shakes or your legs walking without the bowing. Whatever you got that day that is working, go with it. You are on your way, man:) Best of luck.

[[Lo...]]

I used to be a good looking muscular 30 year old, now i look like a homeless crazy crack addict thats been awake for 3 months. Im so pathetic at the moment and its been like this for the past year. I cant take another year of this. I want my freakin life back

 

man you will get back to the first pic. just take it easy and rest your body. pump a lot of nutrients in your system. these drugs have sucked my soul away. the longer we stay off the better it will get.

[[Al...]]

CRAZYPANTS-I don't think you look so terrible and I work in the world of plastic surgery. You are in acute w/d you are going to get better. This is just the beginning.

 

Can you please tell me how add a recent picture. I will be more than happy to show you a picture of me taken last Thursday.

 

Nova1-I work in the world of Plastic Surgery. If you can get some Vitamin C oil and rub it on your face every night that is great for your skin and texture. My skin has not really changed since I continued using Retin A and Vitamin C daily. I don't know if they sell Vitamin C in the UK but wanted to share it with you.

Fran

[[Fi...]]

Crazypants--before I read others say it, I was thinking I don't think the contrast is as painful as you think.  I think when we don't feel good we look in the mirror and because we feel like shit, we think we look like shit.  But the truth is, a lot of this is in our brains and isn't really about actual physical changes in our appearances.  I thought you were going to post a before and after that looked more like the ones we see of meth addicts.  You are not at all that far gone, if at all!

[[no...]]

Crazy pants,    When i got a few weeks not a complete window but bearable enough to push through the pain and exercise, which nearly bloody finished me off!! I actually looked good and built up to looking like a young fit athlete again which in your 50's is a  bloody miracle with out Benzos!

 

I was a supreme athlete when I was younger and always looked year's younger than i am, but alas a fkn Tsunami of a wave got me again and its a lot worse if thats possible  than before .And I now look WORSE than after year's of no window, getting 8 weeks where i didn't feel great but looked much better and others also remarked on it. 

 

And bluffing my way with a put on happy face and positive attitude as well, so yes we can go back to the way we were or even better when we heal or even in a window as I saw even if it was a short time. Its just unreal after that I got and look so much worse again? I got pictures taken 5 months ago were I look well even if i didn't feel that great in other way's, and now I look and feel like hell and totally unrecognizable fro those pictures and ones 6 months and a year ago. 

 

I noticed and so did my  scuzz butt  of an ex that dumped me when I became  even  more ill  in yet another worsening of each wave with out any breaks for years, just getting worse. That i was beginning to age rapidly like over a few day's and sometimes a night? four year's ago and now i look older than my grandmothers did at 80 and 90?

 

Our family are notorious for looking way younger and fit than we are, but I was even more so before than all my family. I'm the eldest by 5 year's of three and everyone though I was the baby by mega years? Not no more looking like I been dug up? But like I said it will come back, I have SEEN the future, it best f-ing hurry up and at least take the pain and mental anguish away though

 

Nova xxx :smitten:

[[Cr...]]

Thanks guys....no picture could ever illustrate the inhumane suffering we endure. Our syndrome has very few visible effects, but the things going on under our skin are worse than the most horrible experiemce i ever could have imagined