WHAT TO EXPECT

[Guest [...]]

Rollin

 

hows it going well you kind of dont have to answer that I get from your post things are still not fine and dandy to say the least.  Your words to Jane were spot on as usual.  Your insight here is much appreciated as you have experienced things first hand for yourself.  I do agree that in some cases Asthon's theories just do not work.  Oh I know I to go against some of the stuff written.  I guess interviewing thousands of people has a lot of credit but living through this does to and reading thousands of stories of people on here it makes me wonder sometimes.

 

As in my case I was advised to go up and this as you know worked in a horrible way for me and made things so much worse.  Whilst appreciating the help at that time I was in such a desperate state I just did what someone else told me to.  I thinks this is the case here desperation Jane is crying out for the answer and you know what?  Sometimes there is no answer.  Its all really I believe about time as in my case Its been a nightmare and yes your right its nearly five weeks off for me but I still dont think I will ever be the person I was before this no matter how much time passes.

 

However time can only do so much right.  You were in a situation where everything was working well for you until this doctor came along and we can look back and say as I DO all the time if only I didnt do this if only I didnt do that but you know what it gets us absolutely nowhere does it.  Im so regretful as I was forced to take this drug but you know what now im going to have to somehow live with the consequences so yes now im home from a nightmare detox can finally be here for my children in somewhat a reduced capacity and just hope to goodness I continue to recover.  Sorry for hijacking your thread a bit jane but with the pm system down I want my friend to know how things are for me.

 

So rollin any real improvement for you since I last heard from you the vibe im picking up is that things are not great for you.  Am I right in saying this?

 

so good to hear your point of view you always have such good points to make.

 

Lizzyx

[[ce...]]

I think i may actually want to reinstate then this is all too much for me.

Hi Janedoe. Sorry, I'm not sure I understand this statement.  Is it too much for you to not reinstate, or too much for you to reinstate?

[Guest [ja...]]

i want to reinstate. ive been thinking heavily about it since yesterday...

[Guest [...]]

hey Jane

 

only YOU can decide what is best for you.  I will just leave you on a last note saying there is no easy way out of this ok. NONE at all.  Its not like and I have thought about this in your life when something would have gone wrong in the past you could sit down with a friend get a hug have a nice chat and then feel better.  One thing i have learnt is that NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER there is no easy fix to this problem otherwise trust me sweety I would have found it by now.  So Im here for you regardless of your situation I hope you read Rollinregret's words through and through he is a smart switched on guy who has been through this process ok as have I.

 

You have been given numerous reports of people's stories and as you know its not easy to sit here and type away so I hope you make your decision wisely ok.

 

Im thinking of you and only you know how bad you are feeling. 

 

good luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

Lizzyxx

[[ce...]]

Hope it goes well for you.  Best of luck!

 

Cedar

[[we...]]

jane, 

 

it's really hard to answer this post.  This is my opinion.

 

You asked in one of your posts why nobody suggested that you should reinstate.  The reason I didn't suggest that you should reinstate are the following:  you didn't want to reinstate, you were really glad to get off the drugs, you had to be clean for your rehab, you were still going out and talking to people, you still had appetite, it was not clear from your post whether you had a doctor that would work with you on a slow taper, something about being homeless if you reinstated, and you were still joking online. 

 

Based on your posts at the time, I did not think you were as bad as I was when I was in acute withdrawal.

 

I don't know how many days it's been since you are in shock, but you've already said you reinstated with Valium and did not get relief.  From what I understand from your posts, you're not sleeping, you're not eating, and you have difficulty writing.  If you were secure at home for a few months, or with work or family responsibilities, I would recommend reinstating and doing a slow taper, but given your particular living arrangements and chance of rehab, that makes it more complicated. 

 

If you go to rehab, and cannot follow the program, will they allow you to stay?  Will they require you to go to the psych ward?  Can you find out if they will keep you if you are in acute withdrawal?  It's one thing to go to rehab, but if you cannot follow their program they may want you to go to the hospital and reinstate.  If you go to the psych ward and reinstate, will they take you back in rehab ?Maybe you could get counsel from your family.  It would be really nice for you to get support at home.

