Please help PLEASE!!!

[[lo...]]

This is punishment from God.

[[Sm...]]

hmmm

 

It sounds like you are in a bad way in many ways. I'm truly sorry.

 

I don't think God is punishing you. It is not helpful to think like that. You are suffering there is no doubt but there is no rhyme or reason. You don't in some way deserve this.

 

I can't offer much advice on the gastro-entestinal stuff. Phenergan can be a calming agent, help with sleep as well as insomnia. Even doxylamine/unisom can be used for nausea. It is the only drug the FDA approves for use in pregnancy in cases of morning sickness. Zofran is the best anti nausea med in my experience but it wont have the same calming action as phenergan or doxylamine.

 

Are you on a anti-acid/PPI too? Sorry I'm having trouble keeping track.

 

The updose to your old dose didn't work? How long has it been since that dose stopped working well for you? Was it post the detoxes?

 

As for the benzo side of things, they gave you ativan at the hospital. Did you feel better post ativan? You sounded a little better after that visit. Something longer acting may help with w/d symptoms which may in turn settle that stomach down. Ativan isn't the longest acting benzo out there but it beats xanax. If you could get Valium or even Klonopin you might do better.

 

I truly hope you feel better soon

I know you wont feel better very soon but you may be at a turning point in recovery any time now.

Smiff xx

[[Ka...]]

This is punishment from God.

 

LOL!!!  I am starting to like you. 

 

I went back and read an earlier post you made and I am going to quote some of it here in selected parts:

 

6 months ago I started trying to taper my bipolar medication known as Geodon. I had been on 80mg of Geodon for about 4-5 years. The first month I tapered down to 60mg. I started getting really anxious at night 3 hours before my next dose. I started almost having panic attacks. I had xanax given to me by my dentist. Now in the past I had used xanax off and on for anxiety. But never got addicted to it. So when this all started, I started taking xanax maybe once every four days.. because it was getting bad.

 

You changed your signature, but if I recall you had an early diagnosis of ADHD. Also later got a diagnosis of bi-polar. The geodon is apparently the main drug you have been prescribed to treat that.  When you started tapering the Geodon 6 months ago was that under doctors orders or did you do it on your own?  Either way it seems you started taking the xanax more regularly to treat symptoms arising from the Geodon taper. This of course led to the xanax dependency.

 

Then I started having to use it more and more after. And now, for the past 2 months i've been using xanax everyday. 1mg a day. My condition has gotten no better. None of the doctors will help me because i've been taking the xanax illegally. I'm in the middle of a psychotic episode and none will help me. Done tried to get into mental hospitals, done been to detox(that made me worse), and the doctors will not help me taper will valium like I want to do. I've been self medicating now i'm trying to get off the xanax. I'm at .5mg now.. And it seems the xanax is just making things worse when I take it and not even helping anymore.

 

Your tag line under your name says you want to get better. It's obvious from all your posting you want off the xanax. That is why you found this board. I'm unclear on whether you want off the Geodon also? No matter as far as this board is concerned because it can't help you with that, but bear with me...

 

I've been thinking about suicide, and even TOLD me doctor that yesterday and he refused to send me off. He said I needed to get off the xanax then he could work with me.

 

But you would get off the xanax TODAY if he would give you a prescription for valium and help you do a slow taper. A new person just joined the board whose wife found a psychiatrist willing to do the valium slow taper. Have you looked at the link around here somewhere that lists doctors who are friendly to this method?

 

 

Right now i'm currently taking .5mgs of xanax, 80mg geodon, 30mg baclofen a day. And i'm having to taper the baclofen too because none will give it to me anymore.

 

Again I am unclear on whether any doctor is managing your geodon for bi-polar.  You have a very real benzo situation but it is on top of an original diagnosis of bi-polar and the geodon treatment.  Was the doctor who blew you off when you mentioned suicide a psychiatrist and is he the doctor treating you for bi-polar?  If so, he has a responsibility to follow you no matter what you do or do not comply with. The very nature of bi-polar is that you will go off and do nutty things against doctors orders. If he refuses to work with you when you are in an unsafe condition, no matter what you are or are not doing with legal or illegal drugs, this is called abandoning the patient and it is unethical.

