Very frustrated & discouraged - reoccuring bouts of significant insomnia

[[ci...]]

Hi Mantis...you have been through a lot.  Even though your doctor let you down it's good to know you have so many colleagues around you that are helping you.  I actually slept last night.  Woohoo!  Of course both of my daughters (5 and 9 years old) came in my room at different points of the night, but I still managed to get some sleep.  I think we are both in the same boat, waiting for these last few symptoms to sub-side.  I keep thinking that I am nearing the end of this and then I get insomnia again.  So in some sense I know how you feel and understand your frustration.  I am sure that you are eager to get back to work full-time and get back to your life.  I know I am.

[[Ma...]]

Cilla-

 

 

One of the things that really disturbs me about my scenario is BECAUSE I am health care professional, I have knowledge and access to resources that wouldn't be at the disposal of the average person.  In fact, my job involves assessing and managing the healthcare of others. I had to take charge of my own care and well being because the practitioners I was seeing were clueless and, on top of that, slapping psychiatric labels on me that didn't apply.  Even though I knew they were full of crap, it was disturbing to be told these things.  (By the way, my current MD practices addictive medicine and psychiatry and I had a full psych assessment that did not support the things these other people were labeling me as.) I could see how perhaps someone else would be in a very bad state right now, being treated by a psychiatrist or such and not getting any real help for the actual problem that is a result of the benzos. I was the one that figured out, with the help of my own research, and the anesthesiologist colleague, what was happening to me.  I went back to my treating physician at the time and told her that I wanted off the benzos; that they were killing me.  Killing is a bit dramatic and not meant literally but the stuff was destoying my health and well being.  I can only imagine how much longer I'd have been on the benzos had I not taken the course I had.

 

By the way, there is another thread I started here about chocolate.  I've been indulging in it a bit more than usual lately and am starting to suspect, based on the posts of others, that the chocolate has proved to be an irritant to my nervous system and is aggravating the insomnia.  I am going to lay off all chocolate and see what happens. I drank some iced tea on the Fourth of July, not really thinking about it, and got revved up from it.  I tend to be very sensitive to stimulants like caffeine.  Long before I took my first benzo, I gave up coffee drinking because the caffeine caused me to be excessively wired.   All I drank after that was green tea up until the time I took the benzos.   It's apparent that my nervous system doesn't handle caffeine well or other types of stimulants, for that matter.  Oh, did I mention, about 9 weeks after I stopped all benzos my blood pressure shot up sky high for about a week (my blood pressure is usually in the low, normal range.)

 

I hope things improve for you soon.   If you are gettng any caffeine intake or eating chocolate, you might want to see how that affects you. Will let you know how I react to discontinuing all chocolate.

[[...]]

I find it very interesting that so many people who took Temazepam (Restoril) have nearly identical descriptions of their insomnia and withdrawal symptoms.  I have been off Temaz for nearly 6 months and suffer horrible insomnia and internal restlessness.  My system is ultra sensitive to so many things now including chocolate (or ANYTHING with sugar) and anything made from flour.  I can totally relate when you say that sleep is completely unpredictable.  My mind never fully relaxes enough to fall asleep easily.  I have tried everything in the book and nothing works consistantly.  It seems my life is on hold until this gets worked out.  I have to travel in about 3 weeks for a real important event and am already anxious about how I am going to function if my nights continue like they have.

 

The only thing remotely helpful has been meditation during the day.  This helps set the stage for my mindset heading into evening when the sleep anxiety ramps up.  I guess I just wanted to say that I feel for you and you are not alone or a freak of nature. 

 

Thomas

 

Thomas

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Thomas for sharing your experience.   I wasn't aware of the similarity of my experience to others that took Temazepam (Restoril.)  Yes, internal restlessness is a good way to describe what this feels like, in addition to the insomnia.  For me, the insomnia is totally unpredictable as to when it will exacerbate.  I can relate to the feeling you describe about not feeling relaxed enought to fall asleep easily and that nothing seems to help this type of insomnia.   I can also relate to the feeling of having one's life on hold.  I feel that I cannot risk the stress of travel (my parents live across county and I just don't feel like I could handle the traveling there, dealing with air travel as it is today), not to mention some difficult issues I must address with them when I get there.   My stress tolerance is not good and my nervous system is very fragile.  I don't feel I can go out at night to socialize because I find if I go to bed very much past 9 pm I really pay for it the next day.  I take 200 mg. of magnesium and 3 mg. Melatonin at bedtime.  I think that these supplements may help a bit with relaxation/sleep but the don't counteract the insomnia which for me is the wired feeling plus constantly waking up.  I am taking (reluctantly) Trazadone at bedtme.  I was on 225 mg. at bedtime but got very hung over from this.  I slowly weaned the dose down to 100 mg. at bedtime (as I've heard that rebound insomnia can occur when discontinuing this medication.)  The Trazadone has helped me in that it gets me to fall asleep where I would otherwise toss and turn from the wired feeling I get at bedtime. The Trazasone does not prevent the waking up part though but possibly may help me get back to sleep more quickly when I do wake up.  When I'm a bit farther along with my recovery, I'm going to cut back on the Trazadone even more and eventually stop it.  I don't like taking medications to begin with but at this point I feel that I'm better off taking the Trazadone and whatever negatives that might involve versus not taking it and coping with not falling asleep and even less sleep.   I do try to take time during the day to get into a relaxed mental state.  I am very into divination and find going into that altered stated to be helpful.

