Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

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I was just thinking. I am not going to mess with my success. I am just curious as I chip down. I am very glad that I have begun tapering my Xanax. We are fine. NYC is a mess and I am very glad I no longer live in dense, Hell's Kitchen. I would likely have Corona. I was up to 3am last night. I was all headed to bed at 1045 and one of my staff called me urgently. It wasn't a fire, but administratively and strategically I had to work on a document.

 

That's when I saw an email at 1134pm tagged 'YOU MUST ANSWER ME!" where one chair who I get along very well with accused me of ignoring her emails and threatening her health. Since I am my College's Liaison for COVID-19 to my urban university system which has just under 300,000 students and I am an RN, I take my role here very seriously. Indeed I was horrified and wondered if I missed something. So I spent until 3am back tracking every email for 5 days putting the day, the exact time of the email, and the communication. It was incredibly tedious because I wanted to report everything adequately. To bring this to a close. I did my job. It is a complex story. I do, however, think my communication could have improved.

 

On Sunday I had called the patient at home and talked to him for a while. He denied fever, no SOB, had a cough, but it had lessened and felt better. But who knows?  Unsure of what had transpired since Sunday, early yesterday my boss called him (they are both from the same country) and mentioned nothing about his health and the faculty said he would call the chair (he never did). Around 245am I wrote the Chair an email to her recommending that she and her secretary go on precautionary quarantine for 14 days and since we are totally online now, it wasn't difficult for them to do their job. Today she thanked me. One of my staff told me today that she previously had cancer so I understood her fear and apologized to her if I had caused her any anxiety. She was high risk.

 

I could not sleep since I had taken my Ativan at 10pm. So I had to cheat with my usual extra 0.05mg. I slept fine and but did not feel well this morning. I am so busy and as Associate Provost, everyone emails me if they are hesitant to bring their issue to the Provost level. Tonight I will try the 10:45pm again. But I do dread a little bit checking that email at 10m. I will not email anyone (unless it is urgent and last night was unusual). Good night. Powerball. Peace to you call and special prayers and vibes of protection to Heartsonfire.

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Hi all, been a while since I posted.  I started at my taper at .75 mg daily.  I've been cutting 0.01 mg about every 7 days.  Currently at 0.20 mg when I weight it.  I tried to back to use that online calculator to figure out how long it will take me to be off it...but missing something.

 

Tablet size is 0.5 mg

weight of 10 tablets 6.1

planned quit dose 0.01

 

Planned reduction 0.03 mg

5% every 7 days

 

 

My daily doses when I weight them are

.2 mg

.2 mg

.2 mg

 

Does that sound right that my daily dose is = to .60 mg? 

 

In the event I end up in hospital, I want to be able to tell nurse how much of dose I need, and I'm confusing weight of the pill for what my dosage actually is if that makes sense.

Hi Today is Tomorrow,  I hope you don't ever have to go the hospital.  I have worried about that myself and have been trying to keep my on-line medical records up-to-date w/ my GPs office re: my current Ativan dose.  Since they don't understand the whole micro-taper thing, I've been telling them each time I lower by another .5mg, the lowest tablet available. 

 

I might be able to help you with your math but first I have a question.  When you talk about how much your amounts weigh on your scale, do you mean grams?  Rather than mgs.?

 

 

 

Thinking of everyone and hoping you are faring ok with the added stress of the coronavirus.

 

Luey

 

Hi Luey, I'm not sure to be honest.  I have this

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0012TDNAM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

and it says it's mg scale.  I know one pill weights .61 and when I weight out my doses...i'm currently at 0.19 3x day. 

 

I've been cutting every 7 days.  This last drop down from 0.2 to .19 has been the worse yet.  I seem to get sick for 3-4 days every drop now and get sore throat/cold.  Also dealing with stress from pandemic so that isn't helping. 

 

I'm hoping I can still continue to cut every 7 days...but I may need to hold longer to adjust as I'm not able to work with these symptoms. 

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Hi todayistomorrow,          (If anyone else is reading and can check the math, please do)

 

I'm so sorry you haven't been feeling well.