 

Again, it might be wise to look at the list of taper-friendly doctors and taking your whole story to them, even if you must travel.  I wish there were a doctor close who knows you that you could trust but sometimes over the long haul, doctors can get bogged down with a patient's history and no longer see the forest for the trees. Your doctor might see only a "xanax addiction" right now but he might not be pulling back and looking at the context of your whole history. Right now you might be incapable of handling a xanax withdrawal safely but furthermore, if you are tapering geodon and having a return of psychotic symptoms then it's time to medicate you for stability, NOT for detoxing. I would think any doctor that isn't a total obdurate would be open to considering a long acting tranquilizer in that case.

 

But you may need to find a new doctor look at your case and see it afresh.  Do you have a parent, girlfriend, friend, sister, brother, anyone who can advocate for you? Someone who can look up the list of taper friendly doctors and maybe help you make an appointment, or GO WITH YOU to your psychiatrist. You would benefit from someone advocating that you are not simply abusing the benzo but have a legitimate plan to taper and are serious about it.

 

. I feel all alone here.. My acid reflux has returned and is killing me. I don't want to take anymore medications to feel normal. Sometimes I don't even feel like i'm in my body and the anxiety is overwhelming.. Can anyone please HELP ME. I've never felt this bad in my entire life.. and getting xanax is getting hard now.. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran out..

 

Logic is telling me to backtrack to the last point of understanding, which is you are being treated for bi-polar using geodon. That is where things fall apart. This board is for support to get off the benzo so we can't help with all the rest of it, but because you have this serious underlying situation (geodon for bi-polar) and because you seem to have been abandoned and left swinging in the wind by the medical community, here you are trying to get support to get off the benzo. But the rug has been pulled out from under you on your underlying condition.

 

I know it is hard to get doctors to listen to you, but you summarized everything pretty clearly in that paragraph. I will copy the whole thing again below.

 

6 months ago I started trying to taper my bipolar medication known as Geodon. I had been on 80mg of Geodon for about 4-5 years. The first month I tapered down to 60mg. I started getting really anxious at night 3 hours before my next dose. I started almost having panic attacks. I had xanax given to me by my dentist. Now in the past I had used xanax off and on for anxiety. But never got addicted to it. So when this all started, I started taking xanax maybe once every four days.. because it was getting bad. Then I started having to use it more and more after. And now, for the past 2 months i've been using xanax everyday. 1mg a day. My condition has gotten no better. None of the doctors will help me because i've been taking the xanax illegally. I'm in the middle of a psychotic episode and none will help me. Done tried to get into mental hospitals, done been to detox(that made me worse), and the doctors will not help me taper will valium like I want to do. I've been self medicating now i'm trying to get off the xanax. I'm at .5mg now.. And it seems the xanax is just making things worse when I take it and not even helping anymore. I can't keep anything down. I'm throwing up all the time. My head feels like it's going to explode. I feel like things aren't real all the time. Tingling in my hands and feet. Everything under the sun is happening to me. Been to the ER twice last week, they didn't find anything wrong other than a kidney stone and a UTI. The UTI has been cleared apparently and the kidney stone should pass sometime but hasn't passed yet. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. They tried me on tegratol in detox and that made me worse. I tried seroquel, that landed me in the ER, I tried buspar, and that gave me terrible side effects. My family doctor won't help, and I just had to change psychiatrist because my last one did not give two craps about me. And this one doesn't seem to either. I've been thinking about suicide, and even TOLD me doctor that yesterday and he refused to send me off. He said I needed to get off the xanax then he could work with me. Right now i'm currently taking .5mgs of xanax, 80mg geodon, 30mg baclofen a day. And i'm having to taper the baclofen too because none will give it to me anymore. I tried using taurine and gaba to taper off the xanax. It seemed to work at first but then it completely screwed me over. So I quit taking that, I was also taking multivitamins with all of that. I keep sweating under my arm pits, nausea. Only time this gets better is when I take all my medication at night to sleep. Baclofen, geodon, xanax, benadryl.. During the day I AM SCREWED. Been running, been trying to eat a good diet. Nothing is helping.. I feel all alone here.. My acid reflux has returned and is killing me. I don't want to take anymore medications to feel normal. Sometimes I don't even feel like i'm in my body and the anxiety is overwhelming.. Can anyone please HELP ME. I've never felt this bad in my entire life.. and getting xanax is getting hard now.. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran out..

