6-12 month thread....

[[MT...]]

Hello everyone!  I have been off of klonopin since March 12th, 2015.  This is the 4th time I have quit klonopin.  I also quit my antidepressant on September 30th, 2015  I had been doing great but last week got hit with delayed onset withdrawals to include horrible insomnia.  I went to a naturopath and she suggested L theanine and Taurine.  I think they both affect gaba.  Is it ok this far out to take these supplements?  Anyone use inositol?  I have posted in the alternative group but haven't really gotten an answer.  Thanks in advance

 

Sorry to hear about the insomnia. Not sleeping enough or well, can be brutal. I've tried both supplements and noticed no effect but I'm a pretty extreme case. I find myself thinking more and more that I need to get all of my medicine/supplements from food. They don't seem to translate into pills well. I wonder if there are food ways of taking in those two supplements.

 

MT

[[Si...]]

L-Theanine occurs naturally in tea, especially green tea. I drank a cup of decaf green tea for the first few months after w/d. I've tried the supplement SunTheanine and didn't really like it. I can't explain why though. Inositol occurs naturally in some foods, like fruits especially. The amount is really low compared to an extract. I tried it too and it would make me feel good for about an hour and then I would get depressed after. Some BB's love it though. You can give them a try. As far as stuff that may cause a terrible reaction they rank pretty low.

[[...]]

1 more day and I graduate to the 12-18 month thread!  Don't worry I'll probably still pop my head in here to say hi.

 

 

[[MT...]]

You're moving along, Geek! Looking forward to seeing you on the 12-18 month thread.

[[Sa...]]

Hello to All 6-12ers,

 

How is everyone?  Hanging in there?  I hope insomnia and anxiety will leave the room for tonight, wishing you a good night's rest and beautiful dreams.

 

This will pass if you are doubting it will. 

Sending you hugs and prayers

 

S

[[Sa...]]

g33k,

 

Congratulations on your graduation from this thread! You know what that means, right? you have done something that you thought you could never survive.  One year off these pills and into your recovery.  I am so hopeful for you and i'll see you next week on the 12-18 thread i think its called. 

 

[[...]]

Thanks Sara, Sofa, MT eh All. 

 

BTW, I bit the bullet and drove 1.5 hrs to cross the US-Can border tonight to buy a few sheets of powerball lottery tickets.  jackpot is 1.5Bil USD.  Yes, thats a B.

 

insane.

 

wish me luck

[[Be...]]

Thanks Sara, Sofa, MT eh All. 

 

BTW, I bit the bullet and drove 1.5 hrs to cross the US-Can border tonight to buy a few sheets of powerball lottery tickets.  jackpot is 1.5Bil USD.  Yes, thats a B.

 

insane.

 

wish me luck

 

If I did not win, then I wished it was you, for the heroic drive.  Sadly for us both, a winner is in Southern CA—400 miles too far south of me. 

[[...]]

Weakness and shaking better today but the pain is excruciating and hurts so bad today last two days force myself to stay out of bed and suffered through the pain but no way to do that today couple days / 11 months cold turkey and this is really really tough today

[[Sa...]]

Ddd,

 

Can you get into a bath with epsom salts?  If you have to do it 3 times fine, if you can. Try it'll make a big dent in the pain.

Glad the shaking & vibrating have eased a bit.  IMO, now the pain receptors are trying to connect and thats why they're putting you through the ringer. 

Let me know about the epsom salt bath.

It'll ease on, hang in there ( I know you hate this phrase right now but don't know what else to say except i know for a fact you are getting better and just have to go through it to come out the other side)

Luv

S

 

[[...]]

Ddd,

 

Can you get into a bath with epsom salts?  If you have to do it 3 times fine, if you can. Try it'll make a big dent in the pain.

Glad the shaking & vibrating have eased a bit.  IMO, now the pain receptors are trying to connect and thats why they're putting you through the ringer. 

Let me know about the epsom salt bath.

It'll ease on, hang in there ( I know you hate this phrase right now but don't know what else to say except i know for a fact you are getting better and just have to go through it to come out the other side)

Luv

S

 

tried an Epsom salt bath not even touching the pain laying on a heating pad seems to help a little bit but I got muscle pain in your pain right now at the same time.  I know we have to go through the worst before we get better and I'm only going into my eleventh month now well I'm actually into my 11 month I know things are going to improve hopefully in the next few weeks I'll just have to hold on.  thank you for your encouraging words just the pain is so bad I've cried throughout the day but I know it will get better and this will end one day hopefully soon thank you saraa

[[Sa...]]

[[...]]

hello fellow 6-12 month friends <3

 

I am new to this board, and really not on benzobuddies all that often, but I'm stopping in today for some encouragement and advice.