 

I wanting to help you figure out your total current medication dose, but I am confused about the weights you listed.  I ended up moving your decimal points two places to the right to come up with numbers that made sense to me.  I have a gram scale because I was considering doing dry cutting and weighing before I decided on liquid.  I used my scale to try to figure this out.  Here are my calculations:

 

*I weighed one of my 0.5mg tablets (medication dose) and the weight was .061grams. 

 

*Then I changed grams to mgs. by multiplying by 1000.  .061grams x 1000 = 61mgs.

 

*Next I multiplied x2 to get the weight of a 1mg.(medication dose).  61mgs x 2 = 122mgs.

 

*Current Daily Dose(s): You listed .19mgs. as the weight of each of your three daily doses. 

I changed it to 19mgs. and then multiplied by 3 to get the weight of your current total daily dose. 

19mgs x 3  = 57mgs

 

*The formula I know is:  mg. weight of current amount /weight of 1mg tablet = medication dose.

 

*57mg /122mg  = .47mg (Total Medication Dose)

 

Does this make sense?  You can see that I moved your decimal points over by two places to fit my calculations, but I might be doing something wrong. Do you know anybody who can help double check your scale and the math?

 

I hope I didn't make you more confused.  Let me know what you come up with.

 

Luey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I am fine. Listening about too much Corona has put me in a high anxiety state. I set up a new meditation space in my apartment I have to start daily morning exercises. Last night I dropped my Ativan to 0.10mg and I could not sleep at first. I cannot figure this out. It seems like tapering my Xanax and Ativan keeps my circadian clock to stay up more. Maybe this has accompanied my tapering of my Xanax. I just do not know. Last night, I just could not sleep. So after an hour, I got up, but instead of cheating, I just read for about 25 minutes. I returned to bed and went to sleep. But my husband let me sleep until 10am. That too late. I told him no longer than 9am. I need a day of a clean head tomorrow. Less stimuli. Good night all. Take care of yourself and others you care for.

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Hi Everyone,

 

How are you?  I'm thinking of you all and hoping you are adapting the best you can to the changes because of the corona virus.  I hope none of us get sick.  Do any of you know anyone who has gotten covid-19?

 

The last few days have been better for me. I had to kick-start myself to get out of the funk I was in for a few days last week.  It's strange- it's like I'm adapting to the new "normal."  I am being very strict about sheltering in place and do ok for about three days in a row, then I have to get out of my house and go for walks in nature.  I'm grateful I can do that as it always makes me feel better.

 

I feel like I already had to adapt to a different kind of life because of the taper and being sick before that. 

As Powerball often describes, my life is much more structured and I am more of a homebody than I used to be.  I've started to avoid the news and the internet for most of the day and get involved with other little projects- even just cooking, cleaning, talking or writing to my friends.  I hope to start doing a little bit of gardening this week.

 

Lisa, I have been listening to some David Bowie everyday and it does really help me (-:

 

I feel like all of us have had to develop the most positive outlook we could, even during difficult times, and I have always admired the people in this  group for that.  Sending out my love and well wishes to all, Hope to hear from you soon,

 

Luey

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Thanks Luey!  I think that makes sense.  I'm not firing on all cylinders but intuitively it seems right.  Yes, my brother's wife who is expecting is a confirmed case in Chicago... They did not heed my warnings and would send me joke memes when I told them to prepare for this so sad to see. 

 

 

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Hi all

Feeling like everyone else , worried sick about my son in Manhattan . I have begged him to come home but he is close to work and it’s his first year so is very concerned and also was afraid he could be a carrier and get myself and his dad sick . What awful scary times . I try not to listen to the news it really puts me in a bad place .

My husband is considered mandatory worker so he still goes in every day . I hate worrying constantly about the back and forth .

I thought going thru withdrawal has made so many unpredictable changes to my life well now add this on and it has become very very hard times .

It seems everything is out of my control not a good place for me .

I will do my best to keep some positivity in my life . I will pray for all and let things happen as they will .

Well wishes to all .

Lisa

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Good Morning All,

 

Glad to hear nobody has gotten the virus. Today, sorry to hear about your sister in law. Is she doing ok?

