Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

[[Ju...]]

Dear Holly,  I am experiencing the exact things that you are experiencing.  It is very difficult.  I just keep praying to God that he gets me out of this mess somehow.  This doctor prescribed Xanax for me,  I had never heard of the pill.  I got dependent or addicted to them,  I tried to scale off but tried to do it in too short of  period of time, so I ended up quitting cold turkey, which you are not supposed to do.  I took .5 Xanax or 5 months and .5 mg klonopin for 6 months before quitting cold turkey at River Oaks hospital in New Orleans.  I have been off of the now for over 14 months but am still struggling with the exact symptoms that you are struggling with.  It seemed as though I could handle sugar til last week when my nervous system told me not to give it any sugar, it flames me up.    Good luck,  and stay in touch.  thanks,  jude273

[[mo...]]

Hang in there Mairin we are getting there . I have been doing really well up till now . I have been wondering about the WD SX at the lower doses . I have been very irritable bad mood off and on . Seems like any kind of  stress sets me off . But that is kind of normal with military PTSD. Sort of like you at low doses of benzo it's not therapeutic anymore just more of a maintenance dose . Lots of ups and downs. I am holding right now at .01874 till I feel better . I have 5 more cuts to go so I'm going to go slower if I need to . So tired of of dosing  4 times a day but this is the critical time to beware I think . The last time I seen my VA Psy Doc she told me I was doing amazing at getting off benzo's . She said very few patients can taper . Most she said have to go through detox . Now get  this she told me that after I am through my taper she did not have a problem with me taking lorazepam PRN . She even gave me three refills of lorazepam . Simply amazing . I think if I ever started medicating with them again I might have to be on them for life . Slow and steady all . MM 

[[La...]]

Definitely not therapeutic anymore for me as well, lorazepam stopped being therapeutic for me long ago in this taper. Lots of ups and downs at these lower doses and those downs can seem pretty bad, but are short lived and usually followed by a subsequent stretch of feeling really good (like >90% well being). On my last planned day of holding at 0.17mg, I felt great so decided to cut to 0.135mg. After that cut, my first night sleep wasn't very good but I did get ~6 hrs. I've got 5 more cuts to go to zero and my plan is to keep cutting at 1 week intervals but to drop the magnitude of each cut. Last one, I droppepd 0.035mg, next one is planned at -0.030mg, then -0.025mg etc. Of course, I will adjust these as symptoms dictate.

 

Still afraid of this "wall" that many V-tapers seem to talk about in the last 2 mgs of v. Each time I get hit with a wave, I fear that it is the dreaded wall, but alas, I break through and the window(s) come and I press on.

 

Really scary to hear a doctor say that very few patients can taper succesfully. I will never take a benzo again after this taper. Ever.

 

Good luck to all.

[[aw...]]

LJ: Perhaps what the doctor meant to say was that very few of her patients have tapered successfully. I don't believe that most people can't taper, from any benzo. I think that too many people don't get the support and info that would allow them to taper, so they wind up in detox, a euphemism for cold turkey  .

 

Aweigh

[[Ma...]]

HI MM

 

Yes irritablity has become a big problem for me now.  I also have PTSD.  It's basically rage and fear underneath, I think.  The drug suppresses that rage and anger and fear, and now with removal it comes up.

 

YOu are going a bit faster than me, I tried every ten days for a little while but I feel more comfortable with 14 days.  That adds a lot of time.    I just cut down to .4375, so far ok.

 

I've thought about PRN use, and I wish I would have been prescribed it to use that way.  But I wasn't, it was put on it daily.  I just took it that way without question.  I so wish I would have been more informed.  But, yes, I am not sure it would be good to do that after being addicted.  Doctors just don't really understand this.  I agree with Aweigh, its not that they have to go to detox, its just that there is no real support for tapers and detox is the defacto solution.  Plus detox makes a lot of money for the detox facilities.  It's all money behind that.  If you stand to make 50K on someone coming off a benzo, are you going to tell them they can slowly get off it infinitely more cheaply at home?  No. lol  That is terrible though.  "Follow the money" as they say.

