~~The Bedridden Club~~

[[ra...]]

Hi Folks

 

LF Sorry you not good today, but glad it isn't head pressure returning - Mine starts the minute I get in front of this screen, hence I can only do it in 10 minute bites before having to turn lap top off - The brain still can't cope with much input - Do Hope you'll feel better tomorrow.

 

NCT Sorry your feeling it today as well, but sadly that's the way it usually goes when reducing. I think it does say in my signature that I came off the last mg Diazepam 15 months ago. But, hope this doesn't worry you as we are all different and some recover quicker than others. And even now I can still only take it one day at a time. As you will have read on one of my posts on here, and I think LF would agree, for most it's a journey of ups and downs - windows and waves. But we'll get there given time.

 

Hugs to you both xx

 

 

 

[[ra...]]

Hi - 24 hours since my last post and it's all change again with another blasted day of sxs and high anxiety - makes you want to spit!

 

LF & NCT - Do hope you guys are better today.

 

Hugs xx

[[lo...]]

Hi racksha

 

I did not have a good night or morning but been ok since 2.00 pm.

 

Just have to enjoy the periods of respite.

 

Hope you sleep tonight.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

[[ra...]]

Hi LF - sleeping no problem - it's the waking up that starts the ball  rolling -  cortisol overload with insufficient Gaba to balance it - Hopefully it may settle later this evening - meanwhile another day on the bed, but as it's raining today I don't mind so much - It's when the suns out and everyone doing their gardens that I feel envious. But as you say, we just have to enjoy any respite. Hope your ok today and things still improving.

 

Wonder where all the bedridden bbs have gone - I do hope their absence means they are a lot better.But surely it can't just be you and me still stuck indoors on the couch or in bed - will be very worried if it is?

 

Hugs xx

[[lo...]]

Hi racksha

 

No idea where our bedridden buddies have gone.  I know prettydaisy and wildcat are still really bad and get little respite despite being at this for a long time.  :'(

 

I was awake all night and slept all day.  I am feeling ok which is the main thing.

 

I hope things have settled a bit for you tonight.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

[[ne...]]

Hi racksha and LF

I`m still here with you. Since my last cut I`ve had terrible depression, I never had it before this w/d so I`m hoping it passes.

Yesterday and today are rainy so like you racksha, I don`t feel too bad staying in bed- it`s when its nice I get envious of other people getting on with their lives.

I`m due to see my Dr on Wednesday for another cut but I`m not sure I`m ready for that just yet.  Would A/D`s help do you think?  I hate feeling like this.

Sorry for being a miserable old sod

N x

[[ra...]]

Hi NCT. Sorry your feeling so down. I don't feel qualified to give advice on A/D drugs, as I've been fortunate to have never needed to take them. And I think it's up to the individual to decide what course of action to take. But I offer my opinion is as follows:

 

Firstly, let me reassure you that to feel depressed whilst going through the withdrawal process is perfectly normal for most people. As you know I am no Spring chicken, but since starting this whole process of coming off, in the past 15 months I have shed more tears than in the whole of my life. I recall reaching a point a few months ago when I was in a very dark place and couldn't have given a damn if I lived or died. Infact death seemed preferable to living in the nightmare I was in. Having a loving family and so much to live for, I couldn't understand where this dreadful depression was coming from - Thankfully, I was assured by many that it wasn't ME suffering clinical depression, but my confused brain doing it all, and that it would ALL PASS in time as the healing process continued.

 

It also seems to me that if my body/brain is trying to heal from the effect of one mind bending drug, to feed it another, like an A/D, would not be a good idea. - The exception being, if someone was seriously contemplating suicide.

 

Thirdly. I speak a lot to Ian Singleton of the Bristol & District Tranquillizer Project, and have been reassured and encouraged by all he has advised because he talks a lot of sense gained from, not only his own personal experience,  but from 20 years helping people like us. So I advise, before you consider taking any other drugs, you watch this film on  cepuk.org  and hear the opinions of those who know about the effects of these A/D drugs.

 

Your doing very well so far and if you don't feel you want to make another cut just yet, then don't. You should take it at YOUR pace, not your doctor's.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Hugs.xx

[[lo...]]

Hi folks

 

I think it is best to avoid drugs if possible but some people do take A/Ds and benefit.

 

I had 6 months of worse than usual depression after my taper, then it lifted and has not come back.  I was already taking 225 mg of effexor, a fairly high dose.

