Hey guys, it's been a long time. And it's been a strange time. Most of this year has been a struggle, but it got particularly bad in August when I tried to introduce Citalopram into my regime to combat my anxiety, particularly my health anxiety. And what do you know, it made things worse. The first two weeks when I started on a super low dose was fine, but as soon as I upped it, it was terrible. And it felt a hell of a lot like benzo withdrawal. And it started getting better as soon as I stopped. Got me wondering how much of my benzo withdrawal was actually due to citalopram - as I started taking it a few days into acute - and funnily enough I traced my old blog and noted that my worst spells always came just after I upped my citalopram dosage.

Anyway, so I stopped. Throughout late August and up to mid September I had a pretty bad time. Some good days, but I was often anxious and depressed. And I gave in, I'm not going to go into the specifics of what I did, but let's just say it caused me to feel some shame rearing my head round these parts again. But, it has helped, and since the 19th of September in particular I've been much better. Still anxiety and depression here and there but mostly much much better.

And I can drink alcohol again! I did so on the night of my football teams historic 4-1 victory of PSG in the champions league, with my friends in a pub, and it was one of the best nights of my life.

In recent weeks I've been having some wobbles - I have a few days here and there where I just feel terribly anxious. Particularly on the 1st of Dec I really struggled, but after a good long sleep it got much better.

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In other news, I've been making some great progress with my writing. Both poems and my novels. Instead of always trying to write something deep and profound with my poetry, I've been doing some looser, more light hearted and occasionally crass things, but its been very freeing and enjoyable. So, ups and downs. Hopefully I stay up enough to have a pleasant Christmas period with friends and family.