 

I feel like saying "Slow down wait for me MM!"    You are speeding on ahead!    Wait up!  Just kidding   You sound like you are doing good.

 

Hugs, Mairin

 

 

[[Co...]]

Just an update....I wanted to let other bennzies to know that things really do get better...

.............I am at the end of my taper (  .0312 ativan once a day in the morning) I am holding this through the holidays and leaping on Jan 1. I feel very stabilized on this dose ( dust really) I will say that at the first week or so of this last cut I felt as though I was back in mid-taper. ....

...........and THEN THINGS STARTED TO GET BETTER......I began to have 1/2 day windows about once a week as well as mini windows once or twice a week....and some of my worst s/x such as morning depression and anxiety became less frequent.....my agoraphobia lessened ...only slight anticipatory nervousness ...my sleep has improved ( but not yet normal....sleeping 5-6 hours with some REM and dreaming).....dizziness is less.....the only stone in the road has been the development of palpitations and pvcs which did come on with a vengeance 3-4 weeks into this last cut ( I would have jumped at week 3 if the holidays were not upon us)... they were pretty scary...but are calming ( still present but not as intense or as frequent) with low dose magnesium....

..............All in all I am having sometimes 2 days in a row of really good windows and clarity followed by a few days of s/x that are not as intense as what I experienced on the way down ...and then improvement again

.............At this point I would chzracterize my taper over all as :  First 3-4 cuts...tolerable...mid- taper ( the 6 or so weeks following first 3-4 cuts) were awful...I felt horrible every day and every night. .....experienced some mini- windows following mid-taper...last cut : ..difficult in the first week or so .....and now things are getting better...

............I don't want to jinx my taper by premature optimism ...but. I am hopeful that the worst is behind me ( although I am very aware that I have not entered recovery yet as I have not jumped)...but.....I really wanted to post something positive for everyone on the way down...As I was into my last cut a few BBs posted feeling better stories at their 6 month post jump mark...I hung onto those posts for dear life.

............wishing everyone windows and healing....so so thankful for BBs...I wouldn't have gotten through one week without the support and information found on this site

.......our worst days are behind us....better days right in front of us........cooper

 

 

[[Ks...]]

Hello, I am new here but I did not really want to go through the 206 other pages so perhaps someone who has been following the thread can help...

 

I have been on 2mg Ativan for I estimate 9 months now, having started at 0.5 one year ago.  I take it at bed because I have the worst possible insomnia ever.  I am also currently trying to taper off of Trazodone, which I was on 100mg June thru October and now on 33.3mg of that.  My depression and anxiety have gotten a lot worse but there are life factors going on in that as well that the medication may or may not be contributing to, but I feel like all the meds I've been on have not helped and thus are in fact detrimental to my messed up system already.

 

I would like to know what I should do and how to go about this tapering, especially with the insomnia and Trazodone factors.  My (stupid) psychiatrist said I could switch to Xanax but this sounds like an awful idea as I feel like even if replacing a benzo with a benzo, you are still withdrawing from a benzo, only to replace it by another.  I am desperate at this point though and my life is in the gutter so I will take any help I can get, as the only advice I receive in real life is "let's try this med instead".

 

I do not also know how to practically taper the Ativan, as I have 2mg tablets and a cheap pill cutter and if tapering by 10%, it would be hard to be accurate.  I want to get off this med as soon as I can but am afraid of being in a worse situation - I really do not want to spend another year of my life in withdrawal hell (opposed to medicated hell now), I have already lost a lot of my life to meds that I explained in my introduction...

[[La...]]

Hello, I am new here but I did not really want to go through the 206 other pages so perhaps someone who has been following the thread can help...