 

The nitrazepam had caused my depression for 40 years and withdrawal made it worse.  I am now depression free for the first time in my adult life and have reduced effexor to 112.5 mg.    Reducing A/Ds during withdrawal is not generally a good idea but I felt sure I was well on my way to recovery to try it.

 

It is really a judgement you have to make.

 

Wishing you some respite soon.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

[[ra...]]

Hi LF - So glad to hear your feeling much better, and to be free of the depression after so many years must feel wonderful. As for your reducing the A/D, well done. I Know Ian and Bliss say on the Advisor's video that it isn't easy, so I hope all goes well for you.

 

Sorry to say I'm still feeling very rough physically, and today resorted to more tears -  Couldn't even summon up the energy to swear!

 

Did you cry a lot?  I only ask, because for quite a few months I was emotionally numb, and even when I had to have one of my dogs put to sleep during that period, although it broke my heart I just couldn't cry. And as you saw on my post to NCT, I've cried more tears in Withdrawal than I have in the whole of my life - but during those months I could hardly feel any emotion other than an overwhelming fear.  I still have a lot of anxiety, and  now seem to cry at the drop of a hat - Thankfully I am able to keep it a private matter, here  in my bedroom, so as not to upset my loved ones.  But I so long to just feel well -  Ian says that his anxiety lasted for at least the first 18 months. But physically, I hope it gets better than this.

 

Hugs xx

[[lo...]]

Hi racksha

 

Yes, being finally free from depression is wonderful.  It has made it easier to cope with withdrawal.

 

I was very weepy during the first six months after my taper ended.  After that I wasn't able to cry at all.  I don't really feel like crying now so not sure if I can or not.  I am so sorry you lost your dog.  That is so heartbreaking.  How many dogs have you got now?

 

I am sorry things are still really rough for you. Hopefully things will improve soon.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

[[ra...]]

Hi LF - 2 dogs - 3 cats, all rescue. -  Can't say much today -  tears, anger, anxiety and frustration - just one of those days when you feel you just can't handle it any more  and want to give up, whatever that means - you will probably have  been there, so will  know what I'm talking about. I expect it will pass. At least the Nausea seems to be receding lately,  so I should be thankful.

 

My problem is one of  feeling isolated, as it seems there is so little contact lately. In the last 7 days, you, myself and NC have been the only people on this site - As said before, it's good that not so many are in bed or on the couch, as I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but surely it's not only us stuck indoors.- And although I  wish them well and it's envy speaking,  if I read one more post about those who are out jogging or going to the gym at 6 months out, or less, I'll bloody scream. F. F. and one more for luck F. WHAAAAGH...

 

Hope your ok. today and sleep still improving.  And hope NCT is all right with her reducing.

 

Hugs.

xxxx

[[lo...]]

Hi racksha

 

l am sorry you are feeling so low.  We just want these days to be over.  I hope you sleep tonight and feel a bit better tomorrow.  Almost everyone I know on the forum is really struggling just now.  Don't know why that should be but they are posting less or not posting at all. 

 

It is really hard when you feel isolated too.  Loneliness and withdrawal together are very difficult.

 

I really hope things will be better tomorrow.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

 

 

[[ra...]]

Thanks LF.  Will probably snap out of it soon, just wish could have more contact to share and encourage during these  rotten downs.

 

Hugs.

[[lo...]]

I know.  Sleep well.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

[[Se...]]

Thank you for reminding me of this thread racksha, and Hi LF

 

 

.... And although I  wish them well and it's envy speaking,  if I read one more post about those who are out jogging or going to the gym at 6 months out, or less, I'll bloody scream. F. F. and one more for luck F. WHAAAAGH...

 

 

 

I feel the same way, its so not fair.  I keep trying to do some exercise because my muscles have become so weak and in general I've lost all my fitness.  I used to be at the gym 3 times a week and was training to be a chi-ball instructor.

 

About 6 months ago I had my parents bring over my old walking machine (treadmill), which was stored at their house.  I thought I would be able to use it to slowly increase my fitness and exercise levels.  I was doing ok for the first few days with just a few minutes of slow walking, but then I crashed and symptoms got worse and I was back in bed again.

 

I keep trying, on and off, but get dizzy, nauseous and a feeling like my head is about to explode.  As soon as I step on the thing my DP/DR comes back.

 

This all wouldn't be so bad.  But it can be difficult when my daughter (20) comes home from her very busy life out in the world and I hear her running on it for like, 15 minutes with no problems at all.  Then she has a shower, grabs something to eat and then goes back out to visit friends.