 

You mentioned others reporting similar experiences from Tamazepam.  Are there any other threads about, specifically, Temazepam insomnia on this Board, or elsewhere, you could direct me to?  Any idea how long this particular type of insomnia (from Temazepam) lasts, versus other benzos?

[[br...]]

Unfortunately I'm having a great deal of problem with insomnia. I have been trying to taper from Klonopin 1ml at a time. However I keep having to stop because just 1ml can effect my sleep. I started on 1.5 mg a night and now I'm at .8 something. I started tapering in Jan and should've been off of it much faster. I have been holding the taper for about 2 weeks and have anywhere between 1-4 hours of sleep. At this rate it's going to take a whole year or more to get off of this stuff. I started on it last dec for insomnia and I wish I tapered faster. I'm really at a loss. I know part of my problem is my environment. I'm sleeping in an 88 degree hot room. My family wakes up early and keep flushing the toilet which wakes me up.  It's very frustrating and they have absolute no sympathy or understanding.  It's been rough because I also have severe health problems including chronic fatigue (not due to insomnia before the insomnia started) so not sleeping makes me feel like death. I need to get off the klonopin because it's ripping my stomach to shreds and I have the worst GERD. Im now at 92 lbs 5'5.  Sorry for venting Im just desperate....

[[Ma...]]

I found sleeping in a hot room to be very counter productive to sleep, especially early on in getting off the benzos and going through the beginning of a protacted withdrawal from this stuff.  Eighty eight degrees is very hot to try and sleep in, let alone with the problems the benzos cause.  I've had to keep my room very cold -  set my thermostat on 68.  We've had some VERY hot weather here and I've noticed on days when it's in the high 90s, the AC is just not going to handle more than a 20 degree drop, outside to inside temperature.  My bedroom is upstairs and  the room got above my usual preferred 68 degrees.  It really made sleeping a lot more problematic.  Fortunately, the temperature is down to a reasonable level for the AC to handle again.  I'd recommend you try sleeping in a cooler enviroment; it really seems to be essential, at least in my case.  The room needs to be completely dark too; I've cut out any light including the night light I always used before being on benzos and I was sleeping just fine. 

[[el...]]

Brite,

 

Don't worry about your taper rate, you are doing ok. It might take you a bit longer than scheduled, but that's ok.

You could also try speeding it up a bit.

Have you tried earplugs in the early morning? I use them after about 3 am as my sleep lightens up and I hear everything. The earplugs put me right out.

Do you use a fan in your bedroom??

Your weight is very low, honey. I don't know how you are eating, but if you could take in more calorie-dense foods you can eat less and still get more calories. Protein/fruit shakes with added oils, like canola or olive, can add a lot of calories. Adding two tablespoons will give you an additional 300 calories.  

 

Dont' worry about venting. That's what we are here for.    

 

[[Lo...]]

Hey there brite7. Not being able to sleep is horrible. We need sleep! OK, you realize that your environment is part of the problem. The heat, the flushing of the toilet, etc. are in the back of your mind working against you because you know that they are going to be there/happen. Is there any other room or place you could sleep where you live where you don't hear the toilet flush? Even a closet floor on some blankets or a sleeping bag?? And what about buying a cheap oscilating fan; atleast to circulate the air? One you could put right next to you.

 

Also, try this. Tell yourself that it's okay if I don't fall asleep. Tell yourself that I can make it up later. Kind of like giving yourself permission not to fall asleep. Give into the fact that you can't fall asleep and tell yourself that that is ok. Those thoughts, instead of having frustrating thoughts like, I can't sleep will calm your body instead of getting you worked up (getting frustrated or angry will only cause your body to release adrenaline and that will keep you up). See what happens. But, I would also try to find another room/place to sleep in as well.