 

I have been on 2mg Ativan for I estimate 9 months now, having started at 0.5 one year ago.  I take it at bed because I have the worst possible insomnia ever.  I am also currently trying to taper off of Trazodone, which I was on 100mg June thru October and now on 33.3mg of that.  My depression and anxiety have gotten a lot worse but there are life factors going on in that as well that the medication may or may not be contributing to, but I feel like all the meds I've been on have not helped and thus are in fact detrimental to my messed up system already.

 

I would like to know what I should do and how to go about this tapering, especially with the insomnia and Trazodone factors.  My (stupid) psychiatrist said I could switch to Xanax but this sounds like an awful idea as I feel like even if replacing a benzo with a benzo, you are still withdrawing from a benzo, only to replace it by another.  I am desperate at this point though and my life is in the gutter so I will take any help I can get, as the only advice I receive in real life is "let's try this med instead".

 

I do not also know how to practically taper the Ativan, as I have 2mg tablets and a cheap pill cutter and if tapering by 10%, it would be hard to be accurate.  I want to get off this med as soon as I can but am afraid of being in a worse situation - I really do not want to spend another year of my life in withdrawal hell (opposed to medicated hell now), I have already lost a lot of my life to meds that I explained in my introduction...

 

Given the severity of my benzo addiction and wd sxs, amd more importantly, the inadequate help/advice from my doctors, I spent the time to read all 206 pages of this thread.  And lots of other related threads here. I took the bull by the horns and responsibility for my own recovery. I have made some mistakes in my taper but quickly learn/recover from them, largely the result of my education here on BB.

 

This thread alone has many of the solutions you seek. I felt the same way as you in the beginning, that my life was in the gutter and that I wanted to get off this med "as soon as I can."

 

Fortunately, that position evolved quickly for me into "I want to get off this drug as SAFELY as I can."  Take a little time to read through the thread and ask some pointed questions, there are a lot of very informed folks here. :thumbsup:

 

[[Ma...]]

HI KS,

 

IT is very hard to taper from a 2 mg sized pill.  And you are only on 2 mgs so I assume you are taking that once a day.

 

Really the best way to taper by cutting pills is with .5 mg sized pills.  I would request those because 2 mg pills are just too big to taper.  If you can get the .5 pills, then cutting them into quarters will give you .125 each piece, and that is a good amount to cut about every two weeks.  That is really the simplest route.  If you can't get the .5 pills, you could liquid titrate using the 2 mg pills, which means dissolving it in water and then measuring out a small amount, thereby reducing your dose.  It's not that complicated but it would take some reading on how to do it.  There are videos on youtube on how to do that as well as threads on BB that tell you how.  But, yeah, it is kind of a pain to do that.  Would be so much easier if you could get the .5 mg pills.

 

Also, you might try splitting your dose up to twice a day, 1 mg morning and 1 mg night.  Ativan only lasts about 6 hours effectively, after that blood levels start dropping, so dosing 1 time a day is likely to cause interdose withdrawal feelings after using it a while.  It sounds like you are addicted if you've been using it for over  a year.

 

Not sure what your symptoms are but you sound unhappy with being on ativan.  And it is probably best to get off it rather than stay on it for years and years.

 

 

[[Ks...]]

Thank you for the advice.  I will attempt to do that.  I am recovering from lowering my dose of Trazodone so I don't know how long it will take but that is another story.

 

I have also been told about multiple dosing but I'm not sure if this would mess things up further, making my body "withdraw" from having the 2mg at once or making it somehow more tolerant by increasing the times per day of dosage (even though the total dose is the same).  I just don't know anything.

[[br...]]