 

I've had a weird kind of daytime agoraphobia for they last few years.  Its caused by extreme sensitivity to ..... well basically everything during the day when my cortisol levels are high.  I usually start to feel better towards late afternoon and evening, so if I have to go out, I try and do it then, but its always difficult, unpleasant and exhausting and a relief to get home and back onto my bed.

 

I once ordered groceries online and had them delivered, it was a relief to know that I will still be able to get food and eat if it gets to a point where I can't force myself to go out.  But at the moment I'm still trying to go out to buy food once or twice a week because I don't want to give up and become completely helpless... but its so hard sometimes and it doesn't really seem to be getting better. 

 

Actually there is some improvement but its so slow.  Two years ago, whenever I left the house to go anywhere, it was like being on a bad acid trip, absolutely terrifying.  Its not so bad now.  But I'm still spending most of my life, living it from my bed.  One of the most difficult things to come to terms with, for me, about being bed bound from withdrawal is that I'm constantly confused about why I stay in my room on my bed, when physically I'm capable of getting up and doing light activities.  I can't seem to explain it to myself or anyone else.

 

I think its the combination of overwhelming sensitivity, fear/terror/dread and complete anhedonia whenever I do anything anyway.... there's no real motivation to do anything, nothing brings pleasure any more.

 

I need to catch up with this thread now.

[[ra...]]

Hi Guys.

 

LF.  -  Good morning - hope your having a good day after a good nights sleep - What are you up to today - hope it's something nice. How you feeling?

 

SARABEAR .-  Welcome to this forum, glad you can join our little band, which seems to be getting smaller by the week -  Of course this is as good thing, because it means people are getting better and no longer need to be stuck  in doors - I can't wait for the day when I can sign out of here and start living in the real world again - Am wishing this for all of us.

 

As you know, I read your post 'Need to write' and as I said in my response, I fully understand . I too am perfectly capable of leaving the bedroom, but I don't seem to be able to summon up either the enthusiasm or the motivation required, as the least stimulus revs up my physical sxs - thus draining what little energy I possess.- Could be a brain thing, or just me being a lazy sod ! lol. 

 

My problems is still one of shock, because whereas yourself and LF were on various drugs over longer periods, I only came off a piddling 2mg of Diazepam after only 20 months of use for PTSD. So to find myself still struggling with sxs at 15 months off is bewildering - hence the shock that a prescribed drug could do so much long term damage causing so much distress. And the really  annoying thing is, from all that I've read, I don't think I was actually suffering from PTSD, but just feeling exhausted after a protracted family crisis, from which I'm certain I would by now, have been long recovered, if I hadn't been so foolish as to accept my doctor's chemical answer to the problem.

 

Each one of us has our own storey, which will obviously differ from person to person, but the one thing we all share in common is this inhuman experience, that the world, and especially the medical profession,  has  turned  it's back on,  sweeping it under the carpet rather than owning up to the fact that mistakes have been made and offer help to those who've been effected.

But, as the old saying goes - There's no point crying over spilt milk - What's done is done!

 

Like you've  expressed  SaraBear, I too am  just waiting, in fact longing,  for all the sxs to heal so that I can return to being the  caring and active NORMAL person I was before all this started.- Something I expect every bb wishes for themselves. Meanwhile, we can only sit back and endure whatever this condition throws at us,  getting bye the best we can day by day,  in the hope that one day soon we will get our lives back again. - There will be  days when we will  probably feel we can't take much more -  other times will be easier. - There will be the scary days when we are too anxious  to even think straight, and  just want to close down or cry our hearts out. And times when we can begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel, only to find that the next day we need to moan our bloody  heads off in sheer frustration because our sxs are bad again.

 

But whatever is happening we don't  have to do it alone, as we can support and encourage one another through ' The Good- The Bad & The Ugly. And if such is needed that's what BenzoBuddies should be  all about.

 

Hugs to all.

 

Racksha

  xxx

[[lo...]]

Hi folks

 

Was awake all night again so slept all day. 

 

My groceries came and putting them away made me feel terrible.  :'(

 

I am fine in bed but try to do things and it is no use.

 

I know it will come ok but I wish I could just do a bit more.

 

Patience is the key.  Just have to keep occupied.

 

If I push myself it just makes things worse.

 

We are healing all the time even if our symptoms are staying much the same.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

[[ra...]]