 

Some people on this website have told you that you've already gotten several good days behind you, but it really didn't hit you since a few days. If you reinstate and it doesn't work, you'll have to do a slow taper and be miserable for a few more months.  If you reinstate and it works, you will have some relief but probably not complete relief and still be miserable but less, for a few more months.  If you don't reinstate you'll probably be miserable for a few more months.  So anyway you slice it , withdrawal is not fun. If you decide to reinstate, it should be done next few days in order to maximize your chances of stabilizing. 

 

Nobody can tell the future, nobody can tell how your body is going to react, for that reason, nobody can tell you what the right decision is.  We do not know enough about benzodiazepines withdrawal to know whether you would stabilize if you reinstated.  What I can tell you is that I went through a very difficult withdrawal, and that it took every ounce of my energy, both mental and physical to get through this. You are not alone .  In my case I didn't have the choice to reinstate because I was paradoxical on the drug. I know you are young and you have probably lived through some difficult times, so I'm assuming you're more mature than most people your age, you may have strengths that other people your age don't have. 

 

What has saved me if this forum, and taking it one day at a time. I'm sorry I cannot be more useful, I just don't know what you should do.  Just know that what you are going through this withdrawal, it is not permanent, it gets better in time and that young people seem to heal faster.  My thoughts are with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [ja...]]

hi and thank u guys for the information.

im very ill right now and weak so its hard to type but i am reading..

i was wondering beacuse i think i may be turning a bit physchotic if its only temporary or goes away after w/d?

also...does the body eventually go to sleep after many nights with none or will i just stay up forever?

 

will start posting more when i feel better...

 

your symptoms of psychosis are nothing permanent and are certainly consistent with a C/T. The question isn't whether they will go away it's when and how. Honestly I don't think anyone can say that if you wait x amount of days you'll be feeling y amount better. The only way to feel instantly better would be meds, but that may not be a route you want to go down. Depends what your goals are. Psychosis is PART of the w/d so yes it will go away.

 

As for sleep, I've read people being awake for days and honestly the body can override its fatigue program, but I think past 3-4 nights, you'll certainly fall asleep. Although I've read horror stories about what people go through, you are definitely having a rough time of it. You just have to power through it. Just so we're clear, what you're experiencing is the body saying "you didn't give me enough of a warning that you were going to pull the plug on the benzo". The only concern I have is HOW your recovery will occur. It's just my opinion that in CT situations that go this bad, one might need to reinstate to be able to let the GABA system to repair itself slowly. If your symptoms were milder, i'd say I've read people getting over their CT, but only after months. It's rare that people feel better in a short period of time after going off completely in one go. For some it's no problem at all. You seem very sensitive (like me) so weigh the options. Go back on the benzo to regain some level of sanity if it's REALLY too much or if you have the ability, the time and the circumstance, just wait it out. Again, I'll just say it's my personal opinion that staying in a prolonged state of acute symtoms seems to impede the recovery. I'm sure others have differing opinions. I just personally think that benzos aren't the evil of the earth and that coming off properly is the most important thing, not just coming off.

Actually Ashton thinks the same. The argument others might pose is that by going back on, you're prolonging the agony, which doesn't make much sense to me since stabilizing and proper tapering has overwhelmingly been shown to work. That's where Ashton deviates. She thinks, if you're off, stay off, don't even think about going back on. Seems a bit too drastic for me and many others who are proponents of a steady approach to benzo withdrawal. 

 

You WILL be ok. It's just a matter of time and being realistic, a good deal of time. Knowing that you won't be better tomorrow or the day after in some ways makes it easier so that you're not disappointed when it doesn't happen. Just remember when taking any advice -- everybody is different and everyone's circumstance is different. Judge for yourself.

 

well it worked everything has pretty much subsided stablizing on xanax about 3mg per day and will work out taper in a couple months. Im glad I didnt wait it out, I thought id never feel normal again.

[[In...]]