Hi fellow BBs tapering off of Ativan,

 

I saw that this thread was started and wanted to join in.  Even though I'm down to a low dose of Lorazepam (generic Ativan, ...you probably knew that)..... (.125 mgs 2Xs/day, 10 am and 10 pm), I'm still having horrible w/ds :'(........breathlessness, severe weakness that feels like I'm dying, severe exhaustion, headaches that don't feel like regular headaches...they feel like a weird annoying prickly feeling in the back of my head and down into my neck, just recently nausea.  I didn't fall asleep last night until 4 am, then I stayed in bed all day until 6 pm b/c I knew as soon as my feet hit the floor, I could feel horrible ....and that's exactly what happened.  Made something to eat, did the dishes and felt extreme weakness that felt like I was dying and nausea.  Crying, crying, crying b/c I felt like I was dying.  Everytime I feel that way, I consider going to the ER, but don't b/c I know they won't do anything anyway.  I had an appt. with my psych dr. yesterday and wanted to talk with him about switching over to liquid titration so I could do a micro-taper but on my way to my appt. (which was very difficult b/c I'm so sick), the dr's office called me on my cell phone and told me that the dr. had called off and they rescheduled my appt. for Dec. 17.  I was not a happy camper b/c I waited 2 months for this appt.  

 

Others have suggested switching over to a longer acting benzo like Valium.  How do you know what method to use?  No matter what method you use, there is no escape from the crushing w/d x/s, is there?  I've thought about taking a larger dose when I feel super bad, but I have resisted the temptation.  I'm so afraid that I will die from horrible w/ds  >:Dwhile trying to taper off of this drug.  

 

My life has diminished so much b/c of this drug.  I used to be able to go to work, go to the gym 6 days a week, go shopping, etc, etc......I can't do any of that anymore.  I had to take early retirement from work b/c I'm so sick....can barely go to the places I HAVE to go to...there's no way I can even consider going to the gym.  I'm so sick of being sick everyday that I no longer have patience....even little things make me angry.......if I drop my comb when I'm combing my hair, I get so angry that I pick up the comb and I throw it.  I can't even fathom being this sick for possibly years to come.  The holidays are coming and to me, all they have become is an obstacle to overcome rather than a happy event to look forward to.  I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare that I will never get out of. :'( :'( :'( :sick:      

[[La...]]

Brunette:

 

when I think about how best to describe one of the wd sxs that plagues me the most/worst, the best I can describe it is just as you have: feels like I am dying. I don't know how better else to say it. But as I have tapered down, that feeling visits me less and less. I also felt like I would never get out of the nightmare, especially early and mid-taper. But as my dose gets lower, I see the light and the end of the tunnel a lit bit more clearly.

 

Don't despair. As bad as things are right now, if you are determined to continue your taper, they will improve.  Improvement seems to happen for different people at different points along the path. Hope you are feeling better soon.

[[Co...]]

Dear BrunetteScorpio..so sorry you are having such a tough time....Are you dividing your dose into 4 equal doses and taking one dose each 4-5 hours?....You are so far down the road..When I began dividing my daily dose into 4-5 doses things got much better. I did a direct taper from ativan and for me things eased up at the. .0625 dose. I had every single one of the s/x that you describe...at. .0312 ..once a day at 4 pm now...and holding through the holidays....I still have some of the s/x (although not all), but they are much less intense....with some moments and even 1/2 day windows. I found the sweeping unexpected breathlessness and weakness one of the most scary s/x....I have only had one brief episode of this in the last month. ....

..........BrunetteScorpio....I know we all w/d in individual patterns...and w/d is totally u predictable....things could start turning around for you at any time....you are almost to the end of your taper. I know some people say that their s/x got worse at the lower doses....That has not been true for me...mid-taper was the worst for me...and for the most part I am feeling much better...a liquid titration might ease your taper...but think it through before adding another benzo ...try splitting your doses to see if it helps........I am thinking of you BrunetteScorpio...keep thinking about how far you have come...It really will get better...I am probably the least likely person on the planet to get through a taper..if I ca.n do this...anyone can. You will get through this ..take care.  BrunetteScorpio.....our worst days are behind us....better days right in front of us.....cooper

[[Co...]]