 

They see you as an addict looking for another script. Maybe you do have a history of drug abuse. But right now, YOU ARE BEING PROACTIVE TO GET OFF THE BENZO.  An addict will be looking for drug scripts to get high or to sell. YOU are looking for valium to do a slow taper, to REPLACE xanax. Maybe your doctor was not clear that was your intent when he told you to get off the xanax before he'd work with you.

 

I've made some suggestions but can't tell you what to do, however I encourage you again to get face to face help.

 

I am rooting for you.

 

[[th...]]

Agree with pallor. I also read this and it said you had started at 80 mg of gidgeon, tapered to 60, then back up to 80 now?? So the only meds you are on now are 80 gidgeon, 30 baclofen, and 1 mg xanax. And u want off the xanax, but also will be left without baclofen bc your script will run out. I don't know anything about baclofen wd c/t. Who is rxing gidgeon? Did he increase that dose again? Someone has to keep filling this? Pallors suggestions are awesome. Try them. Good luck. 

[[lo...]]

This is punishment from God.

 

LOL!!!  I am starting to like you. 

 

I went back and read an earlier post you made and I am going to quote some of it here in selected parts:

 

6 months ago I started trying to taper my bipolar medication known as Geodon. I had been on 80mg of Geodon for about 4-5 years. The first month I tapered down to 60mg. I started getting really anxious at night 3 hours before my next dose. I started almost having panic attacks. I had xanax given to me by my dentist. Now in the past I had used xanax off and on for anxiety. But never got addicted to it. So when this all started, I started taking xanax maybe once every four days.. because it was getting bad.

 

You changed your signature, but if I recall you had an early diagnosis of ADHD. Also later got a diagnosis of bi-polar. The geodon is apparently the main drug you have been prescribed to treat that.  When you started tapering the Geodon 6 months ago was that under doctors orders or did you do it on your own?  Either way it seems you started taking the xanax more regularly to treat symptoms arising from the Geodon taper. This of course led to the xanax dependency.

 

Then I started having to use it more and more after. And now, for the past 2 months i've been using xanax everyday. 1mg a day. My condition has gotten no better. None of the doctors will help me because i've been taking the xanax illegally. I'm in the middle of a psychotic episode and none will help me. Done tried to get into mental hospitals, done been to detox(that made me worse), and the doctors will not help me taper will valium like I want to do. I've been self medicating now i'm trying to get off the xanax. I'm at .5mg now.. And it seems the xanax is just making things worse when I take it and not even helping anymore.

 

Your tag line under your name says you want to get better. It's obvious from all your posting you want off the xanax. That is why you found this board. I'm unclear on whether you want off the Geodon also? No matter as far as this board is concerned because it can't help you with that, but bear with me...

 

I've been thinking about suicide, and even TOLD me doctor that yesterday and he refused to send me off. He said I needed to get off the xanax then he could work with me.

 

But you would get off the xanax TODAY if he would give you a prescription for valium and help you do a slow taper. A new person just joined the board whose wife found a psychiatrist willing to do the valium slow taper. Have you looked at the link around here somewhere that lists doctors who are friendly to this method?

 

 

Right now i'm currently taking .5mgs of xanax, 80mg geodon, 30mg baclofen a day. And i'm having to taper the baclofen too because none will give it to me anymore.

 

Again I am unclear on whether any doctor is managing your geodon for bi-polar.  You have a very real benzo situation but it is on top of an original diagnosis of bi-polar and the geodon treatment.  Was the doctor who blew you off when you mentioned suicide a psychiatrist and is he the doctor treating you for bi-polar?  If so, he has a responsibility to follow you no matter what you do or do not comply with. The very nature of bi-polar is that you will go off and do nutty things against doctors orders. If he refuses to work with you when you are in an unsafe condition, no matter what you are or are not doing with legal or illegal drugs, this is called abandoning the patient and it is unethical.

 

Again, it might be wise to look at the list of taper-friendly doctors and taking your whole story to them, even if you must travel.  I wish there were a doctor close who knows you that you could trust but sometimes over the long haul, doctors can get bogged down with a patient's history and no longer see the forest for the trees. Your doctor might see only a "xanax addiction" right now but he might not be pulling back and looking at the context of your whole history. Right now you might be incapable of handling a xanax withdrawal safely but furthermore, if you are tapering geodon and having a return of psychotic symptoms then it's time to medicate you for stability, NOT for detoxing. I would think any doctor that isn't a total obdurate would be open to considering a long acting tranquilizer in that case.