I'm glad to hear you're stabilizing well. I did a rapid taper and eventually c/t, but that was before I found BB. I had no clue about the hell that is benzo withdrawal. I went from 2mg Klonapin to 1.5 > 1.0 > .5 > off. Each step was a week. For some reason, I was very fortunate and had very few symptoms tapering, but when I went c/t from the .5, the symptoms started to hit after 3 days. After 5-7 days I really started to experience bad withdrawal. I was staying in bed all day focusing on TV and drinking relaxing tea often (and other herbal remedies). Around that time I found BB and discovered what I was truly facing down the road ahead. Considering it made me not functional, and I had to be for my kids, I decided to reinstate, stabilize, and plan out a smart taper plan customized for me. It took me about 2 months to "stabilize," but of course your mileage may vary. I then did a c/o to Valium over about a month, which wasn't terribly bad (compared to c/t), and now I'm finally going to start my titration taper tomorrow. My point is like many others have said, do what's best for you and your recovery. No one knows what you can handle better than you.

 

It's funny how different people's bodies are. For example, I have had nearly no symptoms when stopping alcohol after drinking regularly for months. I quit smoking about 9 years ago, and I thought that was tough, but it was a walk in the park compared to benzo withdrawal. I recently quit drinking coffee in preparation for my new taper, and my mood was all over the place for about a week, which is at the worse end for caffeine.

 

 

[[ro...]]

 

 

well it worked everything has pretty much subsided stablizing on xanax about 3mg per day and will work out taper in a couple months. Im glad I didnt wait it out, I thought id never feel normal again.

 

I'm so glad to hear that you've stabilized. Not that you went back on, just that you're feeling better. I think you made the right choice by not waiting too long and that's perhaps why you were able to stabilize more quickly. In my case, i think i'll stabilize on my current dose (which is my original dose, but 5 months later) but it'll take long, far too long than it should for a stupid call by my doctor (I will be at the exact same dose after 6 months of hell...absolutely no point in her forced taper).

 

I'd also be wary about things changing. You say you've stabilized, but things might dip now and then. That's what I've been experiencing -- good moments and then the realization that I'm not completely stable and that it's going to take some time. I guess I'm saying, don't worry if you feel worse tomorrow or whenever, the brain needs to get used to this level and it takes time, but GREAT to hear you're in good spirits.

 

There seems to be a lot of suggestion that people "don't really stabilize" when they reinstate or increase after dropping, but I think it's just an idea that propagates to instill the perception that reinstatement is a bad thing. Basically a scare tactic and it's not even used deliberately, but it has spread across this board. Like I said before, everyone is different, there are many who reinstate with no problem at all. Just give yourself time before tapering again. There's no rush. When the time comes for me to go back down, I'm going to go as slow as possible, possibly even a liquid titration even from such a high dose.

 

Lizzy, good to hear things are working out for you, I've always got you in my thoughts. I think we're all slowly getting better by different means (either increasing, reinstating or withdrawing). Really it's about quality of life so lets hope we all get it back maximally sooner than later!

 

edit: just for those who are more experienced, for Jane and myself (cuz it's possible her situation may fluctuate too)...why is it that stabilization after reinstatement seems to take multiple weeks? Most people just post that they stabiized after reinstating, but don't give a timeframe. This could mean immediately or after a few weeks. Talking to people around the internet, I've found that for many it takes weeks to stabilize on a dose when INCREASING (and that seems to be the case with me). Like I said, Jane, hopefully this 3mg of Xanax is solid for you and you don't oscillate although you should remember it's short acting so even larger chance of oscillations. That and it may take a few weeks to get fully stable w/o noticing changing symptoms from day to day, as is still the case with me.

[Guest [ja...]]

yea i definately dont feel 100 percent better but its alot better than what i was putting myself through. i no longer feel insane or as if i may be stuck...so stabalizing takes a while? i get that... but its like i said a lot better than what i was putting myself through.

[Guest [...]]

Hey Rollin

 

wish I could answer your questions its all just to much for me to understand no rhyme nor reason to the whole business.  Someone more benzo wise could chip in soon.

 

Jane

 

Im so thrilled that you are feeling better good luck with your future sweety.

 

Lizzyxx

[Guest [ja...]]

i really need help. i am stuck with servere depression after reinstatement still cant function completley and really need advice on what to do...

[[em...]]

