Jump to content
Important Survey - Please Participate ×
Dr. David Healy - Raising Awareness of Inappropriate or Harmful Deprescribing Practices ×
  • entries
    6
  • comments
    6
  • views
    773

About this blog

Some of you may remember my previous blog, Waiting For The Sun To Shine Again. That blog detailed my benzo withdrawal journey at first, and for the past year or more, simply my life after it. This blog will be more about my relationship to recovery, creativity, and making something worthwhile of what remains after benzo's. I hope you enjoy.

Entries in this blog

The Struggle

The Many Failures Of The Man With No Name

Hey guys, it's been a long time. And it's been a strange time. Most of this year has been a struggle, but it got particularly bad in August when I tried to introduce Citalopram into my regime to combat my anxiety, particularly my health anxiety. And what do you know, it made things worse. The first two weeks when I started on a super low dose was fine, but as soon as I upped it, it was terrible. And it felt a hell of a lot like benzo withdrawal. And it started getting better as soon as I stopped
[Hu...]

[Hu...] in The Struggle

2
The Struggle

Last Words Of A Shooting Star

I wish I had something better to update you guys with. But I just don't. It's been a real struggle. Why did I ever touch an SSRI again? Everything was going... well, not great. But manageable. My anxiety was high, despite being on 45mg Mirtazapine, and I added Citalopram to it. Barely anything. And yet since, my life has gone off the rails. Badly.  I stopped taking it, but I've been living in windows and waves, annoyingly. Maybe the waves aren't as destructive as they were in the first week
[Hu...]

[Hu...] in The Struggle

1
The Struggle

A Day Is A Lifetime When You're Down And Out

Oh now the suffering is here in force. The past two days have been the most difficult I've had in a long, long time. Since benzo WD, I'd say. Constant, non stop anxiety, discomfort. Muscle twitching. Nausea, insomnia. I wish I could offer something more creative to this blog post, but until I'm not suffering quite so intensely then I may struggle very much to do so. But I will try. Not today, but perhaps tomorrow, I will try.   Today I was defeated. From bell to bell, whistle to whistl
[Hu...]

[Hu...] in The Struggle

0
Serotonin Cinema

The Struggle Goes On

Been a really rough couple of days, particularly today. I think I accidentally took my mirtazapine twice on Sunday night, which has led to a reoccurrence of the muscle twitching and the anxiety. Not nice, particularly as I had been experiencing pretty linear recovery since my slip up due to the Citalopram two weeks back, with only the odd half hour or so here and there of feeling anxious. It's got me wondering. These probably aren't waves, right? I mean, it's been two years, I had gone a year wi
[Hu...]

[Hu...] in Serotonin Cinema

0
The Writer

Neurosis Incorporated

If I ever finish a major creative work it will be a minor miracle. I am so neurotic, so easily side-tracked by anxiety and fear, that it takes a major effort - or an extended period of good luck - for me to really make any headway. I can produce minor works; it's much easier for me to write a song or a poem than it is for me to work with prose. One of my favourite contemporary authors, Zadie Smith, once described writing a novel as a 'series of problem solving exercise'. Nobel Prize Winner JM
[Hu...]

[Hu...] in The Writer

1
Serotonin Cinema

Serotonin Cinema

Well, an odd few weeks it has been. I had a damn good 2-3 weeks, felt much much better mentally, and enjoyed myself. Life was normal. Then I increased my dose of Citalopram (you may know it as Celexa), an SSRI I took during withdrawal and for many years prior to it, and suddenly I felt absolutely awful, with a recurrence of what I thought were benzo symptoms. Made me think.   I went back to my old blogs and realised that the two worst periods of my withdrawal - after the initial acute,
[Hu...]

[Hu...] in Serotonin Cinema

2
×
×
  • Create New...