 

I am like everyone else, all this has gotten my symptoms revved up. I told my husband yesterday that I was going to take a couple day break from virus info. Just need a breather.

 

It was sunny here yesterday so we were out trimming some bushes and trees. I fatigue so quickly so I wasn’t a ton of help but it did feel good to be outside doing something. It is so great to focus on something besides withdrawal and corona!

 

As I read everyone’s posts, I am again reminded of how strong each of us is. I feel like once we get past the hurdles of benzos and corona, we are going to be invincible!!

 

Hugs to all,

Committed

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Todayistomorow. My. I hope his wife is completing quarantining in a separate room for 14 days. I am exhausted. I work on the computer all day and I am juggling about 10 thing at time. And you are recall about my placebo response the other is day?

 

Well it is true. When I began tapering my Xanax I had a larger size pill and I forgot to switch my scale over to my Ativan weight.  So my dosage is Ali F up. But my brain thinks I am at 0.10mg. I mentioned for two nights I got up, read and went back to sleep. Well last night I tried it to no avail and had to cheat and up my dose by 0.005mg. I don't want to even want to discuss my true dose , but I am going to keep on my 0.10mg fantasy/placebo dose. I really do not want to go through a whole new calculation. Luey knows how many times I have done dumb recalculations and experimented with my cuts. I was on such a great roll until I began the Xanax taper. But I saw no future in making my body sleep off the Xanax suddenly. I am so much stress I cannot afford to not sleep at night and fight it. In the morning after breakfast I am going Corona free until dinner when I go Corona free again. I am so locked up in my house and I cannot get. And I make my husband wear almost a body wrap when he goes to the store. It is too late to meditate I am going to bed. If I get up I will read and if cannot sleep I will cheat. Or whatever that means.

 

Tomorrow is my anniversary of the beginning of my taper. At lease my victory is going from 4mg of Ativan to less than 0.50 (that I know) and going from 1mg of Xanax to .85mg. Good night and no matter where you live try to self isolate and keep that physical distance to 6 feet and no matter what any of the CDC guidelines tell you, there is article out of China to day that says masks do reduce infection particularly in high density areas like South Korea. Good night.

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Powerball, I have suspected that the thing about masks not helping wasn't true.  Maybe they were saying it so the medical people would have enough. ? Praying for everyone. 

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There is not enough masks for every change after an episode of care. As an RN, I cannot imagine going between patients with the same mask. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I COULD HAVE LOST MY JOB!

 

As for my med screw up, I decided to figure it out. Actually it isn't so bad. I thought I was at 0.10mg. After my recalculation  the actual dose I was taking was 0.16mg. And since I am really struggling at my current dose and cheated with 0.05mg fairly consistently I am going to add that 0.05 now and therefore my dose is 0.21mg. Still not bad. Or maybe I should just add  0.025? I will decide that later this evening. I have not been outside the house at all for 3 days. Maybe I will go outside some tomorrow it is safe. Goodnight. Powerball.

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Hi Friends,

 

Yesterday just before 6pm we had an earthquake.  I felt the house starting to move, more like a swaying rolling motion than a shaking that went on for several seconds.  I have some chimes and glass crystals hanging in my windows. The chimes starting ringing and the crystals were swaying back and forth. There was no wind outside.  I looked out my window and the bird feeder hanging in the maple tree was swaying back and forth.  It turns out the earthquake was indeed a strong one- 6.5 magnitude.  We were about 180 miles from the epicenter where it was felt strongly enough to send people in the small mountain town rushing out of their houses according to a friend who lives nearby.  Apparently for the next minute or so afterwards, people could hear avalanches breaking off in the mountains above them.  Luckily it was late enough in the day and nobody was skiing in the backcountry. Fortunately nobody was injured. Crazy times to be isolated and then experience an earthquake.