BrunetteScorpio...reading your signature line I noticed that you have had a lot of attempted complete stops along the way and your cuts have been close to 50% cuts sometimes....I found that small cuts with long holds and  letting it take ' as long as it takes '"helped a lot....  I started tapering from 1mg on June 1st....I am just now at my last cut and jumping on Jan 1st....that's 6 months for 1 stinkin' mg ....mid-taper was the worst ( about 5-6 weeks) ..things are very manageable now..I am starting to do the things I used to now.  I do not believe all. BBs suffer 2 years into healing..  my s/x have consistantly eased at the lowest cuts..( definitely the last 2 cuts).....go slow. BrunetteScorpio...try to hold long enough to feel stabilized....wishing you the best.....cooper

[[br...]]

LaserJet and Cooper,  Thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement.   As you well know, when you're this horribly sick, it's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.  Unfortunately, for me, I just happen to be one of those people who is highly sensitive to medication.  In my younger days, I rarely needed any kind of medication and if I did, it was just Nyquil or something OTC for a cold or something like that.....I've always been an earthy kind of person and my body chemistry seemed to follow the same suit.....now that I've gotten older, in most cases, when I try to take meds, my body gives me signals that say, "what is the crap...get it out of here".  It's too bad that didn't happen with the Lorazepam......in this case, I guess my body's rejection to meds was overridden by the initial "feeling great euphoria" that benzos give you in the beginning when you first take them. 

 

In addition to the horrible w/ds, I also have added anxiety over there possibly being an underlying medical condition going on.  In the last 2 years, I have had 3 positive and 2 negative ANA tests (positive ANA tests indicate a possible auto-immune disease).  Although, the neurologist said you can get a positive ANA result from just a virus..like the flu or something.  However, just had blood tests done in Oct and the test for Complement CH50 came back high.  When I looked it up on the internet, it said that a high complement level COULD indicate a serious medical condition including colitis, cancer or infection.  Of course, I freaked out when I read this.  My sister is a lab technician and when she asked about it at work, they told her that b/c my C3 and C4 were normal, that the dr. should be testing the other complements to see where/why it's coming up high.  I have called my neurologist's office twice about this and so far, they STILL haven't called me back.  It makes me angry b/c I feel like if there is a serious underlying medical condition, that the longer they screw around, the worse it's getting.    So when I feel horrible I have the added anxiety of wondering if it's the Lorazepam doing all of this to me.......or if there are other factors involved as well. :'( 

[[To...]]

Hi Friends,

 

I have been reading the posts here since long, but gathered courage to join today. I plan to get off this horrible drug "Ativan" completely. Please guide.

 

I have been on 1 mg of Ativan since past 7 months and have been having severe issues due to the usage of this drug.

 

I wish to get help on this forum to stop this drug completely. I wish the doctor had never given me this medication.

 

 

Please let me know if this plan to taper off of ativan makes sense:

 

1. Reduce to 0.5 mg and stay on it for 1 month.

 

2. After 1 month, reduce to 0.25mg and stay on it for another month

 

3. Reduce to 0.125mg and continue for 1 month

 

4. Stop taking the drug completely.

 

 

After reading all the posts, I am sure that stopping at 0.5 mg was never a good option.

 

This is what I wrote to my doctor and the response from him:-

--------------------------------------

You should be able to stop it immediately at ths=at small dose, although you might have some irritability for a few days.

 

--------------------------------------

Hello Dr.

 

I have been taking Ativan since April this year. It was started at 1 mg and then increased to 2mg. I continued on 2mg till 22nd May.

 

The doesage was reduced to 1 mg in May. Since past 2 months, I have been taking .5mg of Ativan.

 

I will like to fully discontinue this medication. Can you please help me in tapering off this medication.

 

--------------------------------------

[[La...]]

Hi Friends,

 

I have been reading the posts here since long, but gathered courage to join today. I plan to get off this horrible drug "Ativan" completely. Please guide.

 

I have been on 1 mg of Ativan since past 7 months and have been having severe issues due to the usage of this drug.