LF am so sorry your having this damned night sleeping problem. I've been fortunate in that I get at least 8 hours, if not longer, every night since all this began. I've even had an hour or two in the afternoons when things get really bad. So I hope the pattern for you will soon get to normal. I do know what you mean about the sxs getting worse when we try to do things - mine too, which can be so frustrating, because sometimes mentally you feel you want to do something, (In my case just tidy up all the books and the mess in my blumin bedroom) but the brain/body just won't fall into line and let you do it without kicking up a fuss and making us feel unwell - But we keep ploughing on in the hope that one day we can function normally again. - As you say, patience is the key word - So hope tonight will be better for you.

 

Lots of Hugs xx

Racksha.

[[Se...]]

Hi fellow bedridden buddies,

I have no idea what day it is    I live near a primary school and its siren just sounded for school to start and I thought, "Oh, I guess its a weekday, but I wonder which one"

 

LF, I know what you mean about putting groceries away, it always makes me feel worse too.  I try and pretend I'm not doing it while I'm doing it, or I will 'reward' myself after its done with something like a cup of tea or snack.

 

racksha, I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so long after short term use, I share your pain and outrage at being abandoned by medicine.

 

This is actually the third major medical trauma I'm experiencing in my life, where I've been harmed and misdiagnosed by medicine.

 

I don't have anything interesting to write and I'm trying not to think about another long day which is ahead, which has to be gotten through.  Its morning here and I'm feeling awful, as I usually do this time of day.  My daughter just came home after spending the night at her friends house.  She said they had a great time and she laughed so hard she was crying.  I'm happy for her, but I have no friends now and feel lonely a lot of the time, but I'm too sick to get out and make any friends, its hard to imagine I will ever be well enough to have a proper life again.

 

Its so hard watching other people having a great life, or even a normal/busy life, any life.  When I see my neighbor cutting his grass I feel jealous, I used to be able to do things like that.  But no, here I am, in bed and just thinking about starting a lawnmower gives me palpitations, actually the sound of my neighbors cutting their grass makes my symptoms worse, I'm still very sound sensitive.

 

I just found out its Easter this weekend and I'm trying to figure out what that means to me now.  Sadly, it only means that if I run out of food to eat, I wont be able to get any from the store on Friday.  It also means that my noisy annoying neighbors across the street are going to be home 4 days in a row and that might be bad,  my bedroom window is right opposite where the guy illegally and noisily repairs old cars in his driveway.  I'm not sure how much of it is the noise or if its just another reminder that other people have lives and I don't, probably a combination of both.

 

About an hour ago I went outside and brought my garbage bins in.  They had been emptied 2 days ago.

 

Something really strange happened regarding my bins and its been driving me crazy trying to figure out what happened.  The morning after the rubbish had been collected, I went outside and brought the bins in as far as in front of the garage door, I left one of them right in front of the door, on an angle, so it would be easy to bring it inside from inside the garage.  Then I went out in the car to do some grocery shopping (not easy, I had been putting it off).  When I got back home, both the bins were lined up at the side of the garage, in a straight line, someone had moved them, but no one else lives here apart from my daughter and she was away for the night.  I was only gone about half an hour.  I don't know why someone would walk down my driveway and move my bins... who would do that and why?

 

Well anyway, they are both back inside the garage now and I hated having to bring them in and be reminded of the strange incident.  I'm trying really hard to be grateful that I'm physically capable of walking and being able to take care of myself, that I can still do things, even though its hard and makes me feel awful.  I'm trying to hold onto hope that its going to get better.

 

I try and remind myself that lots of people have it worse than me,  but all around me, I'm surrounded by people who appear to have much better lives than I'm living at the moment..... I've got nothing else to write, so I will just let this trail off into .............

 

hugs 

 

 

[[lo...]]

Hi racksha, hi Sera Bear

 

I am still awake at 5.15 a.m.    I don't mind that much.  As long as I am feeling reasonably ok it does not really matter when I sleep.  Psychologically it helps to have a normal pattern of doing things but it will come.

 

Easter is a strange kind of holiday in Scotland.  Some people get the holiday but most don't so the shops etc are open as usual.  It is a special time of year for the Churches but apart from that it does not make much difference here.

 

That was a strange thing about the bins, Sera Bear.  Maybe someone came to the door while you were away and straightened the bins.  I could see me doing that!!  A bit of OCD.  I do it in shops if things are not tidy!! 

 

I am sorry you have noisy neighbours especially when you are sound sensitive.  It is very quiet here.  I am in a block of 4 flats and am fortunate that my neighbours are quiet.  I moved here to get away from noisy neighbours!!  Thank goodness I did.

 

I am grateful too that I have managed to look after myself too.  It has been very hard but is getting easier little by little.  I do little bits of dusting and hoovering when I can which is not very often.