 

How is everyone holding up?  I do so wish we would hear from HeartsonFire who works long hours in an emergency room.  Maybe a downside of an anonomous group is if someone disappears we have no way to check on them.  Todayistomorrow, I'm glad the calculations made sense.  Sorry to hear your sister-in-law is sick with covid-19.  How is she doing? Lisa, I'm thinking of you a lot and hoping you have found some calm and peace during this time of understandable concern for your son and husband.  I hope your dog is a comforting companion right now.  Powerball, thinking of you and hoping you also can find calm in the storm of work responsibilities and peace (of mind) while living in the epicenter of this pandemic.  It's good to know you and your husband are staying healthy and finding ways to distract yourselves. AF1, I hope having your kids home brings you comfort. Committed, I hope the beginnings of spring continue to brighten your day.  It is snowing here today.

 

I'm trying to find the place between gratitude for my privilege of having the comforts of a home while holding compassion for our brothers and sisters around the world who are suffering.  I think there is an opportunity here to grow, this is eye-opening.  For those who are directly impacted by covid-19, I send my prayers.  I wish there was more I could do.  I did decide every week when I buy food to contribute a little bit to the local food bank.

 

Thinking of you all and sending soothing thoughts.  I hope you're finding moments of peace and calm, free from worry and free from symptoms.

 

All my best,

 

Luey

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Luey, the food bank is such a good idea. I have been locked in my house for 4 days. No sun. Nothing. My husband takes what I call The Grim Walk to the Grocery store. Tomorrow I think we are going to start disinfecting packages and food supplies.

 

My doses are all F..ed up. Every since I began tapering the Xanax my sleep is all mixed up. No more sleeping like a rock. So tonight I return to what was working before. I took my 1mg of Xanax and returned off chipping my 0.013 mg off my Ativan pill. In reality I figured out it doesn't matter the weight of the pill or not. I was chipping away and making progress, no matter my low dose.

 

The one thing that makes the most angry is there really no GD formula to get us off multi-benzos or much of the other crap  we are on. We are just experimenting. Just like the beginning of the AIDS epidemic. There were no drugs. A pathetic response by Reagan and when there were drugs, there were no clinical trials. Clinicians developed their own cocktail combos and did the best they could. Some worked, some did not. We all need to self isolate and hang in there. I am trying. good night. powerball. 

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Hi friends! I am here and holding up. It’s been nuts at work. I am truly overwhelmed and quite worried by what we are seeing. This disease is swift and scary. My response to this unprecedented stress is to kind of shut down. I have not been online in awhile. I am riding this out without changing my meds. So far have not gone up or taken rescue doses, that is good enough for me. I won’t be hard on myself if I do. Sending prayers for everyone’s health and safety (and sanity, this is tough).

 

Luey, I can’t believe you experienced an earthquake during this as well. I’m glad you are ok.

 

Hugs to everyone suffering. My heart breaks for the grief in the world right now. I’ll check in again soon.

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Hi Luey,

 

Wow! An earthquake. Is this the first earthquake you have experienced? I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area so earthquakes weren’t uncommon. Don’t like them one bit! We still lived there when the 1989 earthquake hit that collapsed the upper deck of the Bay Bridge. So scary!! I am so glad you are ok. I am glad no one was hurt in the avalanches!

 

Praying everyone can find some serenity in all this chaos.

 

Hugs to All,

Committed

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How you all doing ? Down here in NZ we are in a 4 week lockdown .. extraordinary times ❤️

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Bozobertie, hi! I would be interested to know where people aren't on lockdown. 

 

Luey, NOT FUN!  Yuck. 

 

Hearts, praying for your safety!

 

 

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Heartsonfire,

 

Thanks for checking in, I was concerned about you.  Thank you for all the hard work you are doing during this time as a health care worker.  I cannot imagine the stress you are under.  When you aren't at work, I hope you can find some distractions that take you away from the situation- time outside, whatever gives you some joy.

 

Thinking of you all and hope you are well, considering the current circumstances of course.  I appreciate your well wishes, the news about the earthquake quickly faded, obscured by news of the corona virus.

 

The statistics are mind boggling. Around one million people live in the whole state where I live.  Today we are mourning the first death of an individual in my small city.  Brooklyn, the borough of NYC where Powerball lives has more than 2.5 million people in a small area.  Powerball, we hear of your part of the world everyday with great concern. Sending positive thoughts out to you and Lisa whose son works in NYC.