 

I wish to get help on this forum to stop this drug completely. I wish the doctor had never given me this medication.

 

 

Please let me know if this plan to taper off of ativan makes sense:

 

1. Reduce to 0.5 mg and stay on it for 1 month.

 

2. After 1 month, reduce to 0.25mg and stay on it for another month

 

3. Reduce to 0.125mg and continue for 1 month

 

4. Stop taking the drug completely.

 

 

After reading all the posts, I am sure that stopping at 0.5 mg was never a good option.

 

This is what I wrote to my doctor and the response from him:-

--------------------------------------

You should be able to stop it immediately at ths=at small dose, although you might have some irritability for a few days.

 

--------------------------------------

Hello Dr.

 

I have been taking Ativan since April this year. It was started at 1 mg and then increased to 2mg. I continued on 2mg till 22nd May.

 

The doesage was reduced to 1 mg in May. Since past 2 months, I have been taking .5mg of Ativan.

 

I will like to fully discontinue this medication. Can you please help me in tapering off this medication.

 

--------------------------------------

 

Hi Tom:

 

Are you currently at 0.5 mg per day now?

[[Co...]]

BrunetteScorpio...I hope your physician will order the lab work you need to put your mind at ease ...it is always good to follow up on text results. Having said that I can tell you from my own experience...constant worry about medical conditions can very well be part of w/d . I think 2 things are at work here...1) we have so many physical s/x it is almost impossible to be convinced that we are ok. ( kind of like being waterboarded and trying to believe you are not drowning) ...2)....intrusive looping thoughts are one of the most disturbing and anxiety provoking s/x.

............At mid-taper I was absolutely tortured by thoughts of dire medical conditions and depressing persistant thinking of life/death.... I was on the Internet constantly googling every s/x. I easily found serious illnesses for each s/x. Finally I realized I was inn a daily downward spiral and decided try to change the thought lock I was in. I was sick of not living for fear of dying. I went to the doctor ...had a thorough physical with basic standard tests....and tried to trust my doctor to catch a anything serious ( this part was hard for me)....

..........Now at the end of my taper this aspect of w/d is SO MUCH BETTER. I still have moments of medical worry,  but much less and I am able to break the looping thoughts...This has for me been one of the most improved s/x of my taper...BrunetteScorpio...I have RA...there are many other indicators of. autoimmune illnesses besides the ANA..... Distraction was huge help to me during this time...Brunette Scorpion this will pass...it sounds as though you are in the thick of it,  but it doesn't last forever ( but it seems as though it will) .... Once the thick of it is over you will notice small moments of let up...and then longer periods of let up....and then periods of let up that come closer together.....and then some windows that come and go...I considered a V crossover at mid-taper but. .5 A didn't seem worth it to me ...I didn't want to taper off a second benzo...so I battled through it.....but everyone is different and each of us has to do whatever works for our individual progress.....I know how it is to feel like every day lasts a year...and I am cheering for you....do whatever it takes to get through one day at a time ( for me it was often one hour at a time when I was at mid taper)......Wishing you windows...cooper

[[La...]]

Good to hear you are doing so well Cooperten. Despite popular convention on BB, it seems that we are all not destined for a very problematic end of taper frought with severe wd sxs and difficulty. Things have been incrementally getting better for me as my dose lowers. Thank heavens!

 

[[Co...]]

sThanks Laser....it is really hard to stay positive when the majority of posts are chronicaling 24 month healing. I am not saying these stories are not deserving of all the support BB can provide ...and I know their stories are unfortunately true....but I felt that I just couldn't continue with a taper if it was going to take 24 months to be better. I searched and scavenger through the forums and found some really encouraging posts by BBs who wrote to say they were feeling better at a 6month point. I really needed to hear that....I hung onto those stories fir dear life. I felt like I could go the distance if some things got better every 3-6 months.