 

But you may need to find a new doctor look at your case and see it afresh.  Do you have a parent, girlfriend, friend, sister, brother, anyone who can advocate for you? Someone who can look up the list of taper friendly doctors and maybe help you make an appointment, or GO WITH YOU to your psychiatrist. You would benefit from someone advocating that you are not simply abusing the benzo but have a legitimate plan to taper and are serious about it.

 

. I feel all alone here.. My acid reflux has returned and is killing me. I don't want to take anymore medications to feel normal. Sometimes I don't even feel like i'm in my body and the anxiety is overwhelming.. Can anyone please HELP ME. I've never felt this bad in my entire life.. and getting xanax is getting hard now.. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran out..

 

Logic is telling me to backtrack to the last point of understanding, which is you are being treated for bi-polar using geodon. That is where things fall apart. This board is for support to get off the benzo so we can't help with all the rest of it, but because you have this serious underlying situation (geodon for bi-polar) and because you seem to have been abandoned and left swinging in the wind by the medical community, here you are trying to get support to get off the benzo. But the rug has been pulled out from under you on your underlying condition.

 

I know it is hard to get doctors to listen to you, but you summarized everything pretty clearly in that paragraph. I will copy the whole thing again below.

 

6 months ago I started trying to taper my bipolar medication known as Geodon. I had been on 80mg of Geodon for about 4-5 years. The first month I tapered down to 60mg. I started getting really anxious at night 3 hours before my next dose. I started almost having panic attacks. I had xanax given to me by my dentist. Now in the past I had used xanax off and on for anxiety. But never got addicted to it. So when this all started, I started taking xanax maybe once every four days.. because it was getting bad. Then I started having to use it more and more after. And now, for the past 2 months i've been using xanax everyday. 1mg a day. My condition has gotten no better. None of the doctors will help me because i've been taking the xanax illegally. I'm in the middle of a psychotic episode and none will help me. Done tried to get into mental hospitals, done been to detox(that made me worse), and the doctors will not help me taper will valium like I want to do. I've been self medicating now i'm trying to get off the xanax. I'm at .5mg now.. And it seems the xanax is just making things worse when I take it and not even helping anymore. I can't keep anything down. I'm throwing up all the time. My head feels like it's going to explode. I feel like things aren't real all the time. Tingling in my hands and feet. Everything under the sun is happening to me. Been to the ER twice last week, they didn't find anything wrong other than a kidney stone and a UTI. The UTI has been cleared apparently and the kidney stone should pass sometime but hasn't passed yet. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. They tried me on tegratol in detox and that made me worse. I tried seroquel, that landed me in the ER, I tried buspar, and that gave me terrible side effects. My family doctor won't help, and I just had to change psychiatrist because my last one did not give two craps about me. And this one doesn't seem to either. I've been thinking about suicide, and even TOLD me doctor that yesterday and he refused to send me off. He said I needed to get off the xanax then he could work with me. Right now i'm currently taking .5mgs of xanax, 80mg geodon, 30mg baclofen a day. And i'm having to taper the baclofen too because none will give it to me anymore. I tried using taurine and gaba to taper off the xanax. It seemed to work at first but then it completely screwed me over. So I quit taking that, I was also taking multivitamins with all of that. I keep sweating under my arm pits, nausea. Only time this gets better is when I take all my medication at night to sleep. Baclofen, geodon, xanax, benadryl.. During the day I AM SCREWED. Been running, been trying to eat a good diet. Nothing is helping.. I feel all alone here.. My acid reflux has returned and is killing me. I don't want to take anymore medications to feel normal. Sometimes I don't even feel like i'm in my body and the anxiety is overwhelming.. Can anyone please HELP ME. I've never felt this bad in my entire life.. and getting xanax is getting hard now.. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran out..

 

They see you as an addict looking for another script. Maybe you do have a history of drug abuse. But right now, YOU ARE BEING PROACTIVE TO GET OFF THE BENZO.  An addict will be looking for drug scripts to get high or to sell. YOU are looking for valium to do a slow taper, to REPLACE xanax. Maybe your doctor was not clear that was your intent when he told you to get off the xanax before he'd work with you.