 

Sending prayers out to everybody in our group and beyond.... Take good care everybody,

 

Luey

 

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Good evening. Everyone seem pretty ok here. We are all freaked and worrisome about heartsonfire on the front lines. Friday I was home after work and my phone had an alert. In the past it was for a snow day. This was an emergency alert or all Healthcare workers In NYC to volunteer. If I were younger I might do it. But my best effort it to help my College and these very vulnerable students.

 

After about 4 night of horrible sleep I decided tapering the Xanax too was not going to work. So I switched back to a full 1 mg. My Ativan was not too for off from 010mg, so now I am back to 0.16mg and again sleeping like a rock. I think I am going to taper every 4 days instead of every three.

 

I stayed in the house for 4 days and then on April 1st I went out in my astronaut suit and did enjoy the April sun. I work about 9 hours a day on the computer and I must say I enjoy it and my boss sees my value. I have been tasked to lead more major projects.

 

As for Corona, my area seems pretty safe. We live on the spacious Eastern Parkway just a block away and the dog loved the grass. I only walked him that day. My husband has taken over the evening walk too (now all 3 of them). While Covid is raging in Brooklyn and Queens, it sill feel like the misery and death is "over there." If I get Corona, I am dead, so I take overwhelming precautions. PLEASE FIND WAYS TO MANAGE YOUR STRESS, and try to cut down on the Corona news. The bad news just causes your cortisol to rise and decrease your immune system. Good night all. Pray the plague goes away soon. Even if is not likely. Powerball.

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Heartsonfire

 

God bless you . God bless everyone here and all those who are ill.

I am truly scared . This is overwhelming.

Lisa

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Doing fine all. Tried to go out to dinner Saturday and that was a big mistake. I got gone back in and am clamped down permanently until...down to 0.15mg It is hard to believe that those little crumbs make me sleep like a rock again. Good night all. I hope Heartsonfire is ok. Powerball.

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Hi Lisa,

 

I understand why you are scared and overwhelmed especially with your husband and son working everyday and your son living in NYC.  Have you been finding things that make you feel better, at least for parts of the day?  I know it's hard when you don't have a choice about their contact with people, not to mention tapering; it requires a lot of acceptance on your part.

 

At times in my life under great stress, I've felt how stress can make me sick. Of course, the ideal is to remove the source of stress, but sometimes that's not possible.  So I've tried to take extra care of myself, it's like getting through a wave while tapering.  I also tell myself that worrying about things I can't change doesn't help anyone including me.

 

Heartsonfire, Thanks again for the important work you're doing.  I hope you are hanging in there ok.

 

My town has joined the 8pm ritual of howling to show support for all of the health care providers and the people who must continue working. We're in a valley surrounded by mountains so the sound is like a big amphitheater.  Its a good feeling of solidarity and  release to be able to go out of the house and howl as loudly as you want in a chorus of dogs and people.

 

Take good care and stay in touch everyone,

 

Luey

 

 

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To all, I work about 9 hrs a day on the computer, juggling lost of projects, and checking email the evening some just to tidy up some things. As Associate Provost, it is important that I stay very visible. It really doesn't bother me. I have not had nausea for weeks but I yawn a lot in the evening and that is ok. My meditation is better but I have to get that exercise routine back. My husband have gotten closer and this is a good thing. My dog Wayne and new kitten Patrick chase and play hard, I mean hard. I never knew a 4 month old kitten could hold is own with a 22 lb Dachshund. We call him wild fearless Patrick. I never had a kitten (rescue) before so this is a new experience. Cutting 0.01mg every 4 days instead of 3 and will ride this thing as long as i can. Good night. Keep your A inside. Powerball.

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Thanks Luey

It’s difficult for all . I am at .178 that’s mls not sure how to Chan’s it to milligrams  and will continue to cut but is has not been easy . Trying to make cuts every 3 days and hold when needed .

Stay safe

Lisa

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Can someone please tell me if they tapered off 4 mg of lorazepam and how they did it,please