..........I don't know what things will be like for me when I actually leap .. ( still holding at dust.....0312 A ..one time a day...morning ..holding until the holidays pass). ...This is what

[[br...]]

Hi Cooper,

 

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement.    All my life, I have been one of those people who worry about things......so it makes sense that my worried state would be heightened while going through this mess.  It doesn't help though that drs. take forever to get back to you about things......and in the meantime, I find myself obsessing over the unknown especially when I have crushing physical weakness, etc...then I am convinced that I have a terrible disease.  I do the same thing when thinking about death.....obsessing.... which I've done a lot more of since going through w/ds.....I grew up in a Catholic household and believe in God....but there's still that unknown mystery that surrounds it.  I try to distract myself by doing craft painting but sometimes I feel so horribly sick that even that doesn't get my mind off of it.  When I force myself to get out and go to the store, I can feel the anxiety building until I get home where I feel safer.  I live alone and have no children so sometimes when I feel so sick that I don't want to be alone, I stay with my dad or one of my siblings.....just to have the comfort of knowing someone else is there with me.  That is a definite benzo issue b/c I have lived alone most of my adult life and it never bothered me until now. 

 

With Thanksgiving and Christmas fast approaching, I started thinking back to my childhood and all the wonderful holiday memories we made as a family.  We lost mom two years ago and her absence is felt deeply......... but those comforting memories that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside are still there.  I have 3 sisters and 1 brother and I always loved the Christmas activities leading up to Christmas.....coloring in our Christmas coloring books, making Santa Claus and Snowmen out of construction paper and cotton balls, decorating the tree together, baking cookies with mom (when she would let us, b/c we always wanted to eat them and she wanted to freeze them for Christmas Day...lol), standing in line to see Santa and telling him what we wanted for Christmas, putting on our one-piece footie pajamas and watching Christmas movies on TV(back then they didn't have VCRs or DVDs so if you missed the movie, you missed the movie..lol), Christmas parties, mom bundling us up in our snowsuits and boots to take us to the 5 & 10 Store where she gave us each $4.00 so we could buy a $1.00 gift for each of our siblings, mom always got us new outfits to wear to church on Christmas, leaving milk and cookies out for Santa, and dad (of course, we thought it was Santa) would go outside at night and ring jingle bells and make paw prints in the snow and tell us Santa and his reindeer were there.  Most of all, I loved making Christmas presents for mom and dad in elementary school art class.  One that sticks out most in my mind, was a present (paper candles) I made for my mom when I was in first grade.  We took 2 cardboard rolls from toilet paper and 1 cardboard roll from paper towels and wrapped red tin foil around them then pushed them into a rectangular piece of Styrofoam with the taller cardboard roll in the center then put yellow pipe cleaners down through the center of each roll and into the Styrofoam and bent the other end of the pipe cleaner into the shape of a flame.  I was so proud of it b/c I made it and it came from my heart.  I was just beaming when my mom raved over it and said how she loved it.  She put it on the window seal every Christmas for years until it was so tattered from wear that it could no longer be salvaged.  ....Oh, I'm so sorry I rambled on so much.....this thread is supposed to be about tapering off of Ativan......and I got totally lost in my thoughts.

 

Again, thank you so much for all the info you shared with me.......I hope that at some point I will be able to get up in the morning and go through a routine day again like I used to......instead of feeling so horrible and every day morphing into the next.  My sleeping pattern has been very erratic and when I finally get a moment where I'm sleeping peacefully, wouldn't ya know it, someone calls on the phone or rings the door bell.  I try not to get upset b/c whoevers calling or stopping by doesn't know I'm sleeping....but it's rather a bummer when I finally, finally am resting good and it gets interrupted b/c it can be days or weeks before I sleep that good again.  I hope that I start getting windows soon.  It's been so long since I felt normal, that I'm almost afraid to feel normal for fear that it won't last. 

 

Thanks again Cooper for all your help and support......much love and hugs..... :smitten:

[[Co...]]