 

I am 10.5 months off klonopin.

in the past week or so, I have nose dived into one of my worst waves i have yet experienced.

although anxiety, dr/dp have been in the constant background during this whole entire process, the past week every symptom has been debilitating. i began having panic attacks again, and they have turned crippling. my head is buzzing, my body doesn't feel as though it belongs to me. I have lost 5 lbs (which for me, is def not good) as I can't even force myself to eat. in the past week, it is not an exaggeration to say that every single waking minute is full of terror, desperation, and bone chilling depression. suicidal thoughts are scaring the living hell out of me. i truly do not want to end my life, but i can barely stand to live another minute in this.

 

has anyone had this experience? did anyone feel like their waves were just getting worse? at 10 months, are these symptoms normal or should I reevaluate my situation and consider a rescue dose? i feel like many of the stories I see people say their waves get a bit easier over time. i get SO SCARED when I read that, because I wonder what the hell is going on with me?

 

any advice would be super helpful. I hope i don't sound like a downer and depress anyone or scare anyone. i just have truly reached this point of desperation...

 

thanks for reading

[[Le...]]

hello fellow 6-12 month friends <3

 

I am new to this board, and really not on benzobuddies all that often, but I'm stopping in today for some encouragement and advice.

 

I am 10.5 months off klonopin.

in the past week or so, I have nose dived into one of my worst waves i have yet experienced.

although anxiety, dr/dp have been in the constant background during this whole entire process, the past week every symptom has been debilitating. i began having panic attacks again, and they have turned crippling. my head is buzzing, my body doesn't feel as though it belongs to me. I have lost 5 lbs (which for me, is def not good) as I can't even force myself to eat. in the past week, it is not an exaggeration to say that every single waking minute is full of terror, desperation, and bone chilling depression. suicidal thoughts are scaring the living hell out of me. i truly do not want to end my life, but i can barely stand to live another minute in this.

 

has anyone had this experience? did anyone feel like their waves were just getting worse? at 10 months, are these symptoms normal or should I reevaluate my situation and consider a rescue dose? i feel like many of the stories I see people say their waves get a bit easier over time. i get SO SCARED when I read that, because I wonder what the hell is going on with me?

 

any advice would be super helpful. I hope i don't sound like a downer and depress anyone or scare anyone. i just have truly reached this point of desperation...

 

thanks for reading

 

First of all, thank you for your videos. They definitley put a face to this bortex and hearing someone speak of this opposed to reading about it is great.

 

In regards to what you are going through, yes. I have felt that after great windows, I have had some fiercceeee waves of pure blackness. Then boom another window. That has been my life for the past few months. Cool windows and deep nasty waves..How horrid it truly is and for that I can say I am with you in this boat. Ironically enough I am on vacation as I type this and am going through another wave..If there isnone thing I can tell you is that your recovery is inevitable. Trust the countless people before us whom have gone through this vortex and KNOW this will be a faded memory in your life. Stay strong and trust that your body is healing.

 

God Bless

[[re...]]

BB89,

        Waves are still intense for me ,It takes all I got to get through the mix of dread,angst,and that persistent uneasy terror,anxiety and frustration that brings on a no way out feeling . It's been on and off for 3 days.

It's been keeping me from getting any good sleep,all miserable 1.5hrs. at a time,again.

  Last night I had a waking nightmare,then awoke again with a hypnic jolt,I thought I was done with the real bad sleep .

Be aware that suicide "feeling".,that comes out of nowhere ,it's a forced mental state.It's not normal.

After getting windows., symptoms and waves are worse when they hit hard this far out.

This is when you need to fight it ,but at the same time give in to let it pass.

[[Sa...]]

 

BB89,

 

Here is what's going on with me.

 

Clearly for me if it wasn't for the muscle vibs and vision issue in left eye i would say i am fully recovered.

It could be a window.  I hope not.  It feels for weeks now that i am pretty much well enough and good to go.  Am i 100% i don't know what 100 percent is anymore.

 

As i have other health issues, always had cfs, i am also 57year old female with almost no hormones and hashimoto's etc etc etc.  And those are only the good news health things. lol.  But generally i would say i am happy, active, i sleep well, i am hopeful, i sleep with a giddyness of a little girl planning what i like to do tomorrow, can't wait till the morning to go about them.  I have so many projects and things lined up to do and wish there was more time in the day to them.

f

BB89, so this is my story so far and you know that i could hardly walk or talk about a month ago.  At 9.5 months i was thrown into a depression and anxiety from hell.  Not a depression like oh i feel sad and i cry but something that i could taste and feel with every fibre of my being.  It wasn't sadness at all it was like the movie Alien, something trying to eat my brain and mind from the inside. My eyes were open but i couldn't see anything in front of me.  I can't even begin to say what it was but i know the word depression doesn't even begin to paint that monster.  IT PASSES LIKE YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE.  You won't even remember it if you try.  you'll just know it was unbearable but you won't be able to sense it or feel it.

 

Please hang on and there are more people here that have the same pattern as me than not.  Taking a turn for the worse at this far out and then the open road of health once again.

 

 

I so much pray every night for all here on BBs especially people who are really suffering and are made to suffer more in rehabs like hippo and i am helpless to do anything about.

 

You are in my thoughts and i will be here and so many other good people here for you.

luv

Saraa

[[Si...]]

