16 years on benzos, protracted withdrawals and recovery

[[da...]]

Thank you!  I am just awaking to the nightmare within the nightmare, as I have the awareness that what I have been going through is tolerance withdrawl for at least a year or two.  The progressive decline in cognitive and daily function is mortifying to say the least. 

 

It has explained a lot.  I have been telling my doctor for years, " I can't take care of myself."  I was dead on, yet had no idea what was happening, nor did he!  I have gone down the roads of many, many specialist and thrown more and more medication.  " We need to stabilize your mood.", he said.  YIKES!  I am so scared, I have lost everything.  Every day is different and I don't have a supportive family or real suppport system.  I have always believed in God, yet cannot feel faith anymore.  When I think to prey, I feel I'm being selfish.

 

Thank you again, as I am here reading success stories. 

 

I wish you the best.

 

danishdml

[Guest [eu...]]

danishdml

Be sure and do as much research as possible as you begin your taper.  I f you haven't already, you need to read the Ashton Manual at benzo.org.  It will help you see the recommended taper process.  I would suggest you print a copy and take to your doctor and see if he would read it also as he helps you taper.  That is what I did and my physician was very appreciative and learned alot about benzo tapering.  It also helped him understand me better.  This should help you and your doctor as you slowly taper off, if this is your goal.

As for God, danishml, he is always there beside you and you should never feel selfish when you pray to Him.  He loves everyone of his children and desires the very best for them.  I don't know where I would have been if I hadn't been able to call on Him everyday.  I felt Him with me and I felt His strength in my spirit.  In His Word he says that He will never leave us or forsake us.  He also says that those that seek Him will find Him.  The road you will travel as you taper will be easier if you have someone to walk with you...do you have a good friend that you can have read the information on benzo withdrawal and some of the success stories that will then be able to be an encouragement to you each day?  This website is excellent.  There a numerous loving and caring individuals here that will help encourage you also. 

Lord...I ask now that you give danishml strength, wisdom and endurance as this precious one of yours begins this journey.  Eugene

[[ma...]]

Hi Eugene,

I just called Dr Rene Gonzales's ofc, & unfortunately he is not taking on any new patients.

Needles to say, I am dissapointed & my husband too. Aieee...

Unfortunately also, he was not able to recomend anyone else in the area with benzo wd experience.

I will try & see my local Dr tomorrow & discuss the Propanolol & Remeron.

 

Thanks though for the tips, & also for coming back here to help so many others.

Your journey & words are of great help.

With gratitude,

 

margaretisabel

 

[Guest [eu...]]

oh no...I am so sorry that he is not taking new patients.  I think you will be pleased with the remeron and propranolol combined if your doctor will prescribe them for you.  Let me know how it goes. Eugene

[[wh...]]

Thanks for such a inspiring success story Eugene, they give so many people on here hope including myself. Where did you order the cd version of the bible?

Thanks again,

Clay

[Guest [eu...]]

I got the Bible on CD (New King James Version) at the Family Christian Book Store.  I think you can order from them online.  It has been awesome to listen to...what a great strength it has given me.  eugene

[[ma...]]

Hi Eugene.

I wanted to know whether you were able to function-

even moderately well-during your long recovery?

I am struggling with the simple duration of prolonged symptoms & dysfuntion.

I had  peviously enjoyed a long & sucessfull career in the arts, but am now barely able to manage

the most basic minimal home chores of cleaning, cooking etc. Can't even go to the grocery store except on rare "better" days.

Luckily my husband has been a life saver , but I fear he is wearing out.

Needless to say this is pretty frightening, & was just curious about how long it took you before

you were able to function adequately.

Any info is helpful,

Thanks,

 

margaretisabel

[Guest [eu...]]

my heart goes out to you so much.  How well do I know what you are experiencing.  I had a really difficult time functioning for the first 7 months.  It was between 7 months and 11 months that things were a little easier to do.  It wasn't until the 12th month that I began to function more normally and now the 14th month where I am functioning pretty much normally...I know it is very hard but just try to hang on and in time you will see a gradual improvement...I was  just as afraid everyday as you are that I was going to be like that forever and in time I see that the healing process is just very, very slow.  Eugene

[[gr...]]

Hi Eugene,

 

I am having a really bad day, so thought I would reach out to you.  I have a few question regarding the meds you are on.  Is the 30 mg. of Remeron to help you sleep?  How long have you been on the Remeron? I hear it is hard to get off of Remeron if you want to, so I have been worried about taking it.  I have a doctor that prescribed it too, but wants me to take 15 mg. of Remeron.  Just wondering if you have any side effects from the Remeron, i.e. weight gain, etc.  I hear it really helps with sleep which I am so lacking lately, but I have a terrible fear of taking anything that might be difficult to come off of and that might make my natural sleep pattern hard to get back -- because I haven't gotten my natural sleep pattern back from being on the xanax for 4 years.  Thanks for any advice you can offer.  So glad you are doing so well.

 

Take care,

-g

[Guest [eu...]]