BrunetteScorpio....my heart really goes out to you...our stories are so similar. We have been tapering off the same drug for about the same time. I am not a medical person at all...and certainly not knowledgeable about tapers and recovery...having said that...based on my own experience your posts sound exactly like mine at mid- taper. I was just sure that it was going to go on forever and I wouldn't get through it....things started getting better ( slowly and erratically) the 4 th month into my taper...

..........I am also Catholic and live alone ...just like you living alone was never a problem until benzos became a part of my life. I have 2 grown children and 3 wonderful little grandsons. I am so glad for you that you have your father and brothers and sister ..face to face support is so important. ...Your memories of childhood Christmas with your mother and family are beautiful. We must be about the same age ( I am 64)....I remember Tv before cable etc too...and homemade Christmas and school crafts made lovingly ...and received lovingly....so sorry for the.    loss of your mother.

.......You are going to. make it through BrunetteScorpio......your life will return to normal....you will have days when you rarely think about possible medical conditions...or death ( or at least no more than you did before benzos....and no more than what is sort of normal for people who are no longer 32....

[[Co...]]

Cooper...cont.....sorry my screen jumped and wouldn't come back.....BrunetteScorpio...I am wishing you the very best.....go slow slow slow......enjoy TG with your family...cooper

[[br...]]

Hi Cooper,

 

I think you're right, in my case, I need to go slow, slow, slow b/c my body is having a difficult time adjusting.  It's frustrating, though, b/c I just want this to be over with and feel, at least, relatively normal again.  I've been on my current dose of .125 mgs 2Xs/day for months now and still not well enough to make another cut.  And since I've had so much difficulty with horrible w/ds, I thought switching over to liquid titration might be a good idea b/c I can then cut my doses in much smaller amounts over time.....b/c dry cutting tablets in doses this small is bad enough........ to try to dry cut a pill smaller than .125 mg, it many times turns into dust when you try to cut it.  I tried spreading out my doses to .065 4Xs a day and instead of making it better, it actually made it worse.....I was experiencing my worst bout of extreme muscle weakness/fatigue ever....I really thought I was dying.....I switched back to .125 mgs 2Xs/day and  I'm still getting the muscle weakness/fatigue but not quite as bad. The last time I saw my neurologist, he told me that when tapering off of benzos that it would get way, way worse before it ever got better.  .....and that is definitely ringing true for me. 

 

I do have childhood memories of TV before cable but it was the latter years......as I just turned 48 yrs old 2 weeks ago.  I had a wonderful job and should still be working but b/c of what this med has done to me....making me so horribly sick I can't function.....I had to take early retirement from a great job.  I didn't like my boss.....but I loved my job. 

 

Thanks, again, Cooper for being so kind and supportive.  Enjoy your TG with your children and grandchildren. 

 

Much love and hugs.... :smitten:  

[[Co...]]

Scopio...if you have Bern at. .125 for acouple of months you may be in tolerance....meaning. 125 is not going to get any easier no matter how long you hold....just a guess....can you try cutting that small dose by just a bit....on just one of your doses....just a thought...next time you cut don't hold much past feeling stable...usually 10-14 days....or until you go to a titration....you might want to check those suggestions with someone on admin. ...these are only things that helped me. I will tell you...that for me once I got under. 125 things began to slowly change . I also had a hard time psychologically stopping down from that dose...I think.because the pieces were do tiny I didn't think it would still be therapuetic but it was. ....These are only thoughts Scorpio ....only you can decide what you think is the best next step......I couldnt have worked at mid taper either..  fortunately I am retired. You will get back to the work you love. Are you keeping a progress journal?....that really helped me too as I could go back and see the small improvements when I felt in mid-taper that I wasn't moving forward at all.

..............keep posting Scorpio ...and read everything you can find on benzos...Bliss Johns has a couple of good books....and of course Ashton ...one that I found helpful was The Benzo Book....take care Scorpion.....we are all cheering you on......cooper