Hi BB89,

 

I know exactly how you feel. I had pretty much every symptom you can name at some point. I got hit really really hard in month 10 after feeling nearly fully healed for 5 months. So it can for sure come back with a vengeance. What's ofd is that it is actually pretty common for people to get hit hard around the one year mark for some reason. I went through months of sheer torture until it got to a point where my windows and waves were fluctuating wildly up and down. Then rapidly out of nowhere within about a two week period I could tell that my symptoms just all got better. Somehow I just knew it wasn't just a window and that I'm just better somehow. While I still have some symptoms, they've all dialed back from an 8 or 9 down to a 2. The depression just disappeared. That was BRUTAL for months. I'm falling asleep within 20 minutes each night and getting roughly 7+ hours. Before I would go for days at a time without sleeping. Sometimes 2 or 3 days straight. And that lasted for months and months. The burning is almost nearly gone and don't even get me started on the head pressure from hell. Nearly all gone now. I was close to getting my climbing rope out and going out our second floor window. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS ABD YOU WILL GET BETTER! I didn't believe it either when some of the old timers told me that, but it does happen and it will happen for you too.

 

Anyway sorry for the long post. I hope today is s better day for you and then many more.

 

[[...]]

thats 5 hours straight sleep last night knew I was going to wake up in a wave usually I get 6 to 7 hours broken up.  nerve pain and muscle pain coming in and going out tired woke up shaky and weak..  spent a good amount of time in bed yesterday got up and walked a little bit but couldn't do much.  like 11 months on the 12th of this month.  praying to God I hold it together and get through the day praying for Windows that I never seem to get.  I know one day I will be well and I've read the 11th and 12 months can be really hard can't wait to get over that hurdle asking for prayers today

[[...]]

wow thank you so much for the encouraging replies. i truly don't think you realize how much each and every one meant to me. i desperately needed to hear this. i was feeling so discouraged. in my 10 month video i mentioned i was possibly turning the corner, only to get slammed so hard like this.

 

saraa, I know what you mean. that is how i feel now. the depression, panic, drdp is so bad that i have seriously considered giving up. my mom had to come to stay with me just to watch me and try to feed me. so many terrifying thoughts buzz through my head, sending a burning flame through me whole body. my thoughts are telling me this isn't klonopin related, its just the way i am. its telling me i am stuck like this. its telling me life will never be the same. i just have to remember this is the depression and panic talking.

 

thank you all, there is some relief in hearing that some people experience this at over 10 months out. i cant hear it enough right now

[[so...]]

BB89,

 

Sweetheart, I feel stuck exactly like you do at 14.5 months out and never having experienced a window.  The feeling that I will never heal makes sense when it's the same shitshow every single day for this long with no let up.  We just have to hold on to the words of the people who have completely recovered from this that we too will heal 100% and will live a beautiful life some day.  When it's our turn to heal, no matter when that time comes, this journey through hell will be over.  We will have our lives back, interacting with the world, enjoying little normal things we always took for granted, sleeping in peace, waking up in peace, moving through our day in peace.  Just PEACE.  It will be wonderful one day.

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

BB89,

 

I have had some very dark moments during this journey.

 

I remember the panic and misery at 4am when the house was quiet and I was terrified and suffering while my wife and baby slept in the next room.  The early morning hours seemed to be the worst for me.  I remember standing in the shower thinking......  I don't want to die, but if I did it would be good because at least I won't have to feel like this anymore.

 

1 year ago today I jumped.  I'm fairly certain I won't have those feelings again in my life.  I am getting better - definitely.

 

It seems so common for many of us to take a dive before the 1 year mark. It feels so defeating after you've been feeling OK-ish only to spiral back down into the depths of misery.  It's happened repeatedly for me during this process.  It will happen again as I'm not healed yet BUT it's a sign that things are slowly healing. 

 

This is that NON-LINEAR healing process your body takes after CNS damage.  It seems like cruel and unusual punishment doesn't it?

 

But the more it happens, the more it toughens/hardens me.  Somewhere around your point I accepted that the waves weren't going to kill me.  I accepted them.  I found it was somewhat liberating to give in to the process.  There's nothing you can do about it.  At this point I'm doing this out of pure bull-headed stubbornness now.  I come this far, I really don't care how long it takes now, I just know I'm not going back to the pills.

 

The fact that you have definite identifiable windows, where even though you may not feel 100% normal, compared to horrible waves IS a sign that things are slowly happening.    Your body is damaged.  Nothing wants more to be normal than your body itself.  Know that it's trying to heal.  It will get there.

 

-Geek

[[...]]

Some study material for you guys.....

 

 

http://www.holistichelp.net/blog/how-to-increase-gaba-and-balance-glutamate/

[[He...]]

Geek, congrats on ONE YEAR FREE!  WOO HOO!!!!!!!

[[...]]

Thank you Herckie.

 

Without BenzoBuddies I wouldn't have made it this far, that I know.

[[Sa...]]

Geek

 

 

One year off!!!!

 

 

 

                                                                        Congatulations