 

I put fish or chicken in the oven to cook and microwave my vegs.  I can't stand and prepare proper meals.  I don't mind that.  My diet is reasonably healthy.  I have been very lucky not to have any stomach problems. 

 

Loneliness is hard.  I don't feel lonely which surprises me.  I have only seen friends about once a month this year.  I have either been too ill or sleeping during the day.  I do text people and chat on the phone every few days and that keeps me going. I know I will enjoy getting out and seeing people again when the time comes.

 

All the years I was depressed I felt very alone and that feeling has just gone now.  And I was going to work every day and seeing lots of people.  Now I am alone all the time and am quite contented.  It is obviously more to do with how we feel within ourselves than about being with people.

 

You will make friends again, Sera Bear. 

 

Well, that is all I can think of for now. 

 

Still not sleepy!!

 

Chat later.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ra...]]

Hello Ladies -  LF & SB. I usually say Hi Guys, but as It's Easter,thought  I'd do something different for a change !

 

Have just woken up at midday, so needless to say I'm in no fit state to chat - sicky, cotton - wool head, blurry vision, shaky, ears ringing, anxiety  etc... all this before I've even got out of bed  - Am reliably informed this is all down to Cortisol and insufficient Gaba to stabilise it. Anyway, just came on to say hello and try to distract from the damned sxs.

 

Will see how the day pans out before replying properly, as anything I write now is bound to come out as gibberish.

 

Hugs.

 

R.

[[lo...]]

Hi racksha

 

Sorry you feel so rough.

 

I slept until 3.00 pm today.  I am always woolly headed when I waken up but it eases of.

 

It is raining here.  Can hear it on my bedroom window.

 

Hope your sxs ease off a bit as the day progresses.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

[[ra...]]

Hi Buddies. Hope Your Having a Reasonable Day.

 

LF.  - Thanks, sxs eased a little this afternoon, back this evening, but bearable  - Glad you slept till 3pm but  sorry you didn't get the sleep again last night, but you say you don't mind as long as your feeling okay. It will regulate in time and at least your sleeping during the day - I recall Ian Singleton telling me months ago, when I was worried because I was sleeping a lot night and day, that the only thing you can do whilst the healing is taking place is, bathe, eat, sleep and just stay alive.  And seeing as this condition has a will all it's own,  over which we have little ,if any, control, that's all we can do until our CNS is recovered.

 

Glad your like me in having a peaceful place to live. I've only visited once many years ago, but think Scotland a beautiful place. A friend I knew years ago, came from Scotland, she named her daughters Skye & Iona.

 

Although I am fortunate to be surrounded by a loving family, whilst going through all this I prefer my own company 90% of the time, as too much concentration talking to them, is too much input for my brain, but It's  getting slightly easier than it was a few months ago. I know I've said I feel isolated and would like more contact, but this still only applies to contact on the laptop, as I can't deal with much on the phone yet, or speaking in person, one to one,  as it drains me. - Hence the main reason for staying in my bedroom, as this allows my husband, who has been my rock through all this, and my two grown up Grandsons, who live with us, to get on with their  lives, whilst I recuperate in peace and tranquillity.

 

As you've heard me say before, the view from my window couldn't be bettered - Deer, sheep and horses on the hills, buzzards and seagulls doing acrobatics in the air. And watching the private helicopters  of the rich and famous landing in the fields nearby, proving there is still human life going on out there in a world I don't feel part of at the moment.  So like you, I don't get lonely in the normal meaning of the word, (Thank Goodness my reading ability came back) but psychologically I do sometimes feel locked away in my own little bubble of fear and isolation,  feeling so near yet so far from normal everyday life.  But, looking back, I must be getting better, as only 3 months ago, when the sxs were bad beyond words, I was truly wishing to die and couldn't see the wood for the trees, whereas, now I want to be up and out there as soon as possible. - One hell of a contrast and a big improvement - Just waiting for the blasted sxs to leave.

 

Hope NC gets on allright at the docs today - she mentioned she didn't feel ready for another cut just yet, so hope it's gone okay for her.

 

Hugs xx

 

                                                                                    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

SB. -  Sorry your mornings are still an awful time - As you can see from my post earlier today, mine the same. Like you I'm longing for the time we wake up feeling well. Though I have to say, by comparison to a couple of months ago, the sxs seem to be a little less severe when I wake,  and, although far from gone, they are getting easier as the day wears on - sometimes it all builds up again in the evening, sometimes not.  It's like a lottery as you never know how your going to feel - sometimes okay, other times rough as old boots.- such a cruel condition.