 

I don't know what to tell you about the klonopin. There are others on here who do. I myself have just started going off of the stuff. Just wanted to try to offer some suggestions about your environment. I am so sorry that your family has no sympathy for you, if it helps, I do.

 

Lori

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I've found that turning the clock around at bedtime, and not looking at it again until morning, helps a lot.  I know this sounds dumb but it keeps me from obsessing about how much sleep I'm getting or not, when I'm waking up, how much longer until morning etc.

[[br...]]

Hi Eljay, Lori and Mantis. Thanks for the support and suggestons:)  It means soooo much. Yeah my family is angry at me because I have this problem. They don't want to help but they don't realize they are the cause of the problem. It's a long story but if you heard it you wouldn't believe it so I'm not going to get into it.  I'll save that for the therapist lol

 

They keep the temp at 81 because of expenses and everywhere but the room I'm in right now is that temp. My room is at 88 hottest room in the house. Anyway I've tried sleeping different places and I am sleeping in this computer room because I'm afraid to sleep in my own room now even though it's cooler there.  I would still be able to hear the toilet flush. It's the noise sensitivity that I had developed that causes me to wake.  For several months I tried to sleep on the couch in the family room and that was great because I could easily fall asleep in front of the TV, then I kept getting woken up because the room is adajecent to the kitchen and my dad decided he needed to take his fiber at night. I asked him if he could readjsut his schedule even though it was inconvineint because the noise would startle me and he would be so angry at me for not being able to sleep in my room not understanding the phobia and would continue to wake me. Every night the same conversation. Back then I still wasnt' on klonopin. He and my mom would wake me several times in the middle of the night because it was connected to the kitchen (subconsciously I think they were upset that I wasn't sleeping in my room) and my nerves got so fried I became supersensitive to noise. I tried fans and stuff but none of that works. It keeps me up. Interestingly enough ever since I started sleeping in this computer room he stopped taking his fiber at night and takes it during the day. Nobody is up at night now because I stay up as late as 2am an nobody's in the kitchen like they used to be. But it's sort of too late now. I developed this highly nervous disorder.  I was already a nervous wreck and post trauma from my rollover accident so my nerves were fried and highly susceptible to any sort of nervous disroders but nobody in my family seemed to undertand.  Oh and Eljay. CAn't use ear plugs because I have ear problems and it makes it uncomfortable for me.

 

I just need to go to a secluded island for a few months where theres quiet so my nerves can rebalance lol

[[el...]]

Ear plugs hurt me too, but here is what I do. Sounds kind of weird I know. First, I found the softest ones I could find. Online.

Then, I cut about a third of them off lengthwise. Then, I put hand lotion on them, lol! You squish them up and they slide right in comfortably.

 

What lengths we go to get some sleep.   

[[Ki...]]

I've always been very sensitive to certain noises, but during my w/d from Klonopin it was so much worse!  I have been using a fan at night for years.  In the winter I open the closet door and point the fan in that direction, so that I don't freeze to death.    I do much better in colder weather and always have.  I am always the hottest person in the room and it's never 'too cold' to me.  I envy people who want the heater on.  When I began using fans at night, I started off with the box fan.  Over the years I have progressed to using INDUSTRIAL fans.    I also use plugs at night in my ears.  Sometimes they hurt so I use tissue.

 

I know how you feel.  The frustration when others do not try to understand what you are going through, and when they do not believe you are suffering real symptoms...well, it just plain HURTS!  And the noise thing. Ugh. I was sooooo sensitive to noise.  And yes, the toilet flushing!  I have always done better at night when any noises were of a mechanical nature, rather than 'human'.  I'd rather hear a lawnmower than a person talking, a loud fan than a TV, etc., etc. 

 

I have been off the Klonopin for almost five months now, and I am not nearly as sensitive to sounds like I was when tapering.  I can remember finnnnnallly falling asleep...only to be jolted awake by the sound of a door closing.  It was nerve-wracking. 

 

It does get better, though, in time.  Your body is slowly healing and everything is sort of on Red-Alert right now.  It's hard to believe things will be different in time, but they will be.  I didn't believe I'd ever get off the Klonopin or that the w/d s/x would ever go away, but they DO go away.  It just takes time.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I too was VERY sensitive to sound early on after discontinuing all benzos.  Even listening to music, which I love, was very irritating -- too much stimulation.  I also found that being in a crouded place, like a grocery store on Sat. afternoon, was very intolerable.  It was like these things just were way too much stimulation.  This did pass in time (several months.) 

 

Have you considered getting a ceiling fan?  I've got one in my 2nd floor bedroom and it really helps.