 

I've made some suggestions but can't tell you what to do, however I encourage you again to get face to face help.

 

I am rooting for you.

 

I've been looking for a doctor to taper me. But they don't want to. And I've have to drive miles and miles away just to find a doctor who would do it which transportation is an issue right now.

 

I may be going to a rehab that tapers with valium and will actually help me get off the baclofen too. They have some of the best doctors in the world there.

[[Ka...]]

 

 

I've been looking for a doctor to taper me. But they don't want to. And I've have to drive miles and miles away just to find a doctor who would do it which transportation is an issue right now.

 

I may be going to a rehab that tapers with valium and will actually help me get off the baclofen too. They have some of the best doctors in the world there.

 

That's right! I forgot about the rehab place you mentioned. I did not know that they were willing to do the valium taper.. that is GREAT.

 

Wow, I really hope that works out! 

[[lo...]]

Same.. and this place is different. And famous apparently.

 

http://www.palmpartners.com/

[[Sm...]]

Are you still getting the nausea?

I was curious about geoden so I looked it up. You probably know that a common side effect is nausea and vomiting.

 

It would be good if that place can transfer you to valium and genuinely slowly taper you off

[[lo...]]

I am still getting deathly nauseous. Xanax isn't even helping that anymore. No matter how much I take. It's fubar.

 

I never even knew.. that it could get this bad.. I really didn't..

[[Ka...]]

What time is your GI appointment tomorrow?

[Guest [Ti...]]

Try and transfer to Valium, seriously try it. The Valium might make you nauseous the first few times you take it too, when I reinstated it made me sick as hell, I had to take dramamine with it for the first few days and it worked. Now I'm on liquid Valium and it actually is a lot easier on my stomach than the pills were. If you can get a liquid suspension of Valium do it! Try and get it from a compounding pharmacy in almond oil without any flavoring.

 

I've also found baking soda and water really really helps with benzo related gi stuff. I really hope you start to feel better soon 

[[lo...]]

What time is your GI appointment tomorrow?

 

Meh.. I went this morning.. They gave me versed.. A benzo.. I guess I can't get enough of benzos here lately.. everywhere I go.. "Here, have a benzo." Especially the hospitals. They did the procedure and didn't find anything wrong. They do want to do a sonogram of my gallbladder to see if everything is okay.

 

To be completely honest here.. those IV benzos have been so good I've been wanting to shoot up.. and I'VE never done that.. even in my opiate days.

[[lo...]]

Try and transfer to Valium, seriously try it. The Valium might make you nauseous the first few times you take it too, when I reinstated it made me sick as hell, I had to take dramamine with it for the first few days and it worked. Now I'm on liquid Valium and it actually is a lot easier on my stomach than the pills were. If you can get a liquid suspension of Valium do it! Try and get it from a compounding pharmacy in almond oil without any flavoring.

 

I've also found baking soda and water really really helps with benzo related gi stuff. I really hope you start to feel better soon 

 

I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow morning. Going to a rehab that will taper me off with valium. It's supposed to be a famous rehab where like celebrities go and stuff. They said they have some of the best doctors in the world out there. I have no way to pay for it but God made a way for me. They also specialize in getting people off of baclofen, which is almost as dangerous as xanax and other benzos.. which i'm currently on.. I just want this point and time in my life to be over.. My life has been on hold.. days are blending in.. can't keep up anymore. I never knew xanax could cause this.. I heard it was highly addictive but NEVER HAD A CLUE.

[[Sm...]]

I know. Most of us didn't.

I had no freakin idea that benzos caused this kind of hellish w/d.

 

I hope you don't have hellish w/d in, or after, rehab. I'm glad they are tapering you off with valium. Please let us know how you go.

If it is a good centre - and they are few - then it is good to know.

 

May you be well soon

Smiff

[[Ka...]]

WOW I am so glad you found a way to go there and I sure hope it helps. Will you have access to internet and be able to post to tell us how you are? I don't know how rehab works I have all ideas not.

[[lo...]]

I'll try to keep everyone up to date. I'm hoping for the best..

[[Ka...]]

Good luck!!!