 

I am sorry your feeling lonely. You can see what I've written to LF on this. But what she says is right - the friends will come back, or better still, you'll make new ones when your back in with the throws of life. And IT WILL happen, although I agree with you that sometimes it's hard to imagine we will ever be well again  - I also understand how you feel when you say your envious of your daughter's life style and her ability to laugh -  I often listen to my Grandsons getting ready to go out, and, of course,  I am  happy they are enjoying life,  but I can't deny being little envious they can do this and I can't.  It's perfectly understandable to feel this way, given what we are going through for so long - And I don't think it's self pity speaking - just fact. 

 

Although it's very much improved now, during the first 10 months I suffered terribly with  hearing sensitivity. It got so bad, I used to ask my husband to talk to me in whispers, and woe betide anyone who banged a door! Even one of my  dogs barking, or  cat mewing, would set my teeth on edge and my heart racing. So I am sorry you've got noisy neighbours. It's not as though you can walk around all day with ear plugs in.  I did have a strange experience a few weeks ago, as when the Air Ambulance helicopter flew over my house, the noise seemed to vibrate in my ears to the point where I began shaking and crying - It took about half an hour for me to calm my system down!

 

As for your not knowing what day it is - I've had times when I haven't known what time it is, never mind what day!  lol. But that apart, we are bound to get these feelings whilst our worlds have shrunk to the minute existence we have at the moment. And sometimes it scares me to have lost so much time and so much of myself - But it must surely all come back to normal when our poor damaged brains heal - I pray to  God it will be so for everyone effected by these dreadful drugs.

 

Talking of God - although I haven't set foot inside church in a long time - personal choice -  as someone with a Christian faith, Easter for me is a Special time when I'm reminded,  and  reflect on the ultimate sacrifice I believe Jesus made for me. -  Yes, my faith has been sorely tested since I came off the drugs, and yes, myself and the Big Boss have shared quite a few harsh words over the past 15 months, (well I have and He's listened) But without my trust in Him I don't think I would have made it through.

 

So it's chocky eggs all round for my  Grandchildren, and a very big 'Thankyou', to my Lord. 

 

Hugs xx

 

P.S. As regards your refuge  mystery,- Not a who doneit, but more a WHO BIN AND DUNNIT!!!!!

 

[[Se...]]

 

..

 

I've had a weird kind of daytime agoraphobia for they last few years.  Its caused by extreme sensitivity to ..... well basically everything during the day when my cortisol levels are high.  I usually start to feel better towards late afternoon and evening, so if I have to go out, I try and do it then, but its always difficult, unpleasant and exhausting and a relief to get home and back onto my bed.

...

Actually there is some improvement but its so slow.  Two years ago, whenever I left the house to go anywhere, it was like being on a bad acid trip, absolutely terrifying.  Its not so bad now.  But I'm still spending most of my life, living it from my bed.  One of the most difficult things to come to terms with, for me, about being bed bound from withdrawal is that I'm constantly confused about why I stay in my room on my bed, when physically I'm capable of getting up and doing light activities.  I can't seem to explain it to myself or anyone else.

 

I think its the combination of overwhelming sensitivity, fear/terror/dread and complete anhedonia whenever I do anything anyway.... there's no real motivation to do anything, nothing brings pleasure any more.

 

 

Just wanted to say hi, I've read the thread before but am too lazy to type much.

I picked out from Serabears post a lot of how I feel. Been living from my bed over 2 years. I dive back in like a homing pigeon. I have 2 kids so am getting up and out thousands of time and acting normal. But lightheaded, achy, wooly brained, anxiety and the unrelenting fatigue. "I need to lie down" is the recurrent thought in my brain. Apathy has become overwhelming the last 2 months.

 

Frustrating that others can be in w/d and be functioning. I never had the massive symptoms others have had, but I am disabled from living a normal life. Nice to be around  new friends right here!

[[ra...]]

Hi SeriouslyDone - Welcome to the bedridden club - It must be very hard trying to look after the children  whilst your feeling so rotten - I  take my hat off to you, as I can only imagine how difficult it must be - I know for sure I couldn't do it, It's more than I can do just looking out for myself. And when my younger Grandchildren visit, my husband has to take control and look after them, as I'm just too unwell to even listen to their happy chatter - So as said, I think your doing a very good job against all odds.

 

Hope you'll enjoy being on this site  - We are currently small in number but all friendly folk.

 

Racksha.