JD--

So if I'm reading your sig correctly, you went c/t off of 30 mg Valium?  That's a major deal.  I'm tapering from 30 mg V right now, 2mg every 1-2 weeks. 

 

I think you are still within the window where you can reinstate.  I'd try 20 mg to see if I got relief and hold for a couple of weeks to see if my symptoms improve.  What do others think of this idea?

 

emkbb

[Guest [ja...]]

i already did reinstate but dont feel full relief. im gonna go to a mental hospital today and get this straightened out. if ive been on 3.5 mg of xanax for 3 days is it too late to stop?

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Jane. Sometimes reinstatement can be a mixed bag at first. Some blues or depression can come up as part of being back on the benzo or if the dose is not quite right. Sometimes one might have blues if one feels disappointed in oneself for some reason, whether it was because of "needing to go back onthe benzo" or something else. What does your doctor say? Maybe you can adjust your dose up or down  a bit with the help of your doctor?  When I reinstated, it took a few days to impact.  Is there some reason you reinstated xanax when you were on valium before?

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[Guest [ja...]]

i dont have a stable doctor no insurance...not sure what to do...its almost been 3 days i feel better than before but still not 100 percent maybe 75-80 or so. also is there any success with kindiling? can people get off eventually after kindling 3 or 4 times?

[[em...]]

JD--

I'm curious why you reinstated the X rather than the V.  Weren't you completely off X?

 

emkbb

[[...]]

JD--

So if I'm reading your sig correctly, you went c/t off of 30 mg Valium?  That's a major deal.  I'm tapering from 30 mg V right now, 2mg every 1-2 weeks. 

 

I think you are still within the window where you can reinstate.  I'd try 20 mg to see if I got relief and hold for a couple of weeks to see if my symptoms improve.  What do others think of this idea?

 

emkbb

 

Jane,  why don't you clarify your recent update before well meaning people try to help you, not knowing the whole story?  Then their advice will be more helpful for you.

 

L,  Sky

 

 

[Guest [pa...]]

hi jane reinstate ment can take up to two weeks to take effect

at least now you are functional

you will come out the other side of this just fine with the greatest story to tell

hang in there

it gets better  give it time

[[Ho...]]

Hi Jane,

 

The fact that you're feeling a little better after three days is a very good sign. As was mentioned, it can take a week or two to feel better. I know it's hard to be patient when you're feeling so badly.

 

 

Hope

[Guest [ja...]]

Hi Jane,

 

The fact that you're feeling a little better after three days is a very good sign. As was mentioned, it can take a week or two to feel better. I know it's hard to be patient when you're feeling so badly.

 

 

Hope

 

Thank you Hope...I was wondering if u have seen anyone get better off the drugs completely after kindiling?

[[Ho...]]

Hi Jane,

 

The fact that you're feeling a little better after three days is a very good sign. As was mentioned, it can take a week or two to feel better. I know it's hard to be patient when you're feeling so badly.

 

 

Hope

 

Thank you Hope...I was wondering if u have seen anyone get better off the drugs completely after kindiling?

 

Yes Jane. The majority of people do get better, kindling or not. I know you're feeling frightened and that's increasing your emotional symptoms. I also know the fear of not knowing if you're ever going to get better or not.

 

You will get better Jane. It may take longer than you'd like but in this case, time is the great healer. Try to hold on to that. Read the success stories. It's hard to believe you're going to feel better, but the truth is, the odds are very much in your favour.

[Guest [ja...]]

i know u guys arent doctors, but i am going to the hospital in a few minitues and i dont know...should i be honest and tell them how severe my depression is?

[[...]]

Jane, of course, tell them your whole recent history, the meds when they started and stopped, the phenobarb,  your plans for rehab, reinstating the xanax and the depression.  They won't be able to help you effectively unless they know the truth.  Maybe they can help you get in that program sooner, instead of floundering on your own. 

 

I feel really bad for you, I do.  I honestly hope they offer you some sound assistance.

Sky

[[ne...]]

Jane,

 

Please take care of yourself and know your legal rights regarding voluntary commitment.  I'm not sure what country you are in but in the US, you are entitled to legal representation, free of charge if you need it. 

 

Best Wishes and hoping you get some relief,

 

Newrain