Hey g

I am currently taking 22.5 mg and it works very well for me for sleep.  I get between 8-9 hours of sleep and I wake up with no negative effects.  When I go to bed I also take 1 mg of melatonin and it really helps me go to sleep fairly quickly.  My doctor put me on remeron when I was first taken off benzos and I too was very worried that I would have a difficult time getting off it.  After being on it for 1 month I tapered off over a month and had no problem at all.  I have done a lot of research on remeron and I really have found very little negatives about it.  I have now been back on it for 2 months and plan on staying on it indefinitely because of the sleep benefits.  I was so sleep deprived for so many months early on it is so nice to get the kind of sleep i am experiencing.  The only side effects I am experiencing is a little bit of dry skin and I have gained 10 pounds in 2 months.  The thing about remeron is the higher the dose, generally, the less benefits for sleep.  If your doctor wants you to take 15 mg I would do it and not have any reservations.  In fact the Psychiatrist that cared for me at Lovelace rehab said that he prescribes remeron a lot for benzo withdrawal to help with sleep and he has had very few problems.

I am currently taking 22.5 mg remeron and 20 mg 3 times per day of propranolol.  These 2 combined has worked well for me for sleep and anxiety control.  I hope the helps.  eugene

[[ma...]]

Thanks so much Eugene for answering my, & others posts!

Will hope that the next few months will bring better days & more functioning here.

Aiee...

 

margaretisabel

[[gr...]]

Hi Eugene,

Thank you so much for your response.  That is very helpful.  I appreciate you taking the time to share all your information.  Best of luck to you and thanks for reassuring me about the Remeron.  It is funny that it causes weight gain.  I wonder why...=)

 

All the best,

-g

[Guest [eu...]]

weight gain is one of the side effects.  What I have done to keep it down somewhat is I eat normal for breakfast and Dinner.  For lunch I make a fruit smoothie of 1/2 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup skim milk, sweeten with honey, 1/2 cup ice.  this is healthy and gets me through to dinner.  Eugene

[[gr...]]

Great suggestion...I think I might try the Remeron...because I so need the sleep desperately. 

 

Take care,

-g

[[bo...]]

Great story.thanks for posting.I can idenify with Tinnitus.19 months out and still ringing.One of the last syms to linger.

[[Fa...]]

Thanks for the encouraging success story Eugene.  Right now it's difficult to type through the tinnitus.

Faulk

[Guest [eu...]]

it is very true..tinnitus for me is the last tro fade...mine has reduced at least by 90% to 95% from several months ago.  Back then I had a hard time hearing standard conversation.  Now I can hear things in the distance that I couldn't before.  eugene

[[Mu...]]

thank you Eugene, your story is indeed an inspiration. I am afraid I have lost my faith in God but your story makes me want to find it again.

[Guest [eu...]]

I pray that you find your faith again...let me give you a real example of a very real and caring God that happened to me yesterday.  Last Wed. our little dog swallowed one of my wife's sewing needles.  We took him to the vet and had x-rays and sure enough there it was in the stomach.  The vet told us to watch for a couple of days and check the stool each time to see if it passed.  We watched thurs., Fri., Sat, and no sign of the needle.  On Sat. my wife called and sceduled him for more x-rays and surgery to remove the needle.  Sunday morning at church I prayed and asked God for a small miracle because we couldn't afford to spend several thousand dollars for the surgery.  God immediately brought to my mind a passage of scripture in the Old Testament where Elisha(the prophet of God) caused an ax head that was lost in the river to float so it could be retrieved...you can read the story in 2Kings 6:1-7.  God spoke to my heart and said that if He could cause a steel ax head to float then He could easily cause a small needle to be excreted.  I got home from church and pondered these thoughts.  sunday afternoon about 4 pm our loving little puppy had another stool.  When I began to check...low and behold there it was in the middle of the pile..the sewing needle....may you find your faith and the personal relationship that God desires to give you...your friend eugene

[[ss...]]

Thank you Eugene. You have given me hope. God does answer prayers.

 

Steve

[[Mu...]]

I'm workin' on it Eugene. I don't want to be without faith but its been a long time since I felt God work like that in my life.....in fact since this ordeal started it feels like he's been completely gone. But, I haven't given up

[Guest [eu...]]

Something to think about...In my 13th month I had a complete physical by my Primary Physician...and low and behold he discovered that I had become hypothyroid...some of the symptoms of hypothyroid can be similar to benzo withdrawals...may be worth considering getting your thyroid checked if you suspect this...the thyroid can be effected with extreme stress and everyone that goes through benzo withdrawals experiences many degrees of stress, including extreme stress as in my case.  eugene

[[tu...]]

Eugene:  Both your and Allison's stories gave me hope today.I do my best to believe I will be 100% myself again, but sometime it is hard when the symptoms rev up.  It is so validating to read these things.  Thank you for posting this.

[Guest [eu...]]

you will get there...everything I have read leads me to believe that all heal in time.  Just hang on I can't imagine anyone suffering any worse than I did and I am nearly there.  If I can heal after all the danmage that was done to my benzo receptors then anyone can heal.

[[ma...]]

Thank you again Eugene, for reinforcing that we will all heal eventually.

Can't tell you how much I need to keep hearing that -as the hard endless days

wear me down.

It is so hard to believe you will heal when one is suffering deeply,

so your words-coming from your own experience- mean a lot.

Gracias mi amigo,